One year after losing the presidency, Selina attempts to secure her legacy. Dan tries to ingratiate himself at his new job. Amy's brash D.C.-style personality proves too much for her new co-workers.
Season 6 opener lands 53 jokes in 37 minutes—character chaos sustains momentum.
Directed by David Mandel · Written by Lew Morton
WAR
140.4
Wins Above Replacement
“Omaha” ranks #27 of 65 Veep episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 93.9 — Elite. The episode packs 90 scored jokes at 2.4 per minute, averaging 7.6 on craft and 7.5 on impact, with Selina Meyer landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Dan Egan · Jonah Ryan: Dan: 'Come on, you never had any pubes.' Then: 'I even got four and a half pity handies out of it, so I kept shaving.' Dan: 'What's the big fucking deal about it?'
Jonah Ryan: Jonah breaks on live TV: 'You know what, Dan? F you! You think you're such a big shot just because you're on TV and you have a fancy tie and a tiny little microphone. Everybody on TV sucks. It's not nice, Dan, to make fun of other people who are supposed to be your friend. Just because I look like a penis.'
Jonah Ryan Character Comedy Escalation Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Selina Meyer: Selina on speaking fee: 'That is pure sexism. You call those people back and you tell them that I was the first female President of the United States and I will not work for less than 87 cents on the dollar.'
Gary Walsh: Gary immediately responds to the gang rape speech: 'I love candles.'
Gary Walsh Reaction Beat Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Selina Meyer: Immediately after the feminist speech: 'And tell them I'll stand at a glass podium and wear a short skirt.'
Selina Meyer Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback All Jokes — 90 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Selina Meyer: Selina's opening self-interview monologue: 'to have gotten so close to the presidency and then have the American people and Congress reject me was... devastating. But I did reacquaint myself with an old friend of mine by the name of Selina Meyer. And I like her.'
Amy Brookheimer · Buddy Calhoun: Amy introduces herself as 'My campaign manager and fiancée' to which Buddy says 'Just say campaign manager.'
Amy Brookheimer: Amy's campaign kickoff speech: 'Reminder... Nevada is the Sagebrush State... Yeah, so saddle up those emphysema tanks, you inbred cousin-fuckers, 'cause we are going to drag this state into the 20th century. That's right, I said 20th.'
Selina Meyer · Dan Egan: Selina's interview: 'Writing a memoir, I feel, is a debt that a president owes to history.' Interviewer notes Hughes's memoir fetched $20 million. Selina pivots: 'Yeah, I'm really much more focused on the tapestry itself... the weave, the thread count, the old lady at the loom.'
Ben Cafferty: Ben at Uber: 'Without him, we don't have a Chinaman's chance.' HR person objects. Ben: 'No, no, no. It's okay. My wife is Oriental. All of them have been. I kind of got yellow fev-ah.'
Ben Cafferty Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Selina Meyer: Selina pivots from Sherman Tanz pardon question: 'I have pardoned hundreds of nonviolent drug offenders, many of them adults, who never learned to read, which is a tragedy. But Sherman Tanz... And that is why I'm taking this opportunity to announce my charitable organization, the Meyer Fund for Adult Literacy.'
Selina Meyer · Dan Egan: Selina blurts 'And AIDS' in the middle of deflecting from Sherman Tanz. Interviewer: 'Wow.' Selina: 'Yes, AIDS. AIDS is a big part of the tapestry.'
Jonah Ryan: Jonah's House floor speech against the Healthy School Lunch Act: 'Dessert is an apple. I mean, it's no wonder kids are shooting up schools with lunches like these.'
Jonah Ryan: Jonah continues: 'When I was a kid, I ate sloppy Joes, pizza on a bagel. The only green bean I ate was a green jelly bean and I grew up to be so tall, my stupid mom had to get a different car.'
Jonah Ryan: Jonah: 'I will fight against green beans the same way that I fought against my deadly disease called cancer.'
Selina Meyer · Dan Egan: Interviewer asks what she thought of President Montez's Nobel Peace Prize speech. Selina: 'Ugh. I didn't really get a chance to see it because I was... I was out of the country.'
Selina Meyer · Dan Egan: Selina: 'I have no plans to run at this time. I'm also very busy with adult literacy.' Dan: 'And AIDS?' Selina: 'And AIDS, yes. We must never forget AIDS.'
Selina Meyer · Gary Walsh: Post-interview, Selina gushes about Jane: 'Oh, I love her.' Then immediately when Jane is gone: 'Yeah, she really is. Yeah.' (agreeing she's a 'complete gash and a half')
Selina Meyer: Selina on the anniversary: 'Can you believe this? On the Anni-fucking-versary of the historic House vote. I feel like we're celebrating my frat house gang rape. Except I didn't even get a candlelight vigil.'
Gary Walsh: Gary immediately responds to the gang rape speech: 'I love candles.'
Gary Walsh Reaction Beat Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Selina Meyer · Richard Splett: 'Indianapolis Times' vs 'Time Magazine' — Richard hears 'Indianapolis Times' from Selina's list and says 'got it.'
Lee: Lee (Selina's advisor or associate): 'I didn't actually watch the interview, but everybody's talking about how gorgeous you looked.'
Lee Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Andrew Doyle · Selina Meyer: Andrew's 'unofficial lunch with a potential big foreign donor' for the Meyer Fund, which is immediately flagged: 'That could get us into trouble.' Andrew: 'Señor Ocampo is having trouble nudging his visas through, so I called our friends over at the State Department.' Response: 'That definitely will.'
Andrew Doyle · Selina Meyer · Richard Splett: Andrew to Selina: 'I look forward seeing you in your entirety a little later.' Then leaves. Selina: 'Adios.' Richard: 'Not a word. Seriously, not a word, all right?'
Selina Meyer · Richard Splett: Selina's motorcade is blocked because President Montez is addressing the UN. Richard: 'It's gonna be pretty exciting.' Selina reacts with visible fury.
Furlong · Will · Congressman Powder: Furlong to Congressman Powder about green beans: 'I'll give you a hint... looks like Will's wife's clit.' Powder guesses 'Mangos?' Furlong: 'No. Tell him, Will.' Will: 'Green beans.'
Furlong · Will: Furlong: 'That's why I spent two months jamming them into that school lunch bill like what, Will? Like me jamming anonymous trucker cock in my mouth at a public restroom well known for that purpose.'
Furlong Will Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Furlong · Kent Davison: Furlong on Kent Davison: 'You want me to call a Japanese porn shoot, see if I can get you a real job sponging up bukkake parties? Although you might have to lie about working for Meyer.'
Kent Davison · Furlong: Kent's response to Furlong: 'He's already got a job much better than sponging up jizz, right, Kent?'
Selina Meyer: Selina on her South Bronx offices: 'I mean, whose balls did I twerk to end up here, in the Triangle Shirtwaist offices?'
Selina Meyer: Selina: 'I mean, seriously, this is the worst place they've ever stuffed an ex-president, and I'm including JFK's coffin.'
Richard Splett · Selina Meyer · Gary Walsh: Richard about the transgender award: 'Them?' Selina: 'It's "her."' Gary: 'Him.' Selina: 'I don't know. Tell the bearded ladies I'm a-coming.'
Selina Meyer: Selina: 'You know what being an ex-president is like? It's like being a man's nipple. People go right by it to jerk off a dick.'
Selina Meyer · Richard Splett: Selina: 'Cha-king, cha-king, cha-king!' Richard: 'It's cha-ching, cha-ching.' Selina: 'No, it's cha-king.'
Marjorie Dallard · Selina Meyer: Marjorie: 'So, did you see today's interview? I didn't know you were gonna give me AIDS.' Long beat. Selina: 'Marjorie. That's funny. You did... are you making a joke?' Marjorie: 'No, sir, ma'am. We can't do anything about AIDS.'
Selina Meyer: Selina on AIDS charity work: 'Who are you, Ronald Reagan?' (implying Marjorie is doing nothing about AIDS)
Selina Meyer · Catherine Meyer: Catherine arrives. Selina: 'What brings you to this neighborhood, honey? Buying chicken blood for a voodoo rite?'
Marjorie Dallard · Catherine Meyer · Selina Meyer · Gary Walsh: Marjorie: 'I have AIDS now.' Catherine: 'That's hilarious.' Selina: 'I don't get it.' Gary: 'Maybe it's her delivery.'
Catherine Meyer · Gary Walsh · Selina Meyer: Catherine: 'You know, not just sitting in the house in your bathrobe with Gary.' Gary: 'We played backgammon.' Catherine: '...Or at the institution...' Selina: 'At the spa. I was at the spa.' Catherine: 'The spa. Right.'
Catherine Meyer · Selina Meyer: Catherine hands Selina a check — her monthly allowance from inheritance. Selina immediately pivots to complaining about staff needing more space and money.
Marjorie Dallard · Selina Meyer: Marjorie: 'You know, there's an old Chippewa saying, "The coyotay always howls..."' Selina: 'You know what? I'm not that interested in what the coyotay has to say unless he's writing me a check.'
Richard Splett · Selina Meyer: Jennicker the secretary's name. Richard: 'The secretary's name is Jennicker.' Selina: 'That can't be right.'
Richard Splett · Selina Meyer: Richard re: Selina's salary offer of 79 grand for a speech: 'Better sign me up for some food stamps. Maybe look into an application.' Selina: 'This fucking country.'
Dan Egan · Network Executive: Network exec to Dan: 'Between you and me, the network's gonna name you Jane's permanent cohost on Friday.' Dan: 'Get the f...' Exec: 'Fuck my face!'
Network Executive: Exec about Jane: 'She got rid of her last three cohosts. Yeah, probably wrecked their careers, too.'
Selina Meyer: Selina: 'Get me whoever painted Ambassador Stone's wife and made her look like not a twat. I mean, that was real artistry.'
Selina Meyer: Selina on speaking fee: 'That is pure sexism. You call those people back and you tell them that I was the first female President of the United States and I will not work for less than 87 cents on the dollar.'
Selina Meyer: Immediately after the feminist speech: 'And tell them I'll stand at a glass podium and wear a short skirt.'
Selina Meyer Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback Selina Meyer: Selina to Andrew about Omaha: 'I don't care if it's a punch in my big, hairy dick. Go! Tell them I'll jump out of a cake with tassels on my sagging tits!'
Selina Meyer · Andrew Doyle · Gary Walsh · Richard Splett: Selina: 'What is your fee?' Andrew: 'It's akin to a finder's fee.' Selina: 'What do you find?' Andrew: 'Besides the most beautiful woman in the world?' Gary/Richard: 'Oh, God. Oh, God. So sappy.'
Amy Brookheimer: Amy's campaign: a woman has a video doing cocaine with Governor Steptoe's wife. Amy describes her: 'My guess is if you gave her a rail to snort off your dick, she would let you fuck the hole in her septum.'
Buddy Calhoun · Amy Brookheimer: Buddy overrides Amy on the attack ad, saying they won't use 'party girl' to 'coke whore for cock.' Amy challenges him: 'You're making an executive decision?' He says yes confidently. She says 'I like that.' He settles: 'Okay, great, my foot is down on that.' Amy: 'Great.' Campaign aide: 'Just do cock whore.'
Richard Splett: Richard reporting on jet availability: 'Walter Pallenberg's jet is unavailable because he's taking it on a fuck tour of South America. Of course. It's weird that his assistant told me that.'
Selina Meyer: Selina on causes for the Meyer Fund: 'I don't know, stuttering. Those people really make me laugh.'
Marjorie Dallard · Selina Meyer: Marjorie: 'I'll go put together a list of some fun causes, Mom.' Selina: 'Oh, that "Mom" thing, let's not do that here either.' Marjorie: 'Selina.' Selina: 'Well, uh...' Marjorie: 'Ma'am.' Selina: 'Yeah, that's it.'
Gary Walsh · Selina Meyer: Gary knocks his head on a cabinet while writing. Selina: 'Be careful 'cause that cabinet's valuable.'
Mike McLintock · Ellen · Selina Meyer: McLintock residence phone answered: 'McLintock residence. Ellen speaking.' Selina asks for Mike. Ellen: 'He's not my father.' Mike: 'Yes, I am, sweetie. I am your father. Remember, I adopted you?'
Mike McLintock · Gary Walsh: Mike about his baby: 'Milo's all about cheese sticks. I found a little button in his diaper.' Gary: 'I think he's in a kennel or something.'
Selina Meyer: Selina: 'You gotta hit them in the nose with a newspaper. That'll quiet 'em down.' (in reference to Mike's babies/children)
Mike McLintock · Selina Meyer: Mike's diary entry: 'May 3rd. En route to Tehran. Air Force One. Two eggs, hard scrambled. Red pepper strips?' Selina: 'Not what you ate, Mike. Just tell me what happened.' Selina: 'No, no, I want that.'
Mike McLintock · Selina Meyer: Mike on the phone: 'Tell her or I'll tell her.' Wendy (Mike's wife) demands Selina pay for using his diary. Mike: 'Okay. Hang on. Wendy and I were talking that if you're gonna keep using the diary, maybe you should start paying me.' Selina: 'What? Okay, fine. I don't give a shit.' Mike: 'I thought I'd never work again.' Selina: 'Me, too!'
Mike · Selina · Wendy: Wendy demands Selina pay Mike for diary access; Selina: 'What? Okay, fine. I don't give a shit.' / Mike: 'I thought I'd never work again.' / Selina: 'Me, too!'
Richard Splett · Selina Meyer: Richard: 'Former ma'am, there are news stories about the Sherman Tanz pardon in the Washington Post and Indianapolis Times.' Selina: 'Does anybody have anything else to focus on in the world? You know? Where the fuck is a tsunami when you need it?'
Mike McLintock · Selina Meyer · Richard Splett: Richard: 'Also, guess who I found outside.' Then Mike McLintock appears. Selina: 'What happened to your lip?' Mike: 'Oh, Maude bit me.' Selina: 'Ah. You should put her down.' Mike: 'That's my daughter, ma'am.'
Mike McLintock: Mike re: the Maude biting incident: 'It's a cute story. We were playing in the backyard. "Catch the tiger," and I was the prey. She got up on top...'
Mike McLintock · Selina Meyer: Mike: 'Oh, and I took the Acela up. It's pretty steep. I'd love to get reimbursed.' Selina: 'We'll... also when the book's finished.' Mike: 'Oh, right.' Selina: 'Then you get that... reimbursement.' Mike: 'Find some space for yourself out there.' Selina: 'But wait, I need the diary.'
Richard Splett · Selina Meyer: Richard: 'Ma'am, great news. We got Marty Leonhardt's G5 for Omaha.' Selina: 'Really? Great! All righty! Omaha's a go, go, go.' Richard: 'Ma'am, you've been to Omaha before. You didn't really care for it.' Selina: 'Um... Okay, look.'
Selina Meyer · Richard Splett: Selina confides in Richard that Omaha is really about Council Bluffs, Iowa, and the Madison Monroe dinner. Richard: 'Fun!' Selina: 'Which you have to go to if you're gonna run for president again.' Richard: 'Huh?' Selina: 'I'm gonna run for president again.' Richard: 'That is a great idea.'
Selina Meyer · Richard Splett: Selina: 'Are you sure you're ready for this?' Selina then says she'll tell the whole family tonight, and 'if any one of them objects, then it's okay, I just won't run.' Richard: 'Well, you got my vote.' Selina: 'Why would I need your fucking vote?' Richard: 'You wouldn't. What a crazy idea.'
Jonah Ryan · Dan Egan: Dan confronts Jonah backstage about faking cancer. Jonah: 'I did have cancer. I had to go through six weeks of chemotherapy. All my hair fell out, including my pubes, Dan.'
Dan Egan · Jonah Ryan: Dan: 'Come on, you never had any pubes.' Then: 'I even got four and a half pity handies out of it, so I kept shaving.' Dan: 'What's the big fucking deal about it?'
Dan Egan: Dan to Jonah: 'Jesus, you look like you should be underground worshipping an atomic bomb, you human fucking Pap smear.'
Jonah Ryan: Jonah: 'How dare you speak to a cancer survivor that way?' (Said while continuing to maintain the cancer lie)
Dan Egan · Jonah Ryan: Dan to Jonah: 'You know, I didn't think it was possible for you to look more like a giant cock. I guess it's true what they say... you are what you eat.' Jonah: 'Well, you eat an entire fucking tanning bed.'
Dan Egan · Jonah Ryan: Dan on CBS This Morning introduces Jonah: 'Congressman Jonah Ryan of New Hampshire, who recently had a close shave with cancer.' Then continues: 'you were really on the razor's edge there for a while.' 'Do you ever get into a lather about the bald truth...'
Jonah Ryan: Jonah breaks on live TV: 'You know what, Dan? F you! You think you're such a big shot just because you're on TV and you have a fancy tie and a tiny little microphone. Everybody on TV sucks. It's not nice, Dan, to make fun of other people who are supposed to be your friend. Just because I look like a penis.'
Jonah Ryan Character Comedy Escalation Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Dan Egan · Stevie: Dan after Jonah's meltdown: 'Shit, Stevie, I had no idea anything like that was gonna happen. I totally understand if the network has lost confidence in me.' Producer: 'Are you kidding me? This is great TV. You're the fucking man!'
Dan Egan: Dan: 'No more goddamn bronzer.' (post-interview, apparently having put on too much)
Selina Meyer · Catherine Meyer · Andrew Doyle: Family meeting: Selina announces she's running for president. Family reacts with shock and protest. Selina: 'Well, yeah, I can, honey.' Then: 'Nobody thinks this is a good idea? Please don't do that. You can't do this to us.'
Selina Meyer · Catherine Meyer: Catherine reminds Selina: 'But you said that if any one of us objects that you're not gonna do it.' Selina: 'Yeah, but I didn't expect anybody to object, did I?' then 'This was a test, folks, and you all failed. You really did.'
Selina Meyer: Selina dismisses the family meeting: 'La-la-la-la. Everybody up. Get up. Out, out. I love you, but get out.'
Amy Brookheimer · Buddy Calhoun: Amy and Buddy's bedroom scene: Buddy asks Amy to talk dirty. Amy: 'This is a really nice... penis.' Buddy: 'No, like how you do at work.' Amy then launches into regulatory attack mode about the Board of Regulators.
Amy Brookheimer · Buddy Calhoun: Buddy's regulatory dirty talk request: 'Tell me you'd rather take it up the ass than attend another meeting at the Board of Regulators. Except with just no regulators, okay?' Amy tries. Buddy: 'I said that.' Amy: 'This is stupid.' Buddy: 'I am not some teased-haired casino cooze...'
Buddy Calhoun: Buddy: 'Tell me you'd rather take it up the ass than attend another meeting at the Board of Regulators. Except with just no regulators, okay?'
Buddy · Amy: Buddy: 'Is it okay if I finish?' / Amy: 'I'm not your mother.'
Buddy Amy Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Amy Brookheimer · Buddy Calhoun: Amy: 'There shouldn't even be a board.' Buddy: 'Is it okay if I finish?' Amy: 'I'm not your mother.'
Ben Cafferty: Ben visits Selina. They reconnect over Uber. Ben: 'A bunch of dumb-ass millennials, you know, too lazy to learn how to drive drunk.'
Selina Meyer · Ben Cafferty: Selina suggests Sherman Tanz as a donor: 'What if I told you that I had Tanz on board, hypothetically?' Ben: 'Shlomo Tanz is radioactive. He can read the newspaper on the toilet by the light of his own shit.'
Ben Cafferty: Ben: 'I cannot. I'm... I'm out, okay? May God forgive me. I... I'm taking the Jonah job with Kent. I'm sorry, ma'am. I can't watch you lose again. There's nobody out there who wants to see a Meyer comeback, Selina. It's... it's over.'
Selina Meyer: Selina immediately backtracks: 'Well, I was speaking hypothetically. I mean, you of all people should know that, Ben. Jesus Christ... I wanted you to come here because I was wondering if you wanted to join the board of my Meyer Fund for... AIDS and Adult Literacy.'
Ben Cafferty · Selina Meyer: Ben: 'You know, maybe if we teach them how to read a condom wrapper, they wouldn't get AIDS in the first place.' Selina: 'Okay. See? There's hope.' Ben: 'Mm.'
Ben Cafferty · Selina Meyer: Ben: 'You know, ma'am, you're one of only 46 people who became...' Selina: 'Good night, Ben. Good night, good night. Good night.'
Richard Splett · Selina Meyer: Richard: 'Ma'am, we're all set for private jets to Omaha on Monday and back from Council Bluffs on Wednesday.' Selina: 'We're coming back from Omaha on Monday.' Richard: 'Uh-oh.'
Dan Egan: End credits: 'CBS This Morning with Jane McCabe. And introducing Danny Egan.' Dan: 'I'm Jane McCabe.' Dan: 'And I'm Dan-ny Egan.' (said with odd emphasis on the second syllable)
Dan Egan Character Comedy Visual Gag ★ Rewatch Selina Meyer · Gary Walsh: On the commercial flight: flight attendant tells Selina's bag needs to be gate-checked. 'It's complimentary.' Flight attendant doesn't understand. Selina: 'I need hand sanitizer.'