Donna Meagle

Donna · Leslie:'Hey, why are you all dolled up? / It's a long story. I'm the guest of honor at this gay bar tonight.'

Donna:Donna: 'Well, you look good, girl. You're gonna turn somebody tonight.'

Leslie · Tom · Donna · Jerry:Leslie casually informs her colleagues they might be getting daffodils too, listing them with varying degrees of certainty: 'Jerry, I don't know, I'm not sure. Time will tell.'

Tom · Donna:Tom confronts Donna: 'Donna, let me ask you something. Do you hate black people?' / 'Excuse me?' / 'Because apparently in 1988, you donated money to the presidential campaign for... David Duke!'

Donna:Donna: 'I got a phone call. They said he would lower taxes.'

April · Donna:So tell Leslie I don't know when I'm going to be back. And Donna's here. / Hey, guys.

Ron · Donna:Ron's gun safety demonstration where Donna almost looks down the barrel

Donna:Donna dramatically bursting in and asking 'Are you okay? What is it, your heart? Are you having trouble breathing? Someone—' before being told Ron was shot

Ron · Ann · Donna:Ron has taken eight Donna's menstrual cramp pills and washed them down with scotch

Donna:'What's that gonna do? I'm gonna shoot under its head.' as a response to 'Shoot over his head'

Tom · Donna:'It's Craig from Reinhold Mercedes!' — the terrifying predator is a car dealership employee

Donna:I love you, Tom. You're my little prince. Just want to put you in a little cape and a little hat and just fly you around.

Jean-Ralphio · Donna:Jean-Ralphio's pitch to Donna: 'Let's seal this devil's three-way right here, right now. Step one, we buy into this club. Step two, we roll over to the club, either in your Mercedes Benz or my pre-owned Acura Legend. Step three, I dagger you on the dance floor.'

Donna · Ann:Donna takes the bear after hearing it has a camera in it, saying simply 'I know.'

Donna · Leslie:Donna is making a personal phone call to her brother George in Liberia, during the phone bank shift.

Donna · Leslie:He wants to know what happened on Lost. / Oh, thank God.

Leslie · Tom · Donna · Jerry:Leslie bursts through the barricaded door and starts touching everyone's stuff while they recoil in horror. 'She's germing up all my stuff.'

Donna:Donna says 'Beat it, Donna' to herself and leaves the sick man's tent after he asks her to make out until the lights come back on — then 'Aye, aye, captain.'

Donna:Donna to Ann at the party: 'Do you know where you are right now? We're in the jungle. There are no friends here. It's every woman for herself.'

Donna · Ann:Ann tells Donna she's there because of Donna's own advice to be more adventurous. Donna: 'Here's some more advice... Beat it.'

Donna · Ann:Donna drags Ann away and says: 'That was the worst thing I've ever seen in my life. Did you grow up in the woods? Are you Nell from the movie Nell?'

Ann · Donna:Ann reports back to Donna: 'He proudly told me that he beat herpes.'

Donna · Ann:Donna to Ann about finding a man: 'What? Listen, you are a hot, young doctor.' Ann: 'I'm a nurse, actually.' Donna: 'Okay, I don't know you.'

Donna · Ann:Donna teaches Ann the texting game: 'Hope we can get together soon.' / 'Okay, now you write, Who is this?'

Donna · Ann · Leslie:Donna: 'I would totally hit that.' / Ann: 'So would I.' / Leslie: 'You guys are sweet.'

Jerry · Donna:Jerry correctly answers that Donna would pick Prince; Donna is impressed

Tom · Jerry · Donna:Donna's answer: 'Back of my Benz?' and Jerry correctly guesses 'Her Mercedes.' Tom: 'Jerry and Donna on fire.'

Donna:But this is Chris Traeger, the six million dollar man. He won't quit.

Donna:Donna: 'Red alert, Swanson. Your ex-wife is back. Not her. The other ex-wife. Tammy One. She's in your office.'

Tom · Donna:The 'Treat Yourself' montage: Tom and Donna chanting 'Treat Yourself' at increasingly extravagant items — clothes, fragrances, massages, mimosas, fine leather goods.

Donna:Donna's reaction to the idea of inviting Ben to Treat Yourself Day: 'What? No! This is our thing.'

Donna:Donna selling acupuncture to Ben: 'It's great for your back and your rear. Needles in your face, pleasure in your base.'

Ben · Donna:Ben looking at expensive items: 'I really want this dress, and I like this crystal beetle, but it's expensive and there's no use for it.' Donna: 'Donna Meagle? Treat Yourself.' [Donna buys it for Ben]

Tom · Ben · Donna:Man, did you buy anything for yourself today? Yeah, I got this pack of socks. Plain white socks? Yeah. That's not a treat.

Ben · Tom · Donna:Donna and Tom ask Ben what he'd blow money on. After a pause: Ben is looking at a superhero costume.

Donna:Donna: 'Uh-oh. Batman's crying.'

Donna:Donna: 'You're a catch, Wyatt. You're going to be okay. There's chicken-heads everywhere, Ben. Chicken-heads all around this mall. You're going to find one and you're going to be great.'

Donna:Donna: 'Treat Yourself to a good cry.' Then: 'Why so serious?' [to Ben in Batman costume]

Donna · Chris:Donna in police costume: 'You are a policewoman.' / 'Yep. You're a regular Sherlock Holmes. I solved that mystery before you did.'

Chris · Donna:Donna pulls in on command: 'Here's what I saw go down. Donna! Yeah! Get in on this.'

Donna:Donna's advice: 'You're too accessible. Every time she calls, you answer. You gotta dangle the carrot, literally and metaphorically.'

Donna:Leslie's gift to Donna: a watch and a tiny throne because she couldn't get 'Watch the Throne' tour tickets

Ron · Ben · Ann · Tom · Andy · April · Donna:The reaction shot to whatever large gift Leslie installed for Ron — characters are moved to tears by something the audience doesn't see yet

Donna · April:Donna whispers that Millicent is going to break up with Chris; April and someone else confirm; they discuss it while Chris is right there

Donna:Donna casually mentions she has several men 'in rotation' and one is waiting for her out in the car. 'Don't worry. I rolled down the window.'

Donna:Donna reveals her family has a lake house but keeps it quiet: 'We're not big on hospitality. The Meagles are a cold people.'

Donna:Donna's lake house rules: no dirty shoes, upstairs is Meagle space only, and — pointedly — 'you do not have access to the hot tub.'

Donna · Leslie · Ben · Tom · Chris · April:Ginuwine's my cousin. / Ginuwine? / The Ginuwine is your cousin? / How do I not know this? / Who's Ginuwine? / Ginuwine?

Donna:I would like to address the fact that rule number seven says 'no pets,' and yet there is a three-legged animal in my living room.

April · Donna:April has invented backstories for shelter animals: 'A lot of these dogs have rescued people from burning buildings. This one helped Ray Charles around. What? This cat was in Boogie Nights?'

Donna:'This one helped Ray Charles around.'

Andy · Ben · Ann · April · Donna · Chris:'Also, from now on, we'll be using code names. You can address me as Eagle One. Ann, code name: Been there, done that. April is Currently doing that. Donna is It happened once in a dream. Chris, code name: If I had to pick a dude. Ben is Eagle Two.' / Ben: 'Oh, thank God.'

Donna:Donna: 'I know he didn't just hit my baby!' after someone rear-ends their van — then confronts the driver

Ron · Donna:The fact that Ron is running the conference room meeting in Leslie's absence — presented as extraordinary

Tom · Ann · Donna:Tom to Donna: 'We're good. We're really good. No, just spending a little time with my baby girl.' Ann: 'Ew. Get off me.'

Donna:Donna reveals she knows Tom and Ann broke up: 'As someone who has lied a lot about various aspects of a myriad of relationships, I respect the effort you've gone to.'

Andy · Donna:How do I get I.T. here? / Call 311. / 311, how can I... Hello again, Diane.

Andy · Donna:Donna, they switched my phone with 911. What do I do? / I don't know. Try to help. Now hush.

Donna · Andy:Then Ana asks Grey to punish her. Donna, please, can you keep it down? / Or at least research how to deliver a baby that's coming out face up. / Lay the mother on her side and try to move the baby in a corkscrew fashion.

Tom · Donna · April:Mine was the time he slipped on a Cinnabon and landed in a bunch of garbage. / My favorite Jerry moment was when he ate a bowl of glue. / My favorite Jerry moment is when you switched out his potato soup with glue and he didn't know.

Tom · Donna · Tom:Whoa! What is going on at the Gergiches? / Oh, my God! Jerry's having a Christmas party! / I can't believe he didn't invite us. How dare he! What'd we ever do to him?

Tom · Donna · Tom · Donna:It looks warm in there! Warm and happy. / Mm, look at that gingerbread man. / What? I don't see any gingerbread cookies. / I'm talking about that jacked-up, light-skinned dude. Look like Blake Griffin.

Ann · Donna · Tom · Others · Donna:Oh, Donna. You can come in. / Okay. / What? What about us? / What? Donna! / Merry critches, bitches!

Tom · Donna · Tom · Others:It's Jerry's party. How cool could it be? [beat] Santa! / They have a Santa! / Oh my God. / What?

Donna · Jerry:The Indiana celebrity look-alike gala: Orville Redenbacher, La Toya Jackson, Axl Rose, David Letterman

Donna · Jerry:The Li'l Sebastian look-alike announcement at the gala — Donna has booked 'a Li'l Sebastian look-alike on the way'

Jerry · Donna:Jerry's reaction to the Li'l Sebastian news causes him to wet himself — 'Did you just pee your pants? Just a dab.' / 'You nasty, Jerry. Third time this week.'

Donna · Handler:Bucky the Li'l Sebastian impersonator is introduced — 'He's a licensed Li'l Sebastian impersonator'

Leslie · Donna:Donna, we got you some coffee, because you said, 'I like my coffee like I like my men. Dark, rich, and full-bodied.'

Donna · Leslie:There's a 'Top Ten Ben's Butt 2012 slideshow.' You emailed it to Ben and Ann... And The Huffington Post? Yeah, I'm not embarrassed by that.

Donna · Leslie:Who is Todo Toadfoot? You wrote him an email about riding your dragons to Pelennor Fields and signed it 'Dimple Broadbelt of Buckland.' Yes, that's Ben and my fantasy Lord Of The Rings pen pal letters. I am a little embarrassed by that.

Donna · Leslie:Here's one to me, and it just says 'Thanks.' You're welcome.

Tom · Donna · April · Andy:Tom's 'pile files'/'filo pilos' meltdown — can't correctly say 'file piles'

Donna · Tom:'Well, I guess that settles who the new Jerry is.' / 'No, it doesn't! I barely even said it wrong.' / 'Said it wrong.'

Tom · Donna:Tom drops something with a clatter immediately after the talking head, confirming 'It's already started'

Andy · Donna · Tom:Andy gets ink all over himself from a pen — 'I'm like a giant squid. I'm ink Dracula.'

Donna:Donna points out Andy will never be the new Jerry because 'nothing embarrasses him — he's like a giant puppy with no shame'

Tom · Donna:'You guys could just stop making fun of me.' / 'Yeah. No.'

Tom · April · Andy · Donna:'Pretty heroic, huh, guys?' / 'Hard to make fun of that.' / 'Oh, man, the cake.' / 'Filo Pilo ruined the cake. Classic Pilo.'

Tom · Donna · Taylor:Tom approaches the new intern Taylor, who quit football to run a homeless shelter for his pastor

Donna · Taylor:So, you want to get out of here? / Work just started, Ms. Meagle. / Yeah, but our work is just beginning. You know what I'm saying?

Ben · Donna:Donna: 'I don't remember saying anything about anyone being pregnant.' — Ben's reaction beat: 'Oh. Interesting.'

Donna · Tom:Hey, hey. Hashtag quest for coffee, blowin' up my timeline. You get my snapchat about it? / No. / What? / There it is.

Donna:I live for the grid. It's where I meet 40% of my jump-offs.

Tom · Ron · Donna:Grid, grid, grid, grid, grid, grid, grid-- / If you help me get off the grid, I will let both of you go home early. / No grid, no grid, no grid, no grid.

Ron · Tom · Donna:The magic phone scene: two large children's toy phones / Ew, gross, it has 'buttons.' / A cell phone belt clip? / No, Ron. Oh, my God! / Yeah, I can't be seen with you.

Tom · Donna:I mean, did you steal this from a museum? Maybe find it frozen in ice? It looks like the original phone from the movie Wall Street. / I think it's just the original phone, period.

Donna · Craig:Hi, I'm Donna. / Oh, that is the perfect name for you. I love it. Never change it!

Donna:Is there -- and I'm just guessing here -- some kind of medication that you maybe need a lot of and have taken none of or maybe too much of today?

Leslie · Donna · Craig:I mean, your job is secure, of course. You're basically the glue of this department. / But I think Craig's gonna have to go. / No, you should keep him. He's crazy intense, but I've never met anyone who cares more about this job. / Uh, Donna, I'm right here.

Donna:No joke. He might care more than you. Honestly, if I had to choose between him and me, I'd choose him.

Donna:You know, I got the condo in Seattle, the fiancé in Denver. / Huh? / It won't last.

Craig · Donna · Craig:Scandal's my favorite show. I love every character, except for... / Mellie. / Oh! Of course you like Scandal! Because you're amazing! I love you.

Donna:Donna dressed as a pilgrim at the '90s party. Someone asks why; she says: 'Leslie said it was a Come As You Were in the Nineties party. I assumed it was the 1690s.'

Donna · Unknown:Someone corrects Donna: 'Babe, if it was the 1690s, we'd all be mummies.' Donna: 'What do you think mummies are? Skeletons?' Someone: 'Oh, boy.'

Ron · Donna:Ron confidently offers Donna hunting tips before an arcade shooting game, declaring 'Hunting, Donna, is about silence, balance, and patience.'

Ron · Donna:Ron completely misses every deer on the arcade hunting game. Donna: 'Hey, you know you're supposed to hit the deer, right?'

Donna:Donna (to Ron after he's losing): 'Get it together, Swanson.'

Ron · Donna:Donna: 'Oh, my God! You are such a sore loser.' Ron: 'I am not a sore loser. It's just that I prefer to win. And when I don't, I get furious. Employee!'

Ron · Donna:Ron, now apparently very bad at the arcade game, is told by Donna: 'Wow, you suck at this.' Ron: 'Donna, please back up two paces so I can physically destroy this machine.'

Donna:Donna: 'Can you chill a little, man? It's not real hunting. It's just a game. That you happen to suck at.'

Ron · Donna:Ron considers Donna's 'not real hunting' point: 'You know what? That's a good point.' Donna: 'What? That you suck at this?' Ron: 'That it's not real hunting. Come with me.'

Ron · Donna:Ron and Donna are now apparently in an outdoor area doing real hunting. Ron: 'Hang on. Do you have a license to hunt at night? Because you need a license.' [Donna reacts.] Ron: 'I thought you were serious. Come on, now. You know I don't give a...'

Ron · Donna:Ron decides going hunting is a good idea, heads out, then immediately turns back: 'You want to go back and play that video game, don't you?' Ron (defeated): 'Yes. Damn it.'

Donna:Donna dismisses an NFL player by saying 'Keep walking, 98' and then explains 'Skill positions only for Donna Meagle.'

April · Craig · Ron · Larry · Donna:The spirit dogs reveal: we see each character matched to their spirit dog — Craig's is comically wrong, Ron's is perfect, Larry's is obviously Larry.

April · Donna:Donna is assigned a poodle with the explanation: 'Because you're pretty and you like makeup and stuff.'

Donna · Tom:Tom trying to figure out Donna's spirit dog asks about her favorite color: 'For cars, it's gold. For shoes, it's red -- unless it's the weekend, then reverse them.'

Donna:Donna: Favorite music is '1970s funk and 1770s opera and Sugar Ray, post Mark McGrath after he left for Entertainment Tonight.'

Donna · Tom:Tom: 'Favorite book?' Donna: 'Downton Abbey.' Tom: 'That's not a--' Donna: 'Downton... Abbey.'

Donna:Donna's perfect Sunday: 'Church, do the Harper's Magazine Acrostic, play my oboe in the jacuzzi while the sun sets over Puget Sound.'

Donna · Tom:Donna's favorite movies: 'In order -- Natural Born Killers, Remains of the Day, and Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey.' Tom: 'Excellent.'

Donna:You'll probably never guess what kind of dog I am.

Tom · Donna:Tom: 'You'll probably never guess what kind of dog I am.' Donna: 'You're right. I'll never guess what kind of dog you are, because you're not a dog. You're a cat.'

Donna:Donna: 'I just want to choke him until he passes out.' — delivered as a workplace HR complaint about Kyle

Donna · Ron · Ann:Donna and Ron have replaced whine & cheese club with sushi and cigar club, locking Ann out

Donna:Donna to Chris: 'You've fallen into a classic trap, Christopher — trying to fix a woman's problems instead of just listening to what they are!'

Ron · Donna:Ron (outraged): 'Why are you yelling?' / Donna: 'Tom put all my records into this rectangle!'

Donna:I'm listening to Jaleel Or No Deal. It's a podcast where the kid who played Urkel reviews old Deal Or No Deal episodes. It's pointless, and I love it.

Donna:Rome's played out. Have y'all been to Kuala Lumpur? — When did you go to Asia? — I go all the time. Where do you think I got that crystal Buddha head above my jacuzzi?

Donna:Well, for live tweeting, it's Scandal. For binge watching, it's Scandal. But for fashion, it's actually Scandal. My answer is Scandal.

Donna:I've gotten two annulments. One for pleasure, and one to cap off a long con I was running against Keith Sweat.

Leslie · Donna:'Friendship rankings.' What's that? — It's not what it sounds like. — It's simply a way for me to figure out which one of you is the best.

Donna · April · Leslie:That's messed up. — Yeah, that is really lame, and I'm leaving. — You're better than that, Knope. — Donna, why are you angry? You were in first place.

Donna · April · Leslie:We love your crazy ass too, Knope. / I think you're fine. Like a solid B-minus. / Great. I'll take it.

April · Donna · Ann:[April and Donna present Leslie with a stuffed bunny with Ann's voice] Press the paw. Hi, Leslie. It's Ann. I love you, and everything's gonna be okay.

Donna:I didn't go to my prom. I was dating an older fella back then. Like I'm gonna dance with a bunch of kids while he's coaching Duke to the final four.

Donna:That's not true. He loves a lot of dumb stuff, but he loves you the most.

Boy at prom · Donna:Hey, girl. Are you ready to go? I feel like I told you to wait in the car. Yeah. See? Be direct.

Tom · April · Donna:Tom announcing the wine country outing: 'Donna, April, wine country train is leaving the station. You ready?' and April's condition: 'if you drive us there, I will get very drunk.'

Tom · Ron · Ben · April · Donna:The group that Tom didn't invite keeps joining: Ron, Ben, and others all 'tag along' to the vineyard, leaving Tom exasperated

Donna:Donna: 'You know I picked up a little French-Canadian when I dated that Montreal Expo.'

Tom · April · Donna · Craig:Craig, as sommelier at Tom's Bistro (test/audition): serving a customer who orders 'full-bodied red with fish' and ice cubes in wine — 'I'll have a glass of your most expensive red wine mixed with a glass of your cheapest white wine, served in a dog bowl. And silly straws all around.'

Donna:Ron Swanson asking for help? [shouts loudly]

Donna:I'm getting a picture of you volunteering at a public elementary school in case I ever need to blackmail you.

Donna:Uh-oh. What did you do now, Joe? — Donna sees Joe comforting a crying woman and assumes the worst.

Donna · Joe:Do you remember the time when you put sleeping pills in my soda? I fell right over in the middle of a town hall meeting. / Mm, no. I don't remember that. / You made a video of it and showed it at my birthday party. / Yes, it went over really big.

Donna · Joe:Yeah, um, I have got an itch that I have not been able to get to all day, and even against the wall, nothing will do it. Would you mind doing that? — Joe scratches Donna's back.

Donna:When we're together, all we do is have sex, sit on the couch, eat homemade pasta, have sex again. He's constantly being respectful, wanting to spend time with me, trying to 'connect' with me. It's a nightmare. I become boring.

Donna:I'll wear that red thing when you deserve to see me in that red thing.

Donna · Ron:Did you think even two years ago you'd be playing matchmaker for me while wearing a glittery crown? Now you're a dad. You care a little, itty bit about your friends. You're King Sparkle of Cupcake Forest. It suits you.

Donna:My boyf— my friend Joe has the hookup at all the good preschools.

Donna:Fine, but if he raises his voice once, once, I'm out. [Donna reacts to working with Craig]

Donna:Fine, but if he raises his voice once, once, I'm out.

Craig · Donna:That's a bold flavor. Fruity. A little earthy. Which is it? Fruity or earthy? It can't be both, they're mutually exclusive!

Jean-Ralphio · Donna:Did someone call for a party zoo? / All right, so we got a four-way going with my ex, my brother, and this rando? Okay, if that's where the night is going. It's 9:00 in the morning.

Ginuwine · Donna:Who is this guy? / My friend who's opening a restaurant tonight, and you're going to be there, cousin. Unless you want me to get on stage and talk about how we used to take baths together. How you cried whenever I took away your rubber duckies.

Tom · Leslie · Donna:Except for Liam Hemsworth and Miley Cyrus. I was hoping tonight would be magical enough to get them back together. / Let it go, friend. He's not good enough for her. / And vice-versa!

Donna:Maybe it's because he's my fiancé and I love him, but I kind of like the grocery store one, too.

Tom · Donna:DJ Bluntz surprise reveal — Tom presents Donna with a surprise bigger than when LeBron went back to Miami

Tom · Donna · Terry:Treat Yo' Self. Treat Yo' Self 2017! / Oh, my God! Is this for real? Oh, it's for real. And it's the biggest one yet. / I still don't know what's happening. So, what's happening? Treat Yo' Self. Not an answer to my question.

Tom · Donna · Terry:Terry, what's happening? Treat Yo' Self. It's the best day of the year! / Read the cake. Still unclear.

Donna · Tom:You should come to the wedding and do paperwork. Stop, you're making this sound almost too fun.

Tom · Donna:Treat Yo' Self in Beverly Hills! (reveal)

Tom · Donna:Thanks, Donna, it's a great gift. / Almost forgot. I did get you them shoes from Hitch 2!

Donna · Tom:Look behind you, but don't be obvious. / Can I get the 'me' soft shell crab? / Josh Groban! He's eating his own sushi! That's the most baller thing I've ever seen!

Donna · April:— And I love you like a sister. — Ew.

Donna · Michelle:Michelle... You were my best friend from childhood. Until we lost touch 'cause you thought your college boyfriend was into me. — He was. — I never gave him the time of day.

Donna:But the doctors once told you you were never going to walk again. So this should be easy, right?

Typhoon · Donna · Donna:Hi, I'm Typhoon. — Typhoon, I am interested, but now is not the time. Michelle, get the bouquet. You're skating on very thin ice.

Donna:I gotta say I kind of miss the Meagle drama. I thought for sure somebody was gonna do something crazy. But everybody's just nice and chill.

Donna · Ben · Donna:Wyatt, why didn't you tell us you're running for congress? — Well, we didn't want to steal your thunder. — Steal my thunder? I'm sorry, have you seen how I'm wearing this dress?

Donna:Now it's time for a surprise musical guest, one of my all-time favorites... me.

LeVondrious · Donna:I hope you saved a slice of that cake for your estranged brother LeVondrious! What's up, girl? Didn't expect to see your baby bro at your wedding, huh? Well, I'm here... despite what you did to me all those years ago. — What I did? — This is because of what you did. — Oh, you must be referring to the microwave incident. — Yeah. — Don't worry. I brought it back.

Donna:Well. Now no one gets any popcorn.

April · Donna:You said you wanted a little drama. — That's why I love you, girl!

Donna · Ben:And $500 cash, in case you want to go the straight-up bribe route. [Ben] Donna.

Donna:You put me on the team, I find a way to win.

Donna:I added a personal testimony vouching for April's brilliance. And this guy better appreciate it, because I do not compare people to Mary J. Blige lightly.

Craig · Donna:Do you want to go to dinner tonight? [Craig] I do not. [Donna] Respect. [Craig] I'm free. [Donna] I have plans.

Donna · Ron:She was so hopped up on painkillers from getting her wisdom teeth out, I convinced her to see it with me. The teeth. They're yours. You were super out of it. You kept yelling 'Team Voldemort!' at the screen and we were kicked out.

Donna:You only get to see the second Twilight film for the seventh time once.

Donna:Wait, let me see your stamps.

Donna:I'm having some serious déjà vu. How many times have you lost your wedding ring?

Garry · Donna:And any time I lose my ring, she turns into a real grumpy goose. Is that so? Oh, yeah. She'll say, 'Garry, you'd lose your head if it wasn't screwed on tight.' And then she makes me go for the fresh oranges for the morning OJ.

Garry · Donna:Probably gonna get an earful when I get home tonight. Gayle might even call me the B-word. 'Bozo.'

Donna:Wow. We are very different people.

Donna · Garry:First off, I got a dude in maintenance to open up that grate this morning. So here's your rings, keys, credit cards, and I found some heart medicine I assume is yours?

Donna:Also, I thought I'd bring over some fresh oranges for you and Gayle.

Donna · Garry:And I just wanna thank you for taking me down memory lane, ya big B-word. 'Buddy.'

Donna · Typhoon · Ron:Donna convinces Typhoon (a new barber) to cut Ron's hair by promising it'll take four minutes and cost $8. Ron's only input: she shows him a photo of what he wants to look like.

Donna · Leslie:Donna's story about getting kicked out of En Vogue — 'Technically, I kicked them out.'

Donna:"I'm married to a teacher, and I love the man, but I also love diamond watches."

Donna · Joe:The 'Space Haystack' being built around the Space Needle until you can barely see the needle anymore — 'I know. It's kind of the point.'

Donna:"I think it's all that coffee and legal marijuana. Has people wanting to buy houses quickly and irrationally."

Donna:"Middle Korea was so beautiful."

Donna:"Call Satan's niece." — Donna's contact name for April

Andy · Donna:Andy showing Donna a photo of himself DJing a boat party in Venezuela — "Kind of reminded me of the two weeks you and I spent there. Oh, yeah. That happened."

Donna:The 'Teach Yo' Self' foundation — Donna redirecting 'Treat Yo' Self' money to an education charity

Donna:Donna's list of personal adventures: 'I single-handedly started that door-knockers earring trend. I came in ninth in Italy's Got Talent. I served on a NASCAR pit crew.'

Tom · Ben · Ron · Donna:Tom's boardroom pitch meeting: 'Accounting nerd.' / 'I'm a congressman, Tom. Can you at least call me Ben?' / 'No can do, accounting nerd. We all knew you before you were a big shot.'

Donna:Donna revealing a massive diamond watch under duct tape on her wrist: 'What's with all the duct tape?' / 'Just because I work for the federal government doesn't mean I have to advertise it to everyone.'

Chris · Donna:Chris's health watch: 'You are extremely healthy. I do that literally 50 times a day.' / 'Aren't you afraid that thing might give you cancer?' / 'Well, I am now.'

Donna:Donna: 'Ah. The lighting's all wrong. I'm gonna send you a glamour shot. Just Photoshop me in later.'