Leslie, Ben, and Andy head to San Francisco for a National Parks Conference. Tom opens his restaurant, Ron has another run-in with his ex-wife Tammy 2, Andy lives a rock and roll fantasy, and Leslie makes a huge decision about her future.
Jerry's incompetence reaches critical mass: 2.51 jokes per minute sustain the chaos.
Directed by Michael Schur · Written by Alan Yang, Aisha Muharrar
WAR
118.5
Wins Above Replacement
“One In 8,000” ranks #50 of 123 Parks and Recreation episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 92.9 — Elite. The episode packs 79 scored jokes at 2.8 per minute, averaging 7.6 on craft and 7.4 on impact, with Leslie landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Ron: Donna, I need your help with something.
Donna: WHAT?! Ron Swanson needs HELP?!
Ron: Please keep your voice down. And yes, I... require assistance.
Donna: This is the best day of my life!
Ron: If you tell anyone about this, I will have you reassigned to the parks department in the Ramsett Park area.
Ron Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Escalation ★ Rewatch Dr. Saperstein: It's just cream cheese on the screen
Dr. Saperstein Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Leslie: If we win the lottery, we could have triplets!
Ben: Leslie, the odds of winning the lottery are like one in 175 million.
Leslie: So you're saying there's a chance? Because having triplets is basically hitting the jackpot. Cha-ching!
Leslie Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Absurdist ★ Rewatch Donna: Joe makes me happy. We have a great relationship. He's kind, he's thoughtful, he listens to me.
Donna: And honestly, it scares me to death.
Donna: I'm becoming a normal person with normal problems and a normal relationship. What is happening to me?
Andy April Escalation Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch April: I told them I was dying and only had six months to live. They sent me a signed guitar, a handwritten note, and front row tickets to their next show.
April: I'm not dying. I just really wanted that guitar.
April Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch All Jokes — 79 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ April: I told them I was dying and only had six months to live. They sent me a signed guitar, a handwritten note, and front row tickets to their next show.
April: I'm not dying. I just really wanted that guitar.
April Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Leslie: We need to raise money for the Parks Department, and I have the perfect idea. We'll have a charity auction where I duet with a hologram of a historical figure.
Ben: Leslie, that's... that's not a real thing we can do.
Leslie: Not with that attitude! I'm thinking me and Eleanor Roosevelt, doing a medley of showtunes. Or maybe Abraham Lincoln doing a rap battle.
Leslie Absurdist Character Comedy Leslie: Have you told anyone about the baby?
Andy: No! I haven't told a soul. I've been keeping it locked up tight. I haven't even told Ben, I haven't told my mom, I haven't told the squirrels outside my window who I talk to every morning.
Andy: This is the hardest thing I've ever done. Harder than learning to read. Harder than the time I ate a whole wheel of cheese.
Andy Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Andy: I'm not good at keeping secrets.
Andy: Like, Ben told me he's actually bald and wears a toupee, and I just blurted it out!
Andy Character Comedy Setup/Punchline Andy: My neighbor Eric kept a secret for 20 years.
Andy: Turns out he's been a serial killer the whole time.
Andy: I was like, 'Eric, dude, you could've just told me you didn't like me!'
Donna Character Comedy Reaction Beat Ron: I need to ask you for a favor.
Donna: Ron Swanson asking for a favor? That's like seeing a unicorn made of wood.
Ron Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Ron: Donna, I need your help with something.
Donna: WHAT?! Ron Swanson needs HELP?!
Ron: Please keep your voice down. And yes, I... require assistance.
Donna: This is the best day of my life!
Ron: If you tell anyone about this, I will have you reassigned to the parks department in the Ramsett Park area.
Ron Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Escalation ★ Rewatch Donna: Joe and I have a complicated relationship. It's like Ron and the government.
Donna: We're locked in an eternal struggle, neither of us will ever fully win, and we both secretly enjoy the conflict.
Ron Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Ron: Tammy once drove forty miles out of her way to a different grocery store because they had a five-cent coupon on eggs.
Ron: Five cents. She spent three dollars in gas to save a nickel.
Donna: Joe makes me lose my mind. I can't think straight around him. My words get all jumbled up. I start sweating. My heart races. It's like my brain just stops working.
Ron: Donna, I need you to keep Joe away from me.
Donna: I'll prepare a formal memo and file it in triplicate.
Leslie Knope: I should ask Dr. Saperstein about this.
Dr. Saperstein: Did someone say Saperstein? I'm here to help with all your medical needs, from your love apples to your tummy banana.
April Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Leslie: So Ben's dad is a little... unconventional.
Donna Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Andy: Oh, I forgot I had information on both hands.
Ron Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch April: Married couples should share secrets. It's like a bank account. You deposit secrets, you withdraw secrets, you get interest on your secrets.
Ron Joe Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement April: You're acting weird about the secret.
Andy: I'm not acting weird! Why would you say that? I'm totally normal. Everything is fine. Nothing is wrong.
April: See, you're doing it right now.
Andy: Doing what? I don't know what you're talking about.
Donna: I'm taking this photo of Ron for blackmail purposes.
Ron: What? Donna, you can't just—
Donna: I already did. And it's going in my files.
Ben Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Ron: I'm Ron Swanson. I don't believe in friendship. I like people just enough to not have to commit murder.
Ron: I don't trust him. Something's not right.
Leslie: Ron, he's just being nice.
Ron: Exactly. Nobody is that nice. He's up to something.
Ben: Wait, there's two of them? How is that possible?
Doctor: Congratulations, you're having twins.
Ben: So Leslie's been cheating on me?
Leslie Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Dr. Saperstein: It's just cream cheese on the screen
Dr. Saperstein Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Dr. Saperstein: Triplets? That's wonderful news. I had quadruplets with my third wife. Well, technically my fourth wife had them, but I was there for most of it.
Leslie: We're having triplets! That's three future city council members, three future state senators, and one future president. I'm thinking two of them run for president in 2052, they split the vote, and the third one becomes Supreme Court Justice and settles it.
Ben Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Dr. Saperstein: As women age, their ovaries release multiple eggs as a sort of biological clearance event. It's like when a store realizes it's stuck with merchandise nobody wants, so they just put everything on sale at once.
Ben: I... I don't... we're having... Leslie's pregnant. With triplets. I can't... what do I... how do you even... there's three of them. Three babies. At the same time. I'm not... I've never... oh God.
Ben Character Comedy Setup/Punchline Dr. Saperstein: You need complete rest and to avoid all stress.
Dr. Saperstein: Think of stress like a celebrity—you need to avoid it like it's Lindsay Lohan in 2007.
Dr. Saperstein: And relaxation? Relaxation is like heroin. You want more and more of it, and eventually it'll kill you.
Dr. Saperstein: Actually, scratch that—relaxation is like a non-lethal heroin. A completely safe heroin with no side effects that also cures cancer.
Donna Character Comedy Misdirection Doctor: Matthew McConaughey
Ben: Alright, alright, alright.
Joe Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Ben: Do you know what three times anything is? It's three of that thing! Three times the diapers, three times the formula, three times the tiny clothes that they grow out of in like five minutes!
Tom Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Ben: Okay, so if we liquidate our savings, sell the house, and I start a underground poker game in the basement, we could be solvent by... oh no.
Ben: Did you hear that? The computer just made that beeping sound. That's the IRS. They're in the walls.
Ben: And that whirring noise? That's them accessing my browser history. I knew I shouldn't have Googled 'how to hide money legally.'
Andy April Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Misdirection Leslie: I am ready. I am centered. I am one with the universe. Namaste.
Leslie Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Leslie: Okay, I'm centered. I'm calm. I'm at peace with the universe.
Leslie: Wait, what day is it? Oh my God, the city council meeting is tomorrow! I haven't prepared my three binders!
Leslie Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Joe: I found the student's lost dog by searching the neighborhood for six hours.
Ben Character Comedy Observational Absurdist ★ Rewatch Andy: Oh, it's nobody's birthday. I just combine them all into one party to save money. Much more efficient.
April: We've got a party at the Sweetums factory at 2, then we need to swing by the car wash at 3, then we're catering the Rotary Club dinner at 5.
Andy: April, I have something I need to tell you. It's about Larry.
April: What about him?
Andy: I found out that Larry... he's not actually from here. I mean, he is, but he wasn't always. And also, I think he might be involved in something. Something big.
April: Andy, that makes no sense.
Andy: I know! That's how you know it's true!
Ron Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement April: He's not being nice to Larry. He's just grateful that Larry's finally giving him an excuse to stop pretending to like him.
Andy: Thank you, Larry. Thank you so much.
Ron Joe Reaction Beat Character Comedy Leslie: Okay, we're starting the bidding for VIP passes to the Harvest Festival at just $5!
Auctioneer: Do I hear $5? Going once...
Leslie: Wait, wait. $5 is insulting. These passes are worth at least $500!
Ben: Leslie, you can't change the starting bid mid-auction.
Leslie: Fine. But I'm bidding $500 myself.
Donna Joe Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Escalation ★ Rewatch Leslie: Okay, I'm just going to breathe. In through my nose, out through my mouth. The auction is just energy, and energy is neither created nor destroyed, it's only transformed. So if I transform my anxiety into positive chi, then...
Ben: Leslie, you're hyperventilating.
Leslie: That's just my body's way of saying hello to the universe.
Donna Joe Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Leslie: I was following proper auction protocol. You need to file a Form 27-B with the Parks Department at least 72 hours before any vocal projection over 85 decibels.
Tom: That's not a real form.
Leslie: It is now. I'm making it real right now.
Ben Andy Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Leslie: A very wealthy and elegant-looking woman with a diamond-encrusted eye patch just raised her hand. Don't look at her. She doesn't like attention, but she's there. She's real.
Leslie Character Comedy Absurdist Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Joe: You see, Ron, the key to a perfect joint is to ensure your wood grain is running in the same direction as your—
Ron: —chisel blade. Yes, I'm aware.
Both: It's basic carpentry.
Leslie Tom Escalation Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Callback Donna: Remember when we used to slip a little something into the punch at those office parties?
Joe: Those were the days.
Donna: Nobody ever suspected a thing. Good times.
Leslie Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Donna: Joe drugged me. The additional humiliation of public screening.
Joe: How can I make up for past behavior?
Donna: You can start by giving me a foot massage.
Larry April Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Escalation ★ Rewatch Leslie: Okay, imagine this: A mysterious billionaire walks in. He's tall, handsome, drives a Tesla. He's never heard of Parks and Recreation, so he has no idea what he's bidding on, but he doesn't care because he's SO rich. He sees the gazebo and he goes, 'I'll pay a million dollars.' Just like that. A million dollars.
Leslie: And then his even richer brother walks in and says, 'I'll pay TWO million dollars,' and they get into this bidding war, and by the end they've raised fifty million dollars for the Parks Department, and they're so grateful they both want to name their children after me.
Larry Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Leslie: Okay, so we also have a bid from the Sweetums Corporation... no wait, that's real. Um, we have a bid from... Reggie Philbin's cousin, Derek Philbin. He's very interested in the park.
Leslie: And then there's also Congressman Jam's investment group, 'Jam Enterprises.' They're prepared to offer... I'm making this up, aren't I?
Leslie: We have a bid of $50,000 from a gentleman in the back.
Leslie: Now $75,000 from a very attractive woman who just walked in.
Leslie: And we have $100,000 from a man who appears to be made entirely of money.
Leslie: $125,000 from a mysterious billionaire who communicates only through interpretive dance.
Ben Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Larry: April, I need to tell you something embarrassing that happened to me.
April: Okay?
Larry: I was at the grocery store and I tripped in the produce section and fell into a display of watermelons.
April: That's it?
Andy: Dude, Larry didn't just fall — he LAUNCHED himself through the air like a heat-seeking missile and demolished an entire pyramid of watermelons. People were screaming. A child cried. Security had to be called.
Larry: I tripped and knocked over maybe three watermelons.
Andy: It was the most catastrophic produce incident since the great cantaloupe shortage of '09.
Larry: So I swallowed my wedding ring. The doctor said I'd have to wait for nature to take its course. My wife asked how I was going to get it back, and I said, 'Well, I guess we'll just have to see what comes out.' She didn't think that was funny.
Ben Leslie Physical/Slapstick Character Comedy Escalation Ben: The Red Hot Chili Peppers have written approximately 200 songs about California, socks, and the lyrics 'funky monkey' repeated over and over.
Ben: Wait, someone erased the Red Hot Chili Peppers signatures? Do you know how much that's worth? That's a collectible! That's like... that's like taking the Mona Lisa and drawing a mustache on it!
Leslie Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Herman: Look, I like what I like. The Red Hot Chili Peppers are okay, but they're not really my thing. I'm more of a Nickelback guy.
Ben Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Herman: Look, those signatures were in ballpoint pen. Ballpoint! Do you know what kind of ink degradation we're talking about here? In fifty years, those signatures would be completely illegible. I was doing a public service.
Herman: Plus, the signatures were crowding the album cover. The negative space was completely unbalanced. It's called composition, people.
Leslie Character Comedy Running Gag Herman: Well, the good news is you're going to live. The bad news is you're still you.
Donna Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Leslie: You're going to be fine. At least you didn't get hit by a blimp.
Ben: A blimp?
Leslie: Yeah, a blimp could've hit you. Then you'd really be in trouble.
Ron Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Donna: Joe is my Tammy because he's successful, he's handsome, he's well-dressed, he makes a lot of money, and he's extremely organized.
Andy Absurdist Character Comedy Donna: Joe makes me happy. We have a great relationship. He's kind, he's thoughtful, he listens to me.
Donna: And honestly, it scares me to death.
Donna: I'm becoming a normal person with normal problems and a normal relationship. What is happening to me?
Andy April Escalation Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Ron: You just described every relationship I've ever had.
Joe Ron Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Andy: Okay, okay, I have a secret. I think... I think Austria and Australia are the same place.
April: They're not.
Andy: Really? Because I've been saying it wrong my whole life.
Donna Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Joe: I noticed your car's oil was looking a little dark, so I went ahead and changed it for you. Also rotated your tires, replaced your air filter, and detailed the interior. No need to thank me!
Joe Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Callback Leslie: I mean, hey, you're looking at a woman who just hit triple cherries in her uterus.
Leslie Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Leslie: If we win the lottery, we could have triplets!
Ben: Leslie, the odds of winning the lottery are like one in 175 million.
Leslie: So you're saying there's a chance? Because having triplets is basically hitting the jackpot. Cha-ching!
Leslie Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Absurdist ★ Rewatch Leslie: Our kids are going to get scholarships. I'm talking about academic scholarships, athletic scholarships, and scholarships for having really good penmanship.
Leslie: Oh my God, we spent HOW much on that baguette warmer?
Ben: It was in the shape of the Eiffel Tower, Leslie.
Leslie: That doesn't make it a necessary purchase!
Ben: You said, and I quote, 'Every baguette deserves to be warm and patriotic.'
Leslie: I was in PARIS, Ben. I was emotionally compromised!
Ben Character Comedy Callback ★ Rewatch Callback Leslie: I realized that worrying doesn't help anything. I'm just going to focus on the things I can control and let go of the things I can't. It's actually very freeing.
Ron Swanson: Once upon a time, there was a brave knight named Sir Ronald of Swanson, who slayed dragons with his bare hands and built his own castle out of wood he personally harvested.
Child: That's not a real fairy tale!
Ron Swanson: It's called 'The Woodworker and the Eggplant Parmesan.' It's a classic.
Leslie Character Comedy Running Gag Callback Donna: You know what? I think Ron has actually grown as a person. He's become more open, more collaborative, more human.
Ron: Thank you, Donna. That means a lot.
Donna: Yeah. You're basically a 'Sensitive Government Warrior' now.
Ron: I'm going to pretend you didn't say that.
Andy: We're pregnant! April and I are gonna have a baby!
Andy: I did it. I accomplished something. Me. Andy Dwyer.
Donna Ron Character Comedy Callback ★ Rewatch Callback Ron: Congratulations on your child. I'm sure it will be a fine human being. But mark my words, Leslie, Ben... that child will disagree with you. And when it does, I will be there... to agree with the child.
Craig: This is great news for Leslie and Ben, but let's talk about what this means for me. I'm going to be the best godfather ever. Actually, I'm going to be better than a godfather. I'm going to be a god-uncle. That's a thing I just made up and it's trademarked.
Andy: Yes, I did it! I kept a secret.
Andy Character Comedy Reaction Beat Ron: Congratulations. I'm sure you will both raise a wonderful child with whom I will profoundly disagree on nearly everything.
Ron Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Leslie · April · Tom: Well, actually, and this is crazy, but it's children, plural. We're having triplets, and... / Shut the— / Oh, my God!
April · Andy: Babe, I am so glad you didn't tell me. / I know. I'm incredible.
Ron: A triple crib — sounds like an interesting woodworking challenge. Would you like oak or pine? I'll make both, and you can choose.
Ron Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Donna: My boyf— my friend Joe has the hookup at all the good preschools.
Donna Character Comedy Running Gag ★ Rewatch Callback April: Andy and I can babysit anytime, except for on weekends and nights, but we're free anytime during work hours.
April Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Craig · Leslie · Tom: Well, I sold everything on the auction list, no thanks to you people. What's so wonderful that you're all celebrating while I do all the hard work? / We're having triplets. / [Laughter] Oh, great. First my cousin Winona gets into a car accident the night my one-man show opens, and now this? Why are my accomplishments always overshadowed? Congratulations, I suppose.
Craig: Craig bursts in: 'First my cousin Winona gets into a car accident the night my one-man show opens, and now this? Why are my accomplishments always overshadowed? Congratulations, I suppose.'
Craig Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Top Episodes — Parks and Recreation
