Bender and Zoidberg travel through time to attack Robot Santa.
WAR
46.8
Wins Above Replacement
“I Know What You Did Next Xmas” ranks #127 of 170 Futurama episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 74.5 — Great. The episode packs 78 scored jokes at 4.0 per minute, averaging 6.8 on craft and 6.4 on impact, with Leela landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Leela · Warden Vogel: Oh, is the organ-harvesting clown here? Nah, Rusty comes on Tuesdays now.
Leela: Sometimes two or three times.
Leela Meta/Self-Referential Observational ★ Rewatch Interviewer: So, wait. You play a high school student who's also secretly a rock star who's also secretly a massage chair?
Garbly: I can finally afford my speech therapy.
Garbly Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Warden Vogel: They liked hunger cramps more than your last one.
All Jokes — 78 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Warden: Welcome back the bed-wetter of Building D, Turanga Leela
Warden Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Albert · Leela · Other orphan: We don't got books no more. - What? - He means 'anymore.' Look, sometimes you got to choose between eating and reading, so they ate the books.
Leela: A... one-eyed princess in a long, flowing... tank top. And she lived in a magical one-room... Castle? Yeah, if you believe the listing agent.
Leela Misdirection Observational Leela: And then that's exactly what she did do that. And they all lived happily ever after. The end.
Leela Absurdist Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Albert · Leela: That story was bad. That's not really a question. That wasn't really a story.
Albert · Leela: Please don't. See you soon.
Leela: I just need to think of three of some kind of animal.
Leela Absurdist Character Comedy Fry · Bender: Yes. It's the only song I know. Look, friends. I accidentally learned to tap dance.
Professor Farnsworth: Time for my 4:21 daiquiri!
Bender: Guys, guys, guess who just got commissioned as a tugboat?
Bender Absurdist Character Comedy Bender: Tokyo crazy balls! Yes!
Bender Absurdist Character Comedy Professor Farnsworth: I'd like to describe my foot pain. My left has a sharp jabbing throb near the bunion, while the other's got a searing pain like gout. Maybe it's too much albumin because of gravity...
Professor Farnsworth: Searing, searing pain that feels as if it were in a vice.
Warden Vogel: They liked hunger cramps more than your last one.
Leela · Warden Vogel: Oh, is the organ-harvesting clown here? Nah, Rusty comes on Tuesdays now.
Orphan child: He gives me a nice, warm feeling in my eyeballs.
TV character: Oh, my God. There's Jake Finkelberg! He's so hot. I wish he wasn't my brother.
Bottomless Boy · Captain Mega Meat: Hurry, Captain! A skinny kid needs our help. Super-size me!
Announcer: From the Rowdy Roddy Piper Daycare Center in Glasgow, Scotland, it's Extreme Toddler Wrestling!
Abner Doubledeal: Don't have any children for the next couple of days.
Orphan child: Can't we just get our organs harvested?
Feffernoose: Hello. I'm scared of everyones.
Doingg: I'm a silly spring named Doingg And my bouncing never ends
Doingg Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Garbly · Leela: What about me? Hey, it's Garbly. Everyone loves him 'cause they can't understand him. It's nice to meet you.
Orphan child: Wow, I can't believe you 'maginated all that stuff.
Abner Doubledeal: their enjoyment glands were squirting like Broadway roadkill!
Leela: Don't I need a degree to write gibberish for toddlers?
Leela Observational Irony/Sarcasm Abner Doubledeal: Come on, Miss Leela. Don't be a fraidy cat like Feffernoose.
Leela: if you just luck out hard enough.
Leela Observational Irony/Sarcasm Abner Doubledeal: Welcome to the glamorous, big-money world of basic cable TV! I'm going to need that pen back.
Fry · Bender: These costumes are gonna make it hard to go to the bathroom. I'm not having any problem.
Abner Doubledeal: Sweet zombie Jesus, like it's not hard enough to make a freakin' TV show for under 50 bucks.
Abner Doubledeal: Damn it. I'll call you back, Grandma.
Abner Doubledeal: Ach! You writers make me sick. Nice job on the script, though.
Abner Doubledeal: Cheap lights. Off-brand camera. And non-union action!
Doingg: When I like something, I lick it. Like this raccoon.
Background character: I like turtles!
Princess Num-Num: Poke it with a stick and lick the stick instead.
Leela as Princess Num-Num: But before we go, let's do everything we just did two more times.
Bender: Even I have to admire the performance of me, Bender.
Bender Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Abner Doubledeal: And it looks so cruddy, their ironic hipster parents will love it.
Leela: Sometimes two or three times.
Leela Meta/Self-Referential Observational ★ Rewatch Abner Doubledeal: Baby, I hope you like drowning in caviar, 'cause that is how you're gonna die.
SpongeBot SquareBolts: I interfere with pacemakers.
Abner Doubledeal: Baby, I hope you like drowning in caviar, 'cause that is how you're gonna die.
Awards announcer: But first, the nominees for Best New Kids' Show are... Outstanding Sext Message.
Announcer: This is Turanga Leela's first nomination and second time in high heels.
Leela: I feel so lucky just to have been nominated alongside so many inferior shows.
Leela Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Interviewer: So, wait. You play a high school student who's also secretly a rock star who's also secretly a massage chair?
Massage chair actor · Bender: No. I play a high school student who's also secretly a rock star, but in real life I'm a massage chair. Oh. You ever made out with a tugboat.
Bender: Sweet ego of Montego! Someone build a wind farm in front of her mouth!
Bender Character Comedy Absurdist Abner Doubledeal: you're the greatest creative mind since blah, blah, blah-bity blah.
Fry: I'll have you know I bedazzle my own underpants.
Fry Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Leela: Rumbledy-hump? It's real!
Ladybuggle: They're like crunchy, green water.
Feffernoose: I had to be big and strong to fight off the monsters.
Bender: You just wrote down what these space twerps said.
Bender Observational Character Comedy Humpling: Leela said a Rumbledy-Hump no-no!
Humpling Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Humplings: And poo-poo and pee-pee and penis and gay. Those are the 98 words we don't say.
Abner Doubledeal: It's like catching an evangelist in a whorehouse. That was the best Christmas ever.
Bender: I'm loving the hypocrisy. It's like catching an evangelist in a whorehouse.
Bender Observational Dark/Subversive Abner Doubledeal: At least Reverend Pickens had the dignity to jump out the whorehouse window with his pants around his ankles.
Humpling: He sure has a shiny metal bumbledy-boop.
Bender · Leela: 'Cause now I can get rich off of you. Oh, Lord. From now on, you give me half the gross, or I'll blow your cover.
Bender: Ugh! You are the worst kind of rich person.
Bender Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Warden Vogel: The kids haven't been this excited since Food Day.
Bender: I do love inconveniencing the underclass.
Bender Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Bender: Is somebody standing on me? Ah. I do love inconveniencing the underclass.
Bender Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Warden Vogel: Okay, kids, delta pattern. Go! Go! Go!
Sally: Thank you for being my hero.
Sally Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Leela: Having to wear a costume made from a hollowed-out walrus.
Doubledeal · Leela: Stealing is a form of creativity. No, it isn't.
Humpling: We didn't have a word for it... until now.
Sally: I guess if you can't make up stories, I can't neither.
Sally Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Abner Doubledeal: No writers, no actors, no problem.
Garbly: I can finally afford my speech therapy.
Garbly Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Abner Doubledeal: What orphans? The kids were all adopted.
Albert: You're the boss, Daddy.
Albert Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Callback