The Gang Tends Bar

Charlie:Jerry, Jerry, Jerry... I'm so sick of hearing about Jerry, man. Everything is 'Jerry' out of you mouth.

Charlie:Like, if Jerry jumped off a bridge would you jump off it, too?

Frank:Which bridge?

Frank:My tapeworm.

Dennis:You have a tapeworm?

Charlie:Yeah, he got a worm.

Dennis:Yeah. Got a tapeworm. And you named it?

Frank:Jerry.

Dennis:Jerry.

Dennis:It's an intestinal parasite, incapable of complex thought.

Dottie:You just described my ex-husband.

Charlie:Dee is in the house, uh, Dee is in the house, uh, Dee is in the house.

Frank:Oh...

Dennis:Oh...

Dee:Thanks for the chant, guys. What's up?

Charlie:Yeah, no, we were talking about the new Dee, the funny one.

Dee:Her?

Dee:Then call her Dot.

Charlie:Nah, we already started calling her Dee and it kind of stuck. You know, can't really change it now. It's locked in.

Charlie:I can put a fan next to the yuck puddle, and the smell's gonna clear everybody out.

Charlie:Oh, you're saying we do, like, a booze for money type scheme. That's good. Who came up with that?

Dennis:Oh. Was it me?

Charlie:Who came up with that?

Dennis:Whoever invented the idea of a bar.

Frank:I already cooked the books.

Dennis:How about you don't cook the books so we can actually tell how the business is doing?

Frank:Charlie's pretending to ignore me because he's jealous of Jerry.

Frank:I'm craving salty, but Jerry likes sweet.

Charlie:I can't even play Night Crawlers with him anymore 'cause he doesn't want to offend Jerry.

Charlie:I can't even play Night Crawlers with him anymore 'cause he doesn't want to offend Jerry.

Dennis:See, this is the problem. You guys all think that work is tricking people. It's not. It's just your job.

Dee:To many, 9/18 was the delivery world's 9/11

Cricket:Hey, you guys mind if I go in the bathroom and smoke some PCP?

Mac:No, dude, you do you!

Charlie:Go for it. You do you!

Mac:You do you!

Frank:You do you! We don't judge, Cricket, we don't judge.

Mac:It shifts. I've seen it shift.

Mac:Can I be honest, dude? I think this thing's alive.

Charlie:Oh, that must be what all the bubbling's about, 'cause it's, like, trying to communicate. It definitely feeds. I-I've found bones in it, man.

Mac:Well, he may have suspected it before, but there's no way he could have known for sure. 'Cause I show no outward signs of being gay, and that's just the end of the story, all right?

Mac · Charlie:Mac and Charlie's therapy misinterpretation - emotional yuck puddle metaphor

Mac:He wants us to 'mop up the yuck puddle.'

Charlie:Oh!

Mac:Of emotions.

Charlie:Of what?

Mac:It's a metaphor.

Charlie:For what?

Mac:And so that's why he hates Valentine's Day so much. But he's entrusted me, because I'm a gay man and clearly more sensitive than the rest of you, to break down those walls.

Frank:Yeah. Well, it took about four ounces of it. With the tip of a teaspoon. I had to hold my knees above my head for a half hour and clench my sphincter.

Frank:I gave myself Jerry on purpose.

Dee:Well, I was right in the middle of a sentence, but... what?

Frank:I gave myself the tapeworm.

Dee:Well, that is the most disgusting thing I've...

Frank:How, you're wondering. No, I don't. No, thanks. I bought poop on the dark Web and stuffed it up my butt to lose weight.

Charlie:I can't think of a word that rhymes with 'Jerry.'

Dee:What? Are you making a valentine for Frank's tapeworm?

Charlie:Well, not if I can't think of a word that rhymes with 'Jerry.'

Dee:You son of a bitch.

Charlie:What?

Dee:I can't believe you don't know!

Dee:Oh, and literally everything rhymes with 'Jerry,' okay? Scary, hairy, Mother Mary, quite contrary. Woozy, woozy. Woozy from sucking lines.

Charlie:You fool!

Frank:It's so good, Charlie.

Charlie:Those chocolates that you're so gleefully devouring are chock-full of Bye-Bye Jerry pills.

Frank:I gave myself Jerry on purpose.

Charlie:Why would you do that?

Frank:To slim down for you.

Frank:I gave myself Jerry on purpose.

Charlie:Why would you do that?

Frank:To slim down for you.

Charlie:Why would you... why would you slim down for me? What?

Frank:Because I overheard you on the phone saying, 'He got flabby.'

Charlie:No, no, no, buddy. I never said that. I sa... I-I-I said you were crabby because you smelled crabby... 'cause you've been eating all those sewer crabs, man, but.. It was a compliment. I love when you smell like crab, Frank.

Charlie:Well, no, you were fat as shit, pal, but I loved you that way, Frank. Fat and crabby.

Dee:I am busting out the anthrax.

Dennis:No!

Dottie:And I'm out.

Dennis:Dottie, no.

Dennis:Nothing rhymes with Dee.

Dee:Every...! Everything rhymes with Dee.

Dee:I mean, literally, everything rhymes...

Dennis:Dennis's terrible Valentine's song attempt

Dennis:♪ Dee... You're sweeter than a bee... tle ♪

Charlie:Just say bee.

Charlie:♪ You're sweeter than a bee... tle ♪

Dee:Just say bee.

Charlie:Uh, bee. Right? I didn't think of that. ♪ You're the honey that the bee... makes ♪ ♪ You're the... ♪ ♪ Sugar on the pound... carrot ♪

Dee:What's a pound carrot? Go with pound cake.

Charlie:♪ Cake! ♪

Dee:I wrote a couple words on a construction paper, pink and red, and you sing a heart song for me?!

Charlie:You made me do it! Yeah!

Dee:And you said you loved me!

Charlie:Ew!

Dennis:I hate Valentine's Day because you assholes never got me anything! Okay, and I have feelings! Of course I have feelings! I have big feelings, okay?! A-and it hurts.

That was you?

Dennis:Yes, it was me. I just... I just wanted it to stop. Okay? And it's powdered sugar, by the way.

Dennis:And it's powdered sugar, by the way.

Dee:Oh, he's already eating it.

Frank:I knew that.

Mac:Also, you casually mention RPGs, like, a weird amount.

Is this true?

Yeah.

You were talking about rocket launchers today, I think, yeah.

That was today.

Mac:Want to shoot it?

Dennis:Yes.

Mac:Where's the rocket?

Dennis:Yeah, that should be, uh... shit, I... there's no rocket.

Mac:No rocket in there?

Dennis:There's no rocket?

Mac:Ah, there's no rocket!

Dennis:They forgot to put the rocket in there!

Mac:I don't care. I love it. You figured out the one thing I wanted more than anything else in the entire world and you got it for me. And... ...it's perfect.

Frank:Charlie, let's go get this worm out of my ass.

Charlie:Let's do it, man. All right.