Bender and Zoidberg travel through time to attack Robot Santa.
WAR
32.7
Wins Above Replacement
“I Know What You Did Next Xmas” ranks #118 of 137 Futurama episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 72.6 — Solid. The episode packs 59 scored jokes at 3.3 per minute, averaging 6.7 on craft and 6.4 on impact, with Bender landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Zoidberg: But we danced. And murdered.
Zoidberg: You're drinking out of him.
Leela · Hermes: Are they hard to catch? - Oh, no. They crave death.
Zoidberg: Wait. Where's my claw?
Bender: You want white Christmas or dark Christmas?
Bender Dark/Subversive Wordplay/Pun Standout Moments
Leela · Hermes: Are they hard to catch? - Oh, no. They crave death.
Zoidberg: But we danced. And murdered.
Zoidberg: You're drinking out of him.
All Jokes — 59 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Bender: That's weird. Normally, I get mail delivered to my ass.
Bender Absurdist Character Comedy Fry: I wonder what you will have done and who could possibly will have known about it.
Fry Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Bender: Eh, I do a lot of stuff. I'm probably doing something right now.
Bender Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Narrator: Mom's Old Fashioned Blood Remover. Now in oatmeal spice.
Kwanzaabot: Hey, kids, any chance y'all wanna remix this holiday special, and hear the dope story of Kwanzaabot instead?
Holiday Special Narrator: Oy...
Holiday Special Narrator: They tricked him out with a pair of carbon-fiber Tims and a chrome naughty-nice sensor.
Holiday Special Narrator: But on Santa's very first delivery, something went tragically meshuggenah.
Kwanzaabot: Man, that's some bleeped-up [shit].
Fry: I'm sorry, kids. I never wanted you to know Santa was real.
Fry Irony/Sarcasm Setup/Punchline Professor Farnsworth: Where is it? - The question is when is it? And the answer is right about... now!
Leela: It's so amazing. I don't even care that it's on my foot.
Leela Deadpan/Understatement Visual Gag Fry: Yeah, but back then, it was some kinda meat market, where butchers would hook up and grind their sausages.
Fry Dark/Subversive Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Professor Farnsworth · Fry · Leela: But I'll go alone to minimize the chance of anyone becoming their own grandfather. - These things happen. - No, they don't.
Professor Farnsworth: Damn it! I backed over Mrs. McGillicuddy's time cat!
Professor Farnsworth: Ah, here comes the Big Backwards Bang.
Professor Farnsworth: Ow! I'm being crushed by all the matter that ever was.
Fry: It'll be my first happy Xmas since I got frozen and never saw my family again!
Fry Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Hermes: Oh fuff. Let's stop pretending we do anything around here.
Hermes Observational Meta/Self-Referential Hermes: I forgot I had loved ones! It's a human resources miracle!
Hermes Character Comedy Absurdist Amy: I mean, they met him before, but he didn't make much of an impression.
Amy Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Zoidberg · Bender: So, Bender... - No. - You and I are the only ones with no family. Maybe we could... - No. - Hang out? - Oh. Hang out, you say? Let me think that over for a... No. No. Oh, sorry. Uh, I thought you were still talking.
Bender · Calculon: Hey, it's me! Your extremely close friend Bender. - How did you get this number? - I didn't! I'm just dialing every number in order.
Bender Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Zoidberg: What's not in it?
Bender · Zoidberg: ♪ Five golden rings! ♪ ♪ Four something something, three something else ♪ ♪ Two no one cares, and a partridge ♪ ♪ Drowned in our nog! ♪
Zoidberg: None. This is just from the fumes.
Zoidberg · Bender: My species dies when we reproduce. So if I had a family, I'd be dead. Does anyone even care about that? - I sure don't.
Zoidberg: I'd like to give him such a snipping.
Zoidberg: But, he has was been here.
Zoidberg · Bender: Wait. Is kidnapping Santa a good idea, or does it just seem like a good idea because we're intoximated? - It's a good idea.
Bender · Zoidberg: ♪ Jingle bells, Zoidberg smells just like rotten eggs ♪ I'm immortalized in song.
Santa: Bite my glittering festive ass!
Santa Callback Wordplay/Pun Callback Bender: Try spreading joy now, you big Xmas ham.
Bender Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Bender · Zoidberg: We're geniuses! - I'm geniuses!
Bender · Zoidberg: You know, Zoidberg, you're only half as bad as I thought you were. - That means a lot.
Bender · Zoidberg: He's dead. We killed Santa Claus. - Uh... You killed Santy Claus.
Bender · Zoidberg: This was supposed to be a fun kidnapping! What do we do now? - We gotta get rid of the body. That's usually pretty fun.
Bender · Zoidberg · Police: I admit it! We murd... - Uh, just, uh, dumping some toxic waste, officers. - Huh. Guess you gotta put it somewhere. - Carry on, night dumpers.
LaBarbara: At $20 a pound!? No, thank you.
Bender · Zoidberg: Well, at least I have ideas! What do you suggest? - Hm... We could try an acid bath. - That does sound relaxing, but... - No! We'll dissolve Santa's body!
Bender: Remind me, is this the ground floor?
Bender Physical/Slapstick Deadpan/Understatement Hermes: Turdolphin! It's fresh turtle cooked inside a fermented dolphin.
Fry: Wow. Soon, it's gonna be barf inside a vomit.
Fry Observational Cringe/Discomfort Zoidberg · Bender: You ruined everything! You're the one who wanted to kidnap Santa! - Oh, yeah? Well, you enabled me, so shut up and keep pushing him into the meat grinder!
Zoidberg: Wait. Where's my claw?
Fry: Hey! Sorry I'm late. I got hungry and ate my skis.
Fry Absurdist Character Comedy Bender: You want white Christmas or dark Christmas?
Bender Dark/Subversive Wordplay/Pun Amy · Bender: Bender, since when do you have three legs? - Uh, uh, th-this one's a spare. In case I break down on the highway.
Bender: Santa seems less dead than we thought.
Bender Deadpan/Understatement Escalation Professor Farnsworth: Oh, I've made a complete Fry of myself.
Bender: You didn't take us to last Xmas. You took us to next Xmas! Meaning this Xmas!
Bender Escalation Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Zoidberg: Damn it, Bender. I'm a doctor, not a time machine guy!
Zoidberg Callback Character Comedy Callback Fry: The professor set Santa to kill! You saved all 19 of us!
Fry Irony/Sarcasm Escalation Bender: Uh, absolutely not! You're all having a mass hallucination!
Santa: You became friends with Zoidberg! So I'm blackmailing you!
Santa Escalation Character Comedy 