Rock Show

Doctor:Congratulations, Andy. Your arms have healed perfectly. You can go back to normal activities.

Andy:That's great! Hey, speaking of things that have healed, did you do something different? Because you are looking absolutely—

April:Andy, no.

Andy:I was just going to say she has a nice... presence in the room.

Andy Dwyer:Oh man, this is gonna feel so good. I can't wait to get this thing off.

Doctor:Alright, let's get started.

Andy Dwyer:Aaahhhhh! Oh my God! Oh my God, oh my God! It's like... it's like a thousand daggers made of ice are being driven into my skin! It's like a swarm of angry bees the size of birds! It's like I'm being attacked by a bear made of chainsaws!

Andy:How did a pirate get in my cast?

April:That's not a pirate, that's a peg leg.

Andy:It is gonna feel so good to walk again, finally.

Andy:He's literally singing to a sandwich

Andy:I want you to be a lamp. Just a lamp. That's all I'm asking.

Andy:I don't like to define my music. It's just... you know, it's a fusion of rock, pop, a little bit of soul, some folk elements, and—

Unknown:So it's rock.

Andy:No, no, no. I don't like to define my music.

Leslie:Oh, I love mixing work and personal life. It's great. I do it all the time.

Mark:I lowered a speed bump by two inches. That's what government does.

Ann:He wrote a song about the pit. It's called 'The Pit' and it's just him rocking out while singing about how dangerous it is and listing all the municipal codes that were violated.

Ann:It's somehow both the hardest rocking song I've ever heard and the most informative.

Andy:We could be The Sweetums, or The Pit Crew, or Mouse Rat, or The Doppelgangers, or Everything Rhymes with Orange, or The Bipeds, or Scarecrow Boat, or Urfascism, or The Slugs, or DJ Roomba and the Carpet Cleaners, or The Andy Bernard Experience, or Kielbasa Factory, or Boyz II Menorah, or The Decibels, or Punch Face Champions, or Fiscal Responsibility, or Ninja Shoe Repair, or The Possum Pendulum, or Kidney Stone, or Puppy Attack, or The Schnozberries, or The Blahs, or The Ew's, or Electric Nose Hair Trimmer, or Beets by Schrute, or...and honestly, we're never going to make it as a band because we waste all our time coming up with band names.

George:The divorce was really tough on the kids.

George:My adult children's kids. My own kids are doing great.

George:Leslie is like Sandy Duncan.

George:You know, that actress from the seventies.

Leslie's Mom:Honey, you need to give this date a real chance. Just finish dinner, have a nice conversation. And then have sex with him.

Tom:I'm revenge dating my ex-wife's sister. It's like a fairy tale.

Tom:I want you all to meet my wife, Wendy. She's incredibly attractive and she makes a lot of money.

Wendy:Tom, we've talked about this.

April:Derek is a very serious person. He doesn't do anything fun or silly. He's all business.

April:We made out behind the Sweetums factory when we were both drunk.

Leslie:I'm a seventh wheel.

George:Just a taste. Have a little taste of chicken! Just a bit! Just a taste! Chicken, chicken, chicken!

Andy:Hey Ann, can you get me a drink?

Ann:Sure, what do you want?

Andy:I'll have a triple shot of vodka, a double shot of rum, and a splash of water.

Ann:That's mostly alcohol!

Andy:I know, that's why I asked for the water. I'm trying to stay hydrated.

George:The Everly Brothers are not remotely rock music

Andy:This next song is dedicated to my girlfriend. It's called 'April.' April, April, April, April, April, April, April, April, April, April, April, April...

Ann:What about 'The Procrastinators'? Oh wait, you haven't decided yet.

Ann:Or 'Andy and the No-Shows' - because that's what you do to me.

Ann:'The Unreliables'? 'Flaky and the Disappointed'? 'Ann Deserves Better: A Musical Journey'?

Mark:I'm not hitting on you.

Mark:But would you be interested in getting dinner sometime?

Ann:No.

Andy:I fell in the pit. I fell in the pit. I fell in the pit.

Andy:The band is now officially called... Scarecrow Boat!

Andy:Wait, no. Mouse Rat. We're Mouse Rat.

Tom:Do you know Todd from Indiana State?

George:I don't think so. What year did he graduate?

Tom:1976.

George:Oh no, I graduated in 2013. That's a 37-year gap.

Leslie:Is he dead?

Tom:Leslie's boyfriend has Benjamin Button disease. He's getting younger every day. Soon he'll be a baby, then a fetus, then just a gleam in his father's eye.

Mark:Yeah, Leslie dates older guys. Pretty soon she'll be one of those people on the Today Show where Al Roker's like, 'Margaret, you're 103 years old, what's your secret?' And Margaret's like, 'I've been dating Leslie Knope.'

Leslie:The only similarities are bar and drunk Mark.

Mark:We could just throw our trash in the pit.

Leslie:What?! No! That's where we're building the park!

Leslie Knope:Despite the pit's size, she completely missed it

Andy:Okay, fine. I'll admit it. I kind of enjoyed having everyone wait on me hand and foot.

Leslie:What? Andy, you said your casts were medically necessary!

Andy:They were! Mostly. But yeah, the whole being pampered thing? That was pretty great.

Mark:Well, it's already a park. We've got a pit, kids can play in it, slide down, break their arms. It's great.

Mark:We could do duck-duck-goose, except the goose is a rabid German Shepherd.

Mark:Red Rover, but instead of a rope, it's barbed wire.

Mark:Simon Says, but if you don't do it perfectly, you get shocked with a cattle prod.

Leslie Knope:You know what? Building this park is just like the moon landing. It seems impossible, everyone says you can't do it, but then you do it anyway and it's beautiful and everyone cries.

Leslie:I don't want this to happen again.

Mark:Again?

Leslie:I mean... I don't want this to happen.

Mark:A park? In Pawnee? That pit's been there for years. Nothing's ever gonna change that.

Mark:I'm telling you, this is a waste of time and money.

Mark:Whoa!

Andy:Andy's song plays as the credits roll, now literally true for Mark too