LaBarbara

Hermes · LaBarbara:Though it did get me some action. / I like a man who's flexible.

LaBarbara · Hermes:Husband, can't you go anywhere without lighting something up? It's an old Jamaican accounting tradition. We burn his timecard. That way, his zombie doesn't come back looking for his final paycheck.

Amy · LaBarbara:Quit your bragging, my boyfriend's alive too. Not anymore.

LaBarbara:Quit lying to your pudgy self.

LaBarbara:God, I hope he wins.

LaBarbara:He's limboed out of retirement and straight into my heart.

LaBarbara:I say, 'Go to hell, Barbados Slim!'

LaBarbara:If I'd wanted a human adonis for a husband... I'd have stayed married to Barbados Slim.

LaBarbara:Well, look at the cat the cat dragged in!

LaBarbara:No, child, that's not a made-up character, it's Kwanzaabot!

LaBarbara:Girl, those stank sticks are for single women who take baths!

LaBarbara · Bender:Ooh, your hands are warm. For a robot.

LaBarbara:All in favor of the jamocha thunderclap? That would be me. Practically no one.

LaBarbara · Professor:Leader? Fat man, you couldn't even run a bath. Well, you sure can run something-- your mouth!

LaBarbara · Hermes:None of your bizmarkie. What's that doo-wah in your ditty bag?

Hermes · LaBarbara:How do you live with yourself? Damn it, woman, you're making me highly selassie! Oh, don't you talk to me that way, you big, hairy Belafonte. Oh, you're cookin me back bacon. Thank you, woman. That's not back-bacon! That's your back bakin'!

LaBarbara:That's not back-bacon! That's your back bakin'!

LaBarbara:I gotta get up five times a night to Xbox.

LaBarbara · Hermes:Then I guess this wouldn't be a good time to tell you that I'm pregnant. / What?! / And you're not the father. / No! / I'm just joking, husband.

LaBarbara · Hermes:See now? Things don't seem so bad any more, do they? / You're right. Thank you, Labarbara. / Oh, also, I wrecked the car.

LaBarbara:Husband, some things were not meant to be cylonned.

LaBarbara:Oh, I hope to God I'm using that word correctly.

Amy · LaBarbara · Leela:It wasn't Tommy Hilfijigger. It was Linens 'n Things! The hell it was. It was a Juicy Couture.

Hermes · LaBarbara:How do you live with yourself? Damn it, woman, you're making me highly Selassie! Don't you talk to me that way, you big, hairy Belafonte.

LaBarbara:That's not back bacon! That's your back baking!

LaBarbara:For example, did you know there are more than two feelings?

LaBarbara:Only if you buy me dinner first.

LaBarbara:Then I guess this wouldn't be a good time to tell you that I'm pregnant. What? And you're not the father.

LaBarbara:I'm just joking, husband. See now? Things don't seem so bad anymore, do they?

LaBarbara:Oh, also, I wrecked the car.

LaBarbara:Oh, I hope to God I'm using that word correctly.

LaBarbara:Honey, we all do. But fair is fair.

LaBarbara:At $20 a pound!? No, thank you.

LaBarbara:Dwight, stop Gloom-bombing your dad's meeting! And put on some britches!

LaBarbara:You must listen to me 'cause I grew up in a voodoo family, and zombie-ism killed my father! Then brought him back to life!

LaBarbara · Lrrr · Ndnd:It's a highly contagious Omicron variant. - You're a contagious variant! - Go back where you came from, you Omi-clods.

Hermes · LaBarbara:thus inoculating against future infection. - Precisely. You got some serious mental pecs, husband.

LaBarbara · Barbados Slim:My second favorite kind. - Hey, cut that out! Why didn't I get a wink for my mental pecs?

LaBarbara:Get out, ya testostaroons!

LaBarbara · LaBarbara:Most of the jacket. / I got as far as, 'It's a literary tour de...'

LaBarbara:That way, if he's still alive, he can hack his way out.

LaBarbara:It takes you an hour to make instant. Zing!

LaBarbara:Last night, he asked if you're having an affair. It was the first good laugh we've had since you left.

LaBarbara · Hermes:We share a child. Yes, yes, but nothing of value.

Dwight · LaBarbara:Why won't Pops come home? Did I do something to disappoint him? Plenty. But that's not the reason.

LaBarbara:You probably couldn't see it up on that not-very-high shelf.

Hermes · LaBarbara:So, LaBarbara, with no kid around, it's the perfect chance for-- / Ladies' Night! / Don't wait up, Hermes.

LaBarbara:Stop him, Hermes! Do your limbo-jump!

LaBarbara:Never let anyone tell you what to do. And go and get us some refills on them Arnold Palmers, chop chop.