Moving Up (2)

Can't believe Michael Bay spent a billion dollars of his own money to build that for The Rock.

I couldn't tell, 'cause you had that mask thing over your eyes.

What happens at a National Parks Conference is compiled and emailed to you in a PDF the following Monday.

They give tours. Yeah. That's exactly how they'll be expecting me to try to break in.

Wow. I've never worked hard on anything. What a cool life!

From now on, everyone call me Kristen. Because I am wigging out right now!

They're not even done painting that sign. It says 'Tom's bi.'

Liam Bonneville? The Department of the Interior's resident bad boy?

No idea.

Six months ago, I was working in a taco truck. Now, I own one-third of the Portland Trailblazers.

In fact, a lot of people go to the library just to order pizza online.

Sure, obviously, we're no Akron. I mean, we're more like Dayton. But with your help, we can become Toledo.

Ben, we don't like to say the word 'no'... No. ...at this company.

So instead, let me say, 'Nah, bro.' How is that better?

Who do you think I am, Thomas Hucker?

Please, Ron? I've never asked you for anything today.

I cut out your face and made it look like you were dunking over Charles Barkley.

It wasn't bad.

Throughout history. Until the end of time, forever.

Great work! I'm sorry I'm talking so loud! I'm getting louder and now I can't stop! My apologies!

I thought he was gonna be on it.

I don't know! Liam Bonneville has me in a tizzy!

No. Can't I just stay in the back and spit in people's food like we planned?

My sinuses are on the fritz, and smell is 90% of taste! Maybe 95!

Fine, but if he raises his voice once, once, I'm out.

Please don't stick to that policy.

What is this, a rotten grapefruit? No, it's my dog's rectum.

This is the worst thing you've ever done.

It was too perfect. It looked machine-made.

we could tell them that there's buried treasure in Pawnee, and then, after they give us the free WiFi, we tell them that the treasure was love all along.

Every time someone in Pawnee clicks through a slideshow of American Music Award red carpet sideboob fails, they'll say, 'Thank you, Ben Wyatt.'

You're The Architect? Yeah, right. And I'm the alchemist of the Hinterlands.

There can't be an alchemist of the Hinterlands. The Hinterlands is a shadow kingdom that can only sustain a provost or a denier.

Neither. I'm the maverick.

You lost your cityhood?

Which is it? Fruity or earthy? It can't be both, they're mutually exclusive!

I don't know who I am anymore. A man without a palate isn't a man.

Restaurant superstition, breaking a glass on the first night is good luck.

It's about the cones.

We had to throw our menus away because they are covered with pictures of Larry's dog's rectum.

We just have to apply a salve to his anus every hour for the rest of his life, but... Oh! Enjoy your meal!

I mean, people are playing with my cones, babe.

I'm gonna be paralyzed by hypotheticals until I die here, in this mini van! At the San Francisco airport.

When I was a kid and things didn't go my way, I would just take my ball and go home. That's better than winning, 'cause then, your friends can't play anymore!

Well, I hate doing work, but I love being flattered, so maybe I'll give it another try.

Because you currently owe me $16,000. For the wood. What?

Sorry, that's not why we're here. Let's go.

I love you. No, I don't. I'm sorry. That was weird. Okay, bye.

Oh, this is Lester Kanopf. No, you know... Okay. Bye. Smoothly handled, Lester. Yeah. I panicked.

All right, so we got a four-way going with my ex, my brother, and this rando? Okay, if that's where the night is going.

It's 9:00 in the morning. What? It's not a four-way.

playing music is something I like to keep private, along with my family, my conversations, and my whereabouts at all times.

You're right, the name is too long, I was picturing bigger hats.

Only a moron would ever live anywhere other than Pawnee, Indiana. Leslie Knope, multiple occasions.

Leslie, don't cry. It's not that great. Doesn't even look like you. Or actually, you know what? It kinda does.

I ordered a small cheeseburger and both the buns were pizzas.

Judge gave me two ankle bracelets. Said it was the first time he ever had to do that. Ja boy's a question on the bar exam! Ya heard!

Unless you want me to get on stage and talk about how we used to take baths together. How you cried whenever I took away your rubber duckies. Damn, Donna, why you gotta bring the Quackson Five into this?

No, just trolling for some daddy. Sorry, I pronounced that wrong. I'm trolling for some dad-dy.

And I will defeat you right into my pants.

What? I gave a kid pee-pants? Yes! That's why I do what I do.

but I like to do nothing with no one. So, thank you and I love you, but no thank you, and I hate you. More I love you.

No! Your father ruined my last business. Why would you bring him here? Mmm, because you told me to look for VIPs and my daddy is the Vl-est PI know.

'Cause there's nobody here.

I'll have the 'Joan.' It's a tumbler of gin and it's got crushed aspirin around the rim.

Come work for us at the accounting firm? Okay. No, sorry, I can't. Wow. Shortest one yet.

And I've been to Dallas.

Excuse me, Miss Hanley? Do you mind if I snap a 'You-ie'? It's what I call selfies of other people.

With your courage and small frame, you'd make an excellent coal miner.

Also, can you bring back Power Rangers? I don't know what it is you do, but you seem important enough to get that done.

Ed, you're a nice guy, but you're the most incompetent person I've ever worked with. And that includes Terry. Jeez. Get it together, Terry.

Ben, how many bags of marshmallows do I give them? None. Just let April do everything.