Michael

Larry · Michael:l meant 'sightless.' l respect the blind as much as anybody. / lt's not a problem, believe me. / l didn't mean that in a derogatory sense.

Larry · Michael:Try to think about my fingers once, will you? / l had a colonoscopy two weeks ago. / You have no strength. You're so fucking dainty.

Michael · Larry:Back up! / You're like a goddamn lion tamer.

Michael · Larry:Back up! / You're like a goddamn lion tamer.

Larry · Michael:Be well, take care of yourself. / Okay, just the mattress. / Where do you want the mattress? / ln the bedroom.

Michael · Larry:Just bring the TV in and stick it... in the fireplace there... and go. / Get the TV from the bedroom? / Stick it in the recess of the fireplace.

Michael · Larry:What in the name of God am l gonna do with a TV in my room? l'm blind. / But it doesn't work in here! lt just doesn't fit! / That's where it belongs! Are you questioning my sense of space?

Michael:'Maybe Cheryl wanted to get laid.'

Michael · Larry · Julia:'I guess when they switched them back, Allan had taken seven of your shrimp?' 'That's my claim, yeah.' 'Allegedly.'

Michael:When I was on 'Seinfeld' I wasn't allowed to talk about 'Seinfeld.' I'm not allowed to talk about anything I'm doing. I bore her, she bores so easily.

Larry · Michael:Hey, you know me, I don't like to complain. Oh, yeah. I think you know me well enough to know that by now.

Larry · Michael:We want a little pee privacy, do we not? Yeah, privacy. I'm absolutely with you. You don't want someone looking down at your thing.

Michael · Larry:This is not gonna be that kind of crowd. This is a high-class restaurant, Larry. Still people go off to the side. They've got the 45° angle things.

Larry · Michael:What's he got? Did somebody drop some meat or something? No, that floor is spotless for the health inspection. Looks like he smells something.

Fire Marshal · Larry · Michael:There will have to be an investigation, and we'll have to tear up the floor. Oh, come on that's ridiculous! How long will that take? I don't know. Oh, this is a nightmare.

Michael:We're fucked. No one will ever come to the restaurant where they found a body. It'll be in the papers. We're fucked. If there's a dead body underneath there, we are fucked.

Michael · Larry:Michael recognizes Larry from helping him move three years ago when Larry was soliciting strangers on the street

Michael · Rhonda:Michael proudly announces 'I hooked up with a model' about his blind girlfriend

Larry · Michael:Larry's blunt 'Eh' when Michael asks if he thinks Rhonda is beautiful

Larry · Michael:Larry's assumption about blind people having better hearing: 'I thought you hear like a dog'

Larry · Michael:Larry pointing out advantages of being blind: 'That's one of the advantages, right? That and the good hearing.'

Larry · Michael:Larry's inability to relate to blind Michael: 'It's hard to talk to a blind guy. You have no references.'

Larry · Michael:Larry's Brad Pitt comparison: 'I'd like to tell my wife I look like Brad Pitt, but unfortunately she can see.'

Michael · Larry:Michael's callous 'You need to be with a good-looking woman? Who do you think you are?' after breaking up with Rhonda because of Larry's honesty

Michael:Okay, first of all, you've got nothing inside of you, okay? Let me just make that clear. You are the most superficial man I've ever met, blind or sighted, okay?

Michael:What kind of person is so insecure that they have to make somebody move into the front seat so they don't think they're driving somebody around?

Michael · Larry:You're such a baby. You're a grown man baby. Are you saying I'm a man-child? I'm saying you're a little baby.

Michael:Little baby wants a ride? We'll give little baby a ride.

Larry · Michael:Look at this thing you're walking around with, a big sack on your back. It's my knapsack!

Larry · Michael · Larry:You gonna wear a costume? Of course I'm wearing a costume, it's a Halloween party. I'm not gonna wear a costume!

Michael:Nobody knows what she looks like okay? Nobody. Everybody's in the same boat as you. You have leveled the playing field for me, Larry.

Larry · Michael:Not so hot, huh? No, not so hot.

Jerry · Julia · Michael · Larry:[Dream sequence with cast praising Larry]

Larry · Michael:HUH? DO YOU LIKE THAT IDEA? HUH? YEAH. GOOD IDEA, RIGHT? OH, YEAH. I MEAN, AM I CRAZY? TELL ME. WHAT DO YOU THINK? HMM? YEAH. AM I CRAZY? HMM? AM I CRAZY? DO YOU THINK I'M CRAZY? I DON'T KNOW.

Michael:I just got a call from my doctor, and he thinks that I might have... Groat's disease.

Michael:If only there were a... A horrible name that I could call you that would make you as angry as I am!

Larry · Michael:I thought you were African. Yeah, I am. I'm South African. Born and raised in Joburg. You don't tell people you're from Africa if you're from South Africa.

Michael · Larry:Oh, only her really close friends call her Brookie. So I can't call her Brookie? No. No. Can I introduce you to some of my guests?

Michael · Larry:I'm gonna be Desmond Tutu and then I'm gonna ask you questions. You're gonna be Tutu? Yeah, because Tutu was the guy asking the questions. But in this particular case, I was a victim. You shouldn't be Tutu. I should be Tutu. We can't both be Tutu. We can't have two Tutus.

Larry · Michael:I faked cordiality and I feigned interest. I'm gonna be honest, I'm disappointed. I was expecting more from my childhood hero. I've been expecting more from myself my whole life and it's just not there.

Larry · Michael:I've ruined every party I've ever gone to in my entire life. I have bad energy. Do you accept that it was a bad vibe, actually, and kind of ruined my party? I really did the best under the circumstances of a person who hates people and yet had to be amongst them.

Larry · Michael:Larry writing 'Kramen' then correcting it to 'Simon' for Michael's son