Bender Should Not Be Allowed On Tv

Antonio · Father:I'm sorry, Father. But somewhere along the way, I forgot how to be your son. Why, Antonio? Because I have amnesia!

Unknown character · Calculon:Calculon! But I thought you were-- Egyptian?

Unknown character · Multiple characters:Let me get this straight. Does anyone here not have amnesia? Not sure. I don't know.

Cubert:This show is awesome! When I grow up, I'm gonna have so much amnesia.

Dwight · Cubert:Me too! I mean, I have it now. But I forgot. Well, mine's louder!

Bender:Cram a ham in it, you twerps!

Dwight:Cool! I'm gonna have a fabulatious birthday party just like Calculon!

Cubert:We're 12. So, yes.

Cubert · Dwight:Do clones even have birthdays? Duh. Duh what?

Professor:We can celebrate the day I extracted you from the cloning tank. Or the day I scraped your DNA from that growth on my back.

Cubert · Professor:That one! Yes. It was 13 years ago next week. I used this very fork.

Professor:Wait! I thought of a way! The way I just said!

All My Circuits character:For you see, the horrible secret is-- [scene cuts away at dramatic moment]

Fry:Whoever's directing this is a master of suspense!

Robot police:He's busteds. Let's get hims out of heres.

Bender:This show's been going downhill since season three.

Leela · Zoidberg:Since when are you performing at children's parties? Performing? What? Please, if someone could spare me money to buy shoes?

Dwight · Cubert:This party pukes. Yeah! The guests were supposed to be here three hours ago.

Leela:Well, that doesn't mean that no one is coming or that you two are total losers. Who gave you that idea?

Zoidberg:Good day, fellows. Someone dumped this invitation in my begging cup.

Bender · Tinny Tim:Tinny Tim! Are you thinking what I'm thinking? What's that, sir? That I, Bender, am perfect for the role! You raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly, sir. Bravo!

Bender:Look, there's Macaulay Culkon! He's just not cute since he got puberty installed.

Bender · Store-robot:And there's that robot child actor who grew up and became a convenience store. Lottery ticket, please.

Child actor:Now that I know the truth, Father, I must ride south and join the robo-Bandidos at Veracruz!

Audience:Boo! Boo! This kid sucks! We want Bender! Boo!

Director · Bender:Have you ever been on TV before? Once, when I took those hostages.

Bender:I will see. Adiós, Padre. Come, Jesus, my faithful chihuahua. Tonight we eat guacamole by the EI Rio!

Director:That was so terrible I think you gave me cancer! I don't care how popular you are, you will never work on my show! However, you've got the job.

Bender:I read the script, and I think it would help my character's motivation if he was on fire.

Director · Bender:We rewrote your part to suit your acting abilities. So now my character has a British accent? No, now your character's in a coma.

Bender:Stupid dumb coma. I could've been British.

Bender:Hey, everyone! Antonio here, but you can call me Bender! I got ants in my butt and I needs to strut!

Calculon:I'm not familiar with the type of thing I'm seeing.

Bender:No. No, no, no. I don't do two takes. Amateurs like you do two takes. I do one take.

Director:We didn't. That's security camera footage from your dressing room.

Network President:Executive Alpha, programmed to like things it has seen before. Hey, hey, hey. Executive Beta. Programmed to roll dice to determine the fall schedule. More reality shows!

Network President · Executive Gamma:And Executive Gamma, programmed to underestimate Middle America. It's funny, but is it going to get them off their tractors?

Network President:At our network, we love filth. Filthy rich, that is. Being filthy rich, that is.

Executive robots:'Bite my shiny metal ass' could be a catchphrase. Eighty percent likely. It will play in Peoria. Game shows are back!

Dwight:Look. I'm Bender!

Hermes · Professor:The ruffians smoked one of your cigars. That's not a cigar!

Cubert:Hey, Dad. Bite my shiny metal ass!

Professor:What? Such an act would be most uncomfortable for both of us!

Cubert:From Bender, my good jerkwad.

Hermes:Bender? That guy's really starting to twist my dreads.

Fry · Professor:What kind of bozos would start a Bender protest group? Good news, everyone! Hermes and I have started a Bender protest group!

Fry:That was uncanny.

Hermes:No, sir! Not us F.A.R.T.Ers!

Dwight:Our dads are all pumped up on dork-Osterone.

Cubert or Dwight:Our dads are all pumped up on dork-Osterone.

Cubert · Dwight:We could commit a burglary. Hey, yeah! Bender loves to burgle!

Cubert · Dwight:Hold up, though. Who could we rob? We don't know anyone with cool stuff. Duh. We know someone who runs on pure cool fuel: Bender!

Dwight:Whoa! We'll rob Bender! TV gave us the idea!

Professor:Of course! You don't have friends!

Professor:Of course! You don't have friends!

Professor:Good Lord! I'm getting a reading of over 40 mega-Fonzies.

Professor:Good Lord! I'm getting a reading of over 40 mega-Fonzies.

Dwight · Cubert:We stole it! Oh, crumb.

Bender:Hey. This is my stuff they stole!

Bender:Hey. This is my stuff they stole!

Bender:Bender should not be allowed on television!

Director:I once put a laugh track on a sitcom that had no jokes in it.

Bender:Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children, and hitting them?

Bender:Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV... Sitting down with your children... And hitting them?

Leela · Fry · Bender:That we should all take TV a little less seriously. And more importantly, turn it off once in a while. So should we turn it off now? Well That depends what's on.

Fry:Nothing good. Let's just keep watching.