I Roommate

Fry:I was up really late poking through people's desks.

Professor Farnsworth:Somebody's been leaving food around and it's attracting owls. And I, for one, am getting tired of cleaning those owl traps.

Professor Farnsworth:I notice Fry has been here for a month so I'm appointing him head of a committee to find who's responsible.

Hermes:Am I cracking up or is Fry's living here starting to get in the way of bus...

Bender:You're getting a huge dose of radiation. And great lift.

Fry:Hey, when you look this good, you don't have to know anything.

Bender:That's right! We want some money!

Professor Farnsworth:I seem to have mislaid my alien mummy.

Fry:Hey, Professor. Mmm. Great jerky.

Professor Farnsworth:My God, this is an outrage. I was going to eat that mummy.

Fry:Sheesh. 40,000 channels and only 150 of them have anything good on.

Calculon:Metric? I've always known. But for you, my darling, I'm willing to convert.

Fry:Hmm, must be a friend of theirs.

Leela · Fry:No, Fry, by 'close quarters' I mean this office. Uh-huh. And by 'people,' I mean you. Right. And by 'inconsiderate,' I mean... Leela, we're trying to watch TV.

Robot characters in TV show:That's a human. What's he do? Usual human stuff. He laughs, he learns, he loves. Boring.

Fry:Hey, uh, why is the TV getting smaller?

Repo men:We'll bill you for the couch.

Bender:Nah, I'm trying to watch my input. I need plenty of wholesome, nutritious alcohol.

Bender · Fry:You barely touched your amoeba. You want it? Nah, I'm trying to watch my input. I need plenty of wholesome, nutritious alcohol.

Fry · Bender:What are the cigars for? They make me look cool.

Bender:Yeah, but everybody's a jerk... you, me, this jerk. That's my philosophy.

Fry · Bender:Do refrigerators still come in cardboard boxes? Yeah, but the rents are outrageous.

Fry · Bender:Y-You sure I won't be imposing? Nah. I've always wanted a pet.

Bender:This is the TV area... that over there is the breakfast nook... and over here is where you'll be living... which is great, 'cause till now it's just been wasted space.

Bender:Look, pal, you've only got one set of clothes... and you're not taking them off while I'm here.

Bender:Kill all humans. Kill all humans.

Bender · Fry:Bath what? Bathroom. What room? Bathroom. What, what?

Bender:Hey, sexy mama... want to kill all humans?

Leela:You know, beneath his warm, sunny exterior... beats the cold, mechanical heart of a robot.

Fry:He put in carpeting yesterday and now my head hits the ceiling.

Amy · Fry:Hey, do you realize you're standing at a weird angle? Now you're okay.

Bender:My place is two cubic meters... and we only take up 1.5 cubic meters. We've got room for a whole 'nother two-thirds of a person.

Bender:I've got a lot of great memories in my old place. And now they're gone.

Landlord:but if you like dank... forget about it.

Owl exterminator:'Scuse me. I got to go change a lightbulb.

Bender:Hmm, I'm not sure we want to pay... for a dimension we're not going to use.

Fry · Landlord:Well, I give up... what's the catch? Oh, no catch. Although we are technically in New Jersey.

Professor Farnsworth:To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up? To shreds, you say.

Leela:Was his apartment rent controlled?

Professor Farnsworth:It's not crap. Dr. Mobutu collected this crap... while he was exploring the whatchacallit... universe.

Professor Farnsworth:It's got a TV, you young whatchacallit... idiot.

Bender:I can barely move. It's perfect!

Bender:You know, Fry, of all the friends I've had... you're the first.

Amy:This is for you, Fry... Zevulon the great. He's teriyaki-style.

Fry:Wow. Heavy-drinking crowd.

Neighbor:I don't mean to pry into what you're doing in here... with the crab and the one-eyed lady and the Chinese girl... but everyone on this floor is having trouble with their TV reception.

Bender · Neighbor:Wow, that lady's got a huge ass. Those could be anyone's thoughts, fat-ass.

Fry:Well, you were going to live in the closet anyway. Won't you be just as happy back in your old place?

Bender:Happy. Yeah, that's Bender. Always happy.

Soap opera character:Calculon! You're alive!

Fry:Don't girl me with that girl stuff. Bender and me are guys. Guys don't have feelings.

Bender:My roommate's gone, and all he left behind was... an eyelash and three skin flakes.

Leela:You've been up all night not drinking, haven't you?

Bender:Hey... what I don't do is none of your business.

Bender:I hate the people who love me, and they hate me.

Bender:Are you crazy?! That's little Bender you're talking about. I can't cut it off.

Bender:You're not a robot or a man, so you wouldn't understand.

Fry:You're blind stinking sober.

Fry:It's not like he's a ham radio or something.

Leela · Fry:Don't help him mutilate himself. But it's a useless antenna. It's not like he's a ham radio or something.

Calculon:I'm filled with a large number of powerful emotions.

Bender:I guess I'm just going to have to get used to being half a robot.

Doctor:You call that an antenna?

Bender:In a closet? Oh, humans.