Hermes

Fry · Hermes:'Death by airlock failure.' 'Death by brain parasite.' 'By sonic diarrhea.' -You don't want that.

Hermes:Am I cracking up or is Fry's living here starting to get in the way of bus...

Hermes:And Johnson played back in the days before steroids were mandatory.

Bender · Hermes:Exactly. He was a machine designed to hit blerns. / Wireless Joe was a programmable bat on wheels.

Hermes:And I suppose pitching at 5000 was just a modified howitzer?

Hermes:But you used all your days off when you had Roberculosis.

Hermes:Our electric bill is climbing faster than a green snake up a sugarcane.

Hermes · Fry:If I didn't know better, I'd almost think he was abusing electricity. Bender? No way. I definitely would have noticed something.

Hermes · Bender:This is a witch hunt. Oh, what a beautiful morning, oh, what a beautiful day.

Hermes:Don't be a dog heart, woman. You know I can't. Not after what happened.

Hermes · Kid · Hermes:No, boy, stop! It's too low! Your backbone can't take it! / I'm just like Hermes! I'm just like- / No!

Hermes · LaBarbara:Though it did get me some action. / I like a man who's flexible.

Hermes:This one is for that little kid limboing in heaven now.

Hermes:The phony-baloney holiday crammed down our throats by union gangsters?

Hermes:Sweet lion of Zion, look at the professor go!

Hermes:Fry's over there, man.

Hermes:I ax him to set the table. And he goes out to buy you a present. Selfish dog.

Hermes · Amy · Amy:A set of combs for your beautiful hair. / Oh, that's so sweet. / But I sold my hair to a wigmaker to buy a set of combs for Hermes.

Hermes:Sweet manatee of Galilee! He's on the roof!

Hermes:You're asking for a day off? Get out of my sight! ... I asked me for Valentine's Day off. I was in no mood for my shenanigans

Hermes:Hermes liked it so much he decided to stay.

Hermes:Walk around not wearing a helmet.

Hermes · Bender:I got you a Bender hat. - Wow! Thanks, Hermes! I... Hey, cut that out!

Hermes:That he did surely not.

Hermes:Finally, the last form of the day. Welcome to stampy town, population five.

Hermes:Sweet gorilla of Manila!

Hermes:I got to relax the Jamaican way: warm milk and a good night's sleep.

Hermes:Oh, my various gods! X-ray specs!

Hermes:Great cow of Moscow!

Hermes:They'll bust me lower than a limbo stick at carnival time! And that's as low as limbo sticks get.

Morgan · Hermes:Morgan Proctor, grade 19. Hermes Conrad, grade 36.

Hermes · Others · Bender:I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

Hermes:I'm only anal 78.36% of the time.

Hermes:Sweet something of... Of someplace.

Hermes:Oh! The ultimate penalty.

Hermes:This is no spa, it's a labor camp.

Hermes:It's inefficient! Pulling empty carts is the closest we get to sleep.

Hermes:...is done by a single Australian man.

Hermes:Come on, wife! Let's blow this joint!

Hermes:The only sensible way to pick a successor is with a limbo contest. Kingston rules. Two men go down, one comes up.

Hermes:Dream on! I want to put him in a sack, toss the sack in the river... and hurl the river into space.

Hermes:But I like filling out requisitions. And these were some doozies!

Hermes:Great Jah's dreadlocks! There's been a mix-up.

Hermes:He may have ocean madness, but that's no excuse for ocean rudeness.

Hermes · Professor · Zoidberg · Bender:How did this happen? That's a good question! So that's where I left my cigar. That just raises further questions!

Hermes:That just raises further questions!

Hermes:The stapler's collating me alive!

Hermes:What? How do you spell that? What are you hacking off? My torso? It is! My precious torso!

Hermes:What? How do you spell that? What are you hacking off? My torso?

Hermes · Amy · Fry · Leela:Mail call! Amy, your designer lingerie catalog. Fry, Sadie's Bra Parade. And Leela, Bulk Underpants Outlet.

Hermes:Don't be silly, man. The last ghost died 200 years ago.

Hermes:Don't sound like no golden marmoset I ever heard.

Leela · Hermes:Fry, don't you recognize me? Hermes?

Professor · Hermes:I've forgotten why I even fired you. He destroyed your business and all your possessions. Oh, that's right. Get lost!

Hermes:I call it Caribbean Drano.

Hermes · Professor Farnsworth:I'm not reading that! Summarize it in one word. Sabotage.

Hermes:My javelin too! It's ruined! Now we'll never beat Jupiter State!

Hermes:He's a menace to every straight person in the company.

Hermes:Hey! Let's all join the Reform Party!

Hermes:Well, Fry, or should I say Captain Fry? No, I shouldn't. Bender is the new captain.

Hermes:Being captain is about intuition and heart. A good captain can't have either.

Hermes:Where's Captain Bender? Off catastrophizing some other planet?

Fry · Amy · Hermes:She looked fine before. - No. - Wrong.

Hermes · Zoidberg:Most doctors are rich. - When did this happen? - You're joking, right? That's not funny!

Hermes:Tally me banana.

Fry · Hermes:Hermes is a Rastafarian accountant. - Tally me banana.

Fry · Hermes:Fear not, for I shall assist ye! / Robots don't say 'ye.'

Hermes:That's a plus sign, you loony! Quit thinking you're a robot!

Hermes · Professor Farnsworth:Those destroyed an entire civili... / Good news, everyone.

Hermes:We're 35 points ahead with two minutes left. What could possibly...?

Hermes · Bender:Now all the planets are gonna crack wise about our mamas. / I'm glad my fat mama isn't alive.

Hermes:That Fry's a sicko pervert, I tell you. Dating a robot, it's an atrosamacy!

Hermes:I'll have a croque monsieur, paella, two mutton pills and a stein of mead.

Hermes:Sacred boar of Western Samoa!

Hermes:Cover your shame, mon!

Bender · Hermes:Maybe if I wiggle it around... No! You'll make God cry!

Hermes:And I'm the other guy. Courage. Not enough of it. Need some from what's-his-name.

Professor · Hermes:I want to see them! It's nobody! Now, sign that will.

Hermes:Nothing! But if you have extra courage, I'd haul it away for you maybe?

Hermes:Now, world. You put your hands up!

Hermes:I don't want to hurt his feelings, but this tastes better as vomit.

Hermes:Everyone cool your daiquiris.

Hermes:I warned you not to use those things!

Hermes:Now look at all the work I gotta do!

Hermes:Get a job, you lazy kids.

Hermes:Perhaps they've constructed a teddy bear hospital.

Hermes:Remember we used to call you that, huh? Tinkler.

Hermes:Business is down, so I filed papers to have you all reclassified as slaves.

Hermes · Scruffy:I don't even know who this guy is. - I'm Scruffy, the janitor.

Hermes · Professor Farnsworth:You ruined us with sleazy business practices... and a complete disregard for human decency. - Of course we're proud of you.

Fry · Amy · Hermes:It wasn't me, Mr. F. It was Amy. / Stop it, Amy! You stink! / You know you did it!

LaBarbara · Hermes:Husband, can't you go anywhere without lighting something up? It's an old Jamaican accounting tradition. We burn his timecard. That way, his zombie doesn't come back looking for his final paycheck.

Hermes:I'm from Jamaica the show-me island, so show me you're blowing it out your fanny.

Hermes:No. Now, like my granny used to say in her tarpaper shack on Montego Bay:

Hermes:Like Granny said, 'If you want a box hurled into the sun... you got to do it yourself!' God rest her zombie bones.

Hermes:Item one: box. Check. Item two: sun. That's a big check.

Hermes:Okay.

Hermes:Oh, Lord. Hiking is always such a strain on the buttocks.

Hermes:All this inspiring multiculturalism is angrying up my blood!

Hermes:Go on, stick, touch me. Can't do it.

Hermes:Which is why the limbo team got detained at the airport.

Hermes:I described it to them on the phone using a series of artful euphemisms.

Hermes:Those haven't descended in years!

Hermes:Your body may be as perfectly sculpted as it was 20 years ago... When you whupped my fat ass every time.

Hermes:I see you're still able to limbo under the bar of fashion sense.

Hermes:That's it, Barbados Slim! You've gone one toke over the line!

Hermes · Professor:The ruffians smoked one of your cigars. That's not a cigar!

Hermes:Bender? That guy's really starting to twist my dreads.

Hermes:No, sir! Not us F.A.R.T.Ers!

Hermes:Sweet coincidence of Port-au-Prince, we're back at Earth!

Hermes:O' man, I'm dripping with placenta. Good thing it's casual Friday.

Hermes:Eh, nevermind.

Hermes:Well, now I've heard everything. On my iPod.

Hermes:Thar, I turned a regular board into a diving board.

Hermes:Sounds like a muskrat's caught in there.

Hermes:Sweet dodo of Lesotho!

Hermes · Fry:Don't you ever stop to think before you speak? I never stop to think about it.

Hermes:Wait a second! I'm not big-boned; I'm just fat.

Hermes:I beg to differ. Stinkin' bureaucrats... I hate 'em!

Hermes:Old pal? 8.5 seconds ago, you said you hated me.

Hermes:None of your beeswax.

Hermes · Amy:Shall we review alphabetical order? ♪ A-B-C-D... ♪

Hermes:Uh... He's my pencil sharpener.

Hermes:Sweet file-not-found-of-Puegot Sound.

Hermes:I recommend the men's room at the TWA terminal.

Hermes:Those bastards won't know what leafed through them.

Hermes:Inspector One, Two, Three, Four, Six! There's no trace of Inspector Five!

Hermes:Addition never solved anything, Mon.

Hermes:It's not a suicide booth, you lard ass. It's a phone booth.

Hermes:Who did you call, Dial-a-Bomb?

Hermes:You dumb cocktail shaker!

Hermes:I can't run anymore. I'll have to skip.

Hermes:A pile of dead bears can only mean one thing. But what?

Hermes:12 straight hours of limbo. I haven't done that since my honeymoon.

Hermes:Ouch-o!

Hermes:Looks like a half-eaten cheese diaper.

Hermes:I've smoked a lot a paperwork in my day.

Hermes:Has anyone seen Fry's ass? It's late for a date with my boot.

Hermes:Aw, its anus looks like an asterisk.

Hermes:What's all this cat hair on my sweater? Why am I full of sand? And Tootsie Rolls?

Hermes · Amy:Uh-oh. It's another one of Fry's dogs. You find something, Hermes? Uh... no.

Hermes:Sweet orca of Majorca. You make fat Albert look like normal Albert.

Hermes:Three decades of the munchies beat you to it.

Hermes:Q to the e to the d.

Hermes:You did ruin her life. I am right. We should do something!

Hermes · Fry:Kwanzaa traditions are quite ancient, dating back over one thousand years. / Whoa.

Hermes:Sweet candelabra of la habra, labarbara!

Hermes:It's time to African-americanize these honeybees!

Hermes:Now that's what I call fine print.

LaBarbara · Hermes:None of your bizmarkie. What's that doo-wah in your ditty bag?

Hermes:Damn it, woman, you're making me highly selassie!

Hermes · LaBarbara:How do you live with yourself? Damn it, woman, you're making me highly selassie! Oh, don't you talk to me that way, you big, hairy Belafonte. Oh, you're cookin me back bacon. Thank you, woman. That's not back-bacon! That's your back bakin'!

Hermes · unknown:Really, what are we missing out on by not having sex right now? Well...

Hermes:For example, did you know there are more than two feelings?

Hermes:Due to budget cutbacks, we will no longer be offering free squid guts in the kitchen. (Sobbing)

Professor Farnsworth · Hermes:It's non-convergent! Oh, dip!

Hermes:As long as nothing happens for the next 15 minutes, our insurance will be reinstated. So, let's just sit quietly and run out the clock.

Hermes:Just don't pick his nose! Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Hermes:What's wrong with you guys? This is comedy gold.

Hermes:Since Bender's death, requests to bite one's shiny metal ass are down 98%.

Hermes:It wasn't 'we the people'. It was you the mutant

Amy · Hermes:These pictures are just as good as the ones in my celebrity tabloid. Us people magazine?

Hermes:and the lowest-rated employee, possibly Zoidberg, will be fired at sundown. Zoidberg.

Hermes:Good luck, everybody but Zoidberg.

Hermes · Leela:Now, Leela, couldn't we just fire you and have Fry or Bender fly the ship? / Not if you stand on their air hose much longer.

Hermes:while many of you do half-ass jobs and the rest do jobs whose ass ratio ranges from 42% to a mere 11%

Hermes:And that employee is... Hermes Conrad.

Hermes:My performance review proves the main drag on our profit is the time I waste on performance reviews.

Hermes:They'll be here two seconds ago.

Hermes · Bureaucrat:I suppose you're here to tell me to pack it in? / Only if you buy me dinner first.

Bureaucrat · Hermes:Bureaucrat Conrad, you are ordered to relieve yourself of duty. / Sounds like a party.

Hermes:On the bright side, I'll never see Zoidberg again.

LaBarbara · Hermes:Then I guess this wouldn't be a good time to tell you that I'm pregnant. / What?! / And you're not the father. / No! / I'm just joking, husband.

LaBarbara · Hermes:See now? Things don't seem so bad any more, do they? / You're right. Thank you, Labarbara. / Oh, also, I wrecked the car.

Hermes:Well played.

Hermes:Ah. Fire. / Aah! It burns! It burns! / Hmm, not bad. Needs a little hot sauce.

Roberto · Hermes:This here is a mugging! Hand over your skin. / My ebony splendor? Me don't think so.

Hermes:I can't! When I fight machinery, machinery always wins!

Dwight · Hermes:Pops?! / Is that a harpoon in your chest? / Yes. And I'm happy to see you.

Hermes:And the best part is, the whole package fits neatly in the space where my giblets used to be.

Hermes · Robot:Pitiful and sickening. / Okay, little man, let a professional bureaucrat show you how it's done.

Hermes · Zoidberg:Welcome back, old friend. / I missed you terribly. / You do everything terribly. And I'm not your friend.

Professor · Hermes:I don't want to end up a cold, emotionless machine like you. / That's sweet, Hermes.

Professor · Hermes:I don't know. It seems like a lot of trouble to cut off your arm just to snake a drain. / Ah-ah-ah, it's not just a drain snake.

Hermes:I was going to donate them to the salvation air force, but they're starting to rot.

Hermes:And it will cut two or three hours a day off my cornrowing routine.

Hermes:You know, you look even hotter in infrared.

Hermes · Zoidberg:I still have one thing no robot shall ever have... a good old flesh-and-blood human brain. / Yes, a big, smart brain. Not like dum-dum Zoidberg, right, Hermes? Right?

Hermes:Mecha-Hermes has no interest in such nonsense.

Hermes:Thanks to years of Labarbara's curried goat, no doubt. / But my mecha-stomach has no need of goat.

Hermes:Regret that I still have one human part. That meat puppet disgusts me.

Hermes:Ah, a freshly dug robot grave. Let's exhume-a-zoom-zoom.

Hermes:Bing-reka! The brain circuit.

Hermes:Enjoy eternity without your brain, anonymous dead robot.

Hermes:There will be no noodles until the operation is complete.

Hermes:Maybe not, but perhaps I can encourage you with my encouragement drill.

Hermes · Zoidberg · Mini-Hermes:You? With those clumsy claws? / It's true, old friend. My claws are too clumsy for such delicate work. / 'But mine aren't.'

Hermes:Sweet reawakenin'... Of me, a Jamaican-in.

Hermes:if you can't be man enough with your own parts, no amount of machinery will help.

Hermes:Thank God Zoidberg didn't reattach my nerves.

Hermes:In the end, all his implants were no match for my wife's reckless seasoning.

Hermes · Zoidberg:Zoidberg, I... I know we have never been friends, / but I appreciate what you did. Thank you. / Never been friends? Ouch! What a zinger.

Hermes:No, I wouldn't want to ruin my Oktoberfest by becoming intoxicated.

Hermes:Oh, don't feel bad, son. We couldn't be more proud of you. Unless, of course, you had won the award.

Hermes:Lady, all of human history happened in your past!

Hermes:Hide a giant lobster covered in ink? And how do you propose we do that?

Hermes:He stinks like the inside of a tauntaun.

Hermes:Hello! I'm prime minister Nelson Okeke of Nigeria. I trust you received my spam e-mail?

Hermes:You did ruin her life. / I am right.

Mayor · Hermes:Wait. You knowingly attempted to harbor a mutant?! / We did harbor a mutant!

Hermes:Wait, I found a loophole in the mortgage. If we actually pay it, we can keep the building.

Hermes:Roller Derby is not a society.

Hermes:Well, you sure can run something, your mouth!

Hermes · LaBarbara:How do you live with yourself? Damn it, woman, you're making me highly Selassie! Don't you talk to me that way, you big, hairy Belafonte.

Hermes:I gotta get up five times a night to play Xbox.

Hermes:I don't care what parts I have, as long as they interlock with yours.

Hermes:It combines the contentedness of being neutered, with the occasional sex of being not.

Hermes:My Manwich!

Hermes:As long as nothing happens for the next 15 minutes, our insurance will be reinstated. So, let's just sit quietly and run out the clock.

Hermes:Oh, God, no! Get out of here, you horrific sausage! Wait. Isn't today the parade? It's just a giant balloon!

Hermes · Fry:See, buddy, it's not so scary. I feel better now.

Hermes:No way, mon. He's faking it.

Zoidberg · Hermes:Our what? It's a sign of respect, you savage!

Hermes:I'm not doctor, but I'm afraid you be exhibiting symptoms of illin'.

Hermes:My days of joy and luck are over. Guess I got to quit that club.

Hermes · Bender:Leela blackmailed us all into eating healthy, organic food. Blackmail? What does she have on you? As long as we eat her filthy scrambled eggs, you'll never find out.

Hermes:Sweet freak of Mozambique, that thing's colossal!

Hermes:Good news, everyone! That's what the professor would say if weren't in jail facing a life sentence.

Hermes · Judge:We don't know where the hell he is. Your Honor, that is something we cannot a-doodle-doo.

Hermes:She always liked not being observed with a telescope.

Hermes:Whatever you say, mon.

Hermes:Mon, that's some cheap-ass matter.

Bender · Hermes:So here's my certificate of abandonment drawn up by our notary! That'll be ten bucks.

Bev · Hermes:I'm back for my son! I've come to take him and leave with him! She beat you to both things.

Hermes:Coward Man away!

Hermes · Fry:When's the last time you took one? Twenty-three years ago, after that horrific snu-snu incident.

Hermes:Hey, how'd those two get deflated? They looked at this.

Hermes:the lowest-rated employee, possibly Zoidberg, will be fired at sundown. Zoidberg.

Hermes:Good luck, everybody but Zoidberg.

Hermes:ass ratio ranges from 42% to a mere 11%

Hermes:Hermes Conrad.

Hermes:My performance review proves the main drag on our profit is the time I waste on performance reviews.

Hermes:They'll be here two seconds ago.

Hermes:Sounds like a party.

Hermes:On the bright side, I'll never see Zoidberg again.

Hermes:It better be spicy.

Hermes:Not bad. Needs a little hot sauce.

Hermes:I can't! When I fight machinery, machinery always wins!

Dwight · Hermes:Is that a harpoon in your chest? Yes. And I'm happy to see you.

Hermes:the whole package fits neatly in the space where my giblets used to be.

Hermes:Pitiful and sickening.

Hermes:My best wasn't good enough. I'll need my personnel file, please.

Hermes · Zoidberg:Welcome back, old friend. I missed you terribly. You do everything terribly. And I'm not your friend.

Hermes:You know, you look even hotter in infrared.

Hermes:Mecha-Hermes has no interest in such nonsense.

Hermes:That meat puppet disgusts me. It's time for the ultimate upgrade.

Hermes:Any robot brain will improve my fitness as a husband and father.

Hermes:But my new robot brain won't.

Hermes:There will be no noodles until the operation is complete.

Hermes:Sweet reawakenin' of me, a Jamaican-in.

Hermes:Thank God Zoidberg didn't reattach my nerves.

Hermes:In the end, all his implants were no match for my wife's reckless seasoning.

Hermes:It's funny because it's mean.

Bender · Hermes:Yeah, but I learned something. Life is about decisions. Make the wrong ones, and you'll wind up face-down in a pool of your own blood and urine. Still, to have your own pool.

Hermes:they live in a virtual retirement home on the Near-Death Star

Hermes:Hey, Zoidberg, you forgot to empty this trash can.

Hermes:Nelson, thank God you're here, Hermes!

Hermes:It means, uh, 'we must leave now in an unusual manner.'

Hermes:It sure is relaxing getting swept along by this current.

Hermes:Our safe new ship has arrived, and it's gonna knock your socks on... where they belong.

Fry · Hermes:Hey, wait. If I'm backwards, I can't see out the windshield. / There is no windshield.

Fry · Hermes:At least there's a cup holder. / That's an arm holder.

Hermes · Amy:No, no. I choose to believe they're alive in some other dimension. Screaming in agony. / I hope so.

Hermes:I'll stay here and be in charge of not dying.

Hermes:I'll say.

Hermes:And remember, don't report them missing till after we max out their credit cards.

Hermes:Manwiches?

Hermes:You ate my lunch again, you tainted oyster!

Hermes:You ate my lunch again, you tainted oyster!

Hermes:If the creature kills me, I just hope it doesn't make me into a sandwich and leave it in the fridge where some crawfish can get at it.

Hermes:Jackie jr.'s skull is blocking the doodad.

Hermes:This is a job for hermberg.

Amy · Hermes:Ew! Hit it with a stick!

Hermes:Listen to Orange Joe.

Hermes:Good lord! It's the year 3023!

Hermes:You're not fobbing that girlfriend duty off on me

Hermes:Sweet jerk venison of Turkmenistan!

Hermes:That's exclusively for my one-man business dinners.

Hermes · Professor:Haven't you learned that Bitcoin is just a pyramid scheme for rubes? Yes, and my plan is to exploit those rubes!

Hermes:My Manwich!

Hermes:Oh fuff. Let's stop pretending we do anything around here.

Hermes:I forgot I had loved ones! It's a human resources miracle!

Hermes:Turdolphin! It's fresh turtle cooked inside a fermented dolphin.

Leela · Hermes:Are they hard to catch? - Oh, no. They crave death.

Hermes:There are all speeds of zombies out there! Fast ones. Slow ones. Brisk shufflers.

Hermes:But voodoo didn't stop believing in them.

Hermes:Oh shoot. I forgot to pick up a goat! Dwight, go across the hall and borrow goat from Mrs. Wilson.

Hermes · Fortune Teller:Hello, madam. Is this the Voodoo HQ? - Shh. You do voodoo? - You misconstrue. Who do voodoo at the HQ? - Entendu.

Hermes:Sweet andouille of St. Louis! A robot made of bones!

Hermes · Barbados Slim:Barbados Slim?! - People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive. Come in, Hermes! Make yourself feel inadequate.

Hermes:You stay away from her! She's married to me now! You two are mostly ancient history.

Hermes:What dark, well-lit sorcery is this?

Hermes · LaBarbara:thus inoculating against future infection. - Precisely. You got some serious mental pecs, husband.

Fry · Hermes:Ouchie! I was, uh, promised a lollipop. Uh, here. Mm, tastes a bit like wig glue.

Hermes:After all, any sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from science.

Professor Farnsworth · Hermes:I suggest Zoidberg. Second!

Hermes:We don't want any! What do they think, we're idiots?

Hermes · Professor:Are we talking regular slow or bureaucrat slow? Infinitely slower than that.

Hermes:Finally, I can give up limbo and start a professional sex league.

Amy · Frank · Hermes · Leela:How are you so energetic? Oh, I'll never get tired of this job. I have the best life ever. That's our Fry. It sure is. It most definitely is.

Frank · Hermes · Frank:Frank. Is this my cubicle? No, that's an empty space between three stacks of boxes. Well, I guess I'll stand in there.

Hermes · Leela · Fry:After this wedding cake delivery, you should take a vacation. When's the last time you took one? Twenty three years ago, after that horrific snu-snu incident.

Hermes · Professor:How much radiation? Oh, not much. Like having an affair with Marie Curie.

Hermes · Amy:Oh, no, wait. Those are only $5.98 a minute. / There were some of those too, and you weren't even here!

Hermes:But the miserable cruff never did come back.

Hermes:There you are, ya low-down licky-licky harbor shark!

Hermes · Badrick:Yeah, my lips! Mmm. Then I'll need my regular glasses.

Hermes:Sorry, it's cold, but that's how you serve revenge.

Hermes:This is more important than you know, but I'll be home soon, son.

Hermes:I've got the energy of 10 fiddler crabs.

LaBarbara · Hermes:We share a child. Yes, yes, but nothing of value.

Hermes:We will triple-never double-ever disrespect this coffee!

Hermes:We'll stick with the plan. No one messes with my shrubs.

Hermes · Zoidberg:Weird. This one looks almost like my father. Zoidberg, you're doing topiary? Nopiary!

Hermes:But now, all I want to say to you is... I'm good at this!

Hermes:The reason is, I was a dingdong!

Dwight · Hermes:Pops, aren't I a little old to be sitting on your lap? And heavy, too. But stay just a little longer.

Hermes:And instead of reading 'Cashew CuddleFish,' the tag reads, 'Knockoff Phonyfish.'

Hermes · Leela:How should I know? You're his mother. [beeping] Oops, sorry. I meant 15 seconds.

Hermes:Cork it, stumpy! I'm docking your pay.

Hermes:That's not a business bikini.

Hermes:We don't have time for a crystal-measurin' contest.

Hermes:We only lost one crew member. Poor Charlie. It was his first day on the job. And he was just a week from retirement.

Hermes:Therefore, you're all on unpaid leave. So, leave.

Hermes:Too bad you're not hers.

Fry · Hermes · Zoidberg:Why are you reading my mail, Hermes? Also, I don't remember entering any art contest. I entered you! Zoidberg.

Professor · Hermes:after great effort and expense-- / Expense?!

Hermes:I can't think of any actual difference. Just felt like somebody should say that.

Hermes · LaBarbara:So, LaBarbara, with no kid around, it's the perfect chance for-- / Ladies' Night! / Don't wait up, Hermes.

Hermes · Other men:Ah, who needs them anyway? We can have our own Ladies' Night. Right, men? / Yes, we can! / We need it! / I call designated driver!

Hermes · Hermes:I need to sneak out of work early to be with my family. / I'll let it slide this time, but if I do it again, I'm fired.

Hermes · Barbados Slim · Hermes:I'm stuck here with you?! / That's the worst-case scenario! / I was wrong!

Hermes · Bender · Hermes:No way I'm ascendin' to Heaven with Barbados and LaBarbara. I'd rather go to Hell! / I'm here for you, friend. / I think I'm already there.

Hermes:Oopsie-dinkle. I meant to close that.

Hermes:This here's a robbery. Gimme all your knives!

Hermes:I swear, that tie is longer than a steamrolled green snake!

Hermes:It's Dwight's first day at the Young Bureaucrats Club. He's a real check off the old box. Yum again.

Hermes · Dwight:You have no idea how proud I am that you want to follow in my compulsively even footsteps, son. Eh, your fax made it pretty clear.

Hermes:One topping, no tippin'.

Hermes:Sweet coconut of the shogunate! Why aren't you at the Young Bureaucrats Club?!

Hermes:Well, you found the worst possible way. By tellin' me!

Hermes:I won't let this happen! I mean, I'll let the second part happen.

Hermes:Actually, son, we're going on a thrillin' adventure! Which might involve a few forms being stamped.

Morgan · Hermes:Oh, Hermes! My eyes must be goin'. I thought you were Zsa Zsa Gabor. Who? I don't know. Just laugh.

Hermes:That wasn't a joke.

Hermes · Bender:Whoa... it's a total no-man's land. Sounds like my weekend.

Hermes · Dwight:It's like a vast paper forest. What's a forest?

Hermes:You want a granola bar or somethin'?

Hermes · Dwight:It may look that way to the uninitiated, but to a seasoned bureaucrat, this is art... borderin' on the erotic. Dad! I said bordering!

Hermes:He got lost in his own files and died. And alas, the secrets of his system died with him.

Hermes · Dwight:I should never have brought you here. It's too excitin'. It really isn't.

Dwight · Hermes:But that thing's gonna inflict at least 2d12 damage. We'll never survive without armor! How about chain mail?

Hermes:No way! I didn't put nine hours into these paper-clip codpieces for nothin'!

Hermes:Incorrect. In the hands of a bureaucrat, paperwork can be lethal.

Hermes · Dwight:Why are you shiverin'? It's not even cold in here. It's kinda hot. I know, but it just looks really cold.

Hermes:Initial here and list the cause of death as 'stupid father.'

Hermes · Bureaucrates:But the history books say you were lost in a whiteout. I still am!

Bureaucrates · Hermes:Here's a hint. There is no system! Can we get another hint? I'm a fraud!

Hermes:So you created a filing system so unsystematic that literally nothing could be done without you? You truly are the greatest bureaucrat who ever lived.

Fry · Hermes:Should I put them on? I think I speak for everyone when I say, yes, dammit, yes!

Hermes:That's 92.5% of all I could ask for.