Sun Tea

Liz Lemon · Wendy:Liz mistakes a real estate agent for the cleaning lady, then reacts with confusion when told her building is going condo

Jack Donaghy · Cindy:Jack's exercise trainer seamlessly continues the aerobics instruction, bleeding into Jack's dialogue: 'Jack will tell you what to do next.' / 'Thanks, Cindy. All right, now we're gonna work those glutes.'

Liz Lemon:'They could've done, "Geiss screams, son pay!" You know, like, ice cream sundae.'

Jack Donaghy:'Holding up one finger to get someone to stop talking... He invented that.'

Jack Donaghy:'Geiss also invented the abrupt conversational segue. Talk about your thing now.'

Jack Donaghy:Jack describing his apartment empire — buying floor by floor above him for a family he never had, and now having 'a walk-in humidor, a lap pool, and a replica of the Irish pub where my grandmother was born.'

Jack Donaghy:'Make him an offer he can't refuse. Trademark 1974, Don Geiss.'

Jack Donaghy:'It's like check in at an Italian airport.'

Frank Rossitano · Liz Lemon:Frank is caught about to pee in a jar in the office — 'I didn't know anyone was here.'

Liz Lemon · Frank Rossitano:'You told me that was sun tea.' / 'Some of them are sun tea, and some of them were sun tea.'

Pete:'He gets the jars, and in return he's agreed to let a Yale sweatshirt be our designated fart dampener.'

Liz Lemon · Writers:'What would it be like if Cerie and Sue and I were not here?' / 'We'd have a room dog named Meatus.' / 'I'd take my pants off and eat chicken wings.'

Frank Rossitano:'Fine, but I'm gonna recycle them, and then one day as you drink some apple juice, you'll wonder, "where has this jar been?"'

Bertram Geiss:Bertram Geiss's deposition: 'I, Bertram Geiss, am still daddy's fancy boy.'

Kathy Geiss's lawyer:Kathy Geiss's lawyer's rebuttal: 'My name is Teddy Ruxpin. Can you and I be friends?'

Jack Donaghy · Kenneth Parcell:Kenneth says 'Global warming, sir? I'm sorry, that's just a bunch of scientist talk.'

Jack Donaghy · Kenneth Parcell:'Same people who'd have you believe that my great grandfather was a monkey.' / 'If he was a monkey, then why was he killed by a monkey?'

Jack Donaghy:Jack describes his kadupul blossoms flown in from Sri Lanka daily on a private jet as 'the definition of green.'

Jack Donaghy · Kenneth Parcell:'What have children ever done for us?' / 'Well, they make our shoes and wallets.'

Kenneth Parcell:'I'll do it if you insist, sir. But I'm gonna be grumpy until the end of this sentence.'

Brian:'I have a view because that dentist blew up his townhouse.'

Brian:Brian's fireplace is 'kind of annoying' because the apartment smells like Burger King all day and Cinnabon all night.

Liz Lemon:Liz mentions her imaginary children with her imaginary husband, 'astronaut Mike Dexter.'

Brian · Liz Lemon:Brian reveals there are two bedrooms in his apartment, and Liz's reaction: 'There's two of them? Oh! Is that bad? Oh, god.'

Jenna Maroney:'That sounds like something I'd come up with if I was smarter.'

Liz Lemon:Liz's justification for not feeling guilty: 'Brian sucks. He doesn't have a TV and he wears political T-shirts.'

Jenna Maroney:'Like check in at an Italian sex party.'

Jack Donaghy · Mrs. Gerstein:Jack's neighbor Mrs. Gerstein: 'I mean, do you know how long I've been waiting for the lady next door to finally join her husband in hell?' / 'Hello, Mrs. Gerstein.' / 'Oh, my heart... is getting stronger every day.'

Jack Donaghy:Jack says 'Oh, you ancient bitch!' after Mrs. Gerstein leaves.

Jack Donaghy · Jenna Maroney:Jack reveals that Jenna was his horrible roommate in Chicago — and she demonstrates by yelling 'I know it's my turn to do the dishes, but I'm in character, and if you make me do the dishes I will kill myself!'

Jenna Maroney:'Because guys hate drama. And I'm gonna teach you how to be a drama queen.' / 'And if I fail, I'm gonna take a bunch of pills, and it's gonna be your fault!' / 'Still got it.'

Liz Lemon:'Don't worry, Jack. Our topical cold open is about Omarosa borrowing Bjork's swan dress.'

Tracy Jordan:'It's take your black kid to work day.'

Tracy Jordan:Tracy's Cosby Show critique: 'Oh, no, Vanessa into a concert! Oh, no, Rudy and I are making a sandwich for 25 minutes!'

Tracy Jordan:Tracy's strip club story preamble: 'For example, I have this strip club story from this weekend I need to tell you, Jackie D. It is disgusting. But I can't because I got this little d-bag, here.'

Tracy Jordan:'Now, what if a girl tries to trap you like Nicole tried to do me on the band trip? Bitches can be tricky.'

Jack Donaghy · Tracy Jordan:Jack says having a family is 'the best thing a man could—' and is immediately gone when Tracy looks up.

Tracy Jordan:Tracy's strip club story: 'So I'm in the strip club with Charles Barkley and one of the hobbits.'

Tracy Jordan · Tracy Jr.:Tracy Jr. returns. Tracy: 'Damn it! I ain't live like this! I'm getting a vasectomy too!'

Jenna Maroney · Kenneth Parcell:Jenna: 'Kenneth, I'm doing my kegels right now. What is it?' — delivered completely matter-of-factly.

Jenna Maroney · Kenneth Parcell:Jenna: 'Kenneth, I once took a low volume shower with Ed Begley Jr. What more can I do?'

Jenna Maroney · Kenneth Parcell:Jenna's charger inventory: 'Kenneth, I need all of these. This one's for my cell phone, this one's for my laptop, this one's for my erotic massager, and this one's for something personal.'

Dr. Spaceman:The vasectomy doctor says: 'I should warn you that general anesthesia can cause powerful hallucinations. So I highly recommend it.'

Dr. Spaceman:Dr. Spaceman: 'Now, this is surgery, so don't eat anything before you come in, because I'll have a big breakfast waiting for you.'

Dr. Spaceman:Dr. Spaceman looks around after everything is settled and asks: 'We all see the little, black boy in the corner, right?'

Liz Lemon · Brian:Liz as a drama queen: makes a mailbox key the inciting incident. 'So is that all you have to say to me? That's how you apologize?' / 'What? What did I do?'

Liz Lemon:'I will put on a wedding dress and jump in front of a subway!'

Brian:Brian's response to Liz's drama: 'Honey, you don't need to tell me how much men suck. Sit down and tell me everything while I make us raspberry mojitos.'

Liz Lemon:Liz reveals her imaginary boyfriend's name to Brian: 'Astronaut Mike Dexter.'

Jenna Maroney:'Well, of course not. Drama is like gay man Gatorade. It replenishes their electrolytes.'

Tracy Jordan · Liz Lemon:Tracy's suggestion for getting neighbors to leave: 'Black person moved in, scared 'em off.' / 'Huh. That's not a bad idea, Tracy.'

Tracy Jordan:'I have to take my son to my vasectomy because the Cosby show lied to me and I cannot tell an amazing strip club story.'

Liz Lemon:Liz's mini fridge inventory: 'What about my fresh fruit?... flavored toaster cheesecakes?'

Kenneth Parcell:'Oh, so I guess you can make other people stuff up, but you're too good to make a sacrifice yourself.'

Liz Lemon · Kenneth Parcell:Liz gives up mini fridge: 'Fine, I'll give up my mini fridge because unlike Frank I am a good and decent person.' / Kenneth: 'Is that my cell phone?' / 'Oh, no, sorry. It's in my hand.'

Tracy Jordan:Tracy, going under anesthesia, yells: 'You lied to me, Bill Cosby! You lied to me!'

Tracy Jordan · Cosby Show characters:Tracy's Cosby Show hallucination: 'Denise. Vanessa? Sondra the boring one. He's your father.'

Tracy Jordan:Tracy's realization in the hallucination: 'That's why my life is not like the Cosby Show. I only have boys, and boys are disgusting! I need a baby girl.'

Tracy Jordan:'Don't snip my vas deferens!' screamed in the operating room.

Liz Lemon:'Oh, no. It's my crazy black boyfriend, astronaut Mike Dexter.'

Dotcom (as Astronaut Mike Dexter):'Better not be with a man! Even if he's gay!'

Dotcom (as Mike Dexter) · Liz Lemon:'Like Warren Moon must've felt back in 1995.' / 'As I have told you many times during our relationship, no one gets that reference.'

Liz Lemon:After the chaos: 'A gay hipster cop. You're an interesting guy, Brian.'

Jack Donaghy:'The Geiss name used to be synonymous with success, power, funny incidents where women died at barbecues.'

Tracy Jr.:Tracy Jr. reads his acrostic: 'T is for terrific, R is for rad, A is for awesome, C...' cause he's my dad.'

Jack Donaghy:Jack's reaction to the acrostic: 'Damn you, Tracy Jr.'

Jack Donaghy:Jack: 'Damn you, Tracy Jr.' — quietly, after being moved by the acrostic.

Kenneth Parcell · Masi Oka (quoted):Masi Oka's PSA quote: 'Conserve electricity. Don't be a zero, be a good guy.'

Kenneth Parcell · Frank Rossitano:Kenneth presents Frank as TGS's greenest person. 'He never wastes anything. I've seen him eat food from the trash.' / 'What's a trash barrel but a big salad bowl filled with trash?'

Kenneth Parcell · Frank Rossitano:'He never wastes water by doing his laundry. This shirt started out white.'

Liz Lemon · Kenneth Parcell:Liz accuses Kenneth of encouraging Frank's sun tea system and Kenneth says: 'Don't talk to me like that. You look like a turtle who lost its shell.'

Kenneth Parcell:Frank has been pouring his jars out the window. Kenneth's reaction: 'Oh, that is... Beautiful.'

Kenneth Parcell:Kenneth's Sophie's Choice for Liz: give up the mini fridge, or let Frank keep his 'sun tea system.'

Dr. Spaceman:Dr. Spaceman stops the surgery: 'If a patient's friend runs into the operating room and yells at you, you have to stop. It's the doctor's code.'

Jack Donaghy:Jack: 'I didn't have my vasectomy either. Tracy, I want to have children. I want those memories, no matter what the cost.' / 'And I have to pass on this head of hair.'

Tracy Jordan:'Well, I hope he makes me an across helmet so I don't get hurt playing across!'

Jack Donaghy:'Now, come on, that's pretty solid for a guy who just came out of a hallucination.'

Liz Lemon:Liz: 'I can't Jack, Jenna, or Tracy this guy out of the apartment.' / '...I'm out of ideas.'

Liz Lemon · Jenna Maroney:Liz got the apartment. How? Jenna figures it out and is horrified: 'You didn't!' / 'Manhattan real estate. No rules, right?' / 'You think I'm disgusting?' / 'I used the sun tea system to stop global warming. You used it to kick a gay cop out of his apartment.'

Liz Lemon · Frank Rossitano:Liz: 'I have no regrets!' Frank: 'No regrets!'

Liz Lemon · Jenna Maroney:Jenna: 'I have no regrets!' / Liz: 'No regrets!' — both simultaneously, with full conviction.

Tracy Jordan:Tracy says he'll never tell the strip club story because 'it's demeaning to women. Especially if they've had their boobies sneezed on by a tiger.'

Al Gore · Kenneth Parcell:Al Gore appears and delivers environmental advice, then says: 'You know, there's an old African proverb that I made up. If you want to go quickly, go alone. If you want to go far, go together. We need to go far. Quickly.'

Al Gore · Kenneth Parcell:Gore tells Kenneth to 'recycle everything. Including jokes.' Kenneth: 'I'm sorry, sir, what?' Gore: 'Quiet.'

Al Gore:Gore exits: 'A whale is in trouble. I have to go.'

Jack Donaghy · Kenneth Parcell:Jack replaces his Sri Lanka flowers with terrace azaleas, then says: 'Oh my. They're still sprinkled with morning dew, Kenneth. Smell them.' / 'Smell my flowers, Kenneth.'