Calculon

Calculon:Metric? I've always known. But for you, my darling, I'm willing to convert.

Calculon:I'm filled with a large number of powerful emotions.

Calculon:The natives called it the abominable snowmobile.

Calculon:I once had a best friend who liked to smell things with me.

Calculon:Acting Unit 0.8, Thespo-mat, David Duchovny.

Calculon · Fry:Knight Rider wasn't evil. His windshield wipers were. It didn't come up in the show.

Calculon:Are you my hot-water heater?

Calculon:Unless you can heat water to 212 degrees, I'm not interested.

Calculon · Bender:Nice work, Boiler. Thanks. And call me Bender.

Calculon:No. No, I don't like the font.

Calculon:That's the Emmy of movie awards!

Calculon:I respect and admire Harold Zoid too much to beat him to death.

Calculon:Funny story. The script called for me to say 'yes.' But I gave it a little twist.

Calculon:From this day forth, I shall do so whenever possible.

Calculon:Of course I would.

Calculon:I'd appreciate it if you didn't 'bam' the young lady.

Calculon:It's as if you understand the male mind better than I.

Calculon:It's the remote control to my heart. It symbolizes the power you have to sway my emotions.

Bender · Calculon:Would we have donkeys? All you could eat.

Calculon:Dear God! The very illness my TV character caught in season two... When I was holding out for more money.

Calculon:When I was holding out for more money.

Calculon:Deep in the diamond mines of the Congo.

Calculon:Why?

Calculon:N-O-O-O!

Calculon:And this time, the Academy will not deny me. Not when they see Coilette: The Calculon Story.

Calculon:Every emotion an actor can display.

Unknown character · Calculon:Calculon! But I thought you were-- Egyptian?

Calculon:I'm not familiar with the type of thing I'm seeing.

Calculon:It seems someone in this room... Is a murderer! It's me.

Calculon:At last, we can enjoy our studio-mandated quality time.

Calculon:Lo, the worm has turned.

Calculon:Food coloring? The most poisonous substance known to robots?

Calculon:I'm a celebrity. I can kill anyone I want!

Calculon:That's right, I said it. I said it!

Calculon:At least he died knowing I was great.

Calculon:Piscopo. This guy.

Calculon:No, no. Line? No...!

Calculon:My personal trainer, and he's trained me to say that my wounds were self-inflicted, for you see I am a big Hollywood idiot dumb guy what does dat sort of ting.

Calculon:It takes more than that to surprise me... Bender.

Calculon:you're no doubt curious as to why I tricked you all into hang gliding here. Close-up. It seems someone in this room is a murderer.

Calculon:It's me. But the real question is, which of you is the victim? And that secret I shall take to my grave.

Calculon:At last, we can enjoy our studio-mandated quality time.

Calculon:Argh! I can't not work like this. I'll be in my day-off trailer.

Calculon:Lo, the worm has turned.

Calculon:He beats me out for every award, every role, every paternity suit.

Calculon:Food coloring? The most poisonous substance known to robots?

Calculon:I must perform the ultimate death scene. I shall drink the actual poison and actually die.

Leela · Calculon:But, Calculon, you can't kill yourself. I'm a celebrity. I can kill anyone I want.

Robot Devil · Calculon:will you shut up?! You've been talking for a solid year. You know, hell used to be a nice place before you got here.

Calculon:Wherefore... Verily... No autographs, please.

Calculon:Won't leave my trailer for less than $40,000.

Calculon · Bender:Who is she? Don't worry about it. Not important.

Calculon:This is going to be the greatest career resurrection since... Jesus-- aloha from hawaii.

Calculon:But I reckon, if I had to do it all again, I'd murder those astronauts just the same. Wouldn't you, folks? Wouldn't... You?

Calculon:Ye gods! What manner of beef-witted popinjay am I?

Calculon:And not the kind you hope for When you're stranded on a desert island.

Fry · Calculon:Calculon? Yes? Are you done talking, or is this a long pause? I'm done talking. Okay, that's what I thought.

Leela · Calculon:That was the first time I ever believed You were feeling a genuine emotion. I was. It was shame.

Calculon:No, leela. In the world of theater There are no second acts.

Executive · Calculon:Where's calculon? And who's this goomer? It's me, calculon.

Calculon · Director:Better yet, I'll whip their emotions into a frenzy By taking a dramatic... / Actors to the set!

Calculon:This show is about me! And it always has been! Now, find the co-executive hack who wrote this drivel And tell him I want 37 more climactic speeches By lunch!

Calculon:I've never heard that phrase-- what does that mean?

Calculon:My humble ranks among the greatest In the history of the universe!

Calculon:My humble ranks among the greatest In the history of the universe!

Calculon:Maybe even a little bit better.

Calculon:I thought I could just step back into my old life. But it seems the world got on fine without me. Maybe even a little bit better.

Calculon:I was programmed to take credit for this.

Calculon · Bender:Very well. Just one. / Whew, that was close.

Calculon:Whew, that was close.

Calculon:Everything is negotiable.

Calculon:Yes, I do need to expel more coffee.

Calculon:Like the Milwaukee Shakespeare Festival.

Bender · Calculon:Hey, it's me! Your extremely close friend Bender. - How did you get this number? - I didn't! I'm just dialing every number in order.

Calculon:I am a demanding actor, so I must order off the menu.

Calculon:Hmm, I don't see anything inconveniencing enough.