Tammy Two

Leslie · Tammy:Leslie: 'You want Ron. That's what this is all about.' Tammy: 'No, that's insane.' [pause] 'Fine, I had one dream, but no, no.'

Tammy:Tammy: 'I was just checking myself for scoliosis.' Beat. 'Straight as an arrow. Just like somebody else I know.'

Tammy · Ron:Tammy responds to Ron calling his new girlfriend 'a lovely, intelligent, self-possessed pediatric surgeon named Wendy' with: 'Sounds like a real whore.'

Tammy · Tom:Tammy introduces herself as having 'tasted' Tom — 'I was just tasting my new boyfriend, Glenn.' Tom corrects her: 'Tom.'

Ron · Leslie · Tammy:Leslie slaps Ron and yells 'Snap out of it!' Ron calmly says 'Leslie.' Then: 'Congratulate us. Ron's got one just like it on his penis.'

Ron · Tammy:Flashback/explanation montage of what happened at the courthouse: Ron wins at something, yells 'Rock and roll! Yeah, baby!'; then 'You may now kiss the bride.'

Ron · Tammy:Ron announces the honeymoon plan: '11 days in my cabin in the woods. We bought 10 cases of Gatorade and a 40-pound bag of peanuts for energy.'

Tom · Tammy:Tom tries to fight Tammy and fails spectacularly. Tammy: 'Why are you hitting yourself, Glenn? Stop hitting yourself.'

Ron · Tammy:Tammy: 'You're not even a man anymore.' Ron: 'Oh, and by the way, last night, I faked four out of the seven.' Tammy: 'Hmm. So did I.'

Tammy:Hello, you gorgeous craftsmen. Wow, look at this room. So much wood, ready to be worked.

Tammy:Twice ex-wife. We were married twice. And divorced twice.

Leslie · Tammy · Leslie:Shouldn't you be at the library, forcing people to borrow books? / Leslie, you and I both know that the library closes at 3:00 p.m. / Of course it does.

Tammy · Ron · Tammy:Oh, my gosh. What a coinky-dinky. Look, we're sitting at the same table! / Tammy, this table is reserved. / A guy traded me his seat for a peek and a squeeze. That's my boob and my butt, respectively. Remember that, Ron?

Tammy · Ron:Well, hello there, Big B-- / Gross! Leslie? Where's Ron?

Tammy:Wanna bet? That relationship is weak. All I have to do is find Ron within the next few hours, and he's toast.

Leslie · Tammy · Leslie:Too late, Tammy. Ron's gone. You'll never get him back. / Wanna bet? That relationship is weak. All I have to do is find Ron within the next few hours, and he's toast. / Few hours, you say?

Tammy · Leslie · Tammy:Leslie! Stop this car! Where are we going? / I don't know. / You're gonna regret this!

Leslie · Tammy:[Extended physical struggle between Leslie and Tammy over car keys — wrestling, running, screaming]

Tammy · Leslie:Oh, my God, I am so turned on right now. / What is wrong with you?

Tammy · Leslie:Oh, yeah, tell me you're not feeling this. / You are so crazy! / I got 'em! I got 'em. / No! No! / You'll never catch me! / Come back here -- Ow! / You are not gonna ruin this night! / Get away from this car! / No! What are you doing? You're crazy!

Tammy · Ron:Hey, Ron, why don't you get me out of these handcuffs, so I can put you into these handcuffs. / Yes, please officer, get her out of those cuffs. I want this to be a fair fight.

Jeremy Jamm · Tammy:Tammy, I've given this a lot of thought. We should break up. / What's the matter, little boy? Did the bad people get to you?