Mac Day

Dennis:Hey, buddy, do we have to be kneeling this entire time?

Dee:Yeah, this is not comfortable.

Mac:If anyone is caught complaining? An extra day is added to Mac Day. If you cannot resist the urge to complain, you are allowed one scream a day to the ceremonial screaming pillow.

Mac:Charlie, when it was your day, did I complain about searching for goblins for ten hours straight?

Charlie:Well, ghouls, and, no, they didn't complain, 'cause we found three. It was pretty sweet.

Dennis:We found none. Yeah? We found no ghouls, we found no goblins, we found no gremlins, because they don't exist.

Charlie:Well...

Mac:On the first day, God said, 'Let there be... Mac.'

Dee:Seven straight hours of lecturing? Yeah, and five hours alone dedicated to the evils of homosexuality... from him?

Charlie:Did anyone else notice that he had an erection the entire time?

Dennis:There we have what? Uh, the what...? What are you saying?

Mac:It's water. I'm saying 'water,' 'cause it said water, like, eight times. So, it's water.

Dennis:Water what?

Mac:Water and badass, badass and water.

Frank:Holy shit, there's two of them.

Mac:Well, I'm gonna jump from the Strawberry Mansion Bridge.

Dennis:What?!

Charlie:Holy shit! What do you mean, from it?

Mac:No, I'm not gonna jump. Of course I wouldn't jump. I draw it in later because it's like a post effect.

Mac:This is all sounding a little bit like a complaint from you guys. Who's complaining?!

Dennis:We don't know what's going on! We don't know you.

Mac:Evel Knievel didn't jump. Johnny Knoxville doesn't jump. Okay, this is big Hollywood stuff, okay?

Country Mac:actually jumps off the bridge and swims back up

Charlie:Did someone just go plop?

Dee:Looked like it. Someone just jumped.

Mac:No, that's not really badass, guys. That's dangerous. Um, can we put him on our shoulders and parade him around like Rudy? I'm feeling that now. No, no, no, no, I don't think that's gonna work anymore.

Mac:You know, kind of a bullshit day, so we're gonna move on to day four

Mac:Okay, I'm gonna need you guys to go ahead and ignore everything that this clown is saying. God created the stars 5,000 years ago.

Country Mac:But there's herb.

Mac:Hmm?

Country Mac:Who wants to smoke a 'J'?

Country Mac:Who wants to smoke a 'J'?

Mac:Oh, shit. You brought weed? No, no, no, we're not smoking weed, okay? It's still illegal in the state of Pennsylvania.

Charlie:Puff, puff, pass, bitches.

Mac:No, no, no, we're not smoking weed, okay? It's still illegal in the state of Pennsylvania.

Mac:There's nothing badass about breaking the law, Charlie.

Mac:Because if you don't, God will make a flood or a famine, okay? He will destroy you with tornadoes and earthquakes and AIDS. Where do you think AIDS came from? Uh, hello, God's gift to the gays.

Country Mac:But what about sunsets? Oh... French kisses. Oh... The smell of rain. Yeah. That's why I believe in God. Yeah. Not because of the things that he takes away from us but because of the things that he gives to us.

Charlie:Shut up, science bitch.

Mac:Yeah.

Dennis:Yeah, shut up, science bitch!

Dennis:All these years I've been feeling like I hate karate. And, like, I hate Project Badass and, like... I hate God. Yes. But, like... I realize... you know what I really hate... is Mac.

Dennis:Like, he's made all those cool things suck. Not only is he, like, ruining my life... but with all this God shit that he's into... he could be ruining my afterlife.

Dee:I thought that one was gonna... Let me try.

Mac:Okay, everybody grab some grease. Why? Because we're gonna grease up these beefcakes.

Dennis:No! No! Come on! No!

Charlie:Chicks?

Country Mac:No. Dudes. I'm into dudes.

Charlie:Oh... you're gay.

Country Mac:Loud and proud, brother. Loud and proud.

Dennis:It's so much more comfortable when someone's gay and open about it.

Dennis:And, like, I know we've never said this as a group, but... Mac's gay.

Dee:Yeah, Mac's gay.

Charlie:He's gay.

Frank:He's gay.

Dennis:He's got the boner again.

Dee:Yeah.

Charlie:Yeah.

Dennis:Well, at least this time it makes sense, huh?

Mac:Um, not technically. Um, only because I haven't subscribed to one... discipline.

Dennis:But you are good enough to fight in a black belt tournament. 'Cause you're wearing a black belt. Of course.

Block, point, Mac!

Shit.

Mac:Guys, did you see that? I got a point! I got a point!

Country Mac beats up Mac's opponent with a beer bottle while shirtless

Mac:I scored an actual point in an actual karate tournament and against an actual black belt.

Dennis:Country Mac beat the shit out of that guy with a beer and his T-shirt.

Country Mac:You bring a knife to a fight, you better be ready to use it, you jabroni. Just... don't come back here, you punks.

Country Mac:I gave him an ocular patdown. Assessed the threat level. Clocked a knife in his boot.

Mac:Guys, I may have had a little bit of an accident in my pants, so I think I got to change out of this gi.

Charlie:You made a poopy in your pants! Did anybody else do a poopoo in their pants? No. Of course not. This is our head of security!

Dennis:Country Mac for Paddy's Mac.

Dee:We send Mac to the country, bring Country Mac here.

Charlie:Yeah, to the bar.

Dennis:That's not a bad idea.

Country Mac:It's not my style. I just go with the flow. Let the wind blow through my hair.

Country Mac crashes his motorcycle and dies

Mac:He wasn't the kind of guy that could score a point in a black belt karate contest. And it turns out, he was totally queer. Which, as we all know, is a sin.

Mac:So I will ask for a moment of silence, in which I will beg God's forgiveness for Country Mac's evil, homo ways, while simultaneously doing a series of karate moves that I know Country Mac would've enjoyed so much.

Mac:Well, guys, I think the real lesson here is that there's nothing badass about riding a motorcycle without a helmet. Right. Plus, he was drunk all the time. Yeah. You know what's badass? Being alive.

Mac:Actually, we won't. Because it's officially Frank Day, so...

Frank:All right, Pee Country Mac.