Prom

God! Sorry! Sorry! What's happening? I can't hear! And I'm dying!

Well, this just keeps getting weirder.

Which reminds me, I need to learn Latin.

A few weeks later, he almost died from a VCR electrocution. Legend has it that he can still turn on a microwave just by blinking at it.

Well, I thought you'd never ask, because we're nearing 40.

Aw, did you want to DJ, little puppy? I didn't know that little puppies could operate an iPod with their little puppy paws.

Eew and boo.

I had a show called 'Zoot Suit Wyatt' on Carleton College radio. Tuesdays from 3:00 to 5:00 A.M., I was the king of swing.

I thought we as a culture agreed to forget the year that everyone was into swing.

Are those jense-trodder color tabs? I thought those were discontinued. They were. I had to order them through some Mexican back channels. Juan Julio Oficina Supplies? I thought they went out of business. They did, but they opened up a new one in Oaxaca.

What is happening right now?

Because every single song you own is a banger? Every song I download has to pass a series of rigorous tests to answer one simple question: Is it a banger?

I once accidentally downloaded a Lumineers song. I had to throw away my whole computer just to be safe.

I hope that high school auditorium's big enough, 'cause I'm bringing 10,000 maniacs.

Sometimes it's really hard to be friends with you.

DJ Robo Drop.

Or, no, we can't, because they moved to prison.

Prom is nothing but a huge party full of smiling, dancing people enjoying themselves. It's literally my worst nightmare.

♪ Sarah Wei--April Ludgate ♪

Fine. I'll go with you, because Leslie's making us, and we live together, and we only have one car right now because you laked mine.

I tried to jump it over a lake.

Is there some secret society for the greatest humans on earth? Do you meet Tom Hanks and Elena Kagan in the Statue of Liberty's crown?

God, this fake club I'm inventing is amazing.

That's what he calls city hall.

Why don't you shut your mustache?

Oh, really? Is it worth a few bucks to get a million splinters in your fingers and then cut off your fingers accidentally, 'cause that will happen.

I once did him a favor. I built his sawmill.

And if Ron tries to stop me, he can eat a big ol' bowl of butts.

If you don't show up in a limo, legally, they can't let you in.

I'm April's mom.

How am I supposed to keep my Husker Du albums in near-mint condish?

Hey, I have an idea. Why don't you throw them in the garbage?

My date was pretty pissed, but, uh, I looked fly as hell.

Oh, did he? I didn't even notice. No bigs.

Stop wasting helium. It is intended for welding and filling air ships.

I was 12 years old. Never went again. Felt like I had outgrown it.

Like flowers on the sunset of an eagle's poetry.

It's just--it's not good. It's not a good movie.

Um, I'm gonna go to the girls' bathroom to check the trash cans for babies,

The stuff you're playing is so old, it's probably trinking on grizzledump.

What's grizzledump, Ben? What's grizzledump?

Congratulations, Ron. You've ruined prom.

Like I'm gonna dance with a bunch of kids while he's coaching Duke to the final four.

How can I love someone when I hate everything he loves?

First of all, your telephone is ridiculous.

I wouldn't say 'harassing' so much as persistently tormenting.

And if this is the evening you decide to have sex, use protection, please!

I was buried in it.

and hiding mops so the janitor would think he was going insane.

I think the extra length could help us get us over that lake.

like for example the incident with the girls' soccer uniforms back in '05... They wrote all the team names in pink. Nobody told them to do that.

Blueprints for the future are a fool's errand. They're like blueprints for a house. Nice to have, but any foreman with half a brain doesn't need to look at them.

Damn it. I just wish once you would say something stupid so I could ignore it.

I broke the box, and I threw away all the votes, and I voted for you a thousand times.

He's 33, and I'm 47/immortal.

I rigged an election and got kicked out of prom. I can get on board with that.

Might as well start wearing a plaid shirt and a tie and khakis and whatever shoes you're wearing.

Yeah. You're old as shit.

Greg Pikitis.

Offer is off the table. She's a terrible person with terrible judgment.