Citizen Knope

It's an experimental fabric called bumble-flex. It's made out of synthetic bees' wings.

This is a nasal spray. Give me the flash drive. Give me the nasal spray.

Leslie Knope! I am much faster than you! I have bumble-flex!

I'm inventing a new spice called 'sal-gar.' It's part salt, part sugar.

What could that possibly be good on? Butterscotch pudding.

Why didn't I resign in disgrace 12 years ago?

You might want to stop saying 'resigned in disgrace.' Especially during job interviews.

Mouse Rat, certified gold! Over 100 copies sold in Pawnee!

I know you're sad you couldn't get tickets to the 'Watch the Throne' tour, so I got you a watch and a tiny throne instead.

She even took out the dumb clock part and put this in... 'Baller Time.'

These are the Black-eyed Peas. And I finally killed them.

Every year, I give Leslie the same present I give everyone: A crisp $20 bill. And every year, she gets me something thoughtful and personal. It makes me furious.

She had it installed over the weekend. [Ron looking at elaborate bathroom setup]

Aw, jeez. Socks. She gets me.

And Elizabeth, I got you a Knope 2012... Menorah...Maybe? No. No, okay. Then I got you a tree ornament.

In fact, while I was in that meeting, I was also planning my mother's birthday party in my head. Strawberry margaritas! Another use for sal-gar!

Well, they call me 'the Swiss Army Accountant.' They don't call me that.

Calc-you-later.

We do not get a lot of humor here, and when we do, it's wonderful. Ted! Come in here! Say it to Ted when he comes in.

Did you just scoop it out of the jar with your hand like a bear? Yes.

My latest attempt to drag this department into the 20th century. Tom, it's the 21st century. I know. I'd settle for getting you into the 20th.

'Ben'... And much larger, 'Ann.' She definitely loves Ann.

We make a gingerbread version of the office. That's so good! I think the wood model is-- and we can decorate our offices with candy canes and gumdrops! That would be so adorable! Thanks, Ron! That's such a cute idea!

You're putting an awful lot of sal-gar on your pasta. This is just sugar.

I can hear you breathing, and, yes, you can finish her pasta. Thank God. I'm so hungry. Mmm, it tastes like froot loops.

Like the drug PCP, we are so fast-acting and powerful, we should be illegal.

How amazing can he be if he got suspended? Pretty damn amazing, Diane. Now shush.

See? His arms are crossed because he's mad at all the other marshmallow workers for annoying him. You like it? It's fine.

When I was trying to decide how to decorate my office, I had to ask myself, 'what kind of candy should I choose?' Obviously chocolate, 'cause I'm sweet, smooth, and the ladies love me.

I didn't have time to make it into anything, and please don't eat it 'cause it cost $55 an ounce.

But they do not make silver m&ms, so I spray-painted them. Okay, those are poisonous, so no one eat them.

Go throw up. I didn't eat any. Go throw up. Throw up.

I like you-- I've always liked you-- but I also like Eddie. Ed--who--who's Eddie? Eddie's my current CFO, but I might fire him and hire you.

You got kids? No. That's good. Dum-dum Eddie has two kids.

Don't talk to Eddie. Treat him like you would treat a person in another country that you paid $25,000 to hunt.

There is no strategy to chutes and ladders. It's just luck. My daughter's five. Well, your daughter is an idiot.

Speaking of which, the fact that yahtzee is not in the rec center is a tragedy on par with human trafficking. Slight exaggeration...

God, Diane, will you stop it with the letter-writing campaign? No.

But there are only 12 of us. 13. Look! Our numbers are growing!

I can handcraft 17-foot canoes out of western red cedar, but I can't glue two damn Graham crackers together!

My pleasure. See you in hell!

You're polling at 1%. What? No. That can't be right.

You know, the last delicious sip of a milkshake at the bottom of the metal milkshakey thing?

I'm gay. Well, never mind then.

B-b-b-b-Ben-jammin'!

When she rips it off, she smiles, and it makes you feel things. Throw my name, I get a referral discount.

Are you nuts? This is probably the first time you've had off since you've been kid president. True or false? True.

If you don't love what you do... Then why do it? Then she ripped the hair from my b-hole.

Your suspension's been lifted. Please, come back to work. Thank you.

Oh, my God, I'm pregnant. Wait, what? No, that's not it.

Turns out, I cannot make a gingerbread house, which would bother me if I were an 8-year-old girl.

This year, though? My friends won. In fact, I got my ass handed to me.

So I have no idea what you're talking about. Don't know what Quickbooks are.

You want to talk about spreading and sheets, we can go back to my place and I will rock your-- You're fired!