The Futurama Holiday Spectacular

Unknown advertiser:It's nut so good!

Fry:Something about Xmas just doesn't feel like Christmas

Robot Santa:God rest ye merry gentlemen... in peace

Robot Santa:It's the violent-est season of the year / And Krinklebot has come dispensing mugs of Xmas fear

Robot Santa:On Xmas Eve, we don our gay apparel / kevlar vests / asbestos stockings and a barrel

Robot Santa:And if grandma's Xmas fruitcake finally reaches critical mass / it can be re-gifted straight to Santa's ass

Robot Santa:The one thing that you need to make your Xmas day splendiferous / is a pine tree / a pine tree that's coniferous

Unknown crew member:You know, Santa may have killed Scruffy, but he makes a good point

Professor Farnsworth:Cram it, Virginia! Pine trees have been extinct for over 800 years

Professor Farnsworth:Pine trees aren't barking snakes! They won't just turn up in a salad at olive garden

Professor Farnsworth:But there is one hope, and, as usual, it's Norwegian

Norwegian Guard:Halt! Wh... what's your business pokey-pokin' about de seed vault, uh, guardian of mankind's precious botanical heritage dere?

Fry · Norwegian Guard:We just want to come in and rummage about a bit. / Oh. So... okay.

Bender · Norwegian Guard · Leela:Yo, Abba, what's that next-door? / Oh, dat's de germ warfare repository. / It's so close. / Is there any chance of cross-contamination? / No.

Norwegian Guard:Now, your pine trees were all chopped down to make emergency toilet paper during the 50-year squirts

Fry · Norwegian Guard:What's that splork on them? / It's not germs, is it? / No.

Leela · Professor Farnsworth:Could the seed have been contaminated by a virus from the germ vault? / Uh, yeah, I suppose.

Professor Farnsworth:Wait! This could be a good thing. That weaponized virus made the sickly little tree grow big and strong!

Professor Farnsworth:Wait... this could be a good thing. Reforestation has begun.

Professor Farnsworth:Arguably, this could be a good thing. The planet has returned to its primeval state! Earth is just the way it was before the white man came!

Professor Farnsworth · Unknown · Al Gore:Good news! All these pine trees are fighting global warming by producing oxygen! / Happy now, Gore? / Yeah. But I'd be happier if I had a set of lungs.

Fry:Hey, cool. The air's on fire.

Robot Santa:Ho, ho, ho! Everyone's dead!

Amy · Fry:Pfft! That's just a fake holiday you make up every year to get out of work. / Yeah! If it's real, how come there's no song that explains how to celebrate it?

Bender:Robanukah may sound as if it's Jewish / but its ancient-sounding customs are exceptionally new-ish

Bender:So take a hearty swallow from your robo-kiddush cup / which will give me time to quickly make them up

Bender:Do you spin a dreidel made from Clay? / Mine is called a 'droidl', and it's rigged to make you pay

Bender:Do you eat these yummy tin-wrapped chocolate coins? / Better! We got fembots with illegal five-speed groins!

Fembots:Shalom, Ruth and Esther! Why with the music so loud? Would it kill them to turn up the heat a little in here?

Bender:But by far the most important thing is oil / To keep the lamplight burning or to help the latkes broil? / No, we pour the holy lubricant out from the sacred vessel / into this blessed pit so they can wrestle

Bender · Fembot:Thank you, Abraham. / Not in the hair, please. I just had it did.

Bender:Aw, no! These broads are supposed to wrestle for six and half weeks, but there's only enough petroleum oil for four and a half weeks!

Fembot · Bender:We're still getting paid, right? / I told you, it's an audition!

Bender:Not kosher! It has to be petroleum oil! Do you not give a damn about the hallowed traditions of Robanukah?!

Clerk · Al Gore:That'll be... I don't know, ten bucks? / Um, can you make change for a Nobel prize?

Bender:I can't wait that long! I've got A.D.D.!

Fembot:This is so unfair! I don't wrestle dry, Bender. I went to Vassar.

Leela · Fry · Leela:It's an albino humping worm! / Why do they call it that? / Because it doesn't have any pigment.

Leela:I hate to complain about the heat, but the air conditioner's on fire.

Bender:You vile racist. Haven't my people suffered enough?

Bender:I thought they were selfish, yet in the end, it turns out it was I who thought they were selfish.

Bender:There was only enough petroleum for four and a half weeks of oil wrestling, but it lasted 500 million years! It's a miracle!

Amy:We brought a chocolate cake, but now I'm worried that might be offensive in some way.

LaBarbara:Well, look at the cat the cat dragged in!

Barbados Slim:All night long, woman.

Hermes · Fry:Kwanzaa traditions are quite ancient, dating back over one thousand years. / Whoa.

LaBarbara:No, child, that's not a made-up character, it's Kwanzaabot!

Zoidberg:How 'bout I just lay down?

Kwanzaabot:So sit your asses down and have some knowledge dropped upons ya

Kwanzaabot:like the ever-changing nature of my sexual proclivities

Kwanzaabot · Bender:something about a pine tree and an oil-wrestling dealie? / That's from Xmas and Robanukah you plagiarizing lout.

Kwanzaabot:Yeah, I'm kinda losing interest here / I best be rollin' out

Kwanzaabot:but they best be made of beeswax / or y'all might as well be white

LaBarbara:Girl, those stank sticks are for single women who take baths!

Hermes:Sweet candelabra of la habra, labarbara!

Bee Keeper:The bees are acting all crazy, like they've been drinking tang and cough syrup, or, as I call it, my Friday night.

Bender · Leela:Die young, leave a pretty corpse, that's what I say. / You should say something else.

Bender:Okay. If we survive.

Bender:It's like the deadly prius.

Fry:That was weird. It's like the Jagermeister air show all over again.

Fry · Queen Bee:The big, fat, ugly, compound-eyed, hairy-thorax... / Don't be applying your euro-centric standards of beauty to me, fool.

Bee 1 · Bee 2 · Bee 1:Are y'all black with yellow stripes, or ya yellow with black stripes? / Yellow with black stripes, man. / Why don't you just move along?

Bee 1 · Bee 2 · Bee 1:Let me ask you something. You sting my wife? / What kinda buzzin' question is that? / Where do you get the wings big enough to ask me that?

Hermes:It's time to African-americanize these honeybees!

Bee:At the end of the day, we're just a couple dern talkin' space bees.

Bender:Hooray! Kwanzaabot's here to save... Oh, they killed him.

Al Gore:featuring Bender, Leela, and me, Al Gore, as Captain Lance Starman