When the rest of the family seems to lack Christmas spirit, Marge contacts Martha Clause.
WAR
14.5
Wins Above Replacement
“The Fight Before Christmas” ranks #550 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 66.9 — Mixed. The episode packs 50 scored jokes at 2.8 per minute, averaging 6.4 on craft and 6.1 on impact, with Lisa landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Martha Stewart: Why would you want to shampoo it out?
Elf: Hey, you twos can go work for the Easter Bunny. Oh that's right. He ain't real.
Elf Meta/Self-Referential Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Mr. Burns: I wish this show had a visit from three new writers.
Mr. Burns Meta/Self-Referential Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Elf: After NAFTA, a lot of these jobs went to the South Pole.
Elf Observational Absurdist ★ Rewatch Bart: Yep. Come midnight, I'll be sitting here with cold cookies, warm milk, and hot lead.
Bart Escalation Dark/Subversive All Jokes — 50 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Homer: Wrong holiday, stupid.
Homer Deadpan/Understatement Homer: And that last touchdown makes it 67 to 13.
Homer Absurdist Character Comedy Lisa: Marking a crime scene. To celebrate an ancient pagan ritual, this tree was cut down and tarted up like a dime-a-dance floozy.
Lisa Observational Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Lisa: You mean your gingerbread McMansion.
Lisa Wordplay/Pun Observational Marge: Three gingerbread workmen died making that.
Marge Absurdist Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Lisa: You're gonna be okay. It's almost over. Now to take care of the witnesses.
Lisa Dark/Subversive Escalation ★ Rewatch Bart: Yep. Come midnight, I'll be sitting here with cold cookies, warm milk, and hot lead.
Bart Escalation Dark/Subversive Bart: I've asked that rosy-cheeked nog-hog for a dirt bike
Bart Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Bart: I wanted them till I got them.
Bart Observational Character Comedy Lisa: Even Mac Davis himself couldn't save this Christmas.
Lisa Observational Meta/Self-Referential Lisa: Bowl full of jelly, pump lead in his belly...
Lisa Wordplay/Pun Dark/Subversive Elf: After NAFTA, a lot of these jobs went to the South Pole.
Elf Observational Absurdist ★ Rewatch Elf: I can't lose my health insurance. My lungs are full of candy cane dust!
Elf Observational Absurdist ★ Rewatch Elf: Hey, you twos can go work for the Easter Bunny. Oh that's right. He ain't real.
Elf Meta/Self-Referential Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Elf: Like a major airline, but you were here on time.
Elf Observational Setup/Punchline Bart: I didn't get anybody pregnant. I didn't Facebook a kid to death.
Bart Escalation Dark/Subversive Santa: It's not a sustainable business model.
Santa Observational Absurdist Santa: I'm eating my own reindeer here!
Santa Dark/Subversive Escalation Santa: Kids never change. Always dumb as potatoes.
Santa Observational Deadpan/Understatement Homer: I'm too fat to fit in a foxhole.
Homer Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Lisa: Don't worry about that. I love meat and I always will.
Lisa Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Marge: It's round in the middle, thinning on top, and your hands get sticky when you touch it.
Marge Observational Character Comedy Military officer: Well, he does, but he doesn't tell people till the last minute, so they can't make plans.
Homer: She changed her name!
Homer Character Comedy Misdirection Grandpa · Homer: Why couldn't it have been me? It still could be. You just have to go down to the recruiting station and-- Shut up.
Tree seller: My only sale all year and it's not even a sale.
Lisa: Then it will cost money.
Lisa Observational Meta/Self-Referential ★ Rewatch Lisa: home, family, and constantly sweeping up needles.
Lisa Observational Escalation Maggie: I pooped my tights.
Maggie Physical/Slapstick Cringe/Discomfort Moe: Nein, nein, why did I go to the 9:00 show?!
Moe Wordplay/Pun Absurdist ★ Rewatch Nazi Officer: Nein, nein, why did I go to the 9:00 show?!
Martha Stewart: A picket fence stood on its end makes a sturdy and attractive ladder.
Martha Stewart: Why would you want to shampoo it out?
Martha Stewart: Why would you want to shampoo it out?
Martha Stewart: And finally, I wouldn't have presented it quite so proudly.
Martha Stewart: Lie face down and your beautiful smile will be molded into the snow.
Martha Stewart: There, a slumbering hubby is now a traditional Christmas tableau. Copyright Martha Stewart.
Marge: It's like Christmas with a childless gay couple.
Marge Observational Character Comedy Martha Stewart: Take an old car antenna, marinate it overnight in the tears of a heartbroken leprechaun, bake at 350 till a rainbow shoots out of the oven
Homer: 'Cause they don't think this holiday's so great.
Homer Observational Character Comedy Mr. Burns: I wish this show had a visit from three new writers.
Mr. Burns Meta/Self-Referential Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Mr. Burns: Hmm, your goblin fainted.
Mr. Burns · Bart: Hmm, your goblin fainted. / Not a goblin.
Homer: It's a Christmas miraculum.
Homer Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Mr. Burns: We, uh, blew the budget on Katy Perry.
Mr. Burns Meta/Self-Referential Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Mr. Burns: the original, unabridged '39 Days Of Christmas'
Announcer: Not the letter e, but the number whose exponential function is the derivative of itself.
Announcer Absurdist Meta/Self-Referential ★ Rewatch Announcer: What, The Simpsons? No, Christmas.
Character 1 · Character 2: Oh, uh, that's not my belly button. / But I didn't say stop.
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