Kaboom

$20 to Netflix. $20 to Blockbuster Online. Both?

I needed all 11 discs of gossip girl at the same time.

$120 in tuition to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. They give you a little wand and a diploma, it's fun.

What'd you major in? Potions.

Man-Pillow, the pillow shaped like a man. Also something called 'bucket of cake'.

You know what? I think someone stole my credit card so cancel it. Don't refund anything.

So... What does a man-pillow look like? Daniel Craig. It's for my lower back.

High five. I never trust anything that quickly. That's why I don't eat minute rice.

Fat kids, skinny kids, brainiacs, sluts, the gay drama kids, goths, jocks, the alternative crowd.

The key to volunteering? A lot of pockets. For putting all the food in. The red cross has amazing cookies.

Suicide hotline, surprisingly lame spread.

You live in a pit. Not anymore. Living with the drummer of my band. Living indoors. Pretty cool. Not to brag. Kinda hard not to.

Me and an old Asian lady are double-teaming some monkey bars, so.

I got a remote control and I'm controlling you. Go faster! Go faster, Ron's the master.

Jerry, did you use permanent marker again? I'm sorry, guys... Forget it. Let's all pretend Jerry wasn't born.

I have a couple in my wallet. That's what I call condoms. Come on, Tom. Focus.

I wanna move like a cheetah. Or a slug driving a remote controlled car. Something more plausible than that, but fast.

Would you break the rules? I won't murder.

So who gives me the go ahead to not ask for permission, because... Is it Ron?

I've never rented a guy before. Wish I knew about that during prom.

There was a girl at my prom who was known as the backhoe. Mary Dunbar, she'd let anyone massage her back.

I didn't wanna tell him my real name, you know?

We are about to fill this hole now. Not with dirt, but with the courage of a thousand lions. And the solemn memory of all of our friends who have fallen in this cursed hole.

The monitor is not a toy, Andy. Anything is a toy if you play with it.

I saw an old cereal box I hadn't read before, so I must've drifted off.

Can I smoke in here? You don't smoke. Just asking if I can.

Are you high? I'm high on kaboom!

I'm sorry to burst your ka-bubble, but I just had my ass ka-handed to me by the city manager, and now this entire department is ka-screwed.

What the ka-*** were you thinking?

I would prefer that she ask me for my permission so I can say no. I like saying no. It lowers their enthusiasm.

My God, my sexy sweater! It has a hole cut out over the bicep.

A tragic accident reignited feelings you thought were long dead and we are finally back together.

What does he have that I don't have? Are you serious? Everything.

He has literally everything that you don't have: a job, a car, a steady income, an address, a second pair of shoes, table manners, the ability to say 'tampon' without giggling.

But sometimes when you make an omelet, you gotta break a few eggs. What's the alternative, no omelets at all? Who wants to live in that kind of world? Maybe birds. Then all their babies would live.

What I do know is that he could sue us at the drop of a hat. I mean, right now he is the most dangerous man in Pawnee.

You can't say 'I'm sorry', or 'I apologize.' It implies guilt. That's insane, I have to apologize. Andy was the victim... Can't say 'victim'.

I can't say the word 'situation'? No, it implies there was a situation.

Can I give him the pig? Pig's fine.

Hope you squeal better.

Andy, I just wanted to say, I am so, so, so... filled... with emotions. As any person would.

You were in the pit. We're not conceding that point. You were in a place... we're both here now.

If you wanna meet, just put a white chalk 'x' on the mailbox across the street from city hall. Or call me back... just call me back.

Hey, Andy, it's your aunt. Your mom or dad's sister. I don't know how to tell you this, but... your uncle has passed. He's with Jesus now.

Leslie, the man lived in a pit. He couldn't find a place to live on the earth's surface, so he went under the ground. You're dealing with a grown man who thinks like a gofer.

Thank you so... Why are you naked? Because of what you said, we're getting back together.

You should've heard the sexy stuff she said. I said 'hey, Andy, it's Ann, can we talk at my house?' That's not how you said it, you were like, 'Hey, Andy, it's Ann, can you talk at my house?'

My God, you're such a baby. Literally. Big naked baby, put clothes on.

None of your clothes fit me, so I'm putting an apron over the front stuff.

I want Ann back, and she said she needs a guy with a lot of money. That doesn't sound like Ann. I can't really do her voice.

$100,000, I can probably get a bank account.

I can make six bucks a day playing guitar in the street. I can't make six bucks a day.

A guaranteed starting spot on the Indianapolis Colts... inside linebacker. We can't accomplish that.

I've already been injured in that thing twice. And I can fall in ten more times by 'eventually'.

Usually in these situations a person says 'pinch me.'

Who knows why that gopher does what he does?

I wish there was something physical that can make me feel this way.

Kaboom! Is a word I made up. It's not in any dictionary. I trick people into building playgrounds in empty lots in their neighborhood. It's an elaborate prank.

For my next prank, I'm gonna build a hospital in a poor part of China. They'll never see it coming!