Cooking For Two

Well, did you ever have one of those mornings? You know, the kind when a big steel ball comes crashing through your apartment?

Well, you put up with a few inconveniences when you live in a condemned building.

Jim immediately tries to sleep standing up in the garage

Good night, Alex. [Beat] Forget it, Iggy. You can't stay here.

Well, sometimes I leave the cap off the toothpaste. I forget to wipe my feet, and I usually scream for several hours in my sleep.

It's you, boss.

If we didn't live in a society that got hung up on the fear of members of the same sex sharing mutual affection for each other, I'd kiss you full on the mouth.

Why June 15? Okay, well, how about tonight?

I am married, Louie. Well, hey, congratulations! When did this happen? About 11 years ago.

The guy's screaming and sobbing so loud, I can't tell.

Then it's noticeable!

Well, it's the old story. I was smoking in bed. And you fell asleep? No. I didn't notice the flames consuming the apartment.

Do you think Louie's gonna be upset? The question is, is whether he'll kill you or not.

Jim's manic renovation plans with paint, wallpaper, and strategically placed flowers

Jim's complete emotional breakdown and Alex trying to calm him

Oh, Iggy, I'm home! What are you cooking?

Just keep in mind that material possessions are simply excess baggage on the journey of life.

I saved your most prized possession. See, boss? Your beloved violin.

Good thing I didn't save the piano.

My Time Life books on the great lizards.

My Time Life books on the great lizards.

These two pool balls are okay.

I was a success here not because of the job, but because of that man over there. He yelled at me. He abused me, but he made me work!

Try Amityville.

dictated but not read, James Ignatowski

A blank check? You can't give a blank check to Louie!

I'm salivating. Ha, I'm actually salivating.

Does it mean you love me again? I didn't love you before.

That's why you're a cabdriver, Reiger. If I fill this check out for a million bucks, his dad would never cover it. But there is a figure, an exact figure...

If I say 45, he'll say 46... So, we rule out the 40s.

You know, in its own way, this is kind of spellbinding.

27,000! 27! It's what I said the first time! 27. Tell him 27. 27,000. 29,000. 540.

He said he was afraid it was gonna be something like $200,000.

Damn it! That kiss is gonna happen sometimes, and you know it.