Telethon

What, and shoot him?

Oh, come on, Ron. I'm just a little puppy. I ain't done nothing wrong. I'm just a puppy.

I like your mustache. I wish I could have one. But I can't. Because I'm just a little puppy.

Okay, take him out and shoot him.

It goes us, Dallas, Tulsa and certain parts of The Mall of America.

Gross! No! It's Jerry's sex night. That ruins sex and tonight.

Diabetes. Let's Dia-beat-this.

Yeah. Four hours to come up with the slogan. Four hours to embroider them. Time well spent.

Salad sucks. There. I said it.

No, you should ask her in a hot air balloon. No. She should be on the hot air balloon, and you should ride up on horseback.

Definitely. Can you get five eagles? No, get ten eagles.

I can't make it to the telethon tonight, because I have no interest in being there.

Ex-Indiana Pacers small forward, Detlef Schrempf. The Detlef Schrempf?

Well, they have a communal lipstick and a box of combs.

'The devil knows where you're hiding.' 'If you take enough rides with the devil, pretty soon, he's going to drive.' She was really into the devil.

That's horrible. I have to nap up. If I don't get a solid five, it kills my sunny disposition.

Just like everybody knows you appeared in two episodes of the German soap opera Gute Zeiten Schlechte Zeiten.

Huh? Oh, 6'10". I'm 5'6" and three quarters.

My phone has 25 lines. I think it might be a switchboard.

And I am not a crook. No, he's not.

Tonight, we're hoping the people of Pawnee dig their big, chubby hands into their plus-size pockets and donate generously.

Sugar. It's a block of sugar.

Tigers.

The Snakehole is booming! People are loving Detlef Schrempf. I had no idea professional athletes were so popular.

We're going to get married and I'm pregnant with his child.

There are two types of diabetes, but only one type of caring. Type One caring.

You've got sex hair / You got it from me, girl. Sex hair

Oh, I called him. He's in Liberia visiting my uncle. He wants to know what happened on Lost.

The ultimate celebrity, I think, to hang out with for a night would be Criss Angel. You'd be talking to him, and then, he would just turn into fire.

I need you to make that out, 'To Wendy. Tom is an amazing guy. You never should have left him. You made a huge mistake in your life, and you're probably going to die alone. Love, Detlef.'

Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Don't teach a man to fish, and you feed yourself. He's a grown man. Fishing is not that hard.

Over. Under. And you guessed it. Over.

Hey, why don't you forget about the donation and just come down here and meet me in person.

Have you ever seen this man sleep? It's like underwater ballet.

Don't you remember when Ahmad Rashad proposed to Mrs. Cosby on TV? Most women do.

Was she on the Titanic? No. She was just my grandma.

Listen, my van's out back. Let's roll. No. Please leave. Where are you going? Is this guy bothering you? No, I'm bothering you. For bothering her.

I work for the Sewage Department. I'm up to my waist in hot snizz.

I will now drink eight glasses of milk in three minutes. No. No, you won't. No, you won't. Because if you do that, you will die.

No. What we're going to do is we're going to pull our pants down. That's what we're going to do. Everyone's gonna pull their pants down for diabetes.

You just love flashing your ass, don't you? When it's for a good cause, Joan.

By the way, I'm drunk.

And the story of this next dance is that it's called The Worm.

What the (fuck) are you doing, Perd Hapley?

So, I may have parked on your front lawn. You did. I did.

And she's been asleep for twenty-two hours.

But I think I'm going to draw a mustache on her face.