Crimes Of The Hot

Zoidberg:Hurry up with the water. I'm steaming inside my own shell, I am. It's that hot, it is.

Fry:Man, it's hot. How hot is it? It's so hot, I poured McDonald's coffee in my lap to cool off.

Fry:Johnny Carson said it.

Leela · Nibbler:No, Nibbler! Don't drink the pool water! It's full of chlorine. [Nibbler groaning, burping, coughing]

Bender:Lightweights. Oh, wait, chlorine.

Announcer:Global Warming or: None Like It Hot!

Educational Film Narrator:You're probably wondering why your ice cream went away. Well, Suzie, the culprit isn't foreigners. It's global warming.

Child · Narrator:Gwobal wap-po? Yeah.

Mr. Sunbeam · Greenhouse Gases:Hello, Earth. Just popping in to brighten your day. La-la-la-la-la-la-la. And now I'll be on my way. Not so fast, sunbeam. We're greenhouse gases. You ain't going nowhere.

Mr. Sunbeam · Announcer:Oh, God, it hurts! Pretty soon, Earth is chock-full of sunbeams... their rotting corpses heating our atmosphere.

Educational Film Narrator · Child:Ever since 2063, we simply drop a giant ice cube... into the ocean every now and then. Just like Daddy puts in his drink every morning. And then he gets mad.

Educational Film Narrator:Thus, solving the problem once and for all. But-- Once and for all!

Nixon:President Nixon here. I'm hiring you losers to deliver the ice. And hurry up. I'm sweating like J. Edgar Hoover trying to squeeze into a new girdle.

Farnsworth:You heard the good news, everyone. Save the Earth, et cetera, et cetera. Bye.

Leela · Farnsworth:Wait. Where do we get the ice? The what? Oh, Halley's comet, of course. The only sufficient source of ice cubes that don't have bugs in them.

Fry · Farnsworth:Wow. Mining a comet. That sounds fun. Yes. There's no safer occupation than mining. Especially when you're perched on a snowball... whipping through space at a million miles an hour. Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Safe.

Fry · Leela:Wow. That ice dispenser's so big the ice crushes you. Yakov Smirnoff said it. No, he didn't.

Fry:Oh, my God! It's out of ice! Like some outer-space Motel 6.

Bender:Completely out of ice? This could mean the end of the banana daiquiri as we know it. Also life.

Morbo:Morbo is pleased but sticky.

Noah Character · Other Character:They called me crazy for building this ark. You are crazy. You filled it with same-sex animal couples.

Noah Character:Hey! There are parts of the Bible I like and parts I don't like.

Linda · Morbo:I'm sure those windmills will keep them cool. Windmills do not work that way! Good night!

Bender:Well, everybody, I just saved a turtle. What have you done with your lives?

Bender:Because I also care deeply about things that remind me of myself. Like poor little Shelly here.

Leela:What could you possibly have in common with this walking soup mix?

Fry · Bender:You're both alcoholic, whore-mongering, chain-smoking gamblers? No. It's just... neither of us can get up when we get knocked on our back.

Leela · Bender:What? I've seen you get up off your back tons of times. Those times I was slightly on my side.

Leela:Maybe we should test this erectile dysfunction of yours, Bender.

Bender:That's what I get for sharing my vulnerability with you.

Zoidberg · Fry:I've got a degree in homeopathic medicine. You've got a degree in baloney.

Leela:You haven't acted this suspicious since I found the 'ape bones' in the basement.

Farnsworth:My hip hurts. I'm in the middle of cooking a turkey. I have warranty cards to fill out. I am not just making excuses.

Reporter:His wristwatch is a Casio.

Announcer:The inventor of the environment and first emperor of the moon, Al Gore.

Al Gore:I have ridden the mighty moon worm.

Al Gore:As I discuss in my book, Earth in the Balance... and the much more popular Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth...

Wizard/Scientist:Sure, blame the wizards.

Wizard/Scientist:With those, I could open the gate of Girash.

Farnsworth:Wornstrum!

Character:That's a little bright.

Farnsworth:Absolutely not! I won't speak. I've got nothing to hide.

Farnsworth:I demand the floor! Yes, it's your turn to speak. Well, nuts to me. I'm taking the stage.

Farnsworth:Don't use this memory ray so I can remember what happened back then?

Professor Farnsworth:It was October 17 at 1:54 p.m. and 14 birds were flying by the window.

Early Robot:Oh, dear, might I favor master with a tender kiss on the forehead? Oh, I've failed again. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Oh, dear.

Characters discussing robot:What was that? A flaming burp. Does it always do that? It's not always a burp.

Mom:Crap spackle! We'll just call it a sport utility robot and classify it as a light truck.

Farnsworth:Well... I suppose the environment can take one more for the team.

Fry · Leela:That's awful, professor. Especially the making-out part. Yeah, I didn't need to hear that.

Bender:I got a good feeling about this.

Al Gore:We must immediately and permanently... shut down, dismantle and destroy all robots!

Al Gore:I must go now to help collect cans on Jupiter. Peace out, y'all.

Bender:Yes! You tried to trick me into coming out of my chest. But who has the beer now?

Leela:Strange. Why would Nixon, an awkward, uncomfortable man, throw a party? One of the most social events imaginable?

Leela · Fry:I don't hear any gasping. We all figured that out.

Fry:We can hide you. We'll pile fruit on you and claim you're a bowl.

Bender:Fry, as you know, there are lots of things I'm willing to kill for. Jewels, vengeance, Father O'Malley's weed whacker.

Bender:This mindless turtle.

Fry:Bender, this world isn't good enough for you. Not even close.

Bender:Don't touch my stuff after I'm dead. It's booby-trapped!

Fry · Robot:Crummy keg, it's completely tapped-- Oh, you're a robot. Don't stop.

Nixon:I'm going out to pick up some smokes. Really good smokes. Two hours.

Nixon:Very well. Agnew, you belong to Wornstrum now.

Bender:Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all the robots off and-- What?

Bender:There ain't no turtles where Daddy's going.

Robot:Nixon's not bringing the smokes.

Bender:Except perhaps you, Hedonism Bot.

Hedonism Bot:I apologize for nothing.

Robot · Bender:To hell with the turtles! No one insults the turtles!

Professor Farnsworth:By my calculations, we'll need the full force of every last robot. So quickly, everyone point your exhaust vents straight upward.

Professor Farnsworth:Some lazy or polite robot is holding it in.

Bender:At least we'll die on our backs, helpless.

Bender · Turtle:What the hell are you doing? Hey, are you trying to make me look bad?

Leela · Farnsworth:Hey, professor? Now that the Earth's orbit... is further from the sun, won't that make the year longer? Why, yes. One week longer to be exact.

Nixon:In that case, I hereby declare it Robot Party Week!