Quids Game

Unknown character:Oh, my hair!

Fry:Lot of weather we're having. Allow me, my lady.

Fry:Shall we go a-trousering?

Fry:You're right. I'm sorry for showing my love.

Fry · Unknown character:My pants! My lucky pants! They don't look so lucky to me. They are, too! I was wearing them that time I found a dime in my ear. I was wearing them when I won a subscription to Redbook. And I was wearing them when I first met Leela, so yeah, they're lucky.

Fry · Unknown character:Plus, they're my only pants. You've worn the same pants for 1,000 years? No wonder they made a run for it.

Professor Farnsworth · Fry:Soon your trousers will slip the surly bonds of Earth and ascend to the heavens. I'm gonna blast that balloon! No way will I let God get my pants! Nobody messes with my pants! Not even the Holy One, blessed be He.

Unknown character:Look out! A Central Park badger!

Unknown character · Scruffy:Scruffy, do you have any varmint grease? What viscosity you need?

Scruffy:Also, this grease is flammable.

Mutant character:No, this isn't mutant language. We use a lot more profanity. Son of a...

Leela · Fry:The one time your hands aren't sticky, they're greasy! Oh, sorry. Normally I would've wiped them on my pants, but...

Unknown character:We made a rope from my shirt and jacket and an expedition flag from my underpants.

Leela:Stop telling me to take your hand. Look, Fry, your noble gestures keep making things worse. Can't you just be a rude, unhelpful jerk like Bender?

Bender:When I use up the toilet paper, I don't put on a new roll.

Unknown character:What badger could've built this?

Bender:Ancient history coming through!

Professor Farnsworth:predating even the Girls of Sumeria.

Bender:Sorry. I was eating a can of breakfast and looking at porn.

Amy · Bender:I think it means, 'The sun will erupt, all shall perish,' blah-blah-blah. Get to the point! What does it say about me, Bender?

Bender:The world? That's where I live! Told you it'd say something about me.

Unknown character:So, you all done with the computer?

Hermes:Coward Man away!

Unknown character:Some of us were crazy before it was cool.

Nixon:It's not starting. Come ons, comes on!

Nixon:It's like Pat on a Sunday morning.

Leela:If only I could get back that time I spent watching TRON: Legacy.

Fry:Before we die, I'm gonna find and destroy every remaining copy of TRON: Legacy. It may take a couple of hours, but...

Zoidberg:The Balcony Club? I have an individual membership.

Bender · Zoidberg:Zoidberg, get lost. I am lost. So long.

Professor Farnsworth:All right, Amy, what's so important that you interrupted my embalming?

Bender:It was worth waiting five hours to hear you finish that sentence.

Professor Farnsworth:Well, the mausoleum held 10 horny teenagers, so... Maybe 30,000.

Professor Farnsworth:They had their chance. Let's go!

Nixon:It's close, with lots of open space and no Woodward or Bernstein.

Professor Farnsworth:Who shall live and who shall die? Step right up to the contrabulous choose-matron!

Choose-matron · Old woman:Female, crotchety. Needed to keep others in their place. Accepted! Damn straight, kajigger!

Choose-matron:We just got one of these. Rejected!

Choose-matron · Amy:Female, scientist. We were in the same sorority. Accepted! Sigma Beta, see you later! Sigma Beta, see you later!

Choose-matron:Male, medical doctor, delicious with butter and lemon. Accepted!

Choose-matron:Delivery boy, no discernible skills. Accepted! 'Cause I like his pants.

Choose-matron:Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! With all spaceships inoperable, we only need one spaceship pilot.

Unknown character:Snake door. Roger.

Choose-matron:Male, filthy hand, violent temper. Accepted again!

Leela:Remember how Bender dumped all that pig's blood on me?

Leela:I wish I could remember with my boobs.

Bender:Ah-ah-ah. A magician never reveals his secrets. Except the Great Reveal-o. That guy stinks.

Bender:I'm a lot of people, but I'm not Fry.

Leo Wong · Amy · Nixon:Admission, $20. Dad! Gleesh. Greetings, Mars men. We come to your planet to construct a gleaming city, a second Earth on which to begin anew. Okay. Admission, $20.

Fry · Bender:Bender! You're stealing your own stuff! I am? Geez, I better slow down. I'm stealing stuff I don't even need. You want a Torah? Nah, I'm not hungry.

Nixon:I give you Dickfrancisco!

Great Reveal-o:The doves didn't magically spring from my hand, but rather were crammed into this netting sewn into my sleeve!

Nixon:And now, as a solemn testicle to those left behind on Earth...

Leela:That frightened little girl in the statue reminds me of Fry.

Amy:Hey, Ancient Martian's a very hard language. A... looks just like a...

Nixon · Amy:To the spaceship! There is no spaceship. You had it dismantled to build that statue. To the statue.

Professor Farnsworth:Oh, what an idiot I was. And by 'I', I mean 'you.'

Leela:I should've known better than to trust one of Fry's romantic gestures. Every time he says he loves me, I get killed.

Fry:Oh no! The kajigger of Gibraltar!

Bender:I have got to quit drinking.

Fry:Or somebody else could do it!

Leela:I don't know. Bad things happen when you say that.

Scruffy · Leela:No, we're not. Grab your severed arm with your other arm. Ew... Okay.

Scruffy:Don't thank me, thank the ladder.

Leela:I can't be mad. I'm on way too many painkillers.

Leela:I mean, you failed, miserably, but you're the only person who loves me enough to try.