Character Analysis
Nixon
Played by Billy West
69 jokes across 19 episodes of Futurama
28.7
69
7.1
6.8
Character Comedy
Nixon delivers 69 scored jokes across 19 episodes of Futurama, averaging 7.1 on craft and 6.8 on impact for a career WAR of 28.7. Their comedy leans toward character comedy. The highest-scoring line is below.
Funniest Nixon Lines
Nixon:That's right, no 'body.' But, as you can plainly see, I've got a shiny new body.
Nixon:Once I'm in office, I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat! I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place!
Nixon:Erased that planet like 18 minutes of incriminating tape.
Nixon:use the poor as a cheap source of teeth for aquarium gravel
Nixon:Computers may be twice as fast as they were in 1973, but voters are as drunk and stupid as ever!
All Jokes — 55 total
Nixon · Fry · Nixon:Grandpa's making up stories again. / I'm not your grandpa. You're my uncle from the year 2000. / Okay, Grandpa.
Nixon:A good Republican body. God, I loved it.
Nixon:That's my style. Kick them when they're down.
Nixon:That's right, no 'body.' But, as you can plainly see, I've got a shiny new body.
Nixon:The question is vague. You don't say what kind of candy, whether anyone is watching... I certainly wouldn't harm the child.
Nixon:I certainly wouldn't harm the child.
Aide · Nixon:But your body's message was, 'Look at my shiny new body.' You've got real charisma from the neck down.
Nixon:Shut up! Seriously, I'm never giving back this body. Beat it! Or I'll get Cambodian on your asses!
Leela · Nixon:The voters aren't pea-brained idiots anymore. No? Listen here, missy.
Nixon:Computers may be twice as fast as they were in 1973, but voters are as drunk and stupid as ever!
Nixon:Once I'm in office, I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat! I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place!
Nixon:I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place!
Nixon:I thought I had a Clark Gable quality.
Nixon:Oh, expletive deleted! You've got a deal.
Nixon · Lrrr:It'd be great with quack-a-mole. Stop eating our young! And it's guacamole!
Kif · Nixon · Lrrr · Nixon:It's 198 billion, sir. Very well. You will provide us with 198 billion humans. And small fries. Lrrr! All right. Cottage cheese.
Nixon:I filled up on nuts negotiating.
Soldier · Nixon:Why is this planet worth dying for? Can't say, you're the one who'll die.
Nixon:They stand for everything we don't stand for.
Nixon · Fry:Also, they said you look like dorks! They look like dorks! I'm gonna--
Nixon · Zapp Brannigan:So I am sending you on one last mission. Hot diggity daffodil!
Nixon:Looking like that, he talked his way into Jill St. John's bed.
Nixon:I didn't live 1000 years to look at another man's gizmo.
Nixon:Kif, raise him up nipple high.
Nixon · Kissinger:Where do you shove things up a ball? Not a productive area of discussion.
Nixon · Kissinger:Where do you shove things up a ball? Not a productive area of discussion.
Nixon:We've seen too many body bags and ball sacks.
Nixon:Monkeys aren't donkeys. Quit messing with my head!
Nixon:President Nixon here. I'm hiring you losers to deliver the ice. And hurry up. I'm sweating like J. Edgar Hoover trying to squeeze into a new girdle.
Nixon:I'm going out to pick up some smokes. Really good smokes. Two hours.
Nixon:Very well. Agnew, you belong to Wornstrum now.
Nixon:In that case, I hereby declare it Robot Party Week!
Nixon:Why did I have to issue that crooked tax rebate? At least we got a few mildly interesting stories out of it.
Nixon:Oh, what a McGovern I've been.
Nixon:Reptilicus, hit the thingy.
Aide · Nixon:That's all the resolution we have. Making it bigger doesn't make it clearer. It does on CSI: Miami.
Nixon:but it was like shooting bbs at Bebe Rebozo.
Nixon:Erased that planet like 18 minutes of incriminating tape.
Nixon · Zapp · Leela · Professor:I say Brannigan. I say no. - I say me. - I say Leela. - I say yes. - I say no. I say Leela, too. I say yes again.
Nixon:We don't have nearly enough piranhas.
Nixon:It's not starting. Come ons, comes on!
Nixon:Who is this non-Washington redskin?
Nixon:Thank you, headless clone of Agnew
Nixon:the greatest planet in the world
Nixon · Aide:Is everyone enjoying their free beer? Well, there's plenty more where that came from. We're all out of beer.
Nixon:a really big Dyson fence across the Southern border of our solar system
Nixon:use the poor as a cheap source of teeth for aquarium gravel
Nixon:I feel a jowl movement coming on
Nixon:Nixon always wins!
Nixon · Agnew:Oh, Mr. Agnew? (Monster-like grunting)
Nixon · Professor:Can it hit a no-look jump shot? -Uh, sure. -Then why does it need me?
Nixon:for the 1,030th consecutive year, no nation came close to meeting them!
Nixon:Because they're underwater. God rest their souls.
Nixon:Tragedy, human tragedy. But for the rest of us, the party goes on!
Professor Farnsworth · Nixon:Oh, we do plan to come back. If you say so.