Bender is sent off to Zapp Brannigan's camp for screen addicts.
WAR
47.2
Wins Above Replacement
“Scared Screenless” ranks #88 of 137 Futurama episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 76.5 — Great. The episode packs 78 scored jokes at 4.5 per minute, averaging 6.7 on craft and 6.5 on impact, with Kid landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Bender: If you're currently using another device in addition to the one you're watching me on, then you're a sick, sick bastard. So pick up a third device and call me now.
Bender Meta/Self-Referential Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Kid: Man, I can barely even control that pigeon. This world needs an update.
Kid Observational Absurdist ★ Rewatch Zoidberg: Fine. Fine. I'll increase my driving.
Zapp Brannigan: In the old days, recruits came in looking like me. Kif, tighten my girdle so they can see what I look like.
Kids · Kids · Adult: Hey, check it out! Bet I can get it up to 150. / Oh yeah? 170! Eat my beats! / Stop video-gaming your heart rates!
Standout Moments
Kid: Man, I can barely even control that pigeon. This world needs an update.
Kid Observational Absurdist ★ Rewatch Bender: If you're currently using another device in addition to the one you're watching me on, then you're a sick, sick bastard. So pick up a third device and call me now.
Bender Meta/Self-Referential Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Zoidberg: Fine. Fine. I'll increase my driving.
All Jokes — 78 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Parent · Axl: So, um, Axl, how was school today? / Uh-huh. / Did you learn anything? Or perhaps participate in shenanigans? / Uh-huh.
Child: The flerk goes 'ba-KOOK-a-zoodle.'
Child Absurdist Wordplay/Pun Child: Then what's the point of eating?
Child Observational Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Axl: They asked me to put away my phone. I said, 'No.'
Axl Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Parent: He's on his phone 24 hours a day, yet he's never called me once. I'd kill for a butt dial.
Parent Irony/Sarcasm Observational ★ Rewatch Parent: What if I post one of those catchy dance videos? Hoo, ooh, ooh. Hoo, hoo, hoo-hoo. Hoo!
Parent Physical/Slapstick Cringe/Discomfort Wife · Husband: Husband, ya can't dance. / Sure I can. My doctor okayed it.
Professor Farnsworth: Oh, bother. I'll have to fetch him from some dam-ned alternate reality.
Professor Farnsworth: Oh, bother. He's in an alternate, alternate reality.
Fry · Multiple parents: Kids. Am I right? / Yes. / I thought so. / Amen, brother.
Leela · Leela: Woo-hoo! Go Righty! / I've had precisely enough of this.
Kids Reaction Beat Physical/Slapstick Kid · Dealer kid: I'm jonesin', guys. I needs my net! / Yo, I got gigs! Uploads, downloads... What do you need?
Kid · Dealer kid · Kid: You got 5G? I need a nickel. / Man, I got 10G. You want me to cut it with some static? / Nah, just hit us up.
Bender: Together, we'll get through this, just me, you, and your credit card. In fact, forget you! Phone sex also available.
Bender Escalation Character Comedy Kids · Kids · Adult: Hey, check it out! Bet I can get it up to 150. / Oh yeah? 170! Eat my beats! / Stop video-gaming your heart rates!
Parent · Other parents: Come on, fellow parents. Let's go back in time and not have kids. / Oh, yeah! / You said it.
Zapp Brannigan: And to be clear, you are the wean-ees. I am the wean-er.
Zapp Brannigan · Kid: 'Why,' you ask, 'is the DOOP's rearest admiral running a children's camp?' / I didn't hear anybody ask that.
Zapp Brannigan: In the old days, recruits came in looking like me. Kif, tighten my girdle so they can see what I look like.
Zapp Brannigan: And voila, I stand before you, an adonis.
Zapp · Bender · Zapp: Here! We got one more loser. / Hey! What'd I do? Nothin'! / You're as bad as everyone else, only worse.
Bender: Bite my shiny metal ass!
Bender Running Gag Character Comedy Hermes · LaBarbara: So, LaBarbara, with no kid around, it's the perfect chance for-- / Ladies' Night! / Don't wait up, Hermes.
Hermes · Other men: Ah, who needs them anyway? We can have our own Ladies' Night. Right, men? / Yes, we can! / We need it! / I call designated driver!
Zapp · Kid: Nevertheless, I shall hoist your devices high atop this naturally occurring stripper pole for one reason and one reason only, to taunt you. / It's working.
Zapp Kid Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Kid: I have built entire mobile game cities out of candy, but I can't put together one stupid tent?!
Kid Irony/Sarcasm Observational Kid: How are we supposed to do this if we can't watch a video on how to do this?
Kid Observational Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Woman · Other woman: Get it? / Oh, that's as cute as when Dwight said the same thing. / Hilarious.
Women: How about if anyone mentions kids, they have to drink? / Sure! / Bring it on! / This is fun. I haven't been out day drinking since I had kids. Oops!
Women Setup/Punchline Irony/Sarcasm Woman: Ha! You look like Dwight after I give him goat liver oil.
Woman Observational Character Comedy Woman Escalation Callback Callback Zoidberg: Ugh. God forbid the driver should get a morsel of fresh air.
Bender: Right in my a-hole. / Antenna hole!
Bender Wordplay/Pun Misdirection Kid: I just wish I had my phone so I could film this for lumberjack fails.
Kid Observational Character Comedy Zapp: But sometimes being a quitter works, too.
Zapp Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Zapp: I prefer cold stew anyway. Cold, raw stew.
Zapp Escalation Character Comedy Zapp · Kid: How do I look? / Sporky.
Zapp Kid Setup/Punchline Deadpan/Understatement Zapp: It's got the talons of an eagle, the fangs of a viper, the feathers of a pillow, and the angry red buttocks of an infected baboon.
Zapp Absurdist Escalation ★ Rewatch Kid · Zapp: Look, sunrise! / Then the hunt has begun. I'll be getting some shuteye.
Kid Zapp Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Kid: And I'm a 12-year-old kid.
Kid Deadpan/Understatement Observational Kid: Man, the sun is sunning.
Kid Wordplay/Pun Observational Kid: He's getting internet from the sun! This star must be a relay on the stellar backbone.
Bender: Ooh, I'm a hotspot-bot!
Bender Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Bender · Kid · Kid: You mean 'assword.' / 'Assword1'? / That's not a very secure assword.
Kid · Kid: Looking up 'snipes' on Snopes... and... Debunked! No such thing. / Whew. Well, that's a relief. 'Cause otherwise, I'd have screamed my head off when I saw that snipe.
Kid Kid Setup/Punchline Misdirection ★ Rewatch Zoidberg: Fine. Fine. I'll increase my driving.
Passenger: Now you're going the wrong way on a two-way street.
Police officer: Damn, this cabinet was three days from being used to store retirement paperwork.
Kid · Kid: According to Wikipedia snipes do exist! / That was me. I just updated it!
Kid Kid Setup/Punchline Meta/Self-Referential Hippie: Uh, we call it a chicken.
Hippie Deadpan/Understatement Misdirection ★ Rewatch Bliss Waterfall: Brother? Ew! It's just a figure of speech, m'kay? We're cousins.
Groovestick · Bliss: Generations have continued their dream through a careful program of selective inbreeding. / Not that careful.
Kid · Groovestick: And then you kill 'em? / Nuh-uh, they die of fright, dig?
Kid · Groovestick · Kid · Groovestick · Bliss: Even fun? What do you do for fun? / Fun? What is this 'fun'? / Like, what do you like to watch? / Plants growing! / Go corn! / You got this, radish!
Kid · Hippie · Kid · Hippie: This is what we do on Earth. / Whoa! Don't look! It'll take your souls. / It's just solitaire. / Witchcraft and dark science!
Groovestick · Kid: Don't listen to the chubby wizard. / I have a metabolic condition.
Character: Get it off! Get it off! It's a mole!
Hippie: In the name of peace, aim for the head!
Hippie Irony/Sarcasm Dark/Subversive Character · Fry: Two tin cans on a string? / It's the latest in affordable tech. The battery life is excellent, and it smells like cream of mushroom soup.
Fry: Really? I never gave him my number.
Fry Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Automated message: We're sorry. This call cannot be completed. Please hang up and worry.
Character: Sounds like the emergency is your relationship.
Kid: It's a total eclipse of the internet!
Kid Wordplay/Pun Observational Kid · Zapp: That's 'cause it needs to connect to a server in Des Moines, Iowa. / Des Moines, Iowa!
Character: Oh, why did I pick today to start my life of crime?
Robot Devil: Sweet skink of the clink!
Robot Devil: Not since suicide booths started takin' Venmo.
Parent: All I wanted was to never speak to him again. And now I'll never speak to him again!
Parent Irony/Sarcasm Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Robot Devil: I'm leaving you jokers behind when I bust out of this joint, see?
Groovestick · Groovestick: If I'm honest, here we've had a mild summer. / Sorcery!
Kid · Hippie: We call it content. / We will call it 'God.'
Kid Hippie Setup/Punchline Observational ★ Rewatch Kid Deadpan/Understatement Reaction Beat ★ Rewatch Fry: Are... you... okay? / Oh, he's not replying. Maybe I should text him six more times.
Fry Observational Character Comedy Kif: Yes. We just had a beautiful conversation.
Kif Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback 