Gryzzlbox

Please, give us the land. It would be so nice.

Whoa! Open your door?

Oh, my God, Ben! We're about to die. The robots have come for us. I made fun of you when you said it would happen but your novel has come true.

We're screwed.

What? You're done?

so I don't think about the marathon bone sesh they're probably having

Yeah, but all I really do is goof around all day.

and his stupid crunches that he probably does

Ow! Andy, my tum tum!

Honeybear and Sugar Plum are the special names Joe and I call each other. Yeah, we're adorable, but this is creepy.

Biden the Rails: 1001 Poems Inspired by My Travels Through Amtrak's Northeast Corridor

A poster of the Supreme Court Justices sipping the Friends milkshake!

You wanna put me on blast? I'ma put you on Front Street.

I don't understand what that means, but I think I get the context, and I love it.

Watermelon, martinis, exposed brick, Keri Russell's hair.

Those kids are me ten years ago, and this internship is the videotape from The Ring. It's too late for me. I've seen too much. But maybe I can save them.

They sent my husband three boxes of genital cream to his office. My husband's splotchy genitals are no one's business, except for his, mine, and his many genital doctors.

This is actually Ham-uel L. Jackson from the movie, Pork Fiction, it's extremely rare, and I am keeping it.

Now Miley and Haley know I like to read. What if they tell Evan?

Actually, this is Tom Sell-oink, but, you know, close enough.

Waterpark Vomit Chain Reaction

What, I'm just gonna carry around pictures of my child where anyone could see them?

frankly, if people are foolish enough to carry around a doodad that lets Gryzzl track their every move, this is what they get

keep it 100

I've spent a fair amount of time with Gryzzl's high-priced lawyers, and they do seem to, as they say, 'keep it 100.'

I'm Darlene Johannsen, and this is my assistant-turned-lover, Gregory Strong. Ours is a new romance, but one that sent shockwaves through my architecture firm.

Ugh. Gross. What about you? Why are you here? The only thing I love more than parks is recreation.

Well, my mom's the devil and my dad's a dumb doctor.

It's like a chef at a restaurant, making all the food, and then the owner gets a profit-- which is my other job!

Pep Wiley, Chuck Warschank, Selena Gomez--I made them. You discovered Selena Gomez? Different Selena Gomez.

What did you want to be when you were little? A scary mermaid that lures sailors to their death.

I'm gonna file papers to adopt you as my child, so keep an eye out for that.

As you know, the cameras on your phones are always on, whether you're using them or not. I'm sorry, they are?

So it's really just a coffee sales app. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we're developing with Starbucks.

to when you ladies need to score some new 'pons

I mean, we just wanna learn everything about everyone and track them wherever they go and anticipate what they're about to do.

December 18, 2015. That was the opening day of Star Wars: Episode VII. You were muttering that date in your sleep for months.

Is Star Wars the one with the little wizard boy?

Kung-Fu Billy. Jeremy Punch-Guy. Ed Kick.

I once sat in the original Batmobile. James Woods follows my niece on Twitter.

Les Vegetables.

You'd be a checkout girl at a gas station if it wasn't for that internship.

Sweet potato pie, unlikely animal friend pairings, Jennifer Love Hewitt.

I think there are certain questions about certain aspects of certain parts of this situation that require an evaluation about whether or not this is or is not a valid argument.

Whoa! That's a serious allegaysh, homie.

To be honest, Judge Perd is stumped by this case. I've also misplaced my judge hammer.

Get this--they're gonna pay me the minimum wage.

Do you want to eat at my restaurant for free? Every week, you could come once a week, and it's free.

You should up your therapy to seven times a week, stop dressing that way, and give me your wallet.

Victor Garber, James Garner, Jennifer Garner.

talk about that shade Nicki Minaj threw at Jesse Eisenberg at the BAFTA awards. No. he didn't! Uh, settle in, because I have some very strong feelings about this.

This is a flying robot I just shot out of the sky after it delivered a package to my house.

so I destroyed the robot. No one is safe from these bastards.