Leela

Terry · Leela:Welcome! To the world of tomorrow! Why do you always have to say it that way?

Fry · Leela:Can I ask you a question? As long as it's not about my eye. Uh... is it about my eye? Sort of.

Fry · Leela:Cool. An alien. Has your race taken over the earth? No. I just work here.

Leela:Well, at least here you'll be treated with dignity. Now, strip naked and get on the probulator.

Leela:He's your great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great nephew.

Fry · Leela:That's great. What's the little guy's name? Professor Hubert Farnsworth. Ew.

Leela · Fry:Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun.

Leela:Hold still, damn it! I don't have good depth perception.

Terry · Leela:Welcome to the world of tomorrow. Shut up, Terry.

Fry · Leela:Yeah, well if you're sorry then why are you doing it? It's my job. You gotta do what you gotta do.

Leela:No one makes fun of my nose.

Fry · Leela:You can't possibly understand... what it feels like to be so alone. I understand. I'm the only one-eyed alien on this whole planet.

Leela · Bender:What is the matter with you? I just wanted to be part of the moment.

Fry · Leela:Can anyone drive stick? I can... As long as I don't have to parallel park.

Farnsworth · Fry · Leela:I've paid to air it during Super Bowl. -Wow. -Not on the same channel, of course.

Fry · Zoidberg · Leela:I only have one. Really? -Is there a human doctor around?

Leela:Nice catch, idiot.

Leela:I'd like to hold off any major screwups... until at least my second day.

Fry · Leela:Can I do the countdown? -Sure. Knock yourself out. -10, 9-- -Okay, we're here.

Fry · Leela:Hurry! I want to see the moon! -Relax, it's open till 9.

Fry · Leela:That's one small step for Fry-- And one giant line for admission.

Leela · Bender:If everyone's finished being stupid-- I had more, but you go ahead.

Leela · Salesperson:Who buys this trash? Idiots who need gifts for other idiots.

Leela · Gopher:This is weak. Address all complaints to the Monsanto Corporation.

Fry · Leela:Wow! I never realized the first astronauts were so fat. That's no astronaut. It's a TV comedian. He used space travel as a metaphor for beating his wife.

Moon farmer · Leela:Trespassers, eh? -No, we're amusement park patrons. That's a wicked, sinful place. Tilt-A-Whirl's okay, but the rest is mighty wicked.

Moon farmer · Leela:Night lasts two weeks on the moon. Yep. Drops down to minus 173. Fahrenheit or Celsius? First one, then the other.

Leela:Face it. The moon's a dump. A boring, dried-up wasteland. The only reason people come is for the tacky amusement park. -Can't you accept that?

Fry · Leela · Bender:Hey, cool! Dark side of the moon. Nightfall's coming. -Hurry, before we freeze! -What do you mean 'we,' mammal?

Bender · Leela:She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes I'll kill you, Amy!

Leela · Fry:No, Fry, by 'close quarters' I mean this office. Uh-huh. And by 'people,' I mean you. Right. And by 'inconsiderate,' I mean... Leela, we're trying to watch TV.

Leela:You know, beneath his warm, sunny exterior... beats the cold, mechanical heart of a robot.

Leela:Was his apartment rent controlled?

Leela:You've been up all night not drinking, haven't you?

Leela · Fry:Don't help him mutilate himself. But it's a useless antenna. It's not like he's a ham radio or something.

Leela:Ew!

Leela:I don't know. Something I couldn't quite put my finger on.

Leela · Professor Farnsworth:Yes, but what about the animals? The what? The animals. I didn't say anything about animals.

Leela:As long as it's less than five.

Leela · Zapp Brannigan:I didn't realize you were such a coin-a-sewer. Well, I have studied abroad... or two.

Zapp Brannigan · Leela:Come over here and feel my velour bedspread. I'm not really in the mood. Leela, it's real velour.

Leela · Zapp Brannigan:No. And it's pronounced 'champagne.' Oh, God, no!

Zapp Brannigan · Leela:A sexy mistake. No, just a regular mistake.

Leela:The only kind of crawling I'm doing to you is away from.

Guard · Leela · Bender:The fatso says you're free to go. Really? Why? Why indeed?

Leela:We just talked, okay?

Leela:The planet is supposed to collapse in approximately... two hours ago.

Leela:I don't care how hilarious your apron is. We're not cooking him.

Leela:It's not his fault... he's an unstoppable killing machine. Is it, snuggums?

Leela · Fry:Nothing. We just talked. So what's your problem? It's not like you slept with him. Oh, my God!

Leela · Zapp Brannigan:Birds don't crawl. They've been known to.

Leela:You know, Zapp, once I thought you were a big, pompous buffoon. Then I realized that inside, you were just a pitiful child. But now I realize that outside that child... is a big, pompous buffoon.

Leela:You know, Zapp, once I thought you were a big, pompous buffoon. Then I realized that inside, you were just a pitiful child. But now I realize that outside that child... is a big, pompous buffoon.

Leela:So this guy just unloaded a steaming pile... of starship fuel?

Leela:I did find a cute little companion... who excretes starship fuel, and that's just as good.

Leela:Baseball? God forbid. Face it, Fry. Baseball was as boring as mom and apple pie.

Leela:It's tradition, like aluminum bats and the seventh-inning grope.

Fry · Leela:I'm getting the hang of this. The blerns are loaded, count's 3 blerns, 2 anti-blerns, and the blern rule's in effect, right? / Except for the word 'blern,' that's total gibberish.

Leela · Bender:Well, aren't they? / I've never made anyone's life easier, and you know it!

Leela · Bender:This is the first actual work you've ever done here. / Well, I'm not doing it! It's a robot holiday.

Leela · Bender:Really? Which one? / Only Robanukah. The holiest two weeks on the robot calendar.

Leela:Kind of like how a warehouse is inhabited by boxes.

Leela:If only I had two or three minutes to think.

Leela:If only I had two or three minutes to think.

Leela:Fry. First of all, this is serious. Second of all: [does robot dance]

Leela · Fry:We look stupid. We should've gotten store-bought costumes. / But there's no Woolworth's nearby.

Leela · Fry:Come on, Fry. Walk like a robot. / I have to go to the bathroom. / Robots don't have bathrooms. / Right. Where do they smoke in high school?

Fry · Leela:Wow! The 3-D's great! -Mine's not working.

Leela:Look, one eye! Count them! One! Not human!

Bender · Fry · Leela:Thanks. You know I made Robanukah up to get out of work, right? / Of course. / That doesn't make it less meaningful.

Bender · Leela:Thanks. You know I made Robanukah up to get out of work, right? -Of course.

Fry · Leela:Hey, who's the rocker jockey? Guh! It's Mom the world's most huggable industrialist.

Leela:Maybe you don't understand just how rich he is. In fact, I think I better put on a monocle.

Leela · Zoidberg:Just about the time your people arrived on earth wasn't it, Zoidberg? I'm not on trial here.

Leela:Well, aside from causing eye cancer these things had a lousy, low-definition picture.

Leela:Who was this Ted Danson and why would you pay $10,000 for his skeleton?

Fry · Auctioneer · Leela:Don't tell me how to spend my money. 50, going once, twice... $75,000. Oh, my God. It's Mom.

Leela:Now, are you going to come to the squid fights with us or sit here wallowing in your prehistoric junk?

Leela:My ponytail's caught in the door.

Leela · Bender:When Leela says she likes cooking too, Bender immediately calls her 'Pansy'

Leela:Leela points out Bender is 'a robot without a sense of taste'

Leela:Leela's extreme reaction to Bender's cooking: 'Oh, dear God!'

Leela · Emperor Bont:Leela's confused response: 'What are you talking about?' followed by Bont's explanation

Fry · Leela:As long as you don't make me smell Uranus. -I don't get it.

Fry · Leela:You got that off the Internet? In my day it was only used to download porn. -Actually, that's still true.

Professor · Leela:Now that the garbage is in space... perhaps you can help me with my sexual inhibitions. -With gusto.

Fry · Leela · Bender:-What do you do with it? -We recycle. -Robots are made from old beer cans. -And this can's made from old robots.

Fry · Leela:Give me a break. What do you do with it? We recycle.

Leela · Bender:Robots are made from old beer cans. And this can's made from old robots.

Leela:That sandwich is made of discarded sandwiches.

Leela · Fry:-Those are from the 19th century. -They probably just copied us.

Leela:This was garbage when it was new. Let's blow it up already.

Leela:There's your problem. The professor put the counter on upside down.

Leela:That idiot! It wasn't set for 25 minutes, it was set for 52 seconds.

Leela:You can't just find garbage in the streets. City's been garbage-free for 500 years!

Leela · Farnsworth · Fry:Should we be celebrating? What if it returns to Earth like the first one? -Who cares? That would take centuries. -Exactly. It's none of our concern. -That's the 20th-century spirit!

Leela · Bender:Bender, why are you spending so much time in the bathroom? Are you jacking on in there? No! Don't come in!

Leela:Bender, we didn't mind your drinking or your kleptomania or your pornography ring. In fact, that's why we loved you.

Leela · Bender:What are you doing to my ship? Sanctifying it. There. That ought to convert a few tailgaters.

Fry · Leela:Bender's stupid religion is driving me nuts. / Amen.

Leela · Fry:What in hell happened to Bender? Well, he didn't check out. The ashtray's still here.

Leela · Robot Devil:Wouldn't a solid gold fiddle weigh hundreds of pounds... and sound crummy? Well, it's mostly for show.

Leela · Bender:Uh, do you think you could be... just a little less evil than that? I don't know. Do you think you could survive a 700-foot fall?

Professor · Leela · Professor:Great news, everyone- / Shove it! We quit! / Then I'll have to hire a new crew to go on our company vacation.

Leela · Fry · Leela:God, not Zapp Brannigan! / You know Zapp Brannigan? / Let's just say we've crossed paths.

Leela:It's tempting, but I have a fiancé now.

Leela · Fry:I'm beginning to think this whole fake fiancé thing was a terrible- / Hm? Mmm.

Leela:I consider my fake relationship with you more meaningful.

Leela:Are you sure? I mean, she has two eyes. You have two eyes.

Leela · Zapp:That's surprisingly noble of you. / No, it's noble of you.

Leela:It may sound like an after-school special... but we learned who the real animal was today.

Leela:I'm staying out of this. Now here's my opinion.

Fry · Leela:- Wow! So this is a real TV station? - Well, it's a Fox affiliate.

Leela · Bender:- My God! You knocked Fox off the air. - Like anyone on Earth cares.

Fry · Leela:- Not covered. - Just get in the car.

Leela:Wouldn't it make more sense to send the robots in first-?

Leela:We should wait till after, in case neither of us comes back.

Leela:I'll be a science-fiction hero, like Uhura or Captain Janeway or Xena.

Leela:Way to overact, Zoidberg.

Leela:Let me check if you have a fever. Ow!

Leela · Glurmo · Leela · Glurmo:What's the secret ingredient? / Whatever you want it to be! / But what is it really? / That's not for you to know.

Grunka Lunkas · Leela · Fry · Grunka Lunkas · Leela:Grunka Lunka dunkity dinkredient / You should not ask About secret ingredient / Okay, we get the point. / I was curious about the guards. / Grunka Lunka dunkity darmed guards- / Shut up.

Leela · Fry:No. That's moronic. - Fine. I'll swim around and drink as much as I want.

Leela · Fry · Leela · Fry:My God, what if the secret ingredient is people? / There's already a soda like that. Soylent Cola. / How is it? / It varies from person to person.

Fry · Leela · Fry:There's already a soda like that. Soylent Cola. - How is it? - It varies from person to person.

Leela · Slurm Queen:That's the secret ingredient? / That's the only ingredient of Slurm.

Slurm Queen · Leela · Slurm Queen:Honey comes from a bee's behind. Milk is from a cow's behind. Do you use toothpaste? / Whose behind is that? / I won't say.

Leela:You pig! Stop stuffing your craw and save us!

Leela · Slurms McKenzie:But she'll crush you like a worm. A smaller worm. / I'm so tired of partying. So very tired.

Leela:All right, I'm coming.

Leela:And this time... if someone jumps out of it, put them in after it's cooked.

Leela:That's me, baby.

Leela:I'm not mopey. You shut up!

Leela:Nibbler loved to eat puppies.

Leela · Fry:He flushed himself down the toilet? Who's next?

Fry · Leela:It's your fault. Your emotions made him feel bad. You're right. I feel terrible. Now you're making him feel worse!

Leela:Mutants are just a ridiculous urban myth.

Leela:Mutants!

Leela:You guys worship an unexploded nuclear bomb?

Leela:Please! That's just a sub-urban legend.

Leela:Know what else I could use? A weekend at a fancy spa. And a Toblerone.

Leela:Maybe Bender didn't learn from me... but I learned something from him.

Leela:Or like the Federation from Star Trek.

Leela:That's a dumb question. What matters is Zapp's the worst captain ever.

Leela:And the second one with real hoses.

Leela · Zapp:You can't do any of those things. - Kif might.

Leela:Let me guess. He canceled naptime? He ran out of beer? So he's about to kill us?

Leela:It's true. My female incompetence, his cat-like reflexes... the stuff that made no sense, all of it.

Leela:John Quincy Adding Machine. He enticed voters by pledging not to go on a killing spree.

Leela:But, like most, he promised more than he could deliver.

Leela:I'd better keep an eye out at the next meeting.

Leela · Bender:Too bad you can't spend it. Oh, can't I? No. Watch me, poor man.

Leela:It was just a dream. There are no twos.

Leela:But when a robotic Nixon is loose, we have to take action! Idiot.

Leela · Nixon:The voters aren't pea-brained idiots anymore. No? Listen here, missy.

Leela:Why'd they vote for him, now that he's just a head?

Bender · Fry · Leela:It ain't my fault. I'm a non-voting felon. It's not my fault. I forgot to vote. Crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today.

Leela:Like when you say 'ask' instead of 'ax.'

Leela · Bender:Right. As if you ever did anything charitable. I'm very generous. What about that time I gave blood? Whose blood? Some guy's.

Leela:I never thought it'd end this way, gunned down by Santa Claus. Honestly, I didn't see it coming.

Leela:Come on, everybody. If you don't believe in him, he can't hurt you. Oh, God, the pain!

Leela:Watch out, his belly's shaking like a bowl full of nitroglycerine.

Leela · Bender:You've become a fat sack of crap. - Sack?

Leela:Bender, your beer belly's so big your door won't close

Leela · Fry:You're in the women's steam room. - Ah, futuristic

Leela:Look what life was like before genetic engineering. The poor 20th-century women

Leela:Someone must have turned down the gravity

Leela · Zoidberg:Look out! - Moron!

Leela:You didn't have to point out his speech impediment

Leela:He's no different from you organisms...shooting DNA at each other to make babies

Edna · Leela:Do you have idiots on your planet? - Fry?

Leela:Yet I embrace celibacy to uphold our crazy traditions

Fry · Leela:It's a fight to the death! - Suddenly it's all about you! Sheesh

Leela:No wonder you're at the end of conga lines

Leela · Bender:Why would anyone ask you for help? Don't make me go upside your head!

Leela:If you disrupt the mating dance... the male will maul us with his fearsome gonad

Leela:This always happens with office romances

Sal · Leela:Nice eyeball, Eyeball. Nice ass, Ass

Leela · Bender · Bus Driver:Did you round up our dates at the bus station? Of course not. Anybody else for Nutley?

Gary · Leela:Banking industry regulator. Really? I heard that banking industry regulations are very simple. That's not true

Gary · Leela:Modern banking regulations are a product of five regulatory traditions. Six, if you want to get technical. Oh, I do

Leela · Bender:No! You just corralled some stiffs at the bus station and took our money. True. But in the end, isn't that what Valentine's Day is all about?

Leela · Fry:You know I yearn for a simpler time of barn dances and buggy rides before life was cheapened by heartless machines. But Bender, you are a...

Leela · Fry:Sorry, Bender, that's just a phone booth. What were they used for? In New York? Bathrooms.

Fry · Leela:"Tokens only." How does this work? I'll show you.

Fry · Leela:What's this? Another bathroom? It's a mobile apartment with no rent.

Leela:Didn't I tell you to end your stories a sentence earlier?

Bender · Leela:I think I got whiplash. How? You don't have a neck. I meant ass whiplash.

Leela:I'm glad we hit something. I thought we'd never stop.

Zoidberg · Leela:We did all we could. You mean he's... Good as new? Yes!

Leela:Except for that stylish beard, he looks just like Bender!

Fry · Leela:He's bad news. I regret hitting him. Take a rage dump. He's no worse than Bender.

Fry · Leela:He is. He drinks, smokes and posts naked photos of me. That's Bender. I'm talking about Flexo.

Leela:I get it. This is cute. You're jealous of Bender's new friend.

Fry · Leela:No, I'm not! Mark my words: Flexo's evil. He's the evil Bender. Rage dump.

Professor · Amy · Bender · Leela · Fry:Feast your eyes on this! It's beautiful! And huge! Can I touch it? What is it, already?

Professor · Leela:That's why I hid it under my mattress. Can we discuss this somewhere else? Why certainly.

Amy · Leela · Professor:When I was a little girl, I dreamed of being Miss Universe. That's pathetic. Deep down, all girls wanna be Miss Universe. Not me. Really? Maybe it's just cute girls.

Leela · Fry:You'll take eight-hour guard shifts. Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Wait. Hold on. Let's go alphabetically. Okay. Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Go by rank. Okay. Bender, then Flexo, then Fry.

Leela · Bender · Professor:How did he steal the atom? By using a sleep ray. Sleep rays exist, right? No. Then I fell asleep.

Bender · Flexo · Leela:Shoot him, he's choking me! No. Shoot him, he's choking me! I don't know which one to shoot!

Leela · Bender:Bender? You stole the atom? Yeah, but I can explain: It's very valuable.

Leela · Flexo:I'm sorry we suspected you, Flexo. But with the beard... Don't even bother! You people sicken me! I put my life on the line. This is how you repay me? You can go rot for all I care!

Leela:They're both fine choices. Whatever floats your boat.

Bender · Leela · Fry:You guys are losers... but I made out with the woman from the Radiator Planet. Fry, that's a radiator. Is there a burn ward nearby?

Amy · Leela:Sounds great, Hermes! Whatever you say.

Leela:This is more important than that marble-eating contest.

Leela:Quit scratching your ax-hole and get back.

Leela:Not Funog! Let's hit the gym. I'll teach you to fight like a girl!

Leela:You're just controlling him like a puppet. I mean, cheating in a fake fight. That's low.

Leela:But I beat up someone who hurt my feelings in high school.

Leela · Bender:That's me! No, it isn't! I just took some pictures of your face and put them on someone else's body.

Leela:Are you real, or am I seeing single?

Leela:Of course. If anything, I'm more impressed

Alcazar · Leela:How far away, do you think? A trillion miles?

Leela:Alcazar, I used to be a baby. It might have been me!

Leela:If it's obvious to you, with your learning disability, of course I knew!

Leela:No! No! Yes! I will!

Leela:If you can change form, why not change it in the one place that counts?

Unknown friend · Leela · Fry:I only gamble with chumps. - I'll play. - I'm in!

Morgan · Leela:Hi, Leela. You're fired. - I know.

Leela · Fry:Fry got his head stuck in a crater. - I thought it'd fit.

Leela · Morgan · Leela:Under who? - The autopilot. - That drunk?

Fry · Leela:Leela, he could live another 100 years! No, he couldn't.

Leela · Fry:When you turn 160... robots from the Sunset Squad take you to a mysterious planet... and you never return. Wow, a whole planet of old people. Where is it? Nobody knows.

Leela · Zoidberg:Look, the professor trusts me with a giant spaceship. He wouldn't trust you with his dentures. Yes, he would.

Leela:Why, you little... Wow, that hurt... the air!

Leela · Fry:You're his uncle, dummy. He takes after you! Yeah, well, what?

Leela:My God... the illusion is so perfect I almost forgot I was looking at an idiot!

Zoidberg · Leela:Why do I have to be the hump? Because you're too ugly to be a wart.

Leela · Robot:Got a hot, steaming batch right here. We only needed one cell. Keep the change, buddy!

Leela · Amy:So this is where they stick old people! It's horrific! It does keep them from driving.

Leela:Your social security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words!

Leela · Amy:Harpoon my ass! Okay!

Leela:A couple more of those and you'll have yourself a fish stick.

Bender · Leela:Then, why do I have to be careful? It belonged to my grandmother.

Amy · Leela:What happened to my parasol? It wasn't here when I took your umbrella.

Leela:Well, at least I'll die with my friends. Hello?

Fry · Leela:A mermaid! You think you saw a mermaid? No, I did see a mermaid. She was wearing a tube top... and she had a scaly tail, and hair extensions.

Leela:My eye! I'm blind!

Leela:I don't like this doctor. I've lost more patients than he's treated.

Doctor · Leela:A grayish blob? Right. And this one? A grayish blob? Not as right that time.

Leela · Fry:Leela! We're right here! I'm not deaf! I just have to wear a patch. Does it look stupid? No! It looks so nice, I think I might get one too.

Leela · Elzar · Bender:Hey! A bill? You're charging us, after you blinded me? I made a nice meal. This ain't a charity. Twelve hundred dollars? Holy zombie Jesus!

Leela · Bender:We don't have that! Especially not him. They took away my credit cards.

Fry · Amy · Leela · Professor:Bender's a model employee! He's so polite! And hardworking. He's made of candy.

Leela:My walk took a little longer than usual. Nibbler took me through the zoo.

Leela:That's coming out of your pay!

Leela:Eyes are for chumps.

Fry · Leela:Maybe someday I'll tell. And maybe someday I won't listen.

Leela:No, we're a billion miles from nowhere. It probably only has a Howard Johnson's.

Amy · Leela · Amy:They're tasty. What about Tasty-cles? Not that. Why not? It sounds like frozen mountain oysters on a stick. You know, Test-cicles.

Leela:Stop eating them with honey mustard sauce, tangy sweet and sour sauce! Stop eating the fiesta Popplers salad! Stop taking advantage of the cheaper 12-pack!

Leela:Stop eating them with honey mustard sauce, tangy sweet and sour sauce! Stop eating the fiesta Popplers salad!

Leela:It doesn't look anything like me! The hair's all wrong.

Leela:It doesn't look anything like me! The hair's all wrong.

Leela:Go consummate yourself.

Leela:That's so filthy, it might work.

Leela · Professor Farnsworth:Wouldn't it work better if the wheels were round? - It's my invention, we do it my way!

Leela:Nothing here but a couple of elephant skin rugs.

Leela:I can be impulsive. It just takes me a while.

Leela:Look what I bought on a wild impulse! New boots! They're like my old ones, but with a crazy green stripe!

Leela:Hello? New boots?

Professor Farnsworth · Leela:You've killed me! You've killed me! What have I done? I just told you! You've killed me!

Leela:Okay, that's it. No more killing. Next time, just have a stick of gum.

Leela · Scruffy:Who are you? Scruffy, the janitor. I've never seen you before. I've never seen you neither.

Leela:See? What smells like boot feet?

Bender · Leela:Are we near an Indian graveyard? No? Then it was you!

Hermes · Amy · Fry · Leela:Mail call! Amy, your designer lingerie catalog. Fry, Sadie's Bra Parade. And Leela, Bulk Underpants Outlet.

Leela:You buy once, you're on the list forever.

Leela:You've been drinking too much. Or too little. Anyway, not the right amount.

Leela · Fry:Could you help me? Bender crushed my foot. Stop rubbing it in!

Leela:Lee, La, Man. La Man. Lemon! Lee Lemon, sir.

Leela · Hermes:Fry, don't you recognize me? Hermes?

Leela:I left them onboard. I mean, what?!

Leela:A robbery of Fort Knox on elephant back? Dumbest thing I ever heard.

Leela · Fry:I tried to give you one and you ran away? It's how we met? Then what happened? Just give me your hand. Baby.

Fry · Leela:They'll find a cure in the future. We have a cure now! Good. Then you won't mind if I use this.

Fry · Leela:So these aren't the decaying ruins of New York in 4000? You wish. You're in Los Angeles!

Leela:Fry, I'd rather not dignify them with an ass-whipping.

Leela · Scruffy:Who are you? / Scruffy. A janitor. / Why aren't you fixing the boiler? / Schedule conflict.

Leela · Fry · Leela:Is it about Bender? / No, it's about you and me. / And Bender?

Fry · Leela:I'm thinking of having a window installed. / The view's perfect already.

Zoidberg · Leela:The fresh air feels good. - Stop doing that!

Zapp · Leela:Then let the negotiations begin. I propose we go out on 10 dates. How about zero? Nine. Zero. Seven? Eight?

Zapp · Leela:Five, and that's my final offer. Four! One. Two. Half. I'll take it.

Leela · Zapp · Leela · Zapp · Leela · Zapp:Five, and that's my final offer. Four! - One. - Two. - Half. - I'll take it.

Leela:We'll meet you for part of dinner and half of a movie.

Leela · Zapp:Half-date. Half-bottle. Quarter-shell. He's not hungry. It's expensive.

Leela:This half-date is entirely over. Amy? Conference.

Leela · Zapp:She's out of control! - You win again, gravity!

Leela:You know we don't!

Leela:It was right next to Bathroom Bloopers Four.

Leela:Either that, or be a man.

Leela:Nibbler, roll over and you get a ham. Roll over. Roll over for the ham.

Leela · Professor:- Why is that good news? - They paid in advance.

Leela · Fry:- The planet we live on? - I'd hate to be those guys.

Leela:What's got into him? He's twitching like Zoidberg when you say 'food.'

Leela:Am I going crazy? Have my years of hedonism caught up with me?

Leela:Unbelievable! I thought you were a furry little moron. But here you are flying an adorable spaceship!

Leela:So every religion is wrong.

Leela:Wipe out thought? My God! They're flying televisions!

Nibbler · Leela:Like a carpet-remnant prom dress. - Like your prom dress.

Nibbler · Leela:- Like a carpet-remnant prom dress. - Like your prom dress.

Fry · Leela:- A pickle jar? - Thomas Jefferson?

Fry · Leela:- Big whale over there. - I saw it first.

Leela:Time for a diapie change.

Leela · Fry:Pay the valet the 2 bucks. No! It's the principle of the thing. I see a parking lot ahead.

Leela:Oh, my God! Sylvester Stallone!

Leela:It's some kind of hollow tube devoid of human life. The L.A. subway! We can blast our way in and escape!

Leela:This is my normal jacket. I've had it 1 0 years.

Leela:Why resort to nonviolence? Can't we kick their asses?

Leela:Those aren't even medals. They're bottle caps and pepperoni slices.

Free Waterfall Sr. · Leela:Bender's too low and upside down. - He must be talking on a cell phone.

Leela:Here robot, robot, robot.

Leela:If only we hadn't flown penguins to Pluto and dumped oil on them.

Leela:Oh, God, it's inhuman! It's like Hong Kong! I'll do it!

Leela:They're so cute. No! You can do this. It's like murdering a little butler.

Fry · Leela:At least it'll help reduce their population. Yeah, life is hilariously cruel.

Leela:Nature will work itself out. It can't screw up any worse than we did, right?

Leela:Dirt doesn't need luck.

Leela:New York is so burned. Remember when Giuliani cracked down on jaywalking? Well, Rudy, how do you like this action?

Leela · Fry:Was it poorly xeroxed? - Oh, yeah.

Leela:The comedians were right. This is different from L.A.

Andy Goldman · Leela · Fry:I'm teaching. - He seemed nice. - Sure, when he's sober.

Fry · Leela:Yet there was no nuclear war. - What a waste.

Leela:Except Sports, by Huey Lewis.

Leela:You're twice the 'the' he ever was.

Leela · Bender:I was abandoned as a baby too. So... - Garbage, huh? I'll take care of it.

Leela · Bender:Bender, stop! It's a baby! - A baby what?

Leela:No way, Jose-bot.

Leela:Gosh, the bars on the windows seemed so much thicker back then.

Mr. Vogel · Leela:Leela, you're worthless, and no one will ever love you! - You used to say that all the time. - Oh, those were happier days.

Amy · Leela:I don't see you anywhere. - That's me over in Cootietown.

Leela:And what am I up to, you ask? Why, I'm a very successful space captain.

Orphans · Leela:That's so good for a person with one eye. - Hey, you can't feel sorry for me. I'm a space captain, and you're a bunch of losers. - Right, right. We're the losers.

Leela · Other Orphan:Oh, yeah? Well, shut up, cane-boy! - He can't hear you. He's deaf now.

Leela:I guess you never outgrow being an eyeball. Oddball.

Leela:A tall doctor, you say?

Leela:I broke that blind kid's nose, and it made no difference.

Leela:I'll start by not caring what you think.

Leela:I try not to blink too much, because it's flashy. But when I do, I enjoy it.

Leela:I did it! I blunk!

Adlai · Leela:Perfect. A guy could fall head over heels for you. - I'm interested myself.

Adlai · Leela:I'd like an extra-beautiful bouquet for my extra-gorgeous sweetheart. - Average, please.

Leela · Adlai · Leela:She doesn't need an operation. She's fine this way. - And you were fine the way you were? - Damn right I was!

Leela:By the end of the day, one of us is gonna have one eye.

Leela:Oh, lots of reasons.

Leela:He looks like a little insane drunken angel.

Fry · Leela:Poor Bender! - Well, let's drag him to the curb.

Leela:I don't know, Fry. I think I'm too poor to follow a band around in a van.

Amy · Leela · Amy · Zoidberg:They're beautiful! - You're touching them! I've never seen pearls like this. You're amazing! - I am? At last! Recognition!

Fry · Leela · Fry:I forgot it's a hoverbridge! - I forgot this isn't a hover car! - Is that a problem?

Fry · Leela:Those aren't swan boats. They're swans. / That explains these boat eggs.

Fry · Leela:Your face can take a lot of punishment. Good to know. / There's a lot about my face you don't know. You and it should get acquainted.

Leela:No, I mean, cool your jets... they're melting Bender's face.

Leela:does the worst W.C. Fields imitation I've ever seen. Zoidberg?

Leela:I love his boyish charm, but I hate his childishness.

Leela:Moderately priced, non-vintage champagne? How did you know?

Leela:You're a man. I'm a woman. We're too different.

Leela · Minister:there is absolutely, positively no way that you and I will ever... / man and wife. You may kiss the bride.

Leela:The divorce is final.

Leela:I'll take the NFC helmets, and you can have the AFC.

Fry · Leela:Did you see it? / The explosion? / No, not the explosion. / Then what? / Nothing.

Leela:They have a kid wear that to attract customers.

Leela:Boring? Wasn't that the period when they cracked the human genome... and boy bands roamed the earth?

Amy · Leela:Everything? - Except that.

Leela · Fry:So your fantasy has always been to destroys a planet? - Yeah. What did they ever do for me?

Fry · Leela:Far out. So there's an infinite number of parallel universes? - No, just the two.

Leela · Fry:Well, duh! She's programmed to like you. - But this is Lucy Liu, the only good actress of the 21st century.

Leela · Professor:This is Fry's decision. - And he made it wrong, so it's time for us to interfere.

Leela · Amy · Amy:You stifle, Bender. - Finally you're standing up to him. - Although he is completely right.

Leela · Nappster Employee:Who's in charge? - If you're an investor, you can dump your money in the hole.

Leela · Employee · Employee:Don't make me call the maintenance guy. - It's a bluff. - We can't take that chance. Move!

Leela:It's amazing the way you notice two things.

Leela:They're forming a human pyramid... Of robots.

Leela:We weren't counting on them being as smart as they are sexy.

Zoidberg · Leela:Hooray! - And don't eat it.

Leela:What's this layer of ozone? That's never been there before.

Leela:Here's the plan. Zoidberg, pick up the pieces. Everyone else, take five.

Leela:'Gym Renovations on Schedule'? What a load.

Leela:Yo, Homes, we need a microwave.

Fry · Leela:Well, I killed my grandfather. Wha...? Wait, why do you still exist? I don't know. Maybe God loves me.

Leela:A lesson in not changing history from Mr. I'm-My-Own-Grandpa.

Leela:Oh, poor Bender. He must be so lonely right now, trapped 1000 years in the past.

Leela:It's time to sit on Santa's lap, and hard!

Leela · Neptunian:You live in a gingerbread house. - It's food or shelter, not both.

Leela · Bender:An omen? - Dinner.

Leela · Bender:Why aren't we moving? - I don't know. Usually when I do stuff like this the ship moves.

Leela · Fry:No human could do all that. - Evel Knievel could.

Leela · Professor · Amy:The factory's pollution caused a greenhouse effect. - That would explain this heat. - And your shorts.

Executioner · Professor · Leela · Executioner:When I pull the switch, these electromagnets will tear you apart. - A most humane death. - But that doesn't sound humane! - It is for the witnesses because it's not boring.

Leela:Bender, it's okay to be proud, but don't be a showoff.

Lrrr · Leela:Fork them over! Forget it, you pixelated pirates! We need quarters to do our laundry!

Leela · Lrrr:I guess so. Okay, that settles that. But if this cape shrinks, consider your species extinct!

Leela · Bender:As an alien who was abandoned on Earth... I've never really belonged anywhere. Boo-hoo! Ow!

Leela:Jeez, apparently the phrase 'Tone it down' doesn't exist on this planet.

Leela:Oh, no! We hit someone! Quick, back into the ship! Nice boots.

Munchkins · Leela:Look, everyone! She killed the Man-Witch of the West! A witch? That explains how these boots magically appeared on my feet! No, you stole them. We saw you!

Leela:Well, it's hard to find shoes that fit me.

Leela:Who are you people? Haven't I seen you in some copyrighted movie?

Amy · Leela:Those are great shoes! Oh, thank you. Do they come in women's sizes?

Fry · Leela:'Then, the car honked its own horn!' A talking scarecrow. Want to come with us to see the Professor?

Leela · Fry:He might give you a brain. Hey! That's not nice to say.

Leela:Live here and be a witch like you? Yeah. As long as I get to hurt people... and not just dance at the equinox.

Leela:Well, no point letting her go to waste.

Leela:There's no place like... I want to be a witch!

Leela · Janitor:Oh, no! Help! What's happening? Uh, sorry. I think there's a problem with your upstairs toilet.

Leela · Professor:I was having a wonderful dream. Except you were there. And you. And you. Never mind, she came to.

Amy · Leela:Romanticorp? Are they a corporation that makes romantic stuff? Very good, Amy.

Leela:Remember, we've got to show these people... We're not bitter husks of human beings... Who long ago abandoned hope of finding love in this lifetime.

Leela:Leela, you'll have to do some acting. Check.

Leela:Oh, you have got to be kidding. Ow! I mean, that's so sweet. I mean, that's sho shweet.

Fry · Leela:Here, Leela. 'U- R- 2 cute.' Perhaps. What's your point?

Leela:And you got a cage for the lion.

Leela:Still, given the chance, I'd give in to urges far more shocking.

Leela:Shields at maximum yarnell.

Leela:If I learned one thing from my breakup with Shawn that was totally mutual...

Leela · Planet Express Ship:You can't change men... Any more than you can change the laws of time and space. That is so true.

Bender · Leela:If her personality engulfs mine, the Bender you know and worship... Could disappear forever. I'm willing to take that risk.

Leela:I usually try to keep my sadness pent up inside... Where it can fester quietly as a mental illness.

Leo Wong · Leela:That the best hemisphere. - It's the same on Earth.

Leela:I can't believe you laugh at exploiting a proud, bead-loving people.

Amy · Leela:Lighten up. It's funny. - Of course. But you don't have to laugh!

Inez Wong · Amy · Leela:Okay, I want a divorce. - Mom! Dad! Don't ask me to choose! - They're not your parents. I'm not your sister. And that's not your golf cart.

Fry · Leela:Where? - Right in front of you. - Oh. Oh!

Fry · Leela · Bender:It was... the Windows logo! - That's not scary! - It is if you're a printer!

Bender · Leela:Hook on the hand! - Man in the attic!

Leela · Singing Wind:It's a huge diamond! It must be worth a fortune! - Really?

News Anchor · Leela · Amy:Holy Spitz! He's sporting skintight Speedos. - They don't leave much to be imagined. - On a robot, they do.

Fry · Leela:I'm stuck, but I haven't given up hope! Call a soft-news journalist! - You're not stuck. - Shut up!

Leela:Call it a hunch, but I've got a bad feeling about this.

Leela:This society is a bunch of idiots.

Leela · Fry:Hey, Fry? Remember that robot, Bender? - Bender? Doesn't ring a bell.

Leela:Oh, Bender! When did you come in? Hold still.

Leela:That's not torpedo three! Not at all! Damn you, Fry and Lee... la!

Leela:I don't know how to say this... But Bender is doomed to drift through space. Forever.

Leela · Helper:His name is Helper. He is eager to be your new best friend. Hello, chum. Miss your buddy?

Leela:This is, by a wide margin, the least likely thing ever to happen.

Leela:That Guy is a con man, and you've been hypnotized by his bologna!

Leela:Right. We're not a traditional family like the Murphys... or the lesbian coven, but we're a family.

Leela · Professor Farnsworth:Zoidberg owned 51% of the company? - The shares were worthless! He asked for toilet paper!

Leela:Actually, I mean to offend a little. This is awful.

Leela · Umpire:No batter, no batter. No batter anymore. Take your base.

Teammate · Leela:You beaned a run in. Better let me pitch. But I've got a no-Hitter going. You're right. Here.

Leela:The Mets? Those bums are worse than me.

Leela:You mean, I'd be the first woman ever to play major league blernsball?

Owner · Leela:It'd be a publicity stunt. A one-Eyed lady might bring out the freak show crowd. Wow, the first woman ever to play major league blernsball.

Leela:The whole numbers have been retired.

Amy · Leela · Amy:Can I pat you on the butt? I'm a professional athlete. So go ahead. Now I'm too nervous.

Bender · Leela:You put a one and two zeros in front of that, or we pass. Deal. That's great. How much did you get me? One hundred dollars!

Leela:As a pitcher, I serve up plenty of bean balls. So I know good beans when I see them. Bean-Bay Beans! They're the beaniest!

Bender · Leela:You put a one and two zeros in front of that, or we pass. Deal. So, what did you get me? A thousand and one pesos.

Girl · Leela:To eBay? That's a popular name today. Little 'e,' big 'B'?

Jackie · Leela:A role model for how to stink. What? Who are you?

Leela:Then I have a new vow. I solemnly swear I will become not the worst blernsball player of all time!

Leela · Hank Aaron XXIV:You mean on the ball? Who's in the hall of fame?

Umpire · Leela:Strike! Man, you did it, Leela! I didn't hit the batter!

Leela:She puts on her sports bra one arm at a time.

Kid · Leela:You're still the worst football player of all time. Yeah.

Leela:Don't panic. If we can get to the ship, we'll fly north and hide under the polar icecaps.

Leela:With you blocking the only escape route? Don't be silly.

Leela:Good thing I secretly installed this wormhole in the table.

Leela:You know, I'm not quite sure.

Leela:I'm acting astonished.

Fry · Bender · Leela:Everybody hit the deck! Shh! Those words are forbidden. What words? Star Trek? Shh! Shut your gills!

Zapp Brannigan · Leela:You mean the vast migration of Star Wars fans? No. That was the Star Wars Trek.

Leela:But it's set 800 years in the past.

Zapp Brannigan · Leela:This court will now hear some very sensual testimony... From this court's ex-Lover, Turanga Leela. / Go **** yourself.

Leela · Fry · Nimoy:Usually on the show, someone would come up with a complicated plan... Then explain it with a simple analogy. / Hmm. If we can re-Route engine power through the primary weapons... And reconfigure them to Melllvar's frequency... That should overload his electro-Quantum structure. / Like putting too much air in a balloon! / Of course! It's so simple!

Leela:Of course! It's so simple!

Leela · Fry:It's not working! He's drawing strength from our weapons! / Like a balloon, and something bad happens!

Leela:Can we get on with this? My foot's getting tired.

Fry · Leela:There's no right way to hit a woman. / Then do it the wrong way. / Fine.

Leela · Nibbler:No, Nibbler! Don't drink the pool water! It's full of chlorine. [Nibbler groaning, burping, coughing]

Leela · Farnsworth:Wait. Where do we get the ice? The what? Oh, Halley's comet, of course. The only sufficient source of ice cubes that don't have bugs in them.

Fry · Leela:Wow. That ice dispenser's so big the ice crushes you. Yakov Smirnoff said it. No, he didn't.

Leela:What could you possibly have in common with this walking soup mix?

Leela · Bender:What? I've seen you get up off your back tons of times. Those times I was slightly on my side.

Leela:Maybe we should test this erectile dysfunction of yours, Bender.

Leela:You haven't acted this suspicious since I found the 'ape bones' in the basement.

Fry · Leela:That's awful, professor. Especially the making-out part. Yeah, I didn't need to hear that.

Leela:Strange. Why would Nixon, an awkward, uncomfortable man, throw a party? One of the most social events imaginable?

Leela · Fry:I don't hear any gasping. We all figured that out.

Leela · Farnsworth:Hey, professor? Now that the Earth's orbit... is further from the sun, won't that make the year longer? Why, yes. One week longer to be exact.

Leela:That's the least appetizing calzone I've ever seen.

Fry · Leela · Fry:That's like digging up Lassie and putting her in the Louvre. / Lassie is on display in the Louvre. / I know. I was deliberately describing a similar situation.

Leela:Always whining that people don't treat their ancestors' bones with respect.

Leela:In case an enemy knocks the laser guns out of our hands and they slide way across the room.

Leela:'Walking on Sunshine' sucks noodles.

Leela:The kids at the orphanarium used to do it all the time.

Leela · Professor Farnsworth:I'm afraid it's both. - What?

Leela:Alcohol is very, very bad. For children. But once you turn 21... it becomes very, very good.

Leela:The address was on Dog Doo 8. But the universe ends right after Dog Doo 7.

Leela:So your delivery company is just a cute, harmless paper route.

Leela:No. You have a healthy glow.

Fry · Professor · Amy · Leela:We don't work for you anymore! - What? - Dwight and Cubert made us an offer. - We're paperboys now.

Leela · Cubert · Dwight:They'll make the ship go faster. - And what's your scientific basis for thinking that? - I'm 12.

Leela:Push, Bender! Push!

Leela:It's an ale. Five gallons, six ounces.

Leela:You may even find the image of it festering in his bowels offensive.

Leela:She means you, you turkey of the sea.

Leela · Amy:This can't go on. Today is the day we fight back! It's already 10:00. Oh, you're right. Tomorrow is the day we fight back.

Fry · Leela:Hey, wait. I'm having one of those things. You know, a headache with pictures. An idea? Mm. Mm-mm-mm.

Leela:Another victim of the mano-centric male-ocracy.

Leela:Set motherhood mode.

Leela:You could use it for picnics.

Leela:Dad, relax. You are being so mutant.

Bender · Leela:While you're there, could you get me a license to kill? Sure. Bare hands or weapon? What does piano wire count as?

Leela:Give it to him again, Andrew!

Leela:To have parents. Whatever.

Leela:That incorporates my violence.

Leela:As for me, I'm late for my LSATs.

Leela:Yet the Zookeeper escaped, thus proving that the deadliest animal of all... Is the Zookeeper.

Leela:And I got the audio tour for Treasures of Liberace's Tomb!

Leela:Oh, I can't take it! Mom, Dad, I'm Clobberella!

Leela · Morris:Dad, you drink? No, not even then!

Parrot · Leela:Leela's parents blabbed. Leela? Is the person that parrot is mimicking telling the truth by proxy?

Leela:Stay back, or we'll beat the tar out of you using super powers!

Professor · Leela:You? A woman? I'm trying to catch a monster, not find the quickest route to the mall.

Leela:My God, he's gonna do it! Everyone, seat belts to maximum buckling!

Leela:This ship can do 99 percent light speed. Why are we going 35 miles an hour?

Leela · Professor:Aren't we looking for your gargoyle? / My what?

Leela:Professor, we've talked it over, and everybody thinks you're too old.

Leela:Okay, okay. We're not gonna force you until I finish this sentence. Get him!

Leela:Professor, it worked! You look young enough to be my father!

Amy · Leela:But your parents are gross sewer mutants. Ow!

Leela · Morris:And if some kid picks on me, my dad can beat up his dad! / Can't I just beat up the kid?

Morris · Leela:Now, let's all have some tequila to celebrate! / Dad, I'm underage! / Oh, right. Here's a silly straw.

Leela · Server:I'd like a sewer burger, but without the rat feces. / What, are you on a diet?

Leela:There's. The world's drinking water is safe for another day.

Leela:You were looking up cursewords in the dictionary, it seemed like a better use of your time.

Fry · Leela:I'm really sorry I missed the mission. - I wasn't there, you might have needed me. - Nope. - But if I'd been there, I... - Nope. - Look ... - Nope. - Bender is great. - Nope.

Leela:I met him at that charity cock-fight last week.

Leela:Free bread of the restaurant! Is there anything you can't do?

Leela:And bring a baggie in case he drops a steamer.

Crew · Leela:But Leela, we're no good! Listen, I'm scared too. But I'm more scared of disappointing myself.

Leela:Bender! Quick! Waggle something!

Fry · Leela:Hey, what's this goop? Royal jelly. They feed it to the queen. Bees made honey and jelly? How come nothing humans make tastes good?

Leela:You adorable wittle itty bitty fuzzy wuzzy...

Fry · Leela:I don't want anything to happen to you. Thanks, but I can look out for myself. Frankly, I can smell danger a mile away. Look out!

Leela:You call that a wound? That's a boo boo tops! But thanks for trying to save me, Fry!

Leela:Soothe us with sweet lies.

Leela · Fry · Professor:I thought you were dead. No, I'm better than ever. Before the accident, I couldn't do this! Impressive. But it does sort of support my You-Are-Dead theory.

Leela · Bender:Was there anything in there that might have been a gift for me? No. Nothing. Not at all. No way jose! Here it is. You took this from Fry's locker!? Hey, the guy's dead. There's no law against grave robbing!

Leela · Professor:Is this some sort of brain scanner? Some sort, yes. In France it's called a guillotine.

Leela · Professor:How could I have known the gift was in Fry's locker? Easy. He told you about it before he died and your grief-roasted mind blocked it out!

Leela · Professor:Are you saying...I'm going crazy? No! No one's saying that. But I'm certainly thinking it loudly.

Fry · Leela:Could a dream take you dancing in an illusion garden? Well, yes technically. But it's still very sweet of you.

Leela:It's all so beautiful. I've forgot how many hundreds of degrees below zero it must be.

Leela:I am not under stress, damn it!

Leela:Oh my gosh! I'd better get a sponge!

Leela:I'll find Fry's coffin, get his corpse and keep it under my mattress to remind me that he's really dead. That'll prove I'm not insane!

Leela:OK, I'm insane. But I'm still sane enough to know it. The only time I feel alright is in my dreams. With you. 3 spoonfuls, then...I can dream forever.

Leela · Fry:You could really use a shower. You too.

Leela · Farnsworth:I think I left my toaster on. / Buddha! Zeus! God! One of you guys, do something!

Leela · Fry:I can't go out tonight... because I have sweaty boot rash! / No spluh.

Leela:A whole evening of TV, gone! What a mockery of justice that I can't take even a little tiny peek.

Leela:Okay, heads I look, tails I don't. / Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah! Heads! I mean, all right, then.

Leela:Well, then again, I promised the coin I would.

Leela:Ouch! My lawyer will hear about this!

Leela:We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand.

Leela:All right, you can be crummy Universe A. And we'll be Universe One.

Leela · Alternate Fry:You guys are dating? / Oh, no, no. We're married.

Alternate Leela · Leela · Fry:I flipped a coin. / You mean you flipped a coin too? And it was tails? / So that's why you said you had to meet that ghost!

Leela:You know, let's just say it's heads.

Leela:Bender, quit destroying the universe!

Leela:Jail's not so bad. You can make sangria in the toilet. Of course, it's shank or be shanked.

Leela:We've been to every scuzzy bazaar... In the galaxy, including Pottery Barn.

Leela · Bender:Of course not. In fact, he's a crook. Yep. Stolen Pez, anyone?

Leela · Bender:Well, Fry, it looks like you get to hold on to your lower horn. As usual! Whoo!

Leela:No. They're from the Republic of French Stereotypes. Everybody hates them.

Bender · Leela:My dreams of glory died before they began. Welcome to my life.

Leela:You actually thought they'd let you walk away without an engine-Oil sex check?

Leela:You're making us look like jerks in front of the other genders!

Leela:I, uh. I thought I might like him on a full stomach.

Leela:If there's one kind of pain he can handle... It's soap opera pain.

Leela:Like a socket wrench, or a burglar's kit.

Leela:Yes, for God's sakes, yes!

Leela · Zoidberg:Since when are you performing at children's parties? Performing? What? Please, if someone could spare me money to buy shoes?

Leela:Well, that doesn't mean that no one is coming or that you two are total losers. Who gave you that idea?

Leela · Fry · Bender:That we should all take TV a little less seriously. And more importantly, turn it off once in a while. So should we turn it off now? Well That depends what's on.

Leela:I used to listen for hours while he sat naked on my couch and improvised.

Leela:He was pasty and hunched. Pretty boy.

Leela:Then one day I found someone else's couch fibers on his butt.

Leela:I've been a fool. A fully justified, prudent fool.

Bender · Leela:Pretty annoying, huh, Leela? What? Are you talking? Oh, God, I'm deaf!

Leela:It's not ironic. It's just mean.

Leela:Amy, Fry's looking at me. What am I supposed to be feeling?

Leela:I don't recall ever fighting Godzilla. But that is so what I would've done.

Leela:I can hear like a safecracker!

Leela:We've lost power to the forward gameboy. Mario not responding!

Leela:Why did their voices change?

Nixon · Zapp · Leela · Professor:I say Brannigan. I say no. - I say me. - I say Leela. - I say yes. - I say no. I say Leela, too. I say yes again.

Zapp · Leela:V-giny? Doesn't ring a bell. Hmm, I don't like the looks of this V-giny.

Leela:This space suit is making me sweat like a sow.

Leela:What a thoughtful and considerate thing to say. What the hell's wrong with you?

Fry · Leela:You mean... How dare you.

Zapp · Leela:It's a veritable garden of eden. It is?

Leela · Snake:Oh, God, I'm actually starting to miss him. Maybe you two belong together. We do not. And you can't talk.

Zapp · Leela:Like the tuba. Yes! We'll be like Adam and Eve. Only without the tuba.

Leela · Zapp:Yuck! Is that really what happened in the Bible? It's a sick and twisted book of holiness, all right.

Leela:Those nut-berries you found were so salty, I couldn't think straight. I mean, not to belabor it, but they were as salty as that bag of trail mix Fry gave me. Exactly as salty.

Leela:You said there wasn't any toilet paper! And that humanity was annihilated!

Zapp · Leela:The alleged 'telescope' was a toilet paper tube. You said there wasn't any toilet paper!

Old-time phone operator · Leela:Your call to Saint Louis has gone through.

Leela:That's how I can eat this taco. And this spaghetti.

Leela:His intelligence is just a little... differenty.

Leela:My God! I'm looking!

Leela:Didn't we used to be a delivery company?

Leela:Why does a robot need a codpiece?

Leela:Trey... V... Trey... Trevi! It's the Trevi Fountain!

Professor · Leela:There can be no question! But Professor...? There can be no question!

Leela:Well, at least you can plan accordingly.

Leela:Violent outbursts. General sluttiness.

Leela:Will you be taking your portable filing cabinet?

Leela:Too much papers! Not enough hiding plants!

Amy · Leela:♪ What day is today? ♪ ♪ It's Leela's birthday ♪ Please stop. ♪ What a day for a birthday ♪ I really would like you to stop singing. ♪ Let's all have some cake! ♪

Amy · Leela:You want to buy a slice of birthday cake for $11.95? Yes, please.

Leela:I was. But then I realized it's actually my fault for thinking you might be on time for once.

Leela:Wow, that'll be the nicest place I've ever been stood up.

Leela:Fry stood me up and died?! I'm so angry! I mean, I'm so sad! But-but I'm still pretty angry! But also sad. Can I be both?

Leela · Zoidberg:I laid you off 20 years ago. Woop-woop-woop-woo... Oh, the claws can't flee like they used to.

Leela:My whole life I've been mad at him, and it wasn't his fault.

Leela:That's okay. I don't really like cards. What I'll remember is our time together.

Leela:Aw, Nibbler made a bobo for Mama. I'll pick it up with my supey-dupey poopy scoopy.

Nibbler · Leela:Leela, it's time you and I had a talk. A talk?! You can't break up with me. You're my pet.

Leela:Aw, is shnookums not feeling 'shtimuwated'?

Leela:Captain Fuzzy Toes reporting for duty... I mean, cutie.

Leela:It's pwonounced 'cweam.'

Fry · Leela:My tux doesn't fit. Probably because I've grown so much since I last wore it. Or evolved, one might say. One might not say that. Your tux doesn't fit because you stole it from a boy. You mean a man. It was his Bar Mitzvah.

Leela · Professor Farnsworth:Professor, is this your only water source? It looks like Diet Dr. Pepper. It's not that bad. It's just laden with toxic minerals.

Leela · Amy:I think they want wives, so just play along. If it doesn't work out, we'll still get half their rocks. I can earn my own rocks. Also, I don't want any rocks.

Fry · Leela:Boy, that thing's big. / Fry, is my colossal eye too big? / No, it's what makes you you. / But it's so round, so hideously round.

Fry · Leela:Leela, listen, you're the most beautiful woman I've ever known. / Oh, so you only care about my looks? / No, I... what?

Bender · Leela:Of course I'm not planning to steal that crown. / What? / True, I've always dreamt of being an emperor, You know, for Halloween, and then forever

Leela:see, you do only like me for my body.

Leela · Fry:Amy?! Stop it! She's turning me into a parade float. / Ew, look at her!

Leela:After I leave here, I'm getting a memory enema.

Leela:'I was in your mouth for five minutes' - Leela recognizing Lrrr

Leela:They're probably just waiting for Joss Whedon.

Leela:I was in your mouth for five minutes.

Leela · Fry:'So he just showed up unannounced, raided the liquor cabinet, sprayed urine on the ceiling, and passed out?' followed by 'And the walls.'

Leela:Why should I care about the hero when all he does is cry?

Fry · Leela:Mutants? That's the kind of thing you are. Shh. You know mutants aren't allowed on the surface.

Narrator · Leela:mutated them into horrific monsters! Ooh! Shut up.

Leela:You'll grow a camel hump or a Zoidberg face.

Leela:Fry, this is the stupidest, sweetest thing you've ever done.

Leela:Aw. Come here. Let me give you a kiss. Uh... hug. Handshake. I'll text you.

Leela:and the blood of your first-born children. That's so we have something to give up in the negotiations.

Bender · Norwegian Guard · Leela:Yo, Abba, what's that next-door? / Oh, dat's de germ warfare repository. / It's so close. / Is there any chance of cross-contamination? / No.

Leela · Professor Farnsworth:Could the seed have been contaminated by a virus from the germ vault? / Uh, yeah, I suppose.

Leela · Fry · Leela:It's an albino humping worm! / Why do they call it that? / Because it doesn't have any pigment.

Leela:I hate to complain about the heat, but the air conditioner's on fire.

Bender · Leela:Die young, leave a pretty corpse, that's what I say. / You should say something else.

Fry · Leela:Leela, Amy, pack us a lunch for our new lives under the bridge, while us men reminisce and smoke some stogies. We are not packing lunches, you walking beer commercials.

Leela · Fry:Remember Fry's idea to offer free delivery? It got us a lot of customers. We're a delivery company.

Professor · Leela · Bender:All female employees must pose nude if requested. That's discriminatory. No, it's in all our contracts. Here's mine. All female employees must pose nude if requested. Sounds fair.

Leela:Look, I agree it'd make spacewalking more comfortable. But for a photo shoot, it's a little... Unsavory.

Leela · Professor:There. It was hard work, but it beats posing in demeaning, skimpy modeling outfits. Ladies, here are your demeaning, skimpy stewardess outfits.

Fry · Leela · Professor:Ladies and gentlemen, this is plane's president speaking. You put goofus and ganja in charge? I'm the only trained pilot here. Oh, please, Leela. Who ever heard of a plane with a woman president?

Bender · Leela · alien:Uh... men five, women less. Hey. He's lying. Obviously. That was a test to see who could lie better. The men win that round.

multiple women · Leela:It wasn't Tommy hilfijigger. It was linens 'n things! The hell it was. It was a juicy couture. I guess we all saw what we wanted to see.

Leela:Yes, this place is like a neutered utopia. A neutopia.

Leela:Ugh. What a skank.

Fry · Leela:Man, I wish we had a robot to do stuff. I know, right?

Leela:Does that mean they only do 60% of the work you do, or that they actually do more work because they're only 60% as lazy?

Leela:(Leela screams)

Leela:I hope that's vanishing cream, 'cause that needs to go away.

Leela:Don't feel bad, sir. It's not your fault. You probably just inherited your appearance from your mother.

Bender · Leela:Wait, does that include me? (Shot fires, Bender groans)

Leela:Too bad he didn't have his own Bible. Just 2,045 more to go.

Leela · Doll:Wait, this isn't a real Bender. It's a talking doll from when Bender had that sitcom about the city robot who moves back to the farm. Shut your pumpkin, bumpkin.

Leela:All right, so I let one measly Bender get away. How much harm can one infinitely self-reproducing robot do?

Leela:No, that's just the Jamaican Pride float.

Leela:Bender, you always say you're going to kill yourself, but you almost never do.

Leela:Whoa, maybe you're right. I only meant to slap you twice.

Leela:There's no such thing as ghosts, you donkey-monkey.

Amy · Leela:We're being eaten by a giant spider! There's no time for that! The Professor needs us!

Leela:Shouldn't you be standing on a rocky coast somewhere preventing shipwrecks?

Leela · Bender:Bev will get custody, and you'll be a deadbeat Dad who never even bothers to know his own son. You really think so? I know so. You're absolutely horrible in every way.

Leela:I'm amazed someone who dispenses such warm soda, could be so coldhearted!

Leela · Bev:You got knocked up by a police officer while he was looking for your kidnapped child? Sure did! I still got it.

Leela:They don't look so lucky to me.

Leela:You've worn the same pants for a thousand years? No wonder they made a run for it.

Leela:No, this isn't Mutant language. We use a lot more profanity. Son of a bitch...!

Leela:The one time your hands aren't sticky, they're greasy!

Leela:Stop telling me to take your hand. Look, Fry, your noble gestures keep making things worse. Can't you just be a rude, unhelpful jerk like Bender?

Leela:Well, it wasn't a bad life. If only I could get back that time I spent watching TRON: Legacy.

Leela:The Balcony Club? I have an individual membership.

Leela · Dr. Zoidberg:Zoidberg, get lost. - I am lost. So long.

Leela:Hmm, I've never flown a pyramid before, but I used to drive around town in a mausoleum. How many people can this thing carry? Well, the mausoleum held ten horny teenagers, so... maybe 30,000.

Leela:I wish I could remember with my boobs.

Leela:That frightened little girl in the statue reminds me of Fry.

Leela:I should've known better than to trust one of Fry's romantic gestures. Every time he says he loves me, I get killed.

Leela:I can't be mad. I'm on way too many painkillers.

Leela:I mean, you failed, miserably, but you're the only person who loves me enough to try.

Leela · Fry:Why are you cheering, Fry? You're not rich. True, but someday I might be rich. And then people like me better watch their step.

Leela:We just need to conceal your intelligence and honesty in a hipper, dumber package

Leela:Why are you yokels doing this?

Leela:your mother was admitted to the maternity ward... this morning!

Leela:If it's on TV, it has to be real.

Leela:No, not that scene-chewing ham. I said the greatest actor... Langdon Cobb.

Professor · Leela:Just like the noble buffalo. Nothing like a buffalo.

Leela:If we do, will you stop talking about the process?

Leela:Well, not that much, actually, since mutants weren't allowed to leave the sewers until last year.

Leela:Hey, I have an idea. Let's look in a different direction at something else.

Leela:Show me where he touched you on this dried-apple doll.

Leela:You can teach them how to surf, and they can make sure you don't... (cork pop, gulping, blubbering, gunshot)

Leela:I have to keep an eye on mom to make sure she and Zapp don't... (air raid siren, train chugging)

Leela:You're too old to be happy.

Leela:Sex with Zapp! Ew! Sex with Zapp! Aah! Sex with Zapp! No, no!

Leela:Probably, it'll be a filthy nurse.

Amy · Leela:Ooh, I love your boots, Leela. Nobody would ever guess they're knockoffs. How could you tell? I guessed.

Amy · Leela:'Bam!' followed by compliment about knockoff boots

Leela:Like how I might say I like Amy's dress 'cause it covers all her tramp stamps.

Leela:Now, enough about who is and who isn't a Chinese skank.

Leela:Oh, those lunar crybabies claim the rocks were stolen by the Apollo astronauts. They consider them part of their cultural heritage.

Leela:I don't even need my over-the-shoulder Boulder holder.

Leela:It's like being a voice actor.

Leela:And you could use the $50 for another gallon of hello kitty perfume.

Leela:And we failed because we accidentally kicked those two rockettes to death?

Leela:Whoa, that puts the lead in my pencil.

Leela:Sorry, Fry. I already got a double date with arm and hammer.

Fry · Leela:Hey Leela, want to know what the most beautiful thing is? No. Let's get hopped up.

Leela:'As God is my witness, I'll never forgive you for this!'

Leela:Oh, I think I'm getting a little... caterpilly.

Leela:Amy, if we get killed, I just want to say it's been an honor riding the roller coaster of addiction and recovery with you, as a team.

Leela:'He's even more beautiful than before!'

Hermes · Leela:Now, Leela, couldn't we just fire you and have Fry or Bender fly the ship? / Not if you stand on their air hose much longer.

Fry · Leela:So, I hear you're a machine... ow! Traitor!

Fry · Leela:What? You double-dipped!

Leela · Fry:You are a boorish, primitive neanderthal! We were going out?!

Leela · Fry:This is the elephant detector. I just set it to 'big and woolly.'

Leela:I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him!

Leela · Bender:Maybe we should hire a delivery boy. You mean like: Fry?

Leela:53 tons of hamburgers and French frr... agments of not potatoes.

Leela:They get a big shipment every fri... Saturday!

Leela:Sure, they exhibit all the telltale signs... toenails growing, hearts pumping fluid, the whole shmagoigle.

Leela:There's only one word for it: Terrible. And also horrible.

Leela · Amy:Ooh! Shut up.

Leela:You'll grow a camel hump or a Zoidberg face.

Leela:You are all surface.

Leela:and the blood of your first-born children. That's so we have something to give up in the negotiations.

Leela:We are not packing lunches, you walking beer commercials.

Leela · Professor:But that was my idea! Then you should have talked louder. What?

Child · Leela:Are we at the fair yet, Mommy? We're not at the anyplace! And we're out of fuel!

Leela:Please remain seated until the plane comes to a complete crash.

Amy · Leela:A clearance sale! What? Where?

Amy · LaBarbara · Leela:It wasn't Tommy Hilfijigger. It was Linens 'n Things! The hell it was. It was a Juicy Couture.

Leela:A neutopia.

Leela:Does that mean they only do 60% of the work you do, or that they actually do more work because they're only 60% as lazy?

Leela · Amy:A rat! Yes, she is a rat. No, look!

Leela:Wait, this isn't a real Bender. It's a talking doll from when Bender had that sitcom about the city robot who moves back to the farm.

Fry · Leela:Why are so many different parades smooshed together? It's the Parade Day Parade. What's Parade Day?

Amy · Leela:Hey, look, a fog is rolling in. No, that's just the Jamaican Pride float.

Leela:Oh, no! It's within munching distance of the Doritos float!

Leela:Yeah. Last time you went to the suicide booth, you ended up dating it for six months. How is Lynn, by the way?

Leela:He may be gone, but he'll always be with us as a trash can.

Bender · Leela:Screw that! I ain't no delivery boy. I'm the company chef. Oh, you're the chef, are you? Then why don't you make us something nice to eat? Here's your damn peanut butter and jelly sandwich!

Leela · Bender:We had nothing to say to each other, so we had to listen to Bender's Eagles album for 27 hours. Beats talking to you, witchy woman.

Leela:Well, my boyfriend and I were going to have sex on a burning flag, but I could have a bite.

Leela:So that moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father.

Albert · Leela · Other orphan:We don't got books no more. - What? - He means 'anymore.' Look, sometimes you got to choose between eating and reading, so they ate the books.

Leela:A... one-eyed princess in a long, flowing... tank top. And she lived in a magical one-room... Castle? Yeah, if you believe the listing agent.

Leela:And then that's exactly what she did do that. And they all lived happily ever after. The end.

Albert · Leela:That story was bad. That's not really a question. That wasn't really a story.

Albert · Leela:Please don't. See you soon.

Leela:I just need to think of three of some kind of animal.

Leela · Warden Vogel:Oh, is the organ-harvesting clown here? Nah, Rusty comes on Tuesdays now.

Garbly · Leela:What about me? Hey, it's Garbly. Everyone loves him 'cause they can't understand him. It's nice to meet you.

Leela:Don't I need a degree to write gibberish for toddlers?

Leela:if you just luck out hard enough.

Leela:Sometimes two or three times.

Leela:I feel so lucky just to have been nominated alongside so many inferior shows.

Leela:Rumbledy-hump? It's real!

Bender · Leela:'Cause now I can get rich off of you. Oh, Lord. From now on, you give me half the gross, or I'll blow your cover.

Leela:Having to wear a costume made from a hollowed-out walrus.

Doubledeal · Leela:Stealing is a form of creativity. No, it isn't.

Professor Farnsworth · Leela:Remember when you asked to see my family tree? No.

Leela · Professor Farnsworth:What's with the 17 dung beetles? Well, it's 6:00.

Leela:Professor, no! You can't tongue the father of our country!

Leela · John Hancock:Uh... ever been to Peru? Certainly not. I'm from Peru.

Leela · Bender:Bender, do you know what a chamber pot is? I don't know, and I don't care.

Leela · Professor:The Bermuda Tetrahedron is just a myth. I'm glad you're so brave in the face of the unknown, Leela, because, for your next mission, you'll be flying directly through the Bermuda Tetrahedron!

Leela · Professor:Or we could fly around it. Of course you could. You'd be stupid not to.

Leela:It shouldn't have an apostrophe. This means 'and it is crew.' What the hell's wrong with you?

Leela:The miracle is that I'm not kicking your ass.

Leela:It's Tickle Me Elmo's Fire.

Leela:I'm both impressed and being eaten.

Leela:I'm going after that Mobius Dick!

Leela:I could marry you and Bender against your will, if I wanted to.

Leela:I guess I thought whales died when you harpooned them.

Leela:Well, they are giant diamonds.

Leela:Enough of your mad obsession with Bender, Fry.

Leela:That's enough out of me.

Leela:With my Oxo Good Grips Cheese Knife, I stab at thee.

Leela:For the last time, I'm not obsessed. I just want this whale to die, die, die!

Leela:I am the whale!

Leela:Yep. That stands up to scrutiny.

Bender · Leela:I'll use that free app that tells what restaurants you're near. You mean the window? Yes.

Leela · Fast food worker:How about the gardener-lover's salad? What kind of cheese filling you want in that? Just give me the fruit cup. What kind of cheese filling you want in that?

Leela:Fruit is spelled f-r-o-o-t. And it's got quotation marks around it.

Leela · Zoidberg:It means it will hatch into a tiny, little, infant creature unless we cook it first. Hey, Leela, hurry up with those scrambled infants.

Leela · Bender:Its brain is the size of a walnut. So are walnuts, and they're delicious.

Leela:Speak English!

Leela:Quick, count my bones. There should be 205.

Leela · Bender:Don't worry, I left a trail of bread crumbs. And I left a trail of cigars.

Leela:Jinkies, he Scooby-Dooed us.

Fry · Leela:Mr. Peppy, bullets make you talk? That's not Mr. Peppy.

Leela:So apparently Major Maczongo and Mr. Peppy were each doing about half the sheep-killing.

Leela:You just had to stop cutting my spine when I yelled 'Stop, you're cutting my spine!'

Leela · Professor:We don't know why the Professor keeps you around here, and we don't care. You're a terrible doctor! Nobody wants to see you ever again! Dr. Zoidberg! I want to see you right now!

Leela:Oh, no, he sand-crabbed out.

Leela:My nose is all gunked up with blork. And I've got a hankering for a useless remedy created by a schoolteacher.

Leela:hearing the words Nibbler on the Roof has given me the kick in the pants I needed.

Leela:♪ Jumpin' Joe and golly jeeper / I got one gigantic peeper / Sassafras and banana oil / I'm a beautiful purple-haired goil. ♪

Leela · Fry:I thought you snuck off to take a dump. / A man can sneak off to do two things.

Leela:You've made me the happiest finger in the whole wide hand.

Leela:You've made me the happiest finger in the whole wide hand.

Leela:Fry, you've created a new color, totally different from any other color or combination of colors.

Leela · Zoidberg:Flying bananas? / Ha, ha. I will slice them on my morning fish porridge.

Zoidberg · Leela:Me, me. Choose Zoidberg. Zoidberg a diplomat? The list of things I've heard now contains everything.

Fry · Leela:What if we hire a buttered geisha? Another one of your ill-timed jokes, Fry? You and I are enemies now.

Leela:I underestimated you, Medical Crab. But, will the Aliens understand?

Leela · Fry:We're being eaten by a giant spider! There's no time for that! The Professor needs us!

Leela:You're glowing like the Human Torch on prom night.

Leela:Shouldn't you be standing on a rocky coast somewhere preventing shipwrecks?

Leela:Aw, he's so cute. Wait. No, he isn't.

Leela · Everyone:No one here will laugh at you for not knowing where robot babies come from. (all laughing) We don't know either.

Leela:Relax, Bender. No one would let you near a child. Bev will get custody, and you'll be a deadbeat Dad who never even bothers to know his own son.

Bender · Leela:(sniffles): You really think so? I know so. You're absolutely horrible in every way. You're sweet, Leela.

Leela:I'm amazed someone who dispenses such warm soda, could be so coldhearted!

Leela:I'm gonna buy a drink just so I can throw it in your face!

Leela · Fry:The one time your hands aren't sticky, they're greasy! Oh, sorry. Normally I would've wiped them on my pants, but...

Leela:Stop telling me to take your hand. Look, Fry, your noble gestures keep making things worse. Can't you just be a rude, unhelpful jerk like Bender?

Leela:If only I could get back that time I spent watching TRON: Legacy.

Leela:Remember how Bender dumped all that pig's blood on me?

Leela:I wish I could remember with my boobs.

Leela:That frightened little girl in the statue reminds me of Fry.

Leela:I should've known better than to trust one of Fry's romantic gestures. Every time he says he loves me, I get killed.

Leela:I don't know. Bad things happen when you say that.

Scruffy · Leela:No, we're not. Grab your severed arm with your other arm. Ew... Okay.

Leela:I can't be mad. I'm on way too many painkillers.

Leela:I mean, you failed, miserably, but you're the only person who loves me enough to try.

Professor · Leela:If I'm reading this correctly, we're underwater. You're not reading it correctly.

Leela:Stick to fish flakes, you overgrown sea monkey!

Fry · Leela · Amy · Bender:I have the best life ever. That's our Fry. It sure is. It most definitely is.

Leela:Come on. Let's get a temp dimwit to replace our permanent one.

Leela · Amy:Is that him? Maybe?

Leela:Well, let's see. It's a thankless job. He'll never be thanked. Any skills? Absolutely not! I'll need to berate him for being incompetent!

Leela:Perfect! He sounds very berate-able.

Leela:That's ridiculous! Um...

Leela:No, that's an empty space between three stacks of boxes.

Amy · Leela · Amy:Ooh! I'd watch that. It's a book. You'd read it. No, I wouldn't.

Leela:Certainly not! It's been illegal to dump hazardous waste in the ocean for over a year now.

Leela:Ew! I got book on me!

Leela:Only a delivery to book hell. We're just lucky we made it back without reading anything.

Leela · Professor:We did all make it back, right? / Well, let's see. There's me, Bender, and some other people... We're good.

Leela:Five, 6, 7, 8. All eight crew members present and accounted for.

Leela · Amy · Bender:What's-his-name! He had a name? Even I looked down on him.

Frank · Leela · Amy:I thought you'd forgotten about me. No. We could never forget... Frank! Of course! Sounds right.

Leela:She fell and broke a few of her elbows.

Professor · Leela · Amy · Zoidberg:While during the same period, we're using twice as much soap in the men's room. I have noticed less body odor. Definitely. Way less.

Leela · Frank:You're not Fry. That's Fry! Yes... Fry...

Leela:That's not a plan! You're just improvising!

Amy · Leela:Hey, why is the ship sideways? Who knows? It just falls over sometimes.

Leela:There isn't any. The water's held in place by gravity fields so there's nothing for kids to smear yogurt on.

Bender · Leela:No digital camera can capture the warmth and grain of good old film. How can you even tell? Your eyes are digital cameras.

Leela:Nothing like a buffalo.

Leela · Professor Farnsworth:So the picture robbed them of their souls? Souls? Don't be ridiculous. It's their life forces that have been stolen. It's scientific.

Leela · Calculon:But, Calculon, you can't kill yourself. I'm a celebrity. I can kill anyone I want.

Leela:Oh, God, just kill us already.

Leela:Oh, God, just kill us already.

Leela:I got to admit, this time, it'll be a pleasure to be in your picture.

Leela:Now, if you'll direct your attention to this moldy shower curtain

Leela · Morris:Well, not that much, actually, since mutants weren't allowed to leave the sewers until last year. Like anyone wants to leave the sewer. Am I right?

Leela:like the fairy tale of face mutant and butt mutant

Leela:Hey, I have an idea. Let's look in a different direction at something else.

Leela:Show me where he touched you on this dried-apple doll.

Leela:and they can make sure you don't...

Leela:You're too old to be happy.

Leela:Probably, it'll be a filthy nurse.

Leela:Uh... Half a cake.

Amy · Leela:Ooh, I love your boots, Leela. Nobody would ever guess they're knockoffs. How could you tell? I guessed.

Leela:Let's go! Let's go! We've got to get these moon rocks to the moon by moondown.

Leela:Oh, those lunar crybabies claim the rocks were stolen by the Apollo astronauts. They consider them part of their cultural heritage.

Bender · Leela:Nice work, Leela. You're really pulling your weight. Which is saying something. Ow!

Leela:I don't even need my over-the-shoulder boulder holder.

Leela:With one-sixth gravity, you can work and be lazy at the same time. It's like being a voice actor.

Leela:This is what I was expecting.

Leela:Amy, remember when we tried out for the Rockettes? And we failed because we accidentally kicked those two Rockettes to death?

Leela:I already got a double date with arm and hammer.

Leela · Amy:But from neglect. 'Cause you're going home in an urn. A funerary urn.

Fry · Leela:Hey Leela, want to know what the most beautiful thing is? No. Let's get hopped up.

Leela:As God is my witness, I'll never forgive you for this!

Leela:All right, let's get this party ended.

Leela:Not if you stand on their air hose much longer.

Leela:Hermes' skin is so saturated with it that it's dissolving the bad robot.

Leela:Okay, that's it. You are a boorish, primitive Neanderthal! We were going out? I mean, no!

Bender · Judge · Leela:Shut up, Judge, I know it. Way to go, Bender! Can I try a piece? You can have yourself a whole big boy.

Leela · Unknown character:Oh, my God! That looks like Fry's hair! Come on, don't make jokes like that while I'm eating.

Leela:Fifty three tons of hamburgers and French Fragments of not potatoes.

Fry · Leela:Whatever. It doesn't really matter. Doesn't matter? Every decision we make opens up a universe of possibilities. I put it to you that, as sentient beings, each choice we make is precious.

Leela · Fry:Well, in that case, don't wear them. Ah, who asked you?

Leela:Save it for the boudoir!

Bender · Leela:Because I don't have free will. I need you guys to plan the crime and make all the crime decisions. Well, that's crazy. We're not gonna... I said make the decisions!

Leela:Like a potato? Or a battery?

Leela:but the wind caught his skin flaps and sent him parasailing over the Queensboro Bridge.

Leela:This much money could feed a small, starving planet. But it doesn't!

Leela:God didn't get to be God by giving away money.

Leela:This is why you never see a poor person with millions of dollars

Leela:Now that's the God I know.

Leela:He stinks like the inside of a tauntaun.

Leela:The first thing.

Leela:This is my best protest sign ever, and it was easy because I started with a 'save the ox' sign I already had.

Leela:None of your business.

Leela:I used a ruler and I erased all the pencil lines when I was finished.

Leela:Ha! I saw that coming from a mile...

Leela:I saw it coming from a mile...

Leela:Those injustices don't even exist.

Leela:You ready to call it a day, or do you have one more score to settle?

Leela:Oh, my God. It's Bender's middle finger.

Leela:Let me think about this... I guess it's okay.

Leela:I guess it's okay.

Leela:Okay, everybody do one of those three things.

Fry · Leela:I can't see them anymore! What if they're mating? Who cares? Just release your milt already!

Leela · Bender:He's been dead since yesterday! What? He's dead? Whoo! I'm killin' dudes in my sleep! Yo! Clean up!

Leela:Yes, but I feel the nafety for safety.

Professor · Leela:Oh, fuff! I don't get all up in your business when you upgrade your bazooms! / That's because my bazooms don't put anyone's life in danger!

Scruffy · Leela:Done broke my spine. Nice rack, though. / Thank you, Scruffy.

Leela · Professor:One more lap! / Nah, half a lap. You forgot, on a Möbius strip, two laps is one lap.

Leela · Professor:Why do I look like a stupid cartoon character? / I feel like I lost weight. All of it.

Leela · Professor:Oh, no! Like Flatland? / Call it what you will. The point is, the new Shrek movie won't look nearly as good.

Fry · Leela · Professor:Ow! / Ow! / You can't step past in this dimension. You have to step around.

Leela:What a wonderful nighttime sneezing coughing stuffy head so-I-can-rest dessert!

Zoidberg · Leela:♪ Dishes, dishes, dishes ♪ ♪ Cleaning up the dishes. ♪ I'm a singing busboy. No, you're not!

Fry · Leela:♪ Just the two of us ♪ ♪ We can make it if we try ♪ ♪ Just the two of us... ♪ Uh, what about...?

Fry · Leela:He won't wake up if we stay quiet. Ooh... Ah! Nibbler! Scat!

Fry · Leela:Only if I cut off my arm. I'll get a knife.

Leela:Oh, not the whole time.

Leela · Professor:We're not cattle, we're human beings. You're human beings? Good Lord, you can't go on this delivery.

Fry · Leela · Sean:Marco! Polo! Marco! Polo! Sean? Leela? Sean?! Polo!

Leela · Zoidberg:I've always wanted to make love by bug-light. Shmoly crap! We've got to get Fry and Leela out of this habitat before they humiliate themselves.

Leela · Fry · Zoidberg · Bender · Amy:Zoidberg and his awful stench. Stanky. Bender and his obnoxious ego. But-but... And what about Amy? Always prancing around in those stupid marmoset pajamas.

Fry · Leela:And the robot hands would make you a strawberry shortcake any time of day. 4:00, 7:00, any time. No way! I'm not lying.

Leela:'If we want to breathe sulfuric acid and get our heads torn off by giant lizards, we can always go to Gary, Indiana.'

Leela · Bender:'Then engage deflector shields.' 'That's from TV, Geordi.'

Leela · Bender:'Well, what sort of stealth technology do we have? A can of paint.'

Leela:'Remember that make out session in that dark closet? You were like a machine.'

Leela:And it's the same railroad camp. I mean, the irony is palpable.

Leela:Think about puppies, bender, Cute, harmless, dead puppies.

Leela:How could we have thought a guy with integrity Was you even for a second?

Leela · Miners:Stop laughing. Help is on the way! In the meantime, you should sing a song to keep your spirits up.

Leela:Zoidberg, quit turning us on and go polish your nozzle.

Amy · Leela:The locations form a perfect shape of some kind. No! Bender was at every one of those places right before the fire started.

Leela:We can have four idiots and a fat guy, but no arsonists.

Leela:What kind of coffin do you want?!

Amy · Leela:Did anyone else hear that weird laugh? It's spooky. It doesn't seem to correspond to anything funny happening.

Leela · Fry:Say, Fry, why do you always have the munchies? And also your eyes are bloodshot, you're paranoid, and the van has a skunky odor.

Leela · Bendee:Would you do it for a Bendee Brew? Rokay. Ri'm a ralcoholic.

Leela · Professor:That doesn't sound very scientific. Not to the layman, no. But that's how it works!

Leela · Professor:This is the least scientific thing I've ever seen. You be quiet!

Leela:Seriously, this could not seem less scientific.

Leela · Calculon:That was the first time I ever believed You were feeling a genuine emotion. I was. It was shame.

Leela:You're a grade-b actor who died And was immediately forgotten. You're nothing but a pompous windbag Who lost touch with genuine emotion years ago. The sad fact is, we should have left you dead, Because you can't possibly do a scene like this.

Farnsworth · Leela:Good news, everyone! Well? What is it? What is what? Oh! Right!

Leela · Farnsworth:Which gang's red, and which gang's blue? Both!

Leela · Bender · Amy:Does anyone else find this delivery suspicious? Nope. He's too dumb, and I don't care. Well, I'm smart, and I care too much.

Leela:I just need it in case, uh, Fry gets his head stuck in a pot of honey. And in the meantime, if I should happen To bump into the crate and open it... Whoopsie!

Bender · Fry · Leela:Hey, leela, Fry got his head stuck in a pot of honey! Oh, bother. Not now!

Leela · Bender:Alcohol? Tobacco? Firearms? Firearms! That's the one I was secretly hoping for.

Leela · Bender:Then pretend they're little human necks. What?! Let me at 'em!

Fry · Leela:Leela, this is no time to show me your boobs! Turn your jersey inside out. Oh. Show me again.

Fry · Leela:Well... Excuse me, sir? We're not actually blips or cruds. We're delivery people, here to deliver this crate. So if everything seems to be in order, We'll be on our way, a'ight?

Leela · Gang Member:Look, let's just agree that gang violence Is an important issue with no easy answers. Okay.

Bender · Leela:My ass is my soul mate. It even has its own hind-brain. Really? Your butt can think? No. But it can feel. And right now, it's hind-heartbroken!

Leela · Amy:Why isn't there a lighthouse to guide us away from the rocks? I don't know, But look out for that lighthouse!

Leela · Bender:Let's not forget that this shipwreck Is also the final resting place of this brave captain. Place your bets. Whee!

Leela:It's fun 'cause there's no touching and lots of rules.

Leela:My hand is stuck! There must be glue on the saddle!

Leela:There are still so many things I wanted to let go of!

Leela · Zoidberg:Zoidberg? (popping)

Leela:Isn't it bad enough that I occasionally lay an egg?

Leela:"Fry, you big dummy"? Very much so.

Leela:You can't just meddle with life like that. Who do you think you are-- god?

Leela:Holy rapunzel, man-bat!

Leela · Fry:How dynamic are they? Not very.