Pawnee Zoo

Opening with Leslie rapping the entire Fresh Prince theme song at what appears to be a government meeting

And they like to fling their feces, so we were hoping that they would fling their hats. But they just flung their feces.

Well, not those two. Those are both boy penguins.

Still, you couldn't have asked for better weather.

Brendanawicz, you big sandwich eater.

Just to be clear, that was a friend punch. There was no flirtatious meaning behind that playful punch I just gave your arm.

I really hit rock bottom that night. And I mean that I literally fell to the bottom of a pit and hit a rock.

And then I started thinking, 'I need morphine.'

Last year, a garbage man was suspended for wearing a Live Strong bracelet.

Pawnee has a gay bar? Yeah. The Bulge. It's behind my house.

The nights I've wasted there.

Well, you're wearing a peach shirt with a coiled snake on it. Yes, 'cause it was featured in Details magazine. And it's awesome.

Yes. The statement was that you're very lonely and you need a pet.

Mine has a collar on it.

Derek is gay, but he's straight for me, but he's gay for Ben, and Ben's really gay for Derek. And I hate Ben.

The thing about youth culture is, I don't understand it.

How? Photoshop. What? Oh! Computers.

Well, you look good, girl. You're gonna turn somebody tonight.

That was hands-down the best interaction I've ever had with Donna.

Oh, you're serious?

Because I firmly believed that it would be cute. And it was.

So you couldn't possibly understand, but when gays marry, it ruins marriage for the rest of us.

You know what? I'm so terrible with directions. If I'm headed to the parking lot, do I make a left out of here, or do I go right?

I think when his head hit the ground, it must've knocked something loose, because he's actually a pretty nice guy now.

And Andy, after we broke up, he told me he was going to Kansas to climb mountains.

Oh, me, neither. Look, let's invent our own secret language that only we understand.

Yeah, especially with that heterosexual cowboy greeting us on the way in.

There's a bar on Eighth Street called Pitchers and Catchers. You can go there.

She's Leslie Knope, and she wants to recruit you!

especially on a night when the Colts are playing.

This is green.

I just have one thing to say! Together we can change Pawnee forever! Let's dance!

don't use the words 'medical emergency.'

You know why tonight's fun? 'Cause everyone's so gay. And they know how to have fun, and the dancing! Just, it's... Everyone is just who they are. And who they are is just stone-cold gay.

And there's two bisexual guys here, and I got both of their phone numbers.

I guess I'm kind of like queen of the gays.

That's funny. Somebody just told me you were queen of the gays. That was me.

How are your kids doing? They're pretty good. Is it tough for them to have a mother that is so beautiful?

What? Can I come in? I just want to talk to you for a second.

Anything else? You want me to jump off a building? Perform hara-kiri? Move to a different town? No, I kid.

I have one night of fun with some of the best dancers I've ever danced with, and suddenly everybody's freaking out?

Oh, yeah, the monkey suit. Cost 3,000 bucks, but totally worth it. I sold out!

and I really think it would behoove us to give it another shot.

And the hardest part about living in this pit is probably keeping my suit pressed.

It's like a freaking rat parade every night.

I mean, would you let me marry my guinea pig? Because I really do want to marry my guinea pig.

But I apologize. I apologize for having fun, and for making something cute!

Look at them. They're just in their own little penguin love bubble.

We're just animals. We don't know anything about love.

Plus, I already called him and told him that you were dying to go out with him, so have fun.

Oh, look! Six Flags! I should take them on a water slide. They might die. But it would be so cute!