A Taste Of Freedom

Bender:So, what is Freedom Day? Sounds like a feminine hygiene product.

Zoidberg:No, it's a fabulous, crab-ulous day!

Bender:If you want to do something, you do it, and just spleck with the consequences. You know, like how I live every day.

Amy:Happy Freedom Day! Oh, I think my wrist is broken.

Amy:Mm. That'll feel nice on my shattered bones.

Fry:Wow, nude hot-tubbing? That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day.

Zoidberg:Sure, you can be a comedian instead of a doctor... if you want your parents to roll over in their graves!

Zoidberg:Sure, you can go to medical school... if you've given up on your dream of being a comedian!

Zoidberg · Others:That's why I love Earth. You can do what you want, and no one makes you feel guilty... because no one cares. We're not listening! That's what I'm talking about!

Crowd · Zoidberg:We're not listening! / That's what I'm talking about!

Victim · Bender:Ow! You broke my foot! Freedom.

Zapp Brannigan:Come on, let loose and show me something. Anything. Seriously, I'd take an armpit.

President Nixon:We're free to choose which hand our sex-monitoring chip is implanted in.

President Nixon:If we don't want to pay our taxes... why, we're free to spend a weekend with the Pain Monster.

President Nixon:See you April 15, folks!

President Nixon:The great taste of Charleston Chew.

Zoidberg:I'm swelling with patriotic mucus.

President Nixon:In our darkest hour, we can stand erect with proud, up-thrust bosoms.

President Nixon:Anyone who laughs is a Communist.

Zoidberg:Yes, fellow patriots! I ate your flag! And I did it with pride. For to express oneself by doing a thing, is the very essence of Freedom Day!

Crowd:Kill him! Kill the traitor!

Zoidberg:[ZOIDBERG MIMICKING THE THREE STOOGES]

Zoidberg:I'm all scuttled out! What? My planet's embassy? They're paid to not kill me! Alley-oop!

Zoidberg · Ambassador Mervin:But I guess I don't belong here any more than I do on our crappy home planet. Sorry. What sorry? Our planet stinks. We all know it.

Ambassador Mervin:What, no marshmallows? Well, let's storm the place! Without my prior knowledge.

Leela:You may even find the image of it festering in his bowels offensive.

President Nixon · Chief Justice:Maybe so. But I know a place where the Constitution doesn't mean squat! The Supreme Court hereby accepts the case of Earth v. Zoidberg.

Country Singer:You can eat my dog, You can eat my truck, But you eat my flag, And you're out of luck

Bender:I was hating Zoidberg before it was cool.

Bender:Posers! I was hating Zoidberg before it was cool.

Old Man Waterfall · Fry:Name's Old Man Waterfall... but most folks just call me Old Man. I'll never remember that.

Old Man Waterfall:Name a body part and a planet, and I've taken a bullet in it, on it.

Fry:I'll never remember that.

Old Man Waterfall · Bender:Son, to me a robot's just a garbage can with sparks coming out it. The sparks keep me warm.

Old Man Waterfall:Or I would, if I hadn't lost my teeth and nails on Mars and Saturn, respectively.

Zoidberg:No! There's no cocoa marshmallows! And every night, the rats eat a little more of my foot.

Prosecutor:I was hatched ready.

Justice:He shut you up, O'Connor.

Bender:Court's kind of fun when it's not my ass on the line. Nachos?

Old Man Waterfall:No, you don't! Because I lost my real hand planting the flag when we took back Halley's comet.

Old Man Waterfall · Crowd:I love it even more than I love my seven wives. That's right, I'm a polygamist. Boo!

Old Man Waterfall:Yet I would gladly eat a flag myself... had I not used my intestine as a rope to hoist a flag made of my own skin...

Old Man Waterfall · Crowd:Freedom such as polygamy. Boo! I rest my case.

Bender:Six to three? I beat the spread!

Leela:She means you, you turkey of the sea.

Chief Justice · Crowd · Woman:Also, in a rare double-whammy decision, the court finds polygamy constitutional. Boo! I can't wait to tell my husband! Boo!

Ambassador Mervin:Aha! Now the rubber band's on the other claw!

Zoidberg:Well, we'll do to you what we did to the Squash men of the Squash planet: Squished them!

Zoidberg:Charleston Chew? You bet!

Spy · Zapp:Hugh Man, sir! Hugh Man. Now, that's a name I can trust.

Zapp:You're damn right there is. That young lad's gunning for your job. And he just might get it.

Zapp:Make it gaudy. I'm going clubbing later.

Zapp:Well, Kif, stand by to take the blame.

Zoidberg:It's a lesson, I say!

Fry:I'm no good at being a slave. I'm thinking about graduate school to become a barber.

Leela · Amy:This can't go on. Today is the day we fight back! It's already 10:00. Oh, you're right. Tomorrow is the day we fight back.

Fry · Leela:Hey, wait. I'm having one of those things. You know, a headache with pictures. An idea? Mm. Mm-mm-mm.

Bender:The Bender of the 15th century!

Ambassador Mervin:But with the mobile oppression palace... a few dignitaries can oppress your entire planet for pennies a day!

Old Man Waterfall:You can crush me, but you can't crush my spirit! Oh, my spirit!

Leela:Another victim of the mano-centric male-ocracy.

Zoidberg:I request a satanic funeral.

Zoidberg · Ambassador Mervin:Is it possible that all this slavery and oppression... is schmutzing up our freedom lesson? Take a pill, Zoidberg.

Fry · Bender:You didn't expect us to even go to a museum... much less steal this ancient heat-seeking missile! I don't even know you.

Ambassador Mervin:I don't even know you.

Ambassador Mervin:All Decapodian technology is cold-blooded, like us!

Bender:Hey, I need that to smoke!

Zoidberg:Yes, I'm desecrating a flag, but to preserve the freedom it represents.

Zoidberg:Wait a second. They do! Because this is my home planet!

Zoidberg:Well, maybe just a taste.

Bender:I wonder what the Shroud of Turin tastes like.