The Bi Sexual

Unknown Woman:You don't have to worry about choking because I'm great at the heimlich.

Jane:Oh, well, God, I mean if I wasn't gonna give you my number before, that just did. That's an aggressive skill.

Jane:It'd be great if you could get out of here.

Rosie:You know what a lesbian brings on a second date? A u-haul.

Rosie:I looked at her and I thought hyphen name.

Larry:Smiling at an old bald man.

Larry:Yeah, I knew from her name. O'Donnell, Irish, duh.

Larry:Obviously she's bi-sexual.

Larry:What is that anyway? I mean, pick a side already, right?

Larry:They have to have sex with everyone? They have to do everything? Half the population isn't enough for them?

Larry:Look, in baseball the tie goes to the runner. In situations like this, tie goes to the hetero.

Rosie:I came alive in areas that have been dry like the Sahara desert.

Rosie:She hit my base first cleanly before she even saw you.

Larry:She's a dyke. Deal with it.

Leon:Ho ho! Look who's in the motherfucking house! Ha ha! Leon in the motherfucking house!

Leon:Let me tell you something. This motherfucking car has got some heart, man. I was surprised. I thought it was a bitch-ass car.

Leon:You got to have a photo I.D. for that, you know what I'm saying? Fuck that.

Leon:I got eight motherfuckers up in this car.

Leon:They some tricky motherfuckers. Frankly, I don't know what I'm doing down there. Ladies know that shit.

Larry:They know every nook and cranny. You know, every nook and cranny.

Leon:First of all, I would fucking throw the fuck up. I would regurgitate my own shit.

Larry:You think I'd go out with a guy wearing a green wife-beater?

Larry:Well, we really don't see each other in L.A. So why-- If we're in one city all the time and we never have lunch in that city, why would we have lunch in the new city?

Larry:We don't spend time together because I don't want to spend time together.

Larry:There will be no lunch, no breakfast or dinner. There won't be a snack. There won't be coffee. There won't be a drink.

Larry:Life is like this... And what you've done is made it like this. I want to make that smaller.

Larry · Jane:Maybe the cat knew I was coming. Oh. Maybe that's why I was throwing up a minute ago.

Jane:Yeah, ever since I met you I can't stop puking. I don't know what it is.

Larry:You know, you're in the take-out business, you got two things to do: Get the order right, secure the food.

Jane:I had Sushi at Yankee stadium, which you would not think is good Sushi, but it was actually really good Sushi.

Larry · Jane:What did Rosie think of your apartment? She didn't see my apartment. Really? She wasn't here? No. Oh. Poor thing.

Larry:Basically, man to man, I think an apology would be nice.

Restaurant Worker · Larry:I am sorry. Oh, the bow. Oh my gosh. Oh. I can't quibble with the bow.

Larry:Who goes out on Monday? Someone who's really desperate to have a date, I suppose, calls somebody for a Monday night.

Larry:She was too busy moaning to laugh.

Rosie:She knows all the words to 'Cats,' okay? Even the British version. She enjoyed 'Chess' the musical. Saw it three times. She saw 'Carrie.' It was only open two nights.

Leon:We are fucking men, Larry. What do we have, man? What the fuck do we have that she doesn't have?

Leon:What's below your fucking bat? What dangles below your bat? Balls. We got bats and balls, right? Okay, what do ladies have? Gloves. What do gloves do? Catch the goddamn balls.

Leon:Bats and balls run the fucking world. The woman is on this earth to catch balls.

Larry:You want me to juice?

Larry:The penis is an extraordinary instrument, Jane. Sometimes it surprises even me.

Japanese Man:That is not apology to you. No, he was not sorry at all. He a little dismissive of you.

Larry · Japanese Man:A shit bow? Shit bow. A shit bow I got. I got a shit bow.

Rosie:I've known like four decades of women that you've dated. None of them ever ever talks about your performance. You're a singles hitter your whole life, now all of a sudden you're Mr. power hitter?

Rosie O'Donnell:You're Mr. grand slam? Mr. get anybody, even Jane, huh? You doing something, Lar? What do you do?

Larry:I have never taken performance enhancing drugs ever. Period.

Leon · Larry:You know how to do the heimlich. You could have, you know. Yeah, I know how to do the heimlich. You do. If you only went to lunch with him.

Larry:It's like being with a great guy who happens to have a vagina and knows the statistics of what Roy White hit in 1971.

Larry:Your bow was like 15°. I asked him about it and he said that what you did is actually dismissive.

Restaurant Worker · Larry:He said shit bow? Yes, those were his words. Shit bow.

Jane:Whoa, you dropped something. What is this? Are you juicing?

Larry:Everybody's doing it! I was just leveling the playing field!

Duckstein:This could be our first meal together. Get my friend some lunch. My new friend some lunch. You know something? This is so ironic. We're having lunch after all.