Fear Of A Bot Planet

Professor:From up here, an entire world can seem utterly insignificant.

Bender:We're close enough that when you hit a player with a bottle, he's down.

Leela:Baseball? God forbid. Face it, Fry. Baseball was as boring as mom and apple pie.

Leela:It's tradition, like aluminum bats and the seventh-inning grope.

Bender · Vendor:I'd like a jumbo squid log, please. / We don't sell those. / All right. Let me have one of your young on a roll. / We're out of rolls. / Fine. Just give me something crawling with parasites.

Fry:At least hot dogs didn't change.

Bender:Anyone want butter on that?

Fry · Leela:I'm getting the hang of this. The blerns are loaded, count's 3 blerns, 2 anti-blerns, and the blern rule's in effect, right? / Except for the word 'blern,' that's total gibberish.

Hermes:And Johnson played back in the days before steroids were mandatory.

Bender · Hermes:Exactly. He was a machine designed to hit blerns. / Wireless Joe was a programmable bat on wheels.

Hermes:And I suppose pitching at 5000 was just a modified howitzer?

Bender · Fry:But how many robot managers are there? -Eleven? -Zero!

Bender:Is it a human child? I wish!

Bender · Professor:Get away, you filthy bird. / Professor? Turn me off, quick! / I'm sorry. What?

Leela · Bender:Well, aren't they? / I've never made anyone's life easier, and you know it!

Professor · Bender · Fry:Great news, everyone. You'll be delivering a package to Chapek 9. / Where humans are killed on sight. / Why is that great news?

Bender:Just because a robot wants to kill humans, he's a 'radical.'

Leela · Bender:This is the first actual work you've ever done here. / Well, I'm not doing it! It's a robot holiday.

Leela · Bender:Really? Which one? / Only Robanukah. The holiest two weeks on the robot calendar.

Amy · Bender:Come on, Bender. Last month, it was Robomadom. / And before that, Robonza.

Bender:Not just a blast, it was a sacred tribute to my ancestral prototypes which took the form of a drinking contest.

Hermes:But you used all your days off when you had Roberculosis.

Leela:Kind of like how a warehouse is inhabited by boxes.

Bender:Yes, Ms. Leela. Tote that space barge. Lift that space bale.

Bender:I'll try to keep that in mind.

Leela:If only I had two or three minutes to think.

Leela:If only I had two or three minutes to think.

Fry:I can dance like a robot. Will that help?

Leela:Fry. First of all, this is serious. Second of all: [does robot dance]

Leela · Fry:We look stupid. We should've gotten store-bought costumes. / But there's no Woolworth's nearby.

Fry:Robot we be. Just two robots out roboting it up.

Guard:Which of the following would you most prefer: A: A puppy? B: A pretty flower from your sweetie? Or C: A large, properly formatted data file?

Fry · Guard:Is the puppy mechanical at all? / No. It's the bad kind of puppy.

Leela · Fry:Come on, Fry. Walk like a robot. / I have to go to the bathroom. / Robots don't have bathrooms. / Right. Where do they smoke in high school?

Robot · Fry:Sir? Are you aware you're leaking coolant at an alarming rate? / Let me patch you up with hot resin.

Robot:What sort of robot turns down a free blast of searing-hot resin?

Robot:Sounds like a romantic evening. I won't keep you.

Robot boyfriend:Say, Wendy? Your chassis's scuffed. Mind if I polish it for you?

Robot boyfriend:Relax, Wendy. Humans will never come to our little town. It's perfectly safe to let our guard down.

Movie human:I will eat and digest you all with my system of mighty organs!

Fry · Leela:Wow! The 3-D's great! -Mine's not working.

Robot moviegoer:Yet in the end, he succumbed to a harmless sharpened stick.

Robot in Movie:Even now, humans lurk in our playgrounds, breezeways... perhaps even our movie theaters!

Fry:God help us!

Robot:Too much romance, not enough human killing. It was a real chick flick.

Robot Citizen:I heard a human was draining coolant behind garbage can 738.

Robot:I heard they unscrew our lug nuts at night and eat them at brunches.

Robot host:We have a guest whose irrational hatred for humans makes me look like a human sympathizer.

Bender:Many said I was too extreme when I called for the annihilation of humans, as well as some of the more cunning monkeys.

Bender:And if you enjoyed that diatribe, you'll want to purchase my spoken-word album. Just $18.95.

Bender action figure:Bite my shiny metal ass.

Robot hunter:Now, your basic human is between three and 25 feet tall, and is made of a hairy, oily goo in a T-shirt.

Robot hunter:Nothing. Humans prefer low-calorie bait.

Robot hunter:But I've got a good feeling about tomorrow.

Robot hunter:Nothing there, except a few shreds of old robot pornography.

Bender:Oh, yeah. You're a bad girl, aren't you?

Bender:They let me go when I said I killed a billion humans.

Bender:I've got wealth, fame, and access to the depths of sleaze from that.

Bender:and access to the depths of sleaze from that.

Bender:Friends? That activates my hilarity unit.

Bender:You're no more my friends than you are with the toaster, phonograph or electric chair.

Robot prosecutor:Come to think of it, I rest my case.

Fry · Judge:Yeah! He may not have a case, but I am genuinely not a human. / Quiet, human!

Multiple robots:He froze up again. Try control-alt-delete. / Jiggle the cord. / Turn him off and on. / Clean the mouse. / Call technical support!

Leela:Look, one eye! Count them! One! Not human!

Robot judge:They'll perform tedious calculations and spot-weld cars until they become obsolete, and given to an inner-city school.

Robot Elder:Handcarved from meteorites by robot founders over four centuries ago.

Bender:Plenty of humans have mistreated robots, but not these two. They're my friends.

Fry:Damn right!

Robot Elders:We use them as scapegoats to distract the public from their real problems. / Like our crippling lug nut shortage. / And a corrupt government of robot elders. / That's for sure. / Quiet, Jimmy.

Robot Elders:He'll do it! He's crazy! / Did we make that up? / Gee, I can't remember anymore. / It might be from that stupid movie.

Robot Elders:He'll do it! He's crazy! -Did we make that up? -Gee, I can't remember anymore.

Robots:Lug nuts! Precious lug nuts!

Bender · Fry · Leela:Thanks. You know I made Robanukah up to get out of work, right? / Of course. / That doesn't make it less meaningful.

Bender · Leela:Thanks. You know I made Robanukah up to get out of work, right? -Of course.

Bender:Hey, you guys are good. How the hell do you do that?