Rage Against The Vaccine

News Anchor · Background Voice:We interrupt the triumph over COVID-19 for a special report. A new virus... - Oh, for Pete's sake.

News Anchor:EXPLOVID-23

News Reporter:As well as a mild cough, which I don't have. I'm fine.

Child · Father · Mother:Bye, Mom! Bye, Dad! Love ya! - Feh. Always with the love. - We already hugged you. Now, we gotta talk about it?

Professor Farnsworth:Let's move, you sofa snails! We've got a delivery!

Mayor:Bill Nye, the Science Head!

Bill Nye:Thank you for this tremendously dubious honor.

Bill Nye · Background Voice:After what seemed like a thousand years of COVID... - But was actually more!

Fry:I'm using the principles of aerodynamics to get the hell outta here!

Fry · Leela:An anger pandemic? Not to point fingers, but Leela's spreading it. I am not, you jerks! I'm just running a couple degrees angrier than normal.

Professor Farnsworth:Good news, infecter-inos! I've developed a test to see who's got the virus and who's just naturally mean.

Fry:That looks kinda fun. I can't wait to do it hundreds of times!

Leela · Professor Farnsworth:This can't be right, Professor! Your test stinks, and so does your ugly face! - Oh no! She's got it!

Leela:Stupid, stinkin', lousy, no good, son of a...

Richard Nixon:I am therefore issuing an executive aroo that everyone wear a mask over their ears to prevent the transmission of upsetting remarks.

Richard Nixon:Thanks, fellas. Since I don't hear any questions, this prrress conference is adjourned!

LaBarbara:Dwight, stop Gloom-bombing your dad's meeting! And put on some britches!

Amy · Professor Farnsworth:Professor, you're a teddy bear! I assure you I am not. Aw...

Professor Farnsworth:Everything we do is a violation of health and safety standards!

Scruffy · Fry:You know, I heard there's not really even a virus at all. It's just a big hoax, like the moon landing. - You were on the moon last week! You grew up on Mars! That's what they want you to think!

Professor Farnsworth:EXPLOVID victims move at way too normal a speed to be zombies.

Hermes:There are all speeds of zombies out there! Fast ones. Slow ones. Brisk shufflers.

Hermes:But voodoo didn't stop believing in them.

Hermes:Oh shoot. I forgot to pick up a goat! Dwight, go across the hall and borrow goat from Mrs. Wilson.

LaBarbara:You must listen to me 'cause I grew up in a voodoo family, and zombie-ism killed my father! Then brought him back to life!

Passenger:What? It's my emotional support gun.

Flight Attendant · Passenger · Flight Attendant:Hand sanitizer? - No thanks. - Eh, more for me.

Mayor:my city's most prominent egghead has developed a vaccine that will end my terrible poll numbers once and for all!

Professor Farnsworth:Thanks to cutting-edge RNA technology, my vaccine is as potent as it is untested.

Wernstrom · Professor Farnsworth:Mine makes your arm shrivel and fall off! - Big deal! Mine comes with a futuristic way of knowing exactly who's been vaccinated and who hasn't, a small scrap of easily lost paper.

Fry · Leela:I made your favorite, Leela. Chicken-shaped steak! "Wow, this is great, Fry!" Is what I'd say if this pan sauce weren't so bland!

Wernstrom:That's a feature, not a bug.

Wernstrom:That's a feature, not a bug.

Professor Farnsworth:The sterility is essential! Studies show that kids are what make people angriest! Everyone hates kids!

Reporter:Dr. Banjo of The Dr. Banjo Experience Podcast Experience Hour.

Dr. Banjo:how do you respond to rumors I'm starting that there are 5G chips in your vaccine?

Professor Farnsworth:I would simply reassure you that the 5G chips are safe and purely for surveillance purposes.

Airplane Captain:Tushy my ass!

Hermes · Fortune Teller:Hello, madam. Is this the Voodoo HQ? - Shh. You do voodoo? - You misconstrue. Who do voodoo at the HQ? - Entendu.

Fortune Teller:The Key of Bones, the Hanging Man, the Man Being Crushed by a Big Beignet, and the Man Being Beaten by the Saints Mascot.

Social Media User:These vaccine fascists are taking away our freedom! I might as well be in a cage at the zoo, like my aunt!

Lrrr Jr · Lrrr:What else should I post, Dad? - Who cares? The crazier the better. Tell 'em worm medicine helps!

Hermes:Sweet andouille of St. Louis! A robot made of bones!

Bonebot:Je m'appelle Bonebot. Been bones-keepin' this boneyard for three bone-dred years.

Bonebot:Probably 'cause I got no eyes. Come on! I'll give you a ride.

Bonebot:This place gimme the heebie-jeebies, and not the boogie-woogie kind!

Hermes · Barbados Slim:Barbados Slim?! - People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive. Come in, Hermes! Make yourself feel inadequate.

Hermes:You stay away from her! She's married to me now! You two are mostly ancient history.

Barbados Slim:She goes by the name of... LaBarbara. And she was good at voodoo, too.

Barbados Slim:Sweet potatoes of Barbados! You don't see a lot of angry, shouting zombies, but it would explain a lot.

Hermes:What dark, well-lit sorcery is this?

LaBarbara · Lrrr · Ndnd:It's a highly contagious Omicron variant. - You're a contagious variant! - Go back where you came from, you Omi-clods.

Hermes · LaBarbara:thus inoculating against future infection. - Precisely. You got some serious mental pecs, husband.

LaBarbara · Barbados Slim:My second favorite kind. - Hey, cut that out! Why didn't I get a wink for my mental pecs?

Fry · Hermes:Ouchie! I was, uh, promised a lollipop. Uh, here. Mm, tastes a bit like wig glue.

Hermes:After all, any sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from science.