I Know What You Did Next Xmas

Bender:That's weird. Normally, I get mail delivered to my ass.

Fry:I wonder what you will have done and who could possibly will have known about it.

Bender:Eh, I do a lot of stuff. I'm probably doing something right now.

Narrator:Mom's Old Fashioned Blood Remover. Now in oatmeal spice.

Kwanzaabot:Hey, kids, any chance y'all wanna remix this holiday special, and hear the dope story of Kwanzaabot instead?

Holiday Special Narrator:Oy...

Holiday Special Narrator:They tricked him out with a pair of carbon-fiber Tims and a chrome naughty-nice sensor.

Holiday Special Narrator:But on Santa's very first delivery, something went tragically meshuggenah.

Kwanzaabot:Man, that's some bleeped-up [shit].

Fry:I'm sorry, kids. I never wanted you to know Santa was real.

Professor Farnsworth:Where is it? - The question is when is it? And the answer is right about... now!

Leela:It's so amazing. I don't even care that it's on my foot.

Fry:Yeah, but back then, it was some kinda meat market, where butchers would hook up and grind their sausages.

Professor Farnsworth · Fry · Leela:But I'll go alone to minimize the chance of anyone becoming their own grandfather. - These things happen. - No, they don't.

Professor Farnsworth:Damn it! I backed over Mrs. McGillicuddy's time cat!

Professor Farnsworth:Ah, here comes the Big Backwards Bang.

Professor Farnsworth:Ow! I'm being crushed by all the matter that ever was.

Fry:It'll be my first happy Xmas since I got frozen and never saw my family again!

Hermes:Oh fuff. Let's stop pretending we do anything around here.

Hermes:I forgot I had loved ones! It's a human resources miracle!

Amy:I mean, they met him before, but he didn't make much of an impression.

Zoidberg · Bender:So, Bender... - No. - You and I are the only ones with no family. Maybe we could... - No. - Hang out? - Oh. Hang out, you say? Let me think that over for a... No. No. Oh, sorry. Uh, I thought you were still talking.

Bender · Calculon:Hey, it's me! Your extremely close friend Bender. - How did you get this number? - I didn't! I'm just dialing every number in order.

Bender:This nuts bolts!

Zoidberg:What's not in it?

Bender · Zoidberg:♪ Five golden rings! ♪ ♪ Four something something, three something else ♪ ♪ Two no one cares, and a partridge ♪ ♪ Drowned in our nog! ♪

Zoidberg:None. This is just from the fumes.

Zoidberg · Bender:My species dies when we reproduce. So if I had a family, I'd be dead. Does anyone even care about that? - I sure don't.

Zoidberg:I'd like to give him such a snipping.

Zoidberg:But, he has was been here.

Zoidberg · Bender:Wait. Is kidnapping Santa a good idea, or does it just seem like a good idea because we're intoximated? - It's a good idea.

Bender · Zoidberg:♪ Jingle bells, Zoidberg smells just like rotten eggs ♪ I'm immortalized in song.

Santa:Bite my glittering festive ass!

Bender:Try spreading joy now, you big Xmas ham.

Bender · Zoidberg:We're geniuses! - I'm geniuses!

Bender · Zoidberg:You know, Zoidberg, you're only half as bad as I thought you were. - That means a lot.

Bender · Zoidberg:He's dead. We killed Santa Claus. - Uh... You killed Santy Claus.

Bender · Zoidberg:This was supposed to be a fun kidnapping! What do we do now? - We gotta get rid of the body. That's usually pretty fun.

Bender · Zoidberg · Police:I admit it! We murd... - Uh, just, uh, dumping some toxic waste, officers. - Huh. Guess you gotta put it somewhere. - Carry on, night dumpers.

LaBarbara:At $20 a pound!? No, thank you.

Bender · Zoidberg:Well, at least I have ideas! What do you suggest? - Hm... We could try an acid bath. - That does sound relaxing, but... - No! We'll dissolve Santa's body!

Bender:Remind me, is this the ground floor?

Hermes:Turdolphin! It's fresh turtle cooked inside a fermented dolphin.

Fry:Wow. Soon, it's gonna be barf inside a vomit.

Zoidberg · Bender:You ruined everything! You're the one who wanted to kidnap Santa! - Oh, yeah? Well, you enabled me, so shut up and keep pushing him into the meat grinder!

Zoidberg:Wait. Where's my claw?

Leela · Hermes:Are they hard to catch? - Oh, no. They crave death.

Fry:Hey! Sorry I'm late. I got hungry and ate my skis.

Zoidberg:But we danced. And murdered.

Bender:You want white Christmas or dark Christmas?

Amy · Bender:Bender, since when do you have three legs? - Uh, uh, th-this one's a spare. In case I break down on the highway.

Bender:Santa seems less dead than we thought.

Professor Farnsworth:Oh, I've made a complete Fry of myself.

Bender:You didn't take us to last Xmas. You took us to next Xmas! Meaning this Xmas!

Zoidberg:Damn it, Bender. I'm a doctor, not a time machine guy!

Fry:The professor set Santa to kill! You saved all 19 of us!

Bender:Uh, absolutely not! You're all having a mass hallucination!

Zoidberg:You're drinking out of him.

Santa:You became friends with Zoidberg! So I'm blackmailing you!