Councilman Jamm

Jamm · Leslie:Councilman Jamm emerges from Leslie's private bathroom — 'Occupied!'

Jamm:I think it is crazy that the most junior city councilor gets a private bathroom just because she is a girl.

Jamm:Tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to drop my liquids in here, take my solids down the hall. Deal?

Jamm:It's because the two leading industries here are corn syrup and rubber nipples. It is a dentistry jackpot.

Jamm:Beautiful, Tom. Beautiful. Dynamite gums.

Jamm:Well, D.D.S. doesn't stand for 'dumb, dumb, stupid.'

Tom · Jamm:Tom says he'll steal the D.D.S. joke — Jamm says 'All right. Cool.' then immediately pivots to 'Hey, so, we're still all good on Leslie's bill, right?' revealing he's been cozying up to Tom for political leverage.

Jamm:Jamm wants Leslie's office because of the private bathroom — 'I don't mean to brag, but I've got Irritable Bowel Syndrome.'

Jamm · Leslie:Complimentary toothbrush? / You're missing the backs of your upper canines. / Sloppy technique. / Excuse me? / I have excellent toothbrush technique.

Leslie · Jamm:You can have my office. / Okay, why don't you sweeten the pot? / You can have my parking space. / And? / And I will get Invisaligns from you. / And? / And, that is enough. And shut up. And I hate you.

Jamm · Leslie:Can't wait to drop my kids at the pool. / By 'kids,' I mean turds. / I get it.

Jamm · Leslie:Boy, you know, I can't believe you traded your office to keep this craphole pool open for a couple more weeks a year. / Hey, can you not say that in front of the kids, please?

Jamm · Leslie:Great. Hey, uh, kids? Would you like to learn how Leslie got your bill passed? / Councilwoman Knope traded my vote for her... / What the hell, man? Why'd you do that? / Because it's fun in the sun!

Jamm · Leslie:This is a teaching moment? Great. Hey, uh, kids? Would you like to learn how Leslie got your bill passed? Councilwoman Knope traded my vote for her... [interrupted]

Jamm · Leslie:What the hell, man? Why'd you do that? Because it's fun in the sun!

Jamm:Whoa! 'Smoke Dog.'

Tom · Jamm:Man, Jamm's gotta be pretty mad at us. / I ain't scared of him. He's a punk.

Leslie · April · Jamm:Leslie and April's plan: releasing dogs and children on Jamm's front lawn. A dog is 'dry-humping my garden gnome.'

Leslie · April · Ann · Jamm:After the deal: 'You just got knoped. And ludgated.' / 'And perkinsed.' / 'Ha-ha. Nice try. It didn't work.' / Jamm: 'You just got jammed.'

Jamm · Commission members:Let the record show there was a standing ovation. / No, there wasn't. / There was not. / History will decide.

Jamm:My plan for lot 48 is simple. But why read it when you can shove it right in your face?

Jamm:We make money. They make money. They make burgers. We eat burgers. That's a win-win-win-win.

Jamm · Leslie Knope · Brett:My bad, guys. That's my bad. / Damn it, Jamm. / I should've had animal control kill you. / Oh, who you want me to kill? / No one. / I'll kill him... As soon as I'm done with these birds.

Jamm · Leonard Tchulm:What? No, no, you can't do that. / It says right there, you're dead, so is everyone you care about. / Oh, well, joke's on you. I don't have anyone I care about.

Leslie Knope · Jamm:I can't hear you. I'm a ghost. / Yeah, well, so am I, so you can hear me! / Ghost jammed!

Jamm:Councilman Jamm's megaphone heckling outside the gala: 'Boo, Leslie Knope, boo.' then his dental practice ad-lib: 'Hey, butter-teeth, what's up? I can fix those chompers for you. Just come to Jamm Orthodontics.'

Leslie · Jamm:Leslie tells Jamm she's getting married in a half-hour 'to the most perfect man in the world' and ends with 'Knope rules, Jamm sucks'

Jamm:Jamm's heckling version of the wedding march: '♪ Here comes the boo / All dressed in boo / Boo, Leslie Knope / Boo, boo-oo-oo-oo ♪'

Jamm:Jamm deploys a stink bomb at Leslie's wedding, purchased on Amazon Prime with free two-day shipping

Ron · Jamm:Ron punching Jamm in the teeth at the wedding — breaking his tooth — then Jamm saying 'Well, good thing you're an orthodontist'

Ron · Jamm:Jamm: 'You broke my tooth.' / Ron: 'Well, good thing you're an orthodontist.' / Jamm: 'Yeah, it is a good thing. You see my house? Five bathrooms.'

Jamm:Yeah, it is a good thing. / You see my house? Five bathrooms.

Jamm · Police Officer:Jamm in the jail cell insisting he's the victim: 'He punched me in the teeth. This is an outrage.' — Police response: 'Sleep it off in the cell, Councilman.'

Jamm · Ben:Councilman Jamm addresses Ben: 'That's right, Stretch. And looking mighty fly in that suit, brother.'

Jamm · Leslie:Jamm arrives at the skating rink to call a special session, sees Leslie in roller skates: 'What is up with the roller skates?' Leslie explains she was about to attend a birthday party. Jamm: 'Yeah, I don't care. I'm a blades guy.'

Jamm:Jamm's reaction to Leslie announcing a filibuster: 'A filibuster? Are you dooking on my chest right now?'

Leslie · Jamm:Leslie removes her roller skates to rest during the filibuster, triggering a gong: 'Bam. Strike one. No sitting.'

Jamm:Someone asks if the gong is necessary. Jamm: 'Yes, it is. I love Chinese crap. Lucy Liu, Nintendo, Gangnam Style, sushi, et cetera, et cetera.'

Leslie · Jamm:Leslie during the filibuster: 'Does anyone else think it's hot in here? These overalls are really starchy.' Jamm: 'Oh, yeah, maybe that's because I turned up the heat to 90 and, oh, the knob broke off in my hand. Oops.'

Ben · Jamm:Jamm tries to mess with Leslie; Ben: 'Hey, man. Leave my gong alone. The reverb is the best part.'

Jamm · Leslie:Jamm offers Leslie a margarita while she's filibustering, taunting her with it: 'Mmm-mmm-mmm! How I know you would love an ice-cold frozen marg.'

Jamm · Leslie:Jamm taunts Leslie in baby talk: 'Hey, Knope, how you feeling over there? You need to go pee-pee? Pee-pee times? Make wee-wee?' Then Leslie's countdown: 'Five more seconds. Four! Three! Two! One!'

Jamm · Leslie Knope:No, no, no. I'm Sandra Dee. That's more of my register. / You're Zuko.

Jamm · Leslie:Thanks for coming, Knope. I knew we were besties. What do you got in there for me, some dirty mags? No! These gift baskets are for innocent victims... not for jerks who got stung because they were laughing at other people's pain.

Jamm:Whatever. Got a lotta filth in my kindle anyway. We can just hang.

Mike Patterson · Jamm:Really? Because all we see is you talking to your friend, known Eagleton hater Jeremy Jamm. Excuse me, Mike. That's, uh, best friend.

Jamm · Leslie:Awesome idea, Lezzie. As a matter of fact I say we should secede from Eagleton! Whose dumbass idea was it for them to merge anyway? Mine. It was my idea.

Mike Patterson · Leslie · Jamm:Don't touch my camera, you Pawnee animal! Name-calling, huh? Classy move, douche bag. Oh! All right. Is that how you wanna play? Yeah! Come on! No fighting in a hospital. There shouldn't be fighting in a hospital! Wish I had my ninja stars!

Ben · Jamm · Cherry Pie cover band:What is that? / Just general rock, man. It's gonna be fun. / She's my cherry pie, oh yeah yeah yeah

Jamm · Leslie:Jamm's parting gift: a photo of him and Leslie's face Photoshopped onto Yoko Ono's body — 'Horrifying.' / 'Yeah, Yoko had a real killer bod. Just like you.'

Jamm:Jamm's farewell karate performance — 'Huh-ho! Oh! Huh! Hai! Huh! He-e-e-e-y! Arigato. Arigato. Arigato. Daytona Beach.'