Wicked Human

Professor:Yowzer! The smelloscope is locked on to a collapsing magnetar.

Professor:Oh, I never thought I'd live to smell the day.

Amy · Professor:Wait, how do you spell 'lavender'? / Only two Ls in 'smell.'

Zoidberg · Leela · Zoidberg:Woop-woop-woop-woop-woop... / Ugh, what are you rolling in now? Your own filth? / No, everyone's!

Professor · Amy · Professor:I'll have to clear my nose with a nasal laser, or 'Naser'. / I've never heard of a Naser. / That's because it doesn't exist. So one of us will have to invent it.

Fry:Hang on! I'm caught in my arm hole.

Borax Kid:In the market for crystals, eh? Well, sir, you're lookin' at one. Folks call me the Borax Kid.

Professor · Borax Kid:Pfft! Borax is just for laundry. / Not so. Why, it's also a leading cause of accidental poisoning.

Borax Kid:Whoa! Words can have numbers in them?

Borax Kid · Professor · Borax Kid:What birthstone is it? / Virgo. / Uh... can you describe it in a way that's less scientific?

Professor:My truth is I hate you!

Bender · Professor:She's an astrologer, just like you. / I'm an astronomer, you drunken idiot!

Bender · Professor · Professor:We just met a cosmologist! / She sells holistic makeup with essential oils. / That's a cosmetologist!

Professor · Borax Kid:And what was she thinking? You're clearly an autumn. / Yeah, a little borax will set you right.

Kif · Kif · Professor:Yet there is another path to knowledge. Faith. / Many people believe in a heaven, yet you do not call them crazy. / Yes, I do. To their faces. And behind their backs, I'm even ruder.

Zoidberg · Fry · Leela:You hurt my feeling. / I know Heaven is real because my grandma's there! / You're thinking of Mexico.

Fry:Oh, right. I always mix those up 'cause they both have margaritas.

Professor:I still don't believe it.

Morbo:Why was I left behind?!

Hermes · Hermes:I need to sneak out of work early to be with my family. / I'll let it slide this time, but if I do it again, I'm fired.

Nibbler · Leela · Leela:Do you think I'll be left behind? What if they don't take pets? / Ow! I told you, you're not a pet! Now fetch me my slipper.

Amy · Professor · Amy:All the buttons are missing. / Strange... Who would eat nice, crunchy buttons? / Uh, just tie them with various lengths of wire.

Professor:Science is truth! Now kneel in the direction of MIT.

Professor:Science is truth! Now kneel in the direction of MIT.

LaBarbara:Stop him, Hermes! Do your limbo-jump!

Hermes · Barbados Slim · Hermes:I'm stuck here with you?! / That's the worst-case scenario! / I was wrong!

Rabbi:Out holy book predicted this when your Dead Sea Scrolls were barely even sick.

Professor:We worship data! Not a false cre-a-ta!

Amy:It's a cultured yogurt drink we grew in a beaker. With bacteria!

Professor:Almighty science is so powerful, it's only occasionally wrong!

Amy · Professor:We don't need the megaphone. / It's for me. I can barely hear myself.

Professor · Preacher:But you can use that to explain anything! / That's what's so great about it.

Hermes · Bender · Hermes:No way I'm ascendin' to Heaven with Barbados and LaBarbara. I'd rather go to Hell! / I'm here for you, friend. / I think I'm already there.

Fry:Man, that looked funny, but it really hurt. I think my skull's fractured.

Professor · Bender:Dammit! Which one of you idiots left the roof open? / Oh, right. Sorry.

Fry:Leela's gone. And all I have to remember her by is this boot.

Fry:I know Leela and I will be reunited someday, either in Heaven, or one big coffin.

Professor:A fusion canon? Too powerful.

Kif:Get her! But be gentle.

Bender:Then quit sittin' on your premium-sized ass, Hermes.

Hermes:Oopsie-dinkle. I meant to close that.

Amy:You know my parents don't pay ransom.

Kif:I hope the pillowcase wasn't too scratchy. I got the highest thread count I could.

Amy · Grand Midwife:Um, will you be using actual words at some point? / Nope, just spirit sounds.

Kif:It wasn't just yogurt, it was a yogurt beverage!

Grand Midwife:Sorry, it takes five more hours.

Hermes:This here's a robbery. Gimme all your knives!

Professor · Bender:Fry's dead. / Oh, what have I done?! Now I'm down to just two pallbearers.

Professor:Now I'm down to just two pallbearers.

Bender:I'm gonna try fist-to-crotch resuscitation.

Professor:Oh, Heavenly Father, let me first apologize for referring to you as 'Magic Space Grandpa' for over a century.

Professor:no onions

Professor:The Almighty has blessed us with snack food. And not just any snack food, the most irresistible snack food ever made!

Professor:I don't remember leaving the roof open for a third time.

Professor:Huh. I hope his legs aren't in there.

Professor:Huh. I hope his legs aren't in there.

Professor:It wasn't some supernatural power. It was a simple hook! A simple trans-phase plasma hook on a simple mono-molecular force-filament!

Space Fisherman 1 · Space Fisherman 2 · Space Fisherman 1:What is that thing, Chay? / We are witnessin' somethin' weird, bro. / It's a baby whale!

Space Fisherman 2:Nah, it's not a whale, but it's wicked ugly.

Leela:Eh, I've been called worse.

Space Fisherman:Oh, yeah, you're wicked smaht. 'Duh, I'm eatin' cheese puffs on a hook 'cause I'm a brainiac!'

Bender:How dare you space-townies drop that sick burn!

Professor · Space Fisherman:'God'? / The Coast Gahd!

Coast Guard:First off, you failed to submit the $18 fee to renew your license.

Space Fisherman 1 · Space Fisherman 2:I got the Dunkins. / You were supposed to get the license!

Coast Guard:I have no choice but to issue the first of three courtesy warnings.

Coast Guard:You can keep that one.

Amy · Professor:You have to wonder, could the whole concept of ascending to Heaven have come from ancient people being caught by space fishermen? / Maybe. Or, it could be a miracle. It's impossible to say.

Amy · Professor:Is it possible all this has broadened your mind a little? / No.