After Jim's home is destroyed by a wrecking ball, he stays with Louie, much to Louie's dismay after Jim declares him his ""best buddy."" Jim soon burns Louie's apartment after a cooking accident, though. Initially, Louie is angry, but sees an opportunity to make some money, when he learns that Jim gets a blank check from his wealthy father to reimburse Louie for his losses. Louie is not sure how much to ask for, though, since Jim says he has to call his father to okay the amount. After much lamenting over the amount, Louie settles on about $30,000 and Jim's dad okays it. Louie is overjoyed until he learns that Jim's dad was expecting the amount to be more like $200,000.
Taxi's most grounded episode: character-driven humor sustains 79-point score without standout zingers.
Directed by James Burrows · Written by Sam Simon, Ken Estin
WAR
34
Wins Above Replacement
“Cooking For Two” ranks #47 of 114 Taxi episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 79.0 — Elite. The episode packs 34 scored jokes at 2.0 per minute, averaging 7.2 on craft and 6.8 on impact, with Jim landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Jim: I'd have to say Louie.
Other character: Louie? But he treats you terribly!
Jim: Exactly. At least I know what to expect.
Jim Misdirection Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jim: Dad was relieved about the amount.
Jim: Dad expected something much higher, showing $29,000 was actually low.
Jim Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jim: I owe it all to Louie. If it weren't for his constant abuse and ridicule, I never would have developed the thick skin necessary to succeed in this business.
Jim Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Jim: I saved your violin instead of the piano.
Louie: You saved my violin? Why would you do that?
Jim: I figured a man's got to have his priorities straight.
Jim Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jim: You know, it's been one of those mornings. First my alarm didn't go off, then I couldn't find my keys, and when I finally got outside...
Jim: There was a wrecking ball coming straight through my apartment.
Jim Setup/Punchline Absurdist ★ Rewatch All Jokes — 34 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Jim: You know, it's been one of those mornings. First my alarm didn't go off, then I couldn't find my keys, and when I finally got outside...
Jim: There was a wrecking ball coming straight through my apartment.
Jim Setup/Punchline Absurdist ★ Rewatch Jim: Yeah, well, they tore down the building without warning. But hey, I've lived in condemned property before. It's not so bad once you get used to the rats.
Jim Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Jim: I'll just sleep right here.
Jim: This spot looks good.
Jim Visual Gag Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Alex: Jim, why don't you go get some sleep?
Jim: Good idea.
Jim: I'll just close my eyes right here.
Alex: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Not here! Go home!
Jim Alex Reaction Beat Character Comedy Jim: Well, I mean, I leave my socks around, I hog the remote, I snore a little bit...
Jim: But nothing you can't get used to.
Jim: Although, I do have this thing where I wake up at 3 in the morning screaming about dead people clawing at my face.
Jim Escalation Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jim: I'd have to say Louie.
Other character: Louie? But he treats you terribly!
Jim: Exactly. At least I know what to expect.
Jim Misdirection Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jim: Louie, I want to thank you. You've done so much for me.
Jim: In fact, I'd like to kiss you.
Jim: You see, the act of kissing is essentially a human gesture of gratitude and affection that transcends the mere physical contact. It's a manifestation of our deepest emotional gratitude, a Platonic expression of brotherhood that acknowledges the profound interconnectedness of our souls in this vast and often indifferent universe.
Louie: Get outta here!
Jim Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Latka: You all come to my place for dinner. Saturday night!
Bobby: Saturday? That's three weeks away.
Latka: So? What's wrong with Saturday?
Bobby: Nothing, it's just a long time to wait.
Latka: You know what? Forget Saturday. How about tonight?
Latka Character Comedy Misdirection Louie: You know what your problem is, Jeff? You gotta treat your wife like a queen. Wine her, dine her, show her you care.
Jeff: Louie, I've been married 11 years.
Louie: So? What's that got to do with anything?
Jeff Louie Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Dispatcher: Phone call for Alex.
Alex: Hello?
Jim: Alex! It's Jim! I'm calling to tell you the most hilarious thing that just happened to me!
Alex: Jim? Is that you? You sound so different.
Jim: I know, I know! I'm laughing so hard I can barely breathe! You won't believe what happened!
Unknown Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Alex: Well, it's a little messy.
Alex Reaction Beat Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Jim: I fell asleep smoking in bed.
Jim: But I woke up. I was awake the whole time the fire was consuming my apartment.
Jim Misdirection Absurdist ★ Rewatch Jim: You think Louie's gonna be mad about the cab?
Alex: Mad? Jim, he's gonna kill us.
Jim: Well, yeah, but first he's gonna be mad.
Jim Alex Escalation Deadpan/Understatement Jim: I know what'll fix this place up. A few flowers, some nice curtains...
Jim Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Alex: Don't panic.
Jim: Don't panic?! Don't panic?! This is a disaster! Everything is falling apart! My life is ruined! We're all doomed!
Jim Alex Physical/Slapstick Escalation Louie: Hey, what's for dinner? Something smells good!
Louie: What happened here? The whole place is burned down!
Louie Irony/Sarcasm Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Jim: You know, possessions are just temporary things we cling to. In the end, they don't really matter. What matters is the people we care about.
Jim Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Jim: I saved your violin, Louie!
Louie: My violin? You saved my violin?
Jim: Yes! It was the most precious thing in there!
Louie: That's wonderful! But I don't play violin.
Jim Setup/Punchline Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jim: I saved your violin instead of the piano.
Louie: You saved my violin? Why would you do that?
Jim: I figured a man's got to have his priorities straight.
Jim Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Louie: My entire book collection was destroyed. First editions, rare volumes... gone. But you know what really gets me? I had seventeen different books about lizards. Seventeen! Who has seventeen books about lizards?
Louie Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Louie De Palma: My entire book collection is destroyed. First editions, rare volumes... Gone.
Louie De Palma: I had the complete works of Dostoyevsky, signed copies of Hemingway, original manuscripts...
Louie De Palma: And my prized possession? Every issue of 'Popular Mechanics' from 1987 to 1992. In mint condition.
Louie Character Comedy Observational Jim: Hey Louie, look on the bright side. At least the balls are okay.
Jim Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jim: I owe it all to Louie. If it weren't for his constant abuse and ridicule, I never would have developed the thick skin necessary to succeed in this business.
Jim Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Jim: Where else could I find someone like Louie?
Alex: Well, you could try Hell.
Alex: "Sincerely, Jim." Well, that's very nice. Wait a minute... "P.S. — I didn't even read this letter."
Alex: A blank check? You gave Louie a blank check?
Alex: Do you realize what you've done? Louie with unlimited access to money?
Alex: That's not a gift, that's a catastrophe!
Alex Reaction Beat Character Comedy Louie: Physical reaction of greed - literally drooling
Louie Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jim: Do you love me, Louie?
Louie: I never loved you.
Jim Louie Setup/Punchline Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Louie: You want the real replacement cost? I'll tell you what. I'll get three bids from body shops, take the highest one, add 40% for my trouble, then call my cousin Vinny who owes me a favor to say the car's worth even more than that.
Louie: Then I file it with the insurance company, they lowball me, I yell at 'em for two hours, we settle somewhere in the middle, and everybody's happy.
Louie: Well, everybody except the insurance company. But they got plenty of money.
Louie Character Comedy Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Louie: I can't give him a nickel—that's too cheap. A dime? Too cheap. A quarter? Still too cheap. Fifty cents? A dollar? Two dollars? All too cheap. Five dollars? Too cheap. Ten dollars? Too cheap. Twenty dollars? Too cheap. Fifty dollars? Too cheap. A hundred dollars? Too cheap. Well, I can't give him more than a hundred dollars, so I guess I can't give him anything.
Louie Escalation Character Comedy Louie De Palma: Let me just recalculate this here...
Tony Banta: How long is this gonna take?
Louie De Palma: As long as it takes to get it right!
Tony Banta: I gotta admit, watching you work through math is like watching a guy try to swat a fly with a sledgehammer.
Unknown Observational Meta/Self-Referential Louie: Alright, alright, let me think about this. What's the perfect amount? Five dollars? Ten dollars? No, no, no... Seven? SEVEN?! Thirty-two?! FORTY-SEVEN?!
Louie: Nineteen! SIXTY-FOUR! Two hundred and... ELEVEN?! No! YES! MAYBE?! EIGHTY-NINE?!
Louie Escalation Character Comedy Jim: Dad was relieved about the amount.
Jim: Dad expected something much higher, showing $29,000 was actually low.
Jim Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jim: Louie, I... I've been wanting to tell you something. All this time, working together, I've developed feelings for you.
Louie: Jim, what are you talking about? You're crazy.
Jim: No, I'm serious. I care about you, Louie. More than just as a boss.
Louie: Get outta here before I fire you.
Jim: You can fire me, but you can't fire these feelings.
Louie: Oh, alright, alright. Come here, ya sap.
Louie Callback Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback