A Full House For Christmas

80 People. Wow! Yeah, they got this really long counter at Woolworth's.

I'd go crazy if I had to spend Christmas alone. You are spending Christmas alone. I am?

I got feelings. Really? My mother's that way. Cries every Christmas on account of my little brother Nicky never comes to see her. I'll give you the same advice I give my mom when she cries. I say, 'Ma, shut up.'

I always knew you could be tender.

Ma stayed up all night crying. It was really hard on me. I'll bet. Yeah, I hated having to put her out in the hall.

Come here. I want to introduce you to some of my inferiors.

He never shows her any affection or consideration. Like me, I'm always saying stuff like, 'How you doing, Ma?'

She cooks something, and I don't like the way it tastes, I never spit it out. I always tell her, 'Take another crack at it.'

she freezes up on me, Oh. You know? And she needs to go someplace where it's warm so she can thaw out.

'Nicky, I'd really love to see your apartment in Vegas before I die, because if I don't I'll put a curse on you from my grave.'

Come on, give him a buck, everybody.

I might have a New Year's eve gig for you.

How come? I don't know... tradition?

You do exchange Christmas gifts, don't you? We do now.

You only been gone ten minutes. It takes ten minutes to drive there and back. What'd you expect, me to spend all afternoon with her?

Hey, crazy lady, give me a break here.

No, Mrs. De Palma, I don't know why people have children.

Nicky was a difficult birth, huh? No, no, please. Mrs. De Palma, don't tell me all the medical details. I'm really not a medical man, please.

Nicky used to pull the what off flies?

You either take Ma with you when you go, or you leave town an only child.

You hear the way she screeches? Sometimes when she's going real good, dogs come from all over.

Separate tabs.

about Ma, about me, about Nick, about Ma and me, about Nick and me, about Nick and Ma.

Thank goodness you don't have a bigger family.

Do you know that I played the elf in the Christmas pageant every year till I left for the Army? I never got to play the parts that I wanted to play... Angel, shepherd, room clerk...

The guy who said, 'No room at the Inn.' Oh, that room clerk.

I want him wiped out, Alex crushed, destroyed, humiliated... for Ma.

Ace. Now I lost enough.

Hey, could I have my shoes back? Yeah, but you can only borrow them till I'm done here.

You're bankrolling him against me, your own brother? Jeez, Louie, I always knew you resented me and all of that but I never knew you had it in you to do something like this. You're all right.

Maybe you better tell them to start without me.

I once played for 72 hours in a row. Hey, 72 hours. That's like my fight with Rocky Santocuore. Your fight with Santocuore lasted four minutes. I'm talking about my recovery.

I'm reasonably sure.

You said it was your life savings, Louie. I lied... I do that sometimes.

What do you give me for a $300 watch? $80. Great, I only paid $50 for it.

You want me to bet Ma? You win? You're off the hook. You lose? You take her with you.

You're betting on our own mother. Right. $300, Two weeks.

100 is for hugs and kisses every day she's there. $50, You take her out to dinner twice a week to someplace fancy, not no taco palace. And the last $50 you take her to one of those splashy floor shows they got out there.

not no taco palace

It's $4,350, three weeks in Vegas six meals, one floor show, one plane ticket, one watch and a pair of shoes. Oh, yeah, and the hugs and kisses.

Three sixes, you lose. I lose? You lose! I'll have Ma packed and waiting for you.

♪ Hallelujah! ♪