Today You Are A Man

delivery person:My trio of popcorns

Simon:I dropped my cell phone into the penguin exhibit... I had my birthday at the Aquarium

Simon:I represent the turtle that Tuck is based on

Kenneth:Didn't you notice your food wasn't pre-chewed?

Tracy:I bet he's going to tell me I can't write off all my shoplifting

Jenna:Getting paid to help a boy become a man is kind of my wheelhouse

Jack:morale-boosting T-shirts indicating everyone 'survived' a certain barbecue

Jack:when was the last time I said, 'no, senator, you're out of order'?

Liz:I would like a hospital bed in my office. A real one. I don't care if it's against the law to resell them

Jack:And by your 'assistant,' you mean you with a British accent?

Liz:She's a cool college student from... South Africa. Yeah, she'll be British

Tracy · Kenneth:You were in the kitchen all day. Right over... Oh, that's a broom

Kenneth:I am using my once-in-a-lifetime interruption

Kenneth:when a dog goes missing, everyone's upset 'cause there's no dog milk for the babies

Liz:when 20 cult members jump off a bridge together wearing 'this smells' T-shirts, I should get a cut of that sale

Jenna:Yes, many of our viewers are obese

Jenna:Don't you represent Gina Gershon? My Nemesis? My Nemesis?

Adam:I was being sarcastic. God, I told mom I wanted Transformer's theme for Bar Mitzvah

Marty:maybe the IRS finds out that your nine dependents are just vibrators

Tracy:your 'charity' is just a front that has done nothing to make this country safer from Godzilla attacks. If anything, I've increased the likelihood

Hazel:you may recognize me from one of my two background acting gigs

Hazel:Just like my hero, Ivan Drago, from Rocky IV

Jack:when your kid throws a tantrum and holds his breath, you hold your breath too. When you regain consciousness, believe me, he's ready to leave the toy store

Liz:gross means income before expenses and not gross like apples on a sandwich

Liz:Thank Obama

Liz:tatertotfreak@hotmail.Com

Jack:Tell him the funmeister says, 'hi.' He'll know what that means

Suze Orman:Do you vacation together on nonjudgmental cruise lines?

Kenneth:My church requires a 110% tithe

Kenneth:Are you talking about saving squirrels from hawks?

Jack:Hair movement... Is a sign of weakness

Jack:90% of negotiations are lost by the person who speaks first

Jack · Random person:Because what is speaking a sign of? Weakness? You, out. Fired

Liz:Yes, may I please speak to pizza?

Liz · Jack:Jack Donaghy... Playing with himself. It's a Jack-off

Tracy:That's the phrase I couldn't remember

Jenna:We make other people wait. Forcing people to wait, throwing things, making crazy demands and never being satisfied

Tracy:Why is the government allowing this?

Jenna:A Jewish star

Tracy:my house isn't a church, although I do let children drink wine there

Jenna:Like all actors, I'm not emotionally mature enough to deal with my feelings, you fart-face

Tracy:I know you are, but what am I?

Adam:This is the men's room, Jenna. Not the C-list skank's room

Jack:Not Napoleon, not Hitler, not even Balki in the unaired ninth season of Perfect strangers

Adam:I've played this Japanese video game where you slap prostitutes to death, but you only ever dance with this penguin named Yamagiku.

Jenna:You're rich. And you're fat, so you'll die young. Women love that

Tracy:Put money in the girl's mouth. Also, my friend, Darryl, is your real father

Toofer · Hazel:Did you put peanuts on this? Yeah, it's delicious, hat guy. Ah... I'm allergic!

Toofer:I wish I was dead!

Tracy:When is that party you throw that we never go to 'cause we don't know what to get the man who has nothing

Tracy:Like the polio vaccine. Or a no-bottom strip club near a Wendy's

Liz:I'm not wearing stockings. That's a vein

Jack:you have to say, 'go for Liz,' when you answer your phone

Jack:I'm just doing the sorcerer's apprentice. You respond with a pirate holiday, and I have no choice but to play the hillbilly auction

Jack:It'll be back to submitting topical menopause jokes to joy behar by fax

Liz:You'd have more lawyers on you than a midtown hooker

Jack:Then an elegante, parry with an elegante primo, 5%, I demand three years... No, that can't be right. Elegante, elegante primo, carry the one...

Jack · Liz:Good God. You won. I did? You got everything you wanted. Kabletown Jack made a mistake, and Lemon Jack pounced on it. I-me lost

Liz:Nobody beats the Liz!

Tracy:we're going to be more 'haw-naist'

Tracy:Because I was raised in foster care

Kenneth:Boy, you are dumb sometimes

Jack:Men wanted to be me, women wanted to sleep with me, bisexuals wanted to watch

Jack:Maybe I'll just quit and... Go work for a not-for-profit. Somewhere where there's less pressure and the people are nice. And I can wear sneakers and jeans on Friday

Jack:I want to be somebody else! I want to be a baby again!

Liz:No, no, no. Look, you won. Just don't cry. Daddy doesn't cry

Jack:Have you not read the poetry of jewel?

Liz · Jack:So that means that my me-I taught your you-you a negotiation trick. Yes, I suppose you did

Jack:He's a white male with hair, Lemon. The sky's the limit

Liz · Jack:To white men!

Tracy:Those players have some crazy names. Like Derek and Alex

Tracy · Jenna:His wife's name is don't. What's the guy's name on first base? Know what died in Vietnam