Bender

Fry · Bender:Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass.

Fry · Bender:It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

Fry · Bender:Why would a robot need to drink? I don't need to drink. I can quit anytime I want.

Bender:I'm a bender... I bend girders. You kidding? I was a stud. I could bend a girder to any angle. 30 degrees... 32 degrees... you name it. 31...

Fry · Bender:Yeah, ever since I was six. Well, okay. But I don't want people thinking we're robosexuals...

Bender:so if anyone asks, you're my de-bugger.

Fry · Bender:We can get out of here... if you just bend the bars. Dream on, skin tube.

Fry · Bender:If someone programmed you to jump off a bridge would you do it? I'll have to check my program. Yep.

Bender:From now on, I'm going to bend what I want... when I want, who I want. I am unstoppable!

Leela · Bender:What is the matter with you? I just wanted to be part of the moment.

Bender:We're unemployed... but we have a doddering old relative to mooch off of.

Bender · Professor:Can we have some money? Oh, my, no.

Bender:Well, we're boned.

Amy · Bender · Farnsworth:Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh! [BENDER BURPS] -You!

Amy · Bender:Lord, Bender, you're filthy. Like you don't have crap in your neck.

Amy · Bender:Does it hurt when I go like this? Ow! A little.

Bender · Amy:What's your sorority? -Kappa Kappa Wong.

Bender:Hey, rich girl, look over here! It's me, Bender. I'm being entertaining. La-la-la, look at my head! It's all painted, look at my head! I got a big old head, and hey, ho! Show's over, I'm tired.

Bender:Let's dump it and say we delivered it. Too much work. Let's burn it and say we dumped it.

Leela · Bender:If everyone's finished being stupid-- I had more, but you go ahead.

Fry · Bender:I got you guys refrigerator magnets! Get it off! Get it off!

Bender:Keep those things off of me. Magnets screw up my inhibition unit.

Fry · Bender:So you flip out and act like a crazy folk singer? Yes. I guess a robot would have to be crazy to want to be a folk singer.

Elzar · Bender:Bender! Bender! Over here! Oh, jeez. I went to high school with that guy.

Bender:You're the kind of guy who visits Jerusalem... and doesn't see the Sexeteria.

Fry · Bender:-Leela's gonna kill me. -No, she'll probably make me do it.

Fry · Bender:Could you get those keys out for me? What do I look like, a guy who's not lazy?

Bender:I died doing what I loved.

Bender:Come on, it's just like making love. You know, left, down, rotate 62 degrees, engage rotor.

Bender:That's her, officers! That's the woman who programmed me for evil!

Bender:Yeah, well, I'm gonna go build my own theme park... with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the park.

Moon farmer · Bender:I'll learn you to sleep with my robot daughters! -He'll never find me in here!

Fry · Bender:You didn't touch the Crush-A-Nator, did you? Of course not. A lady that fine, you gotta romance first.

Fry · Leela · Bender:Hey, cool! Dark side of the moon. Nightfall's coming. -Hurry, before we freeze! -What do you mean 'we,' mammal?

Bender:Oh, no room for Bender, huh? Fine. I'll build my own lunar lander, with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack. Screw the whole thing.

Bender · Leela:She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes I'll kill you, Amy!

Bender:You're getting a huge dose of radiation. And great lift.

Bender:That's right! We want some money!

Bender:Nah, I'm trying to watch my input. I need plenty of wholesome, nutritious alcohol.

Bender · Fry:You barely touched your amoeba. You want it? Nah, I'm trying to watch my input. I need plenty of wholesome, nutritious alcohol.

Fry · Bender:What are the cigars for? They make me look cool.

Bender:Yeah, but everybody's a jerk... you, me, this jerk. That's my philosophy.

Fry · Bender:Do refrigerators still come in cardboard boxes? Yeah, but the rents are outrageous.

Fry · Bender:Y-You sure I won't be imposing? Nah. I've always wanted a pet.

Bender:This is the TV area... that over there is the breakfast nook... and over here is where you'll be living... which is great, 'cause till now it's just been wasted space.

Bender:Look, pal, you've only got one set of clothes... and you're not taking them off while I'm here.

Bender:Kill all humans. Kill all humans.

Bender · Fry:Bath what? Bathroom. What room? Bathroom. What, what?

Bender:Hey, sexy mama... want to kill all humans?

Bender:My place is two cubic meters... and we only take up 1.5 cubic meters. We've got room for a whole 'nother two-thirds of a person.

Bender:I've got a lot of great memories in my old place. And now they're gone.

Bender:Hmm, I'm not sure we want to pay... for a dimension we're not going to use.

Bender:I can barely move. It's perfect!

Bender:You know, Fry, of all the friends I've had... you're the first.

Bender · Neighbor:Wow, that lady's got a huge ass. Those could be anyone's thoughts, fat-ass.

Bender:Happy. Yeah, that's Bender. Always happy.

Bender:My roommate's gone, and all he left behind was... an eyelash and three skin flakes.

Bender:Hey... what I don't do is none of your business.

Bender:I hate the people who love me, and they hate me.

Bender:Are you crazy?! That's little Bender you're talking about. I can't cut it off.

Bender:You're not a robot or a man, so you wouldn't understand.

Bender:I guess I'm just going to have to get used to being half a robot.

Bender:In a closet? Oh, humans.

Amy · Bender:Why's everyone wearing those rings? Because nobody wears them anymore. Rings are stupid.

Bender:you must've had your pick of the litter... last night at closing time.

Bender · Fry:What she ought to do... is find a nice guy with two eyes... and poke one out. Yeah. That'd be a time-saver.

Bender:You can use this as an eye poker.

Bender:A grim day for robotkind. But we can always build more killbots.

Bender:Can I get this wrapped up?

Guard · Leela · Bender:The fatso says you're free to go. Really? Why? Why indeed?

Bender:So you're saying we can cook him? Yeah, barbecue. I'll wear my hilarious apron.

Bender:He's pending for a bending.

Bender:Yeah, I'll do it when we get back.

Bender:So a couple of animals... didn't die, and Leela got lucky. That's what I call a successful mission.

Bender:We're close enough that when you hit a player with a bottle, he's down.

Bender · Vendor:I'd like a jumbo squid log, please. / We don't sell those. / All right. Let me have one of your young on a roll. / We're out of rolls. / Fine. Just give me something crawling with parasites.

Bender:Anyone want butter on that?

Bender · Hermes:Exactly. He was a machine designed to hit blerns. / Wireless Joe was a programmable bat on wheels.

Bender · Fry:But how many robot managers are there? -Eleven? -Zero!

Bender:Is it a human child? I wish!

Bender · Professor:Get away, you filthy bird. / Professor? Turn me off, quick! / I'm sorry. What?

Leela · Bender:Well, aren't they? / I've never made anyone's life easier, and you know it!

Professor · Bender · Fry:Great news, everyone. You'll be delivering a package to Chapek 9. / Where humans are killed on sight. / Why is that great news?

Bender:Just because a robot wants to kill humans, he's a 'radical.'

Leela · Bender:This is the first actual work you've ever done here. / Well, I'm not doing it! It's a robot holiday.

Leela · Bender:Really? Which one? / Only Robanukah. The holiest two weeks on the robot calendar.

Amy · Bender:Come on, Bender. Last month, it was Robomadom. / And before that, Robonza.

Bender:Not just a blast, it was a sacred tribute to my ancestral prototypes which took the form of a drinking contest.

Bender:Yes, Ms. Leela. Tote that space barge. Lift that space bale.

Bender:I'll try to keep that in mind.

Bender:Many said I was too extreme when I called for the annihilation of humans, as well as some of the more cunning monkeys.

Bender:And if you enjoyed that diatribe, you'll want to purchase my spoken-word album. Just $18.95.

Bender:Oh, yeah. You're a bad girl, aren't you?

Bender:They let me go when I said I killed a billion humans.

Bender:I've got wealth, fame, and access to the depths of sleaze from that.

Bender:and access to the depths of sleaze from that.

Bender:Friends? That activates my hilarity unit.

Bender:You're no more my friends than you are with the toaster, phonograph or electric chair.

Bender:Plenty of humans have mistreated robots, but not these two. They're my friends.

Bender · Fry · Leela:Thanks. You know I made Robanukah up to get out of work, right? / Of course. / That doesn't make it less meaningful.

Bender · Leela:Thanks. You know I made Robanukah up to get out of work, right? -Of course.

Bender:Hey, you guys are good. How the hell do you do that?

Bender:Nobody's forcing you to buy anything. Yeah. I mean, we all had commercials in our dreams but you don't see us running off to buy brand-name merchandise at low, low prices.

Fry · Bender:Hey, Bender. Great new sweater. Uh, 'new'? What sweater? I came in with it! I don't know you people.

Bender:Hamboned.

Bender:I say, I'm sure there's... That is, I'm sure there's... a very... reasonable...

Bender:On a TV like this, I bet you couldn't even make out my obscene tattoo.

Fry · Bender:I finally found what I need to be happy and it's not friends... it's things. I'm a thing.

Bender:I don't know. I've had cow.

Bender:Bender singing 'Going through the car wash' while apparently going through some kind of wash

Fry · Bender:Fry asks what Bender's watching, Bender denies cooking show and claims 'It was porno. Yeah, that's it!'

Leela · Bender:When Leela says she likes cooking too, Bender immediately calls her 'Pansy'

Bender:Bender retorts 'I wouldn't talk about taste, wearing a lime-green tank top'

Bender:Bender's defensive 'The salt level was 10% less than a lethal dose'

Fry · Bender:Fry choosing Bender as prime minister: 'In your face, Gorgak'

Fry · Bender:Harem selection scene with Bender's reactions to Fry's choices

Bender:'They are mild. You're soaking in one right now.'

Bender · Fry:Bender trying to make Fry cry: 'You're a pimple on society's ass! You'll never amount to anything!' Fry: 'I was emperor of a planet.'

Bender · Fry:Bender's existential attack: 'Everyone you knew or loved in the 20th century is dead.' Fry: 'These things happen.'

Bender · Fry:'There is no God, and your human ideals are laughable!' 'Phew! That's a load off my mind.'

Bender:Bender's collect call: 'I won't give my name to you'

Bender:I've been perusing your fortified wine list... and I've selected the '71 Hobo's Delight... the '57 Chateau Par-Tay, and the '66 Thunder Chevitz.

Waiter · Bender:Exquisite choices, sir. And mix them all together in a big jug.

Bender:Oh! Name it after me!

Bender:Well, let's get looting. [BENDER WHISTLES]

Fry · Leela · Bender:-What do you do with it? -We recycle. -Robots are made from old beer cans. -And this can's made from old robots.

Leela · Bender:Robots are made from old beer cans. And this can's made from old robots.

Bender:-Boo-hoo.

Bart Doll · Bender:Eat my shorts. -Okay! Mmm, shorts!

Bender:Okay, keep your space pants on. I'll take care of this.

Bender:Hey! You'll put somebody's eye out! Okay, keep your space pants on. I'll take care of this.

Bender:Tonight we're going to party like it's 1999... again.

Bender · Fender:Hey, Bender. Hey, Fender.

Bender:You still working at Jack in the Box?

Bender:Hey, what kind of party is this? There's no booze and only one hooker.

Bender:Uh, hey, I'm no square... but isn't that counter-indicated by my operations manual?

Bender:Well, if jacking on will make strangers think I'm cool... I'll do it.

Fender · Bender:Easy, baby, you don't want to get hooked on this stuff. Ah, no need to worry. I don't have an addictive personality.

Bender:Shut up, square!

Bender:Hey, do I preach to you when you're lying stoned in the gutter? No. So beat it!

Fry · Bender:Who was that guy? Your mama. Now shut up and drag me to work.

Leela · Bender:Bender, why are you spending so much time in the bathroom? Are you jacking on in there? No! Don't come in!

Fry · Bender:I know big Vinnie said he was giving me the kiss of death... but I still think he was gay. Did he use his tongue? A little.

Bender:Come on, universe! You big, mostly empty wuss! Give me all the juice you got!

Hermes · Bender:This is a witch hunt. Oh, what a beautiful morning, oh, what a beautiful day.

Fry · Bender:Great. He's whacked out on electricity again. No, I'm whacked out on life.

Bender:Then you'll all come to my exceedingly long... un-air-conditioned baptism ceremony.

Bender:Uh, while you're at it... could you touch up this seam?

Bender:No poison for us, thanks. I'll stick with good old mineral oil.

Bender:One-zero-zero-zero... one-zero-one-zero-one-zero-one-zero-one... zero-zero-one... zero-one-one-zero-zero-one... two.

Bender · Fry:I'd like to give everyone hugs. Come here, Fry. Oh, uh, but I don't want to.

Leela · Bender:What are you doing to my ship? Sanctifying it. There. That ought to convert a few tailgaters.

Bender:But those girls don't wear cases. You can see their bare circuits.

Bender:Thou shalt not snatch.

Bender:I'm the greatest!

Bender:You know, as a major Hollywood director... I'll be holding auditions tonight for my next movie.

Bender:Mind if I smoke?

Bender:Well, we're boned.

Bender · Fry:I could if you dropped the stupid gold violin. Oh, sorry.

Bender:I could if you dropped the stupid gold violin.

Leela · Bender:Uh, do you think you could be... just a little less evil than that? I don't know. Do you think you could survive a 700-foot fall?

Bender:I'm tired of this room and everyone in it. Excuse me. I'm gonna pop over to the casino for the next 135 hours.

Bender:I'm betting it all! Come on! Baby needs a new pair of feet!

Dealer · Bender:Snake eyes. / My cheating unit malfunctioned! You gotta give me a do-over.

Bender:I assure you, I barely know the meaning of the word 'labor.'

Bender:The bracelet had a diamond the size of a raccoon's brain. Why couldn't I steal it?

Bender:She, a countess built with a silver spoon in her mouth... and me, just a regular honest Joe.

Bartender · Bender:You gonna pay for those? / Hell, no.

Bender:I'm a fraud. A poor, lazy, sexy fraud.

Bender:This isn't even a real bow tie. It's magnetic.

Bender:Don't tell the others. If I don't return, say I died robbing some old man.

Bender:And I'd do it again! And perhaps a third time! But that would be it.

Bender:When we kiss, I feel like I'm standing waist-deep... in a pool of cold, rising water.

Bender:Tragic romances always have a happy ending.

Fry · Bender:- What was your minor? - Robo-American Studies.

Gearshift · Bender:- Close enough. Come on in. - Thanks! Here's your finger back.

Bender:Yeah, well, a lot of them were children.

Bender · Fat-Bot:Bingo! - Oh, mama!

Bender:Oh, yeah. Someone's been a bad computer.

Bender:Cheese it!

Dean Vernon · Bender:- When a human corpse is desecrated- - I can explain that.

Bender:Fat-Bot! No!

Fry · Bender:He belongs in the wild, or the circus on a tiny tricycle. - Now that's entertainment.

Bender · Fry:- She's in the world's shortiest skirt. - I'm in.

Leela · Bender:- My God! You knocked Fox off the air. - Like anyone on Earth cares.

Bender:Like my dad used to make, until McDonald's fired him.

Bender:Bite my red-hot glowing ass! Wait a minute. Red-hot glowing ass? I'll be right back.

Bender:Look, it's that idiotic windbag you slept with.

Professor · Bender:- A what? - You know. A coward.

Bender:It's every robot's duty to give his life for humanity. Oh, crap.

Bender:Beer. I would think.

Bender · Amy · Bender:I'm 40% zinc. / Then Echinacea or St. John's wort. / Or a big fat placebo. It's all the same crap.

Fry · Bender:Ow! My sperm! / Neat. Mind if I try that again?

Bender · Bender:That's no lady! / One more upgrade and I'll be more lady than you can handle.

Bender · Amy:Bite my shiny, metal ass. / You couldn't afford it, honey.

Glurmo · Bender:Those are the Grunka Lunkas! / Tell them I hate them.

Bender:Everybody was doing it. I just wanted to be popular.

Bender:I could fit if I didn't have these damn arms.

Bender:Somebody likes snouts. Is it me?

Bender:Oh, my head! My precious head!

Bender:Stupid can opener! You killed my father and now you want me!

Bender:But why do we keep this time bomb around for that dumb animal?

Bender:I'll pet him with both hands!

Bender:My ass! Get off! Get off!

Bender:Nothing a lawsuit won't cure. Not you.

Bender:I got a busted ass! I don't see anyone kissing it!

Bender:What's that? You have to put him down? No. Huh? What? Terrible shame. Shall I do the honors?

Bender:Next time, I'm keeping it.

Bender:I'd be cuddly if someone gave me a cape.

Bender:And the crowd goes wild! What prize do I get? Cash?

Bender:You call that talent?

Bender:Fine. We'll have rack of Nibbler!

Bender:So it's a cake you want, is it? I'll make you a cake you'll never forget.

Bender:That'll take care of those rats.

Bender:Now, to bake a cake so delicious... they'll have no choice but to love and worship me.

Bender:There! This'll teach those filthy bastards who's lovable.

Bender:Can't you see I'm using the toilet?

Bender:Step one, I lifted the seat. That was the first annoyance. Am I right, men?

Bender:Only one way to find out.

Bender:Yeah. One cantaloupe-sized eye? You ain't winning no beauty pageants, lady.

Bender:The toilet.

Bender:Give it to me straight, doc. Don't sugarcoat it.

Bender:Just use a potted plant like Fry!

Bender:My God, I'm overcome with feelings. I'm experiencing a powerful yearning... to cram my gullet with mackerel heads.

Bender:I feel I'm not as smart as Leela... but I also feel relieved that I'm cuter than her.

Bender:Happy. I like this feeling. Don't revert to your usual mopey self.

Bender:Anger, huh? How dare you make me feel anger... you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet?

Bender:Hell, no! It's Leela's feelings! Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person?

Bender:You only get all the guys because you dress like a tramp!

Bender:I'm so lonely. I'm gonna go eat a bucket of ice cream.

Bender:The spoon's in the foot powder!

Bender:Hang on, Nibbler! Uncle Bender's coming to save you!

Bender:What did those humans design this for anyway?

Bender:Bender, one. Toilet, zero.

Bender:Nice try, Leela... but we've all seen Zapp Brannigan's web page.

Bender:Oh, I made myself feel bad.

Bender:Bender is back! I'll save you, Nibbler!

Bender:So long, jerkwads!

Bender:He means you guys did it.

Bender:No, it doesn't.

Professor · Bender:The green dude and the fat man. - I haven't seen that robot before.

Bender:I'm Bender. You know, the lovable rascal.

Bender:Hey, no prob. This lead apron will protect me.

Bender:Come on, girdle. Hold...

Bender:Don't get your panties in a knot.

Bender:If she let us use the backup, we'd have broken it and given up.

Fry · Bender:Beer? - Underwear?

Fry · Bender:Burn! - Nailed you, buddy!

Bender:As your God is my witness.

Bender:Unless we hit a time warp, don't worry about it.

Fry · Bender:Oh, man. - Let's mutiny.

Amy · Bender:What's your party, Bender? I can't vote. Because you're a robot? No, a felon.

Bender:I'm finally richer than those snooty ATMs.

Leela · Bender:Too bad you can't spend it. Oh, can't I? No. Watch me, poor man.

Bender:Compare your lives to mine, and then kill yourselves.

Bender:You just lost five dollars.

Bender:Bodies are for hookers and fat people.

Bender:What's he gonna do, break my legs?

Croupier · Bender:21 red. I beg your pardon, 33 black. Yes! The rich get richer!

Bender · Character:Can I ride in your car? No, it looks like your neck stepped in something. Oh, I'm sorry, that's just your body.

Bender · Rich Person:Can I ride in your car? No, it looks like your neck stepped in something. Oh, I'm sorry, that's just your body.

Bender:Look me in the shins and say that!

Bender:I'm off to hang out with classy heads like me, who appreciate poetry, philosophy, hats.

Bender:Could one of you coffin stuffers please carry me?

Claudia Schiffer's head · Bender:I'd like to lose a few pounds. Couldn't hurt.

Bender:That's not my expansion slot and my friend says, That's not my 25-pin connector!

Bender · Washington:Same reason you hocked your teeth. Ah, booze money.

Bender:What an awful dream. Ones and zeros everywhere! And I thought I saw a two.

Bender · Pawn Shop Owner:You sold my body! To who? I can't reveal that. But I'll give you $50 for the kid.

Fry · Bender:What about your self-destruct button? It's on my body!

Bender:That double-crossing bastard! How dare he run off with Nixon!

Bender · Fry · Leela:It ain't my fault. I'm a non-voting felon. It's not my fault. I forgot to vote. Crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today.

Bender:Let's face it. Comedy's a dead art form. Now, tragedy? That's funny.

Fry · Bender:Trees down! Trees doWn! Cool. What if you want the trees up? Trees up! Trees down. Trees doWn.

Bender:Lick my frozen metal ass.

Bender:Yes, I got the most! I win Xmas!

Bender:You'd have to be blind not to notice that Leela's a Cyclops.

Leela · Bender:Right. As if you ever did anything charitable. I'm very generous. What about that time I gave blood? Whose blood? Some guy's.

Robot Santa · Bender:You've been very naughty, Bender! I didn't do nothing. You're thinking of the kid.

Bender:You got the toenail.

Bender:What is this, the Middle Ages?

Leela · Bender:You've become a fat sack of crap. - Sack?

Bender:And that doesn't make sense

Bender:For some reason, I'm frisky as a squid on Tuesday

Amy · Bender:Maybe he has a parasite. - Maybe he is one

Bender:It's sad when a friend goes nuts...and you have to have a clambake and cook him

Professor · Bender:There's one thing we can do. - I'll boil the water

Bender · Professor:Oh, baby, I'm there! - Do you understand 'invertebrate'?

Bender:It's not the word I care about. No need to pack pants. Let's roll!

Bender:You and me both

Zoidberg · Bender · Zoidberg:How do I look? - Like whale barf. - Then the illusion is complete

Bender:He's a loser, that's why. The lobster equivalent of Fry

Bender · Zoidberg:You didn't smell as bad. - You're right. My stink gland is weak. Smell!

Bender:Since then, I've been called 'Honest Bender'

Fry · Bender:Turn it over. - Oh. 'Edna! Of all the gross crab monsters on this planet...you are the hottest.'

Bender:Mind if I tag along? My ass needs servicing

Bender:You, sir, have defaced a national treasure! I demand you restore my buttocks to their former glory!

Bender:You snagged the perfect girlfriend. Amy's rich, she's probably got other characteristics...

Bender:Please! For your information, it's because he's hideous

Bender:$500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws

Elzar · Bender:Honey, we love you! Shut up, baby, I know it!

Bender:Computer dating. Like pimping, but you rarely say 'upside your head'

Leela · Bender:Why would anyone ask you for help? Don't make me go upside your head!

Bender · Zapp:Okay, Mister...? Smith. Zapp Smith. Brannigan.

Bender · Customer:Losers get really desperate around Valentine's Day. Yeah, it's pathetic, all right

Bender · Customer:Five hundred bucks. Done. Brannigan okay? No! Six hundred

Fry · Bender:I've got a date. She's coming. ... Just like Fry's date. Get it?

Petunia · Fry · Bender:How's them eats? Don't mind if I do. ... She seems old. She's well-traveled. I don't mean she travels

Leela · Bender · Bus Driver:Did you round up our dates at the bus station? Of course not. Anybody else for Nutley?

Fry · Bender:It's not like you set us up with bad dates... just so we'd be together. Didn't I, Leela? Didn't I?

Leela · Bender:No! You just corralled some stiffs at the bus station and took our money. True. But in the end, isn't that what Valentine's Day is all about?

Bender:True. But in the end, isn't that what Valentine's Day is all about?

Fry · Bender:Watch the neck! My ass! My beautiful...

Fry · Bender:Bender, you said you were in this episode. No. I'm on Caught on Tape Three for what I did in the coffee pot.

Bender:Hey, a suicide booth! So long, suckers!

Tour Guide · Bender:Here is a 20th century assembly line where cars Were constructed by primitive robots. We've come a long way, baby.

Bender:We've come a long way, baby.

Bender:There's a baby in there, huh?

Bender · Leela:I think I got whiplash. How? You don't have a neck. I meant ass whiplash.

Flexo · Bender:No duh! We're both bending units. What's your serial number? 3370318. No way! Mine's 2716057.

Bender:Check it out. Six beautiful devices. They know what you like, and they do it to within one micron.

Bender · Flexo:Spin those fans, baby. Yeah, baby! All right, mama! Spin it, baby. Gyrate it, honey!

Fry · Bender:I don't like this place. It's 120 with little oxygen. Shut up and hoot.

Bender:Hubba-hubba! She is built! In Mexico, I believe. And that ain't silicon. It's tungsten, and plenty of it.

Flexo · Bender:Yeah. Look at that exhaust fan. Pervert.

Professor · Amy · Bender · Leela · Fry:Feast your eyes on this! It's beautiful! And huge! Can I touch it? What is it, already?

Bender:Just because he has a beard you label him as evil? I've got a label for you, an ugly word called "prejudice."

Fry · Bender:I'm not prejudiced. Save it for the cross burning, Adolf!

Leela · Bender · Professor:How did he steal the atom? By using a sleep ray. Sleep rays exist, right? No. Then I fell asleep.

Bender:Keep an eye on Fry. It's possible that he did it.

Fry · Bender:Why are you looking for Flexo in my underpants? He wasn't here 10 minutes ago, so I thought I'd check again.

Bender:And leave me high and dry in case of a scavenger hunt? No way.

Fry · Bender:Wait. You're Bender. Who said I wasn't?

Bender:It's a little thing called style. Look it up sometime.

Bender · Flexo · Leela:Shoot him, he's choking me! No. Shoot him, he's choking me! I don't know which one to shoot!

Leela · Bender:Bender? You stole the atom? Yeah, but I can explain: It's very valuable.

Bender · Leela · Fry:You guys are losers... but I made out with the woman from the Radiator Planet. Fry, that's a radiator. Is there a burn ward nearby?

Bender:Hermes has all the fun. He's got a Brain Slug on his head!

Bender:I hate subtitles. Alien films are so pretentious.

Bender:Give me a large diet malt liquor and a popcorn with extra motor oil.

Movie patron · Bender:Mind taking your head off? - I need it to watch the movie.

Bender · Amy:Ask Flabby here to describe it to you later. She is as the factory made her. They should have stopped about halfway through.

Calculon/TV · Bender:You have pressed 2. - I didn't! - I'm almost positive you did.

Movie patron · Bender:Pardon me, sir. But you seem to be kicking my seat. - That's the gist of what I said. Would you mind?

Bender:You should see me at funerals.

Bender:Float like a float-bot, sting like a stinging machine!

Bender:Oh, again with the orphanarium.

Bender:She's right. I don't want to end up like her!

Bender:Still can't reach!

Hermes · Bender:I got you a Bender hat. - Wow! Thanks, Hermes! I... Hey, cut that out!

Bender:Whoo-hoo, I'm popular!

Bender:Well, I need floozies. Let's roll.

Bender:Those morons! I said peaberry, not sandalwood!

Bender:Got it. Large kickle, hold the tickle.

Leela · Bender:That's me! No, it isn't! I just took some pictures of your face and put them on someone else's body.

Bender:$9.95 a minute. You're a dollar naughtier than most.

Fry · Bender · Zoidberg:A woman? I'm scared! Thanks to the Internet, I'm bored with sex. Is the space pope reptilian?

Bender:Too bad it's a dump.

Bender:Any artwork of her from the back?

Bender:I'm gonna need to make some room!

Fry · Bender:Animals go in the corner. Why didn't I think of that?

Bender:I don't know. For the first time in my life, I feel like I've stolen enough.

Bender:I love stealing I love taking things

Bender:Bah! Big shots. I say let the dice do the talking.

Bender:I got them off a lucky guy while his lucky seeing-eye dog was whizzing.

Bender:Read them and leak saltwater.

Bender:I swear those are prescription. I need them for reading stuff. Behind other stuff.

Bender:Hey, you wouldn't hit a guy with x-ray glasses, would ya?

Bender:Uh, it was ghosts! Big ones! And a tornado!

Hermes · Others · Bender:I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

Bender:I'd have won but I ran out of olives.

Bender:I threw the professor at her. I had to hit her with a purse I found.

Bender:Hey, Fry? I made you a candle with... What the...?

Bender:The promotion, the dwarf in my book club who steals my opinions.

Bender:Come back! It's a loop!

Bender:You didn't understand? I'll explain. You were having sex with you.

Bender:That's what makes it so juicy. It's the forbidden fruit angle.

Bender:I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor!

Bender:Good evening, I'm... Sorry. I'm Bender, and I'll be emceeing this roast.

Bender:They say you can judge a man by the company he keeps. So here's the professor's oldest friend, a grotesque, stinking lobster!

Bender:I hope he didn't die. Unless he named me his successor. Then I hope he did die.

Bender · Zoidberg:Up yours, Zoidberg! Up wherever your species traditionally crams things.

Bender · Professor Farnsworth:Is he dumb or just ugly? Let's find out.

Bender:Me no speak-a the English.

Bender:Him pending para un bending.

Elzar · Bender:Are you an ass-kissing machine? Yes, sir! Good one, sir!

Professor · Bender:I'm sure he's just made a cutting remark... but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this. You bastard!

Bender:Falcon, this is Blue Raven. The goose has nested.

Bender:Guess what you're accessories to? The sun, the sea air, good friends.

Bender · Fry:I can hit a fish between the eyes from 20 yards. Yeah? I can hit a shrimp!

Bender:So, this is where you shop for your boots!

Fry · Bender:Bender, I just caught a fish this big! Quit exaggerating!

Bender:There. Like most problems, this one can be solved with bending.

Bender · Leela:Then, why do I have to be careful? It belonged to my grandmother.

Bender:What's that? Is someone bending girders?

Bender:Tempers are wearing thin. Let's hope some robot doesn't kill everybody!

Bender:I suggest a nice lobster Zoidberg. I mean lobster Newburg. I mean Dr. Zoidberg.

Bender:The laws of science be a harsh mistress.

Bender:Okay. But I'm not carrying it upstairs.

Bender:Bend me! Dude! An ancient sunken city!

Bender:She's right. Sure they got the Braves, but it's a third-rate symphony.

Hermes · Professor · Zoidberg · Bender:How did this happen? That's a good question! So that's where I left my cigar. That just raises further questions!

Fry · Bender:Bender, try to be a little quieter. - No, you shut up!

Bender:Bam! Yeah! Bam it again! Knock it up a notch! Who let him into the studio? Come on! Work that weasel! Quit holding out!

Bender:It's Elzar! I'm so excited I wish I could wet my pants!

Bender:Hooray for blind-ey! Oh, God. I'm coming down!

Leela · Elzar · Bender:Hey! A bill? You're charging us, after you blinded me? I made a nice meal. This ain't a charity. Twelve hundred dollars? Holy zombie Jesus!

Leela · Bender:We don't have that! Especially not him. They took away my credit cards.

Bender · Cop:I was picking my nose. Picking his nose! Get him!

Bender:Don't hit me! I'm brittle!

Cop · Bender:You better keep your nose clean. That'll be easy. I never wear it.

Bender · Elzar:Bam! Bam yourself.

Bender · Elzar · Robot Mafia:Are they the Robot Mafia? Yes. You call this a table? You call this a table? I wouldn't hit a guy with this!

Bender:I'm trying, but it's not easy.

Don-Bot · Bender:It's a twenty. It is? Oh, I'm sorry, I meant to... Wait a minute!

Bender:I've always wanted to be a goon!

Bender · Elzar:I've always wanted to be a goon! Hey, Elzar! I quit! Okay!

Bender · Don-Bot:Wow! You guys run numbers? Ones and zeroes mostly.

Bender:That's what my mom said.

Bender:Which I'm sort of in.

Don-Bot · Bender:How's Blotto? It's gritty, and I can keep my monogrammed slippers.

Bender:I can't move. Oh, I think I'm gonna output.

Bender:The secret of robot cooking: Start with a high-quality oil. Then eat it.

Bender:I can stink up a hospital with one of those!

Bender:Sorry I'm tardy, old bean. I was enjoying a watercress sandwich.

Bender:I say, get the hell off me!

Bender · Fry:Chew on this! What ho! Stop it! Take that, you twit! No, stop it!

Bender · Don-Bot:Let me take care of the dirty work. Hey, I like your attitude. And your accent. Keep it up and I might get you your own pair of clamps.

Bender:Yes, I am! Having just regained consciousness!

Bender:Fight to the death. I'll cook the loser. Work his gut. I like it tender.

Fry · Bender:I found some rocks! You eat rocks, right? Not even sautéed in a little mud?

Fry · Bender:Look! A ditch full of fried shrimp! Are you blind? Looks more like a hole full of fried prawns.

Fishy Joe · Bender:Okay, we won't eat you! I'll go get some more bricks.

Bender:She's hallucinating from lack of Popplers. Eat some now!

Bender:Just wipe out humanity. Get it over with. It's the waiting I can't stand.

Bender · Fry:You're just a carbon-based life form... but I'll always think of you as a big pile of titanium. Just like titanium.

Bender:Someone's acting awfully aluminum.

Fry · Bender:That's Leela! I'm seeing double!

Unknown robot · Bender:Nice. Where'd you steal them? - I didn't steal them. I bought them.

Bender:Come on! You call yourselves chumps?

Bender:It wasn't me.

Bender:It's me! No one else look in this mirror!

Bender:I love my Mommy.

Bender:Mom! It's me, Bender! Look at me! I want attention! Hey ho!

Bender:That's my mama!

Bender:No way, pork pouch. I'm rebelling with my brothers.

Bender:Yes! In your face, Gandhi!

Bender:By the way, try washing your wrist sometime.

Bender:Hell hath no fury like the vast robot armies of a woman scorned.

Bender:But if Glasses Man makes up with her, she'll be happy and stop the robots.

Greeting card · Bender:In the glorious robot workers' paradise, there will be no liquor! Only efficient synthetic fuels! - No liquor? - Do svidaniya, comrade!

Bender:Free soda for all humans!

Bender:You created me, Mom... so you're to blame, for the love that I feel from hearing your name. You're as tender as corned beef and warm as pastrami...

Bender:As a robot among humans, I never feel accepted at parties or nude beaches.

Bender:I'll call the cops. After I flush some things.

Bender:I prefer the word extortion. The 'x' makes it sound cool.

Bender · Leela:Are we near an Indian graveyard? No? Then it was you!

Bender:B-E-N-D-E-R Bender B-E-N-D-E-R, Bender Saying B-E-N-D!

Bender:I hope it was one of my enemies. Those guys suck.

Bender:Well, I'm rich. Goodbye, losers, whom I've always hated!

Bender:Pardon me, my good simpleton. Could you take us to yon castle?

Bender:Oh, man! There's always a catch.

Bender:I get a good vibe from this place. Nice long dinner table, quiet, well-behaved spiders, graveyard-adjacent.

Bender:So does my butt, but I don't frame it and put it on the wall. Although...

Bender:They said that about being alive!

Bender:It crept along on round rubber feet, like a wolf!

Bender · Amy:I just need sleep. I had nightmares about cars running people over. Many dream of a fresh new look. And Mary Kay can make those dreams come true.

Bender:Robot porno theater? I was in that general area last night.

Bender:Yeah? Could a big hallucinating baby do this?

Bender · Robot:Please, I'm scared. We all are. It's the human condition. That's why I put on this tough guy facade. Now beat it!

Bender · Robot Psychiatrist:That's crazy. Yes. So crazy that it must be true!

Bender:I can't keep running people over. I'm not famous enough to get away with it. Help me!

Robot Psychiatrist · Bender:Sure you can die! You want to die? No! There's still too many things I don't own!

Bender:Could one of you just--? Ah, forget it. I'll just sleep here.

Bender:What about welding everyone except me to the wall?

Bender:Look, everyone loves killing people, but I don't wanna hurt my friends.

Bender:Oh, boy! I feel like a car in a candy store!

Bender:I must have killed him! He's my best friend and I killed him! I never felt so empty inside.

Bender · Fry:That's my last beer, you bastard! I'll kill you! I'll kill you too, buddy. I'll kill you too.

Bender:What? This is the worst kind of discrimination! The kind against me!

Fry · Bender:Mind if we sit with you? Why the hell would I?

Bender:A foul-mouthed, barrel-chested, beer-bellied pile of ugly muscle.

Bender:Stop flattering me!

Fry · Bender:And then the battle's not so bad? Right, I forgot about the battle.

Bender:Fry, you emu-bellied coward!

Bender:If they put me on a stamp, tell them to use the young Bender.

Bender:If they put me on a stamp, tell them to use the young Bender.

Bender:Yeah, he's a doctor and a butcher.

Zoidberg · Bender:Excuse me, I believe I'm the doctor. Believing it won't make it true.

Bender:I got wheels! With clickity-clackers!

Bender:Up yours, chump! I said it 906 times before lunch.

Bender:The game's name is: Make Bender Happy, or He Blows Up the Planet!

Bender:Great. What's the point of living if I can't say 'ass'? I didn't blow up! Ass, ass, ass, ass!

Professor · Bender:That's using your ass. And the word? Better if you don't know.

Bender:Wait. Is it 'sorry'? No. 'Funderful'?

Bender:'Compassion.' 'Shrimp toast.' 'Antiquing'?

Fry · Bender:We come in peace. Tough luck!

Bender · Fry:Hey, Fry! I'm steering with my ass! The best thing I ever saw!

Bender:Relax, chum. I'm not really a giant fly. I'm a horrible robot! Kill all humans!

Bender · Fry:So, as Leela was saying, Fry can go shove a big, old-- Hey, Fry!

Bender:You were in Pauly Shore's tube. They delivered it to his movie screening. / They noticed you weren't him and threw you out.

Bender:Yosemite Sam?

Bender:There's no part of that sentence I didn't like.

Bender:Like how to make ice-cream soup?

Bender:I learned it from a decongestant commercial: 'Soothing action...'

Bender · Amy:Better known as the love muscle. / Which digests food.

Bender:Gum-ercules?! I love that guy.

Bender:Babes, bucks, I got it all.

Bender:I gotta get up early to go parasailing with movie stars.

Bender:I'm Mexican, and I find that offensive!

Fry · Bender:Bender, think of the señoritas! Vámonos!

Bender:Oh, your God!

Bender:Oh, your God!

Bender:Maybe you can interface with my ass. By biting it!

Bender · Amazon:I'm a scary fem-puter. Release the prisoners. And bring gold. Lots of gold. - Why Fem-puter want gold? - You heard the man.

Bender:You're no fem-puter, you're a fembot.

Bender:I'm a scary fem-puter. Release the prisoners. And bring gold. Lots of gold.

Bender:All I know is, this gold says that was the best mission ever.

Bender:You've seen me naked?

Bender:Precocious little scamp, ain't I?

Bender:You bastard! They treated me like an animal! And that's what I became!

Bender:No, you're all right. Good to see you!

Bender:You degenerate hussy! I'm disappointed in you too, Angleene!

Bender:God, then it's worse than I think!

Bender:What I'm outraged by is your choice of wine!

Bender:show up as him and catch her two-timing me with myself.

Angleene · Bender:You always were a kick in the teeth, man. / Aw, shucks, thunder-buns. You make me feel like a million volts.

Bender:Oh, how I wish I could believe or understand that!

Bender:I don't know anything about lifting, so that just leaves us the one option.

Bender:Me too. Me too. Jerk.

Bender · Zoidberg:- Five hundred dollars, you say? - Dog food, you say?

Bender:I have a late entry. My hard-shelled whooping terrier, Mr. Zoidberg.

Bender:Suck in that gut! You wanna be spayed?

Bender:Second place? That's a fancy word for losing! You didn't stick your landing!

Bender · Fry:- Help me! My heart stopped! - You don't have one. You're a robot.

Fry · Bender:- Well, yeah. Robots are made of metal. - Am I a robot?

Bender:Wait! That no white whale! It gray thinkie whale!

Bender:Tom Sawyer, you tricked me. This is less fun than previously indicated.

Bender:You're a crazy lobster doctor! You shouldn't be a comedian!

Bender:That was the other guy. My name's Boiler.

Calculon · Bender:Nice work, Boiler. Thanks. And call me Bender.

Fry · Bender:Since when have you been in the biz? Long enough, little man. Long enough.

Bender:I do think of human life as expendable.

Bender:Now, look spry, men. We launch at six bells.

Bender:From now on, you'll be known as Wiggles.

Bender:What's Peter Parrot's first rule of captaining?

Bender:I've heard better.

Bender:I once knew a guy... You look like him.

Bender:He wasn't neither...

Bender:Five hours? Couldn't you have just gotten me the death penalty?

Bender:Can't beat fresh-squeezed.

Bender:What's this water made of, ice? Forget this!

Bender:I don't know why, but when I look at their faces...it makes me want to puke! In a good way.

Bender:I don't know why, but when I look at their faces... it makes me want to puke! In a good way.

Bender:I taught them if it ain't black and white, peck and bite.

Bender:Guys, it's me, your lovable dictator!

Bender:Thanks to my influence, those stupid birds will do just fine.

Bender:To hell with your baby. I need those shoes.

Bender:Someone's in a good mode.

Bender:My full name is Bender Bending Rodriguez.

Bender:He was fun.

Bender:You mean breakfast club sandwich?

Fry · Bender:Good, we're going grave robbing. - I'll get my kit.

Bender:Now no one will be able to say I don't own John Larroquette's spine.

Bender:Hey, Fry, you want me to smack the corpse up a little?

Bender:Okay, grab a shovel. I'm one skull short of a Mouseketeer reunion.

Leela · Bender:I was abandoned as a baby too. So... - Garbage, huh? I'll take care of it.

Leela · Bender:Bender, stop! It's a baby! - A baby what?

Bender:Imagine the look on their faces when we eat all the hors d'oeuvres.

Bender · Man:It's a great way to have a kid without sex. - Really?

Bender:A hundred dollars a week?

Fry · Bender:Why are they with you? Do you have candy? - No. It's called parenting.

Bender:Kids have names?

Bender:Now you're all named Bender Jr.!

Bender:Twelve baby humans, 1200 wing-wangs.

Bender:What is it with you kids? Every other day, it's food, food, food!

Bender:The cat shelter's onto me.

Bender:Let me ditch the kids in an alley, and we can go have some fun.

Bender:Daddy's trying to score with a cheap floozy right now, so cram a Tinkertoy in it.

Child · Bender:I love you, Daddy Bender. - What the hell? Quit hugging me!

Bender:I've got half a mind to hug each and every one of you, and see how you like it!

Bender · Child:What do we say when you get something? - About time!

Child · Bender:I gotta go poopy! - You should've gone before it was time to run.

Bender:Bender's Arrest Record, by the police.

Bender:I get 100 bucks a kid, and they're costing 110!

Bender:Imperial Dragon restaurant? I've got a herd of you-know-whats for sale.

Bender:Imperial Dragon restaurant? I've got a herd of you-know-whats for sale.

Bender:Bender's Orphanarium means discount orphans.

Bender:Purebred human. No vampire in there.

Bender:Cursed with a third ear but full of an emotion I understand is called love.

Bender:You princes of Maine, you kings of New New England.

Bender:If you had kids of your own, you'd understand!

Bender:Hey, I smoke a cigar, not a candy cane.

Bender:Hey, I smoke a cigar, not a candy cane.

Bender:I hate you! I hate you all!

Bender:I got plans. I'm gonna turn my on/off switch to off.

Bender:I've seen lines move faster in the sperm bank.

Bender · Roberto:You old lunatic! How you been? / Not bad. Not bad.

Bender:I'm okay too. I'm taking a Chinese cooking class at the Learning Annex.

Bender:Yahoo! The system fails again!

Bender:Well, you meet half the qualifications.

Bender:Lighten up, honey. I'm getting through a difficult time using humor.

Bender:Remember, I didn't squeal? Do you?

Bender:What?

Fry · Unknown · Bender:Mind if I take this old van? Sure. You wanna dump the corpses out of there, it's yours. Yeah, I've gotten used cars before.

Fry · Unknown · Bender:Why won't it start? - It needs gas. Wrong again, idiot. There is no gas. Petroleum reserves ran dry in 2038.

Bender:Last time, that magnetic psycho nearly cut my head off! Plus the magnet impairs your inhibition unit and makes you sing folk songs.

Bender:What? Who said anything about me secretly wanting to be a folk singer?

Bender:It's time to take life by the cans.

Bender · Doctor:You mean...? - Sorry, you'll have to get a new one.

Bender:For God's sake, somebody kick his ass!

Bender:Hey, the blues! The tragic sound of other people suffering. That's kind of a pick-me-up.

Bender:I'd get up to shake hands and steal your wallet, but my body crapped out.

Bender · Beck:Why, 'cause I made an annoying noise? - I use those all the time in my music.

Fry · Unknown · Bender:Oh, no! My beautiful money! - It got ruined in the wash! - Mine too, even my change.

Bender · Bender:That's so wrong! They can't just melt down broken robots! - Not right when they're kissing my ass.

Bender · Beck:Yeah, I could write a song! With real words, not phony ones like 'odelay.' - Odelay is a word. Look it up in the Becktionary.

Bender:I'm working on my song. Hand me the Becktionary. No, the rhyming Becktionary.

Bender:I'd like to raise awareness about broken robots... but what can I do? I only weigh 8 pounds.

Unknown · Bender:Bender! You can move! You're cured! - Oh, crap! It's a miracle.

Bender:That's like Christina Aguilera singing in Spanish.

Bender:What is this, the Year of the Jerk?!

Bender:Someone fat, get in my way!

Bender:Well, it was worth a shot.

Hermes · Bender:Now all the planets are gonna crack wise about our mamas. / I'm glad my fat mama isn't alive.

Bender:Saw it coming.

Bender:Big deal. We all feel like that all the time. You don't hear us gassing on about it.

Amy · Bender:You know what might be a hoot? - No. Why would I know that?

Bender:I'm sick of parallel Bender lording his cowboy hat over me.

Bender:These new hands are great. I'll break them in tonight.

Bender:I could pound your head till you think that's what happened.

Bender:While you're there, pick me up a few credit card numbers.

Bender:Humans dating robots is sick. You people wonder why I'm still single? It's 'cause all the fine robot sisters are dating humans!

Bender:Stay away from our women! You've got metal fever, boy!

Amy · Bender:But Fry's our friend, Bender. - Will you stifle there, meat bag?

George Michael-Bot · Bender:Please pick me up before you go-go. - She asked first.

Real Lucy Liu · Bender:Quite a masculine piece of metal, aren't you? - Don't look at me like that. If you're thinking of crossing the line, you can forget it. Bender don't bend that way.

Bender:Bender don't bend that way.

Bender:Looks like you're retaining water.

Bender:Shucks, I wasn't afraid of that robot. I'm pretty brave once you get past my macho exterior...

Bender · Real Lucy Liu:Yeah, at our wedding. - It's true. Bender and I are in love.

Real Lucy Liu · Bender:Yeah, at our wedding. - It's true. Bender and I are in love.

Fry · Bender:But... But... - Don't be a prude, Fry.

Bender:Those cost more lives than they save.

Professor · Bender:Some idiot must have put metal in the microwave. Yo.

Bender:That's no flying saucer. That's my ass.

Scientist · Bender:Are you coming on to me? I take exception to that.

Bender:Come on, lighten up. What is this, a funeral?

Bender:Choke on that, causality!

Fry · Bender:What was it like lying in that hole for 1000 years? I was enjoying it until you showed up.

Bender:This guy's too trustworthy. What's his angle?

Bender:Fine. I'm getting tired of this wood show.

Leela · Bender:An omen? - Dinner.

Leela · Bender:Why aren't we moving? - I don't know. Usually when I do stuff like this the ship moves.

Bender:Crap! I'm some sort of robot.

Bender:I wasn't built to steal Leela's purse either, but that didn't stop me.

Bender:You selfish little bastards

Bender:If I weren't stuck here I'd harpoon you in the eye

Bender:I don't know, moron. Suppose I bend them?

Bender:No, wait! I'm the good Santa. I've got toys at reasonable prices.

Bender · Woman:What's in these things? - Why don't you slip into something more fiery?

Bender:This creates an unrealistic standard of beauty.

Bender · Judge Whitey:Not Santa. - There he is again!

Bender:It's not fair. I hope that dumb chicken is ashamed of himself.

Bender:Huddled together in fear like lice in a burning wig.

Bender · Robot Santa:Chief, you screwed up. There's nothing here. - Oh, it might appear empty but the message is clear: Play Santa again, and I'll kill you next year!

Bender:Being a robot's great, but we don't have emotions... and sometimes that makes me very sad.

Bender:Nah, it just moved. I'm not getting good reception on it, though.

Bender · Hermes:Maybe if I wiggle it around... No! You'll make God cry!

Bender:Come into the bathroom and look at this! You won't believe it!

Amy · Bender:You look a lot better than you used to. You're not so bad yourself, big boy.

Bender:Hey, that felt great! Nah, it's not working anymore.

Bender:You drank and smoked as a robot. But now it's bad for me! Woo!

Bender:Why didn't anyone tell me tasting things tasted so good?

Bender:What's going on? That rhythm, it's doing something to my human butt!

Bender:I bet I can eat nachos and go to the bathroom at the same time!

Bender:Goodbye moderation!

Bender:Come here and give old Bender a kiss.

Bender:Hey, you like grilled cheese?

Bender:Woo!

Bender:Woo! Woo! Woo!

Leela · Bender:As an alien who was abandoned on Earth... I've never really belonged anywhere. Boo-hoo! Ow!

Bender:We've been skipping for hours. I need to pull over and take 'The Wiz.'

Bender:What, do I smell or something?

Bender:Would you censor the Venus De Venus just because you can see her spewers?

Planet Express Ship · Bender:Why not create a national endowment for strip clubs... While we're at it? Why not, indeed!

Bender:That ship is so white bread.

Bender:Cool! Clothing. Delicious clothing.

Bender:This isn't alternative rock. It's college rock.

Planet Express Ship · Bender:If you don't like the stations, play with my buttons... Till you find something we both enjoy. Oh, gosh. That came out all wrong. Too late, baby. You said it.

Bender · Planet Express Ship:Cootchie- Cootchie. Stop it. You're mussing up my trajectory.

Bender:I need a girl with a big 400-Ton booty.

Bender:That's what makes it so nasty.

Bender:That's what makes it so nasty.

Bender:Oh, wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder.

Bender:Yep. Mind- Numbingly interesting. Whoa.

Bender:Those women you saw me with were my accountants.

Bender:Bender is great... Oh, Bender is great...

Bender:Call me old- Fashioned, but I like a dump to be as memorable as it is devastating.

Bender · Leela:If her personality engulfs mine, the Bender you know and worship... Could disappear forever. I'm willing to take that risk.

Bender:I prefer two. That way we can still be a horse for Halloween.

Bender · Planet Express Ship:A cuddly baby tapir. And that's why I love him.

Bender · Fry:Sure, we talk about it all the time. Really? No. Burn!

Bender:Now I can punch you in the nose in the dark.

Bender:Where'd it go?

Bender:Professor, I'll take care of that waste for $499 and 100 cents.

Professor · Bender:Do you take credit cards? Let's find out.

Bender:All right, environment, you've met your match.

Bender:Yo, yo, Bazender! What up?

Bender:I just got hired to clean up the set of Free Willy 3!

Bender:Namely, I'm up here, and they are safely down--

Bender:Wait. I don't even have DNA. Why am I screaming?

Bender:And I'm the Leela! Dude, over here!

Bender:Good news, Leela! I landed the contract to empty all the spittoons in Little Italy.

Bender:Don't mind if I already did. Do you have any more Dom Perignon bubble bath?

Bender:There was only enough to fill the tub halfway.

Bender:I broke your television!

Bender:Not bad for a city boy, huh? By the way, I took the liberty of fertilizing your caviar.

Bender · Leo Wong:I might have mental anguish. - I'm friends with every judge here. - I'm okay, then.

Fry · Leela · Bender:It was... the Windows logo! - That's not scary! - It is if you're a printer!

Bender · Leela:Hook on the hand! - Man in the attic!

Bender:Bored robot kills Fry with a hammer! Sorry, go on.

Bender:Don't worry, Kif. I'm sure some other beautiful rich girl will fall in love with you.

Zapp · Leo Wong · Bender:This mission is very dangerous! Someone's sure to be killed! - Fry? Leela? Bender? - Damn you, old man!

Bender · Zapp:What about the great stone ass? - But it's on the other side of the planet.

Bender:Hey, I'm smoking! I'm the greatest!

Bender:Oh, monkey trumpets!

Bender:More like three lockers and a sink.

Bender:Make me famous, bighead!

Bender · Fry:It's Bender. Why bother remembering anything? You'll forget it five seconds later.

Bender:doomed to obscurity like the rest of you, especially Leela.

Bender:No one will forget how I live or my attitude regarding butt.

Bender:Cushiony! And a minibar!

Bender:Aw, you knew my favorite cause of death.

Professor · Bender:But Bender was different. Bender had a.04-percent nickel impurity. - It's what made me me!

Bender:It's what made me me!

Bender:You people look like you're waiting for the bus.

Bender:You're at my funeral, singing about some dead stiff named Danny-boy?

Bender · Fry:You really are a massive bonehead! - I'm expressing sorrow. - Get lost! I'd say, 'Don't quit your day job,' but you're bad at it too!

Bender:You've convinced me life is worth living... by showing how bad my funeral will suck!

Bender:Spend your whole life building a guy's toe, you'll remember him.

Bender · Slave Driver:I noticed your sign. I thought I'd look into your program. - We make you starve to death.

Bender:Don't whip with your arms. The power comes from your hips. Like this:

Bender:Enoughsis! Pullutut! What's-His-Name!

Bender:Those are waves, jackass! It's supposed to be a river!

Bender:Behold! I have emerged from the place of spells and fairies!

Bender:Let a whole new wave of cruelty wash over this lazy land!

Bender:I meant, 'Yourself to death?'

Slave · Bender:Pharaoh, it hurts when I breathe. - Well then, what do you think you should stop doing?

Bender:Are people gonna be remembering me or the statue?

Bender:Too exact, if you ask me.

Bender:Afterlife? If I had to go through another life, I'd kill myself.

Bender:Stop it! It's not right! You've crossed a line!

Fry · Bender:You have your legacy as a brutal, tyrannical dictator... and that will outlive any monument. - You think they'll remember me? - Absolutely. Well, in that case, one planet down.

Bender:Well, in that case, one planet down.

Bender:Hey! Keep it down, you kids! I'm trying to take a nap!

Bender:I'm gonna spend eternity alone with barely any swag. Ooh!

Bender:Wow, ostentatious. Except what good is a candelabra without...?

Bender:Oh, cruel fate, to be thusly boned. Ask not for whom the bone bones. It bones for thee.

Bender:The only thing that keeps me sane... Is the thought that I have all eternity in which to perfect my art.

Bender:Now, when I'm found in a million years, people will know what the score was.

Bender:It could hurt slightly.

Bender:Those peewees think I'm God, huh? Hard to blame them.

Bender:It means 'He who really loves the Metal Lord.' Listen here, time for a religious donation. Hand over your wallet!

Malachi · Bender:But we are a poor and simple folk. Poor? Oh, crap!

Bender:Gag unto me with a spoon. It's time I laid down a few commandments.

Bender:Behold, the one commandment: Make it a double!

Bender · Malachi:Yes, tonight is kind of special. Did you rip off your arm as a joke?

Bender:This looks like a job for God.

Bender:That was a practice miracle. Who's next?

Bender:How am I supposed to hear prayers coming out of my ass?

Bender:What part of nay doesn't thou understand?

Bender:Now that's one Bible that doesn't disappoint.

Bender:Hello? Is anyone still alive? How about in the porno theater? Don't be embarrassed.

Bender:Who would have known playing God could have such terrible consequences?

Bender:But I only know enough binary to ask for the bathroom. Speak English?

Bender · God Entity:What are you, a galactic computer? Possible. I am user-Friendly, my good chum.

Bender · God Entity:Do you know what I'll do before I do it? Yes. What if I do something different? Then I don't know that. Cool, cool.

Bender · God Entity:Or a guy who burns a bar for insurance money! Yes, if you make it look like an electrical thing.

Bender:Fat chance! You can't count on God for jack! He pretty much told me so!

Bender:A Bot-Mitzvah! Shalom, hunger. Shalom, free food.

robot · Bender · other character:No shellfish! - That is so unfair. - Tell me about it.

Bender:Come on! I've got a lot of ransom notes to send!

Bender:We can't compete! Her company is big and evil. We're small and neutral.

Bender:Yes, my liege.

Bender:Look at my butt!

Bender:You got fleeced. I would have settled for a hard roll with ketchup inside.

Bender:I know. I accept that. Now I'm interested in that new pizza parlor.

Bender:That story stunk. Hand me the binoculars.

Bender · Leela:You put a one and two zeros in front of that, or we pass. Deal. That's great. How much did you get me? One hundred dollars!

Bender · Leela:You put a one and two zeros in front of that, or we pass. Deal. So, what did you get me? A thousand and one pesos.

Bender:Five bucks an autograph, 200 fans, add a one and two zeros, we got a wad.

Bender:When will man learn that all races are equally inferior to robots?

Bender:Part of one.

Bender:Stop crying, Leela.

Bender:For example, Amy, you're cute, so I baked you a pony.

Bender:I slaved all day over a filthy stove.

Bender:You guys like swarms of things, right?

Bender:Check out the palm tree. It gets sick when I cook brunch.

Bender:How's that for coincidence, professor, with all your precious science?

Bender:Then it's settled. Elzar will teach me to cook!

Bender:You owe me.

Bender:Frame someone.

Bender:My dream of being a chef is deader than the cat I'm sitting on.

Bender:I thought you said 'romo'.

Bender:I've seen bigger. Wait, I'm thinking of Eugene, Oregon.

Bender:My story's like yours, only interesting. It involves robots.

Bender:I'd trade them all, even smision, to be able to taste!

Bender:Done.

Bender:A diamond vial of Mrs. Dash?

Bender:Maybe so, but you're his sworn enemy!

Bender:I can't lose. I'm 30% iron.

Bender:Also, I had a reservation for one, under Dr. Bender.

Bender:If it's chicken, chicken à la king. Fish, fish à la king.

Bender:Turkey, fish à la king.

Bender:Master Spargle, if you can hear me up in that ditch, where I left you...

Bender:accept only the lesser title of Zinc Saucier, which I just made up.

Bender:Also, it comes with double prize money.

Bender:I can never repay him his $10, so I must take the only honorable path...

Bender:Fry did it.

Bender:Now, who wants brunch cooked with plenty of 'confidence'?

Fry · Bender · Leela:Everybody hit the deck! Shh! Those words are forbidden. What words? Star Trek? Shh! Shut your gills!

Bender:She's all yours, buddy.

Bender:Forbidden, schmur-Schmidden. What are they gonna do, write a letter? I'm so scared! / I've lost control of the ship!

Bender:All right, you gas, what's the deal?

Bender:Okay! I'm done re-ca-foobelling the energy motron, or whatever!

Bender:And we can use this machine gun to shoot them! / Yee-Haa!

Fry · Bender:There's no right way to hit a woman. Then do it the wrong way. Fine.

Bender:Lightweights. Oh, wait, chlorine.

Bender:Completely out of ice? This could mean the end of the banana daiquiri as we know it. Also life.

Bender:Well, everybody, I just saved a turtle. What have you done with your lives?

Bender:Because I also care deeply about things that remind me of myself. Like poor little Shelly here.

Fry · Bender:You're both alcoholic, whore-mongering, chain-smoking gamblers? No. It's just... neither of us can get up when we get knocked on our back.

Leela · Bender:What? I've seen you get up off your back tons of times. Those times I was slightly on my side.

Bender:That's what I get for sharing my vulnerability with you.

Bender:I got a good feeling about this.

Bender:Yes! You tried to trick me into coming out of my chest. But who has the beer now?

Bender:Fry, as you know, there are lots of things I'm willing to kill for. Jewels, vengeance, Father O'Malley's weed whacker.

Bender:This mindless turtle.

Bender:Don't touch my stuff after I'm dead. It's booby-trapped!

Bender:Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all the robots off and-- What?

Bender:There ain't no turtles where Daddy's going.

Bender:Except perhaps you, Hedonism Bot.

Robot · Bender:To hell with the turtles! No one insults the turtles!

Bender:At least we'll die on our backs, helpless.

Bender · Turtle:What the hell are you doing? Hey, are you trying to make me look bad?

Bender:And nothing in my head.

Fry · Bender:Amazing! That's why they call you Bender the Magnificent. / No, it isn't.

Bender:Interesting. No, wait, the other thing. Tedious.

Fry · Bender:You lived before you met me? / Sure. Lots of people did.

Bender:It says here that this part of The Hustle implores the gods to grant a favor, usually a Trans Am.

Assistant · Bender:I was all in this part! It's magic! / You're not fit to wear Fry's leotard!

Bender:A little land mammal.

Bender · Fry · Bender:Why waste time on a creature of inferior intelligence? / Hey, he was smart. He could fetch. / I can fetch!

Fry · Bender:He could dig up bones. / Hello? Charlemagne?

Bender:No one ever asked if Bender would like to live in a tiny little house.

Bender:A tiny little house that says 'Bender' on it.

Bender:Of course, after he goes, you have to refill the canisters.

Bender:But if we don't perform, in what sense do we have an act?

Bender:But if you love your dog so much, maybe you'd rather play fetch!

Bender:Because I love you. Not in the way of the ancient Greeks, but the way a robot loves a human, a human loves a dog, and occasionally, a gorilla loves a kitty.

Bender:I'm 40 percent dolomite!

Bender:Oh, it's hot. Oh, it's very hot!

Bender:Hey, where'd everybody go?

Bender:Overruled! The choice of champions is Pabst Blue Robot.

Bender:Baby wants a Zima.

Bender:We're making beer. I'm the brewery.

Bender:Yeast? You mean I'll have a life form growing inside me?

Bender:It's so beautiful.

Bender:Lies! Lies and slander! Accusing gentle Bender of a misdeed? That's the last straw!

Bender:Who's going to use a delivery service with a kicked sign?

Bender:I'm really starting to swell up with beer. I must look ridiculous.

Bender:I was thinking Benderbrau if it's an ale... Botwiser if it's a lager. I hope it's a lager. I can take it to a ball game.

Bender:Need some penny rolls for your profits?

Bender · Unknown crew member · Cubert · Bender:You rotten kids! - Will you be hiring? - No. - You rotten kids!

Bender:Oh, it feels like it's trying to push a waterbed out of me.

Bender:Hey, wait a second. How did you deliver a million papers in one hour?

Bender:Hey, chumps. I heard you were on the ass end of an ass-kicking.

Bender:So, what is Freedom Day? Sounds like a feminine hygiene product.

Bender:If you want to do something, you do it, and just spleck with the consequences. You know, like how I live every day.

Victim · Bender:Ow! You broke my foot! Freedom.

Bender:I was hating Zoidberg before it was cool.

Bender:Posers! I was hating Zoidberg before it was cool.

Old Man Waterfall · Bender:Son, to me a robot's just a garbage can with sparks coming out it. The sparks keep me warm.

Bender:Court's kind of fun when it's not my ass on the line. Nachos?

Bender:Six to three? I beat the spread!

Bender:The Bender of the 15th century!

Fry · Bender:You didn't expect us to even go to a museum... much less steal this ancient heat-seeking missile! I don't even know you.

Bender:Hey, I need that to smoke!

Bender:I wonder what the Shroud of Turin tastes like.

Bender:It's not my fault if you don't check me. Messages erased.

Bender:Messages erased.

Bender:I don't even breathe oxygen.

Bender:And not one of those bogus everyday miracles, like a sunrise.

Bender:Just when I thought I'd figured out you biological creatures, it's something else!

Fry · Bender:Dude, hold up. Remember when Zapp blew a hole in the ship? Indeed. Kif touched everybody there. Couldn't any one of us be the mother?

Bender:They are bronze.

Bender:Because they're inferior genetic scum. Present company excluded, of course.

Bender · Leela:While you're there, could you get me a license to kill? Sure. Bare hands or weapon? What does piano wire count as?

Bender:I feel like I was mauled by Jesus.

Bender:I feel like I was mauled by Jesus.

Bender:Give it to him again, Andrew!

Fry · Zoidberg · Bender:Hey, Zoidberg, get in here! Screw you! Ain't got that. Nope.

Bender:You say you're a duo? Yeah, duos are good. Of course, sometimes they're a little short-Handed. See you.

Bender:With two humans, you'd think there'd be a robot in there to balance things out. But whatever.

Bender:I have these three costumes you could use, but I guess I'll just throw one away.

Bender:Also, I got this going: [mechanical sound]

Bender:Nine, ten, a big fat hen. The name's Bender.

Bender:Check inside the cap. There might be a caked-in gold mine. El Zilcho.

Bender:El Zilcho. I'm afraid we're boned.

Bender · Fry:Hey, Fry, we've still got our costumes on. Wanna steal some more stuff? I guess. As long as you think it's right.

Bender:Like everything else in life... Pumping is just a primitive, degenerate form of bending.

Unknown · Bender:Come on, Bender! Pump harder! Harder! I'm trying as hard as I can. Harder, damn you!

Bender:Well, I'm running away from this dead-End family. I know there's a place for people like me, with new ideas.

Bender · Professor:Oh, I'm going, and you're gonna be all, 'Where's Bender? I miss Bender!' / We won't know that until you leave.

Bender:Oh, I'm leaving. There's the door. / I'll be good.

Bender · Fry:What do you want to do? And I mean anything! You have the power. Name it and I'm there. You're the man. Well...OK. Let's go bowling. No.

Bender · Announcer:The only sound is Bender calling everyone else a jerk as he swings! And he slices it... into the water, duh! Man!

Bender:Who will make Bender waffles just the way he likes them now?

Bender:All those times, I said 'Kill all humans', I'd always whisper 'except one'. Fry was that one... and I never told him so.

Bender:Bupkis! Well, I feel better now. Pawning all this stuff in Fry's locker helped give me closure.

Leela · Bender:Was there anything in there that might have been a gift for me? No. Nothing. Not at all. No way jose! Here it is. You took this from Fry's locker!? Hey, the guy's dead. There's no law against grave robbing!

Bender:A little? You're screwier than my aunt Rita. She's a screw.

Bender:Neat! This is great! My buddy is alive and his credit cards are valuable again!

Bender:I've tried it. Bedsores hurt!

Bender:Listen to me! You don't wanna lie in bed like a vegetable and do nothing the rest of your life. I've tried it. Bedsores hurt!

Bender · Farnsworth:I could hit it with a shovel. / That's not good enough.

Bender:This one time I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel.

Bender · Farnsworth:Ow! You hurt my collator! / I don't care.

Bender · Fry:Fry, how can you be so naive? He was joking, get it? / No. / That's what makes it so funny!

Bender:Okay, he wasn't joking. Now shut up and follow me.

Amy · Bender:Tangled-up Christmas lights! We can take shifts untangling them! / And unlabeled booze! Wide-mouth too!

Bender:Leela? Oh, there's a woman for you. Always dyeing her hair instead of not looking in a box.

Bender:Clone? Robot? Or long-lost twin? Taking all bets! I also offer video poker!

Bender:Or should I say, 'Evilla'?

Bender:This is awful! Somewhere, there's a more evil Bender than me! I do my best, damn it!

Bender · Alternate Bender:That explains fruity here. I tossed a coin to pick my finish. / Fog hat gray. / Hey! Bite my glorious golden ass!

Bender · Alternate Bender:Good point. What do you say we just hit a strip joint? / I was waiting for one of us to say that!

Bender:I'm not sad, because I finally found someone as great as me.

Bender · Alternate Bender:It's like I always say, make new friends, but keep the old. / One is silver-- / And the other's gold.

Bender:And the box itself is probably worth something too.

Bender:I'm slightly richer! What to do, what to do? One $300 hooker-Bot or 300 $1 hooker-Bots?

Elzar · Bender:Very good, sir. Shall I pre-warm sir's crack pipe?

Cigar Salesman · Bender:It was hand-rolled by Queen Elizabeth during her wild years... And was buried with George Burns until grave-robbing space mushrooms-- Well, you know the rest.

Bender · Cigar Salesman:Give you 300 bucks for it. No can do. Oh, all right. I'll just take these $300 burglar's tools, then. Very good, sir. So, what time you close tonight?

Bender · Shop owner:Oh, all right. I'll just take these $300 burglar's tools, then. / Very good, sir. / So, what time you close tonight?

Bender:Say, this reminds me of that time I ate that other watch Kif gave you.

Bender:No. You can't blow the smoke from such a majestic stogy in just anyone's face. I'm saving it for the fancy-pantses at Zapp Brannigan's black-tie reception.

Bender:What? It's not even scratch and sniff.

Bender:But if rich people think it's good, I'll buy it. One art, please!

Bender · Police:Speaking of which, my story kind of petered out... Without me learning a lesson. There he is. All right! Closure!

Bender:Don't tell me you actually believe in Bigfoot, you blathering ninny-Hammer.

Bender:Enough emotions. This isn't a fat camp, for God's sake.

Bender:Although you wouldn't know it from looking.

Bender:Oh, he's gone. He said you should keep wasting your life, though.

Bender:Where? Up your face. Everybody do the Bender.

Bender:That guy won't be going home to his kids.

Professor · Bender:Bender, wasn't that Fry's tent? 'Bender.'

Bender:You chopped off your nose so you could look more like your hero: me, Bender.

Leela · Bender:Of course not. In fact, he's a crook. Yep. Stolen Pez, anyone?

Bender:That's exactly the lie we used to get past your guards.

Bender:The main event, so to speak, is downstairs near the wallet.

Bender:Ever seen soccer players line up to block a free kick? They ain't covering their noses, I'll tell you that much.

Fry · Bender:I'm usually the first guy to toot my own horn-- I'll say! Whoo! But in this case I don't think it's gonna do any good. That's what she said! Whoo!

Bender:It's used to it! Whoo!

Bender:Boy, who knew a cooler could also make a handy wang coffin.

Lrrr · Bender:This human's lower horn is one of God's creatures. A living thing. And all living things, large and small-- In this case, small! Whoo!

Bender:As usual! Whoo!

Leela · Bender:Well, Fry, it looks like you get to hold on to your lower horn. As usual! Whoo!

Bender:Something tells me I could easily beat those trained professionals.

Bender · Leela:My dreams of glory died before they began. Welcome to my life.

Bender:I wish everybody else was dead.

Bender:Methinks a clever man-Bot, suitably disguised... Might win those events.

Bender:My name is Coilette, and I'm from Robonia.

Bender · Official:Ever been beaten up by a guy dressed like a chick? Yeah.

Bender:I'm great! Everybody else sucks! Except that guy Bender. He's really something.

Bender · Professor Farnsworth:Professor, make a woman out of me! Oh, I think we should just stay friends.

Bender:Pfft.

Bender:Hail, hail Robonia... A land I didn't make up...

Bender:Dear Lord, a coaster!

Bender:My breasts are keeping me awake at night anyway.

Bender:No, I don't have my own limo. You'd better send one.

Bender:If you ask me, women today are too stuck-up... To go out and jiggle their Jell-O like everybody wants them to.

Bender:Oh, I bet you say that to all the five-Olympic-Gold-Medal-Winning fem-Bots.

Bender:That's my favorite kind of 'this.'

Bender:This top makes me look fat. Is it trampy to go on a first date nude?

Bender:But just once I'd like to eat dinner with a celebrity who isn't bound and gagged.

Bender:Men love it when you really glob it on.