Free Will Hunting

Fry:Decisions, decisions. Should I wear my nerd glasses today, or not? Usually I don't. Whatever. It doesn't really matter.

Fry:Ah, who asked you?

College recruiter:Ooh, I like your nerd glasses. Are you a college student?

Fry · College recruiter:Yes, I'd like to enroll in college? You're still talking to me. Oops.

Bender:$10,000 tuition? I can't afford that!

Robot Mafia member:Psst. Over there. Where? I mean over here. Sorry, I forgot where I was.

Robot Mafia · Bender:We, the robot mafia, are prepared to lend you $10,000 at an interest rate of 10,000%. That's easy to remember.

Fabricio · Bender:Yo hombre, you think you're cool enough to sit way in back with us college toughs? Yes, I do. Yo, in that case you're all right, man.

Professor · Bender:Mr. Bender, I realize class has only been in session for 32 seconds, but you've fallen in with a bad crowd. I know, right?

Bender:Well, I got my tuition back, minus $9,000 for the damage I caused to the dean's wife.

Bender · Fabricio:Hey, what's that? Is it drugs? Nah, it ain't drugs. But it's a lot like drugs.

Bender:Never heard of it. Sure.

Fabricio · Bender:You like it? Eh, I can take it or leave it. I guess I'll take it.

Bender:I'll take that big purple dinosaur, please. On the face.

Bender:We have a rival gang? I hate them!

Bender:Phew! That was close, eh, Fabricio?

Wealthy client:Oh, nothing sordid, I assure you! Simply vomit on me, ever so gently, while I humiliate a pheasant.

Bender:Save it for the boudoir!

Bender:Still, to have your own pool...

Bender:Not guilty! Although I did do it. That's right, I'm bad.

Lawyer:However, my client made no such decisions!

Lawyer:You see, Bender here is what is known in scientific circles as a 'robot'

Lawyer:You see, Bender here is what is known in scientific circles as a 'robot'...

Judge:I'm awake, I'm awake! Order, order!

Judge:Computation complete. Not guilty!

Bender:From now on, no matter what cool crimes I commit, people will say, 'Bender didn't do that! It was just Bender's programming!'

Bender · Judge:Well, I committed these crimes, do you hear me? I'm guilty! Get that innocent robot out of my courtroom! Guilty!

Professor:A robot free will unit? Impossible! And even if it were possible, which it's not, it would still be inconceivable... which it is!

Bender:I wish I was a real boy... Then I'd show them. I'd kill them all.

Robot delivery recipient · Bender:They're just too dang unpredictable, what with their free will and all. Amen, brother. 'Amen, brother?' Pfft. What a boring, predictable thing to say.

Bender:Goodbye, sweet meatbags... ...sweetbags.

Robot worker:Son, philosophy's for thems what don't got to work for a livin'. But me, I got a sick child to feed.

Robot Worker:Son, philosophy's for thems what don't got to work for a livin'. But me, I got a sick child to feed.

Robot council elder:Silence! It pleases the council. Silence! ...Silence! Well? Speak up.

Head Elder:Well? Speak up.

Ab-Bot:So, are we automatons? Yes. But we are magnificent automatons.

Bender · Ab-Bot:How does a robot join this monk outfit? Just put on this monk outfit.

Bender:I'm 40% empty.

Bender:Any of you guys got a spaceship?

Bender:'Cause I don't have free will. I need you guys to plan the crime and make all the crime decisions.

Bender:How do we murder the guards? Hockey sticks or sharpened footballs?

Bender:I should have paid more attention in kindergarten.

Mom:Welcome to Momcorp. Did you find everything you were burgling for?

Mom:Then you got surprised by my swivel chair for nothing.

Mom:Once we give robots free will, they're sure to rise up and threaten mankind with extermination. ...I'll sell a second wave of robots to protect the terrified survivors of the first wave.

Professor:But-but... it's just a prototype. It's, uh, not fully operational. Yes.

Mom:To this day, my poor, sweet robots can't exterminate humanity without being told to.

Bender:I hate those!

Toy Bender:Kill all humans!

Professor · Fry:A toy Bender had free will, and the real Bender didn't? Pretty cool, eh? It makes you think.

Professor · Bender:I programmed you to be incapable of picking up the free will unit. You precognizant bastard.

Professor:Poor deterministic Bender. I programmed you to be incapable of harming me. Oh, I've never been more sure I was right to deny you free will.

Professor:Due to the quantum nature of the device, there's no possible way of knowing.

Professor:Due to the quantum nature of the device, there's no possible way of knowing.

Bender · Professor:I still can't do it. Well, what do you know? I guess you really don't want to shoot me after all. Oop, the safety was on.

Professor · Bender:Well, what do you know? I guess you really don't want to shoot me after all. Oop, the safety was on.

Bender:Ah, yeah! Guilty!