Mark Brendanawicz

I just work right there. Well, thank you for clearing your schedule. Oh, I didn't clear anything.

Is it likely? No, it's not likely, you know. But is it possible? No. It's not possible.

The up-skirt photo. Awesome. Hey, man. Give me the photo back.

Leslie is unique. Government work can beat you down. I would say that I lost my optimism about government in about two months. Leslie's kept hers for six years.

This is gonna be a train wreck.

It's a rectangular lot. It's got excellent drainage.

You know, normally, I don't agree with Leslie about anything, but this book is awesome.

What about that thing you did for the middle school newspaper last year? / Oh. No. I don't count that. That was a smear job.

How you spell your name. / Of course. Because of the silent 'K.'

How many discussion questions do you have there? / Um... Thirty. / Wow! You're insane.

But you're being a huge dork.

Do you have to say it's off the record? / Oh, God.

Come on, stay in bed. That park is never, ever, ever gonna get made. / Right. And then I came back to bed. / Yeah, but the important part of what I said was, 'Stay in bed.'

I wouldn't say romantically involved. You know, going forward.

Whoa! You nailed Malwae-Tweep? Nice. / Yes, but I'm not gonna do it again. It's over. / So she's available.

'Cause parties usually get started when you run out of booze.

I got seven letters in my file. Pretty much every guy in city planning has a bunch of letters.

Abraham Lincoln, when he started his speeches, he would come up and say, 'My name's Abraham Lincoln. I'm the President of the United States. But I'm gonna be honest with you. I have no clue what I'm doing.'

Marlene Griggs-Knope is definitely not a whore. Marlene Griggs-Knope has not five, but seven Asian friends. Marlene Griggs-Knope has never solicited a male prostitute. Marlene Griggs-Knope has said the 'N' word only four times in her entire life.

She said it more than that?

It's fun to pretend to be zoning board members.

Look, I would love to come hit on chicks with you guys, but, uh, she seems kind of engaged in something and I--I think I should probably stay.

Apparently, what I can achieve in government can literally be measured.

But if I were, would you be interested? No. Okay.

You should be dating men that Al Roker announces their birthdays.

You think I can get my beer bottle in that shopping cart right there?

You missed the entire pit, which is huge, by the way.

Look, I mean, you got Dirt Slide over here, you got Ring Around The Diaper you could play there. You've got Duck, Duck, Glass you could play right there. Mystery Trash.

Mark falling into the pit

I have been a perfect gentleman this evening. In fact, watch this. I would like you to now please invite me in for a nightcap. Not a chance. No. Just watch... watch what I'm gonna do. Ask me in for a nightcap. Will you come in for a nightcap? Yes, I will. No, no, damn. Drats, I was gonna plan to not.

You kind of kissed me. Yes, I did, and now we both have herpes.

We didn't think you were a pervert. We thought you were a criminal. For the record, I still actually kind of think he's a pervert.

I hooked your toilet up to your shower. That's what you wanted?

I peeked. I also didn't see any toothpaste. Do you not use toothpaste?

This city was planned? It looks like it was designed by a very stupid rodent.

He's actually a pretty smart rodent.

Would you break the rules? I won't murder.

Leslie, the man lived in a pit. He couldn't find a place to live on the earth's surface, so he went under the ground. You're dealing with a grown man who thinks like a gofer.

Who knows why that gopher does what he does?

What? No. I'm dating Ann. Good. That was a test. You passed.

About to head home and have crazy sex. That's cool. I don't... Yeah!

I'm more than a friend of Ann's. / Not for long. / I'm sorry? / I don't know.

Ann's in trouble. We think it might be pills. / What? / That's a lie. But this is as important.

You made a camel. You've never heard that saying? A camel is actually a horse designed by a committee

I've seen you sketch things. Like poles for stop signs. That everybody stops and looks at. / By law, they're required to.

I was gonna go to Arby's and watch Frontline.

It's like what motels put up, and it hangs there for years, and no one ever throws acid at it.

I always forget because you're so pretty you're not used to rejection.

Man is the most dangerous game. To the predator. I did smell something out there, and it wasn't human. That was pine trees.

So if I win, I also get Ann. Okay, fine. If you win, then you get Ann.

So, yeah, I guess I'm in love with the Army. Oh, Leslie? Well, yeah. Yeah, that makes a lot more sense. Yeah, I'm definitely in love with Leslie.

That's what's called being an amazing boyfriend.

There's a $75 change fee, but I could pay you that, or I could reimburse you. There's a lot of ways we could handle that.

Reggie Wayne! Dude! You remembered me complaining about my computer bag!

You don't have to come to this game with me. You don't have to.

Leslie is a notoriously cruel and thoughtless person.

Well, I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't crazy, so, naturally, I came to you for reassurance.

You've been here? Right.

That was after I told him that I sometimes go swimming at the Y.

So my face is literally on fire, but it's this weird chemical, so no one can see the flames. I'm dancing around, freaking out. I end up having to dunk my face into a bucket of sand.

Didn't happen to me. It was a kid I knew from camp. But a great story's a great story. Well, plus, the kid can't tell it, his mouth melted.

It's really nice of you to compliment my pickup truck with no ulterior motives.

I'm totally blanking on a valid excuse right now, so, yes. I'll help you.

I (fucking) hate having a pickup truck.

I'm not a mover! I'm a sap who owns a truck.

I didn't volunteer. Yeah, too bad. You got drafted.

You know, I might be crazy, But I have this weird suspicion That things are going well with us.

You'd never have to beg for sex again. I don't wanna get into this, really, but I don't beg for sex now.

You don't have any code violations, do you? / [Long pause] / Nope.

This says it should be recharged June of 1996. / Those dates are arbitrary. They're like those expiration dates that the government forces companies to put on yogurt and medicine.

Seriously, man, when you wear these clothes, you just feel better than everyone else. You know? / Yeah.

Not because I'm pissed at Andy, which I'm not. Because I care so deeply about possums. / Because they're so adorable.

Mr. Campopiano, those are photos of three different possums. / Huh.

Those city planning guys can be real pains in the ass. / Okay. I just want you to know that I still don't think city codes... / Ron, shut up.

And if the Swanson Code happens to overlap with the City Government Code... / Shut up.

Swiss army watch, mofo.

That guy really seemed dead.

There's no such thing as a city-planning emergency.

Do what mark's doing. He's doing great. I'm not doing anything, so...

Was she on the Titanic? No. She was just my grandma.

Ann explaining to Mark that couples are 'supposed to fight' and 'supposed to miss each other even if they're only gone for 20 minutes'

Mark's response: 'I should have yelled at you way more'

You know, they offered me a buyout, and I took it. And so now, I work for Norton Construction.

And I was indoors.

I liked this a lot better when it was a pit.