Murderoni

Hermes:I swear, that tie is longer than a steamrolled green snake!

Hermes:It's Dwight's first day at the Young Bureaucrats Club. He's a real check off the old box. Yum again.

Hermes · Dwight:You have no idea how proud I am that you want to follow in my compulsively even footsteps, son. Eh, your fax made it pretty clear.

Hermes:One topping, no tippin'.

Elzar:It's great. Very flat.

Blecch · Bender:It's-a so tender, you don't even gotta chew! Oh, good! My battery was running low.

Fry · Server:Let's see... pepperoni, or pepperoni? Would you like to hear today's special? It's pepperoni.

Hermes:Sweet coconut of the shogunate! Why aren't you at the Young Bureaucrats Club?!

Hermes:Well, you found the worst possible way. By tellin' me!

LaBarbara:Never let anyone tell you what to do. And go and get us some refills on them Arnold Palmers, chop chop.

Fry:I used to work in a pizza parlor, and I turned out.

News Anchor:Stay tuned for our hard-hitting, unbiased report, after this word from... Fishy Joe's. It's fish-licking good!

Commercial Singer:♪ Force a fish stick in your mouth ♪ ♪ When you come to Fishy Joe's ♪ ♪ Where the fish is never frozen and the 'frigerator broke ♪

Fishy Joe:I won't stand by as greedy mom-and-pop joints-- like that one-- serve better food at lower prices.

Blecch:I'd like to shove a fish stick where the star of this-a solar system don't-a shine.

Blecch:We struggle for years just to find-a pizza recipe that doesn't make-a human metabolism say, 'Get it outta me!'

Fry · Leela:How about you? You're literally any other candidate. Me? A humble alien with legislative experience on her home planet, and a can-do spirit? I can-a no do.

Leela:I promise to make-a good government the same way I make-a good pizza, with lots-a hard work, and whatever kinda mushroom is-a the cheapest.

News Anchor:You and me both.

Fishy Joe:They're fattening up babies in the basement and choppin' up the chubbiest ones to make that sweet, innocent pepperoni! People are saying. How many people? A lot. One of the biggest numbers.

Leela:This is-a crazy! I don't even know how to hatch a baby!

Fry · Crowd:No one could believe such insane lies. You'd have to be a gullible, deranged moron! Yee-haw!

Protestor:First of all, I need the exercise. But also, they're making babies into pepperoni!

Blecch:No basement, no bathroom. Not even a ceiling in-a some places.

Protestor:You think you can cover up the truth with a bunch of obvious facts? Well, I got a mob who says otherwise!

Blecch:We can't even prove we don't-a got a restaurant a-license!

Amy:File not found. I tried my best!

Hermes:I won't let this happen! I mean, I'll let the second part happen.

Hermes:Actually, son, we're going on a thrillin' adventure! Which might involve a few forms being stamped.

Customer · Blazucchi:What's the holds-up with my pizza? I'm-a sorry, we're a-short mandibled. We lost our cheap child labor human.

Fry:It requires zero skill! That's why I'm so good at it.

Fry:I've never washed them before. It's just... I couldn't bear to part with them. Not even for 45 minutes. They're one of the only things I have left from my old life before I got frozen.

Fry:No! The stains was all there was!

Morgan · Hermes:Oh, Hermes! My eyes must be goin'. I thought you were Zsa Zsa Gabor. Who? I don't know. Just laugh.

Hermes:That wasn't a joke.

Hermes · Bender:Whoa... it's a total no-man's land. Sounds like my weekend.

Hermes · Dwight:It's like a vast paper forest. What's a forest?

Hermes:You want a granola bar or somethin'?

Hermes · Dwight:It may look that way to the uninitiated, but to a seasoned bureaucrat, this is art... borderin' on the erotic. Dad! I said bordering!

Hermes:He got lost in his own files and died. And alas, the secrets of his system died with him.

Hermes · Dwight:I should never have brought you here. It's too excitin'. It really isn't.

Dwight · Hermes:But that thing's gonna inflict at least 2d12 damage. We'll never survive without armor! How about chain mail?

Protestor:We're not complacent. Show us the basement! Told ya it rhymed.

Fry · Protestor · Bender:Wow, you're a hungry, hungry hypocrite. Hey, a guy's gotta eat! Actually, you don't.

Hermes:No way! I didn't put nine hours into these paper-clip codpieces for nothin'!

Hermes:Incorrect. In the hands of a bureaucrat, paperwork can be lethal.

Hermes · Dwight:Why are you shiverin'? It's not even cold in here. It's kinda hot. I know, but it just looks really cold.

Hermes:Initial here and list the cause of death as 'stupid father.'

Bureaucrates:Get in quick before you die of heat stroke!

Hermes · Bureaucrates:But the history books say you were lost in a whiteout. I still am!

Bureaucrates · Hermes:Here's a hint. There is no system! Can we get another hint? I'm a fraud!

Bureaucrates:I said I'd get to it on Monday, but Monday never came... 'cause my calendar was under one of the piles!

Hermes:So you created a filing system so unsystematic that literally nothing could be done without you? You truly are the greatest bureaucrat who ever lived.

Dwight · Bureaucrates:Have you tried this door? You can't use that! It's for emergencies.

Fishy Joe:I knew that stuff I made up was true.

Fry:Without my pants, life isn't worth living anyway.

Bender:No self-respecting devil worshiper would sacrifice babies in this dump!

Fry · Bender:Oh, my God! Don't you mean, 'Oh, my Satan'?

Fry:This address has been zoned as a pizzeria for a millennium. They must have just kept building them one on top of another, on top of another, until they built the second one, and they were done.

Fry · Hermes:Should I put them on? I think I speak for everyone when I say, yes, dammit, yes!

Fry:I remember it like it was yesteryear... only, we didn't hang pepperoni from the ceiling. We just stuck it on a high shelf to keep the laziest rats away.

Fry:It's a log of dead flies!

Leela:At least it's not babies.

Hermes:That's 92.5% of all I could ask for.

Fry:I swear before God almighty that these pants will never see the inside of a washing machine.

Fry · Leela:No. No, no, no, no! What is it? Pineapple!