Fry and Bender enlist in the army to get a soldiers discount for bubblegum. When they are called to fight a war on a planet of bouncing ball aliens, Leela disguises herself as man to enlist with them. Bender is eventually sent to parley with the enemy, but this turns out to be a ploy.
WAR
59.2
Wins Above Replacement
“War Is The H Word” ranks #50 of 170 Futurama episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 80.4 — Elite. The episode packs 79 scored jokes at 4.9 per minute, averaging 7.1 on craft and 6.4 on impact, with Zapp Brannigan landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Computer/Nixon: Number 10: 'CHUMP', Number 9: 'CHUMPETTE'...
Kif · Zapp Brannigan: Being your assistant. Wrong! Being your assistant.
Bender: Great. What's the point of living if I can't say 'ass'? I didn't blow up! Ass, ass, ass, ass!
Bender Character Comedy Escalation Nixon · Kissinger: Where do you shove things up a ball? Not a productive area of discussion.
All Jokes — 79 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Commercial Narrator: Big Pink! The gum with the breath-freshening power of ham.
Commercial Narrator: And it pinkens your teeth while you chew.
Bender: What? This is the worst kind of discrimination! The kind against me!
Bender Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Store Clerk: if for any reason you're not satisfied, I hate you.
Fry: Full price for gum? That dog won't hunt, Monsignor.
Fry Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Army Recruiter: Playing you all for chumps? Correct. There's no obligation.
Army Recruiter: Unless, of course, war were declared.
Army Recruiter · Everyone: What's that? War were declared.
Zapp Brannigan: to gain their courage. Their rich, tasty courage.
Professor Farnsworth: I don't want you to worry about your jobs. That's why I'm firing you now.
Zapp Brannigan: After some deadly blunders caused by distracting low-cut fatigues and harmless pinching, the Army decided women weren't fit.
Zapp Brannigan: If it's a lesson in love, I suffer from a very sexy learning disability.
Zapp Brannigan · Kif: What do I call it, Kif? Sex-lexia.
Zapp Brannigan: A few will be forced through a fine mesh screen. They'll be the luckiest.
Fry: And this ham gum is all bones.
Fry Callback Absurdist ★ Rewatch Callback Zapp Brannigan: welcome the original Gerber Baby. Earth President Richard M. Nixon.
Fry Reaction Beat Meta/Self-Referential Soldier · Nixon: Why is this planet worth dying for? Can't say, you're the one who'll die.
Nixon: They stand for everything we don't stand for.
Nixon · Fry: Also, they said you look like dorks! They look like dorks! I'm gonna--
Zapp Brannigan: Tent got your tongue? Kif, write that down and send it to Humor in Uniform.
Zapp Brannigan: That guy makes Speedy Gonzales look like Regular Gonzales.
Kif: And 16 minutes. And 12 hours.
Kif Escalation Deadpan/Understatement Zapp Brannigan: As a bubbling Crock-Pot of male hormones, I sure do.
Leela: Lee, La, Man. La Man. Lemon! Lee Lemon, sir.
Leela Character Comedy Physical/Slapstick Zapp Brannigan: your hand, while firm and manly, is soft as a velvet child.
Zapp Brannigan: Squirt it on some homeless man with dry elbows.
Zapp Brannigan: And some other emotions that are weird and deeply confusing me.
Fry · Bender: Mind if we sit with you? Why the hell would I?
Bender: A foul-mouthed, barrel-chested, beer-bellied pile of ugly muscle.
Bender Character Comedy Escalation Bender: Stop flattering me!
Bender Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Zapp Brannigan: It's about life in ancient Greece.
Fry · Bender: And then the battle's not so bad? Right, I forgot about the battle.
Soldier: The enemy! They're balls!
Zapp Brannigan: You spooked Felicity.
Dying Soldier · Fry: Wait. I didn't tell you where he lives. Your son might also like those boots.
Bender: Fry, you emu-bellied coward!
Bender Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Bender: If they put me on a stamp, tell them to use the young Bender.
Bender Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Bender: If they put me on a stamp, tell them to use the young Bender.
Bender Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Medical Officer: I mean, five! Repeat, four.
Zoidberg: I'd love to. But first, I have to perform surgery. I kid. I kid.
Dr. Zoidberg: Scalpel. Blood bucket. Priest. Next patient!
Soldier: Leave some for the enemy to kill.
Soldier Dark/Subversive Irony/Sarcasm Bender: Yeah, he's a doctor and a butcher.
Bender Wordplay/Pun Dark/Subversive Kif · Zapp Brannigan: Being your assistant. Wrong! Being your assistant.
Zoidberg · Bender: Excuse me, I believe I'm the doctor. Believing it won't make it true.
Fry: It isn't war, it's murder!
Zapp Brannigan: I want this robot fixed. Fixed like Kennedy fixed the 1960 election.
Zoidberg: That's my joke! I'll kill you!
Kif: I got wheels! With clickity-clackers!
Kif Character Comedy Physical/Slapstick Bender: I got wheels! With clickity-clackers!
Bender Character Comedy Physical/Slapstick Zapp Brannigan: And mix these mixed nuts! I see two almonds touching!
Nixon · Zapp Brannigan: So I am sending you on one last mission. Hot diggity daffodil!
Nixon: Looking like that, he talked his way into Jill St. John's bed.
Nixon: I didn't live 1000 years to look at another man's gizmo.
Nixon Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Nixon: Kif, raise him up nipple high.
Nixon Absurdist Visual Gag ★ Rewatch Computer/Nixon: Number 10: 'CHUMP', Number 9: 'CHUMPETTE'...
Henry Kissinger: What do you call it? Lower back! That whole region.
Henry Kissinger: My chair's too hard. It's a pain in the-- What do you call it? Lower back! That whole region.
Fry: I did it! Wait, that's not me.
Fry Misdirection Character Comedy Leela · Hermes: Fry, don't you recognize me? Hermes?
Zapp Brannigan: So it's you I've been attracted to! I've never been so happy to be beaten up by a woman.
Ball Elder: Then he bounced 4 meters in the air. Do I make myself clear?
Nixon · Kissinger: Where do you shove things up a ball? Not a productive area of discussion.
Nixon · Kissinger: Where do you shove things up a ball? Not a productive area of discussion.
Fry: At last, war has made me into a man.
Fry Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Fry: At last, war has made me into a man.
Fry Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Nixon: We've seen too many body bags and ball sacks.
Nixon Wordplay/Pun Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Bender: Up yours, chump! I said it 906 times before lunch.
Bender Character Comedy Escalation Ball Elder: Young man, you have the bravery of a hero. And breath as fresh as a summer ham.
Bender: The game's name is: Make Bender Happy, or He Blows Up the Planet!
Bender Character Comedy Escalation Kissinger: Stay calm. No need to bounce off the handle.
Fry: I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with Earth!
Fry Irony/Sarcasm Misdirection Professor Farnsworth: It's stuck in there with glue or something.
Bender: Great. What's the point of living if I can't say 'ass'? I didn't blow up! Ass, ass, ass, ass!
Bender Character Comedy Escalation Professor · Bender: That's using your ass. And the word? Better if you don't know.
Bender: Wait. Is it 'sorry'? No. 'Funderful'?
Bender Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Bender: 'Compassion.' 'Shrimp toast.' 'Antiquing'?
Bender Character Comedy Escalation