A Head In The Polls

Narrator:You're entering the vicinity of an area adjacent to a location. A place you might find a monster or Weird mirror.

Man:Wait, my eyes aren't that bad. I can read the large print books.

Man:It's not...! Well, lucky I can read braille.

Character · Narrator:Hey, look, a weird mirror. Cursed by his own hubris.

Fry:So? We live in the United States. That's part of the world. I have been gone a long time.

Political Candidate:But frankly, I agree with everything he just said!

Fry:These candidates sound like clones. Wait, they are clones!

Jack Johnson · John Jackson:Your three-cent titanium tax goes too far! Your three-cent titanium tax doesn't go too far enough!

Fry:If I were registered, I'd send a message by staying home on election day, dressed like a clown.

Fry:You're not registered? Not vaccinated, either.

Leela:John Quincy Adding Machine. He enticed voters by pledging not to go on a killing spree.

Leela:But, like most, he promised more than he could deliver.

Fry · Farnsworth:When did you care about voting? The very instant I became old.

Old Man Nixon:The problem is, both parties give your tax dollars... to the less fortunate. They get all the breaks!

Leela:I'd better keep an eye out at the next meeting.

Amy · Bender:What's your party, Bender? I can't vote. Because you're a robot? No, a felon.

Brain Slug candidate · Fry:Attach Brain Slugs to them. Sure, you say that now.

Hemp party member:Dave's not here, man.

Character:I don't go anywhere without my mutated anthrax for duck hunting.

Robot · Another robot:Sure, humans are cute, but how will we test cosmetics? I concur.

Party recruiter · Fry:Not with that attitude. Okay, screw it. Welcome aboard, brother! All right! You're out.

TV Announcer:Jack Johnson, or bitter rival, John Jackson?

News anchor · Morbo:Terrific candidates, huh, Morbo? All humans are vermin in the eyes of Morbo.

News reporter:Without a quick response, the robots will die within 300 years.

Official:We'll pave over the area, then move on.

Bender:I'm finally richer than those snooty ATMs.

Leela · Bender:Too bad you can't spend it. Oh, can't I? No. Watch me, poor man.

Bender:Compare your lives to mine, and then kill yourselves.

Bender:You just lost five dollars.

Zoidberg:Sold your body? Bender, I've been down that road. It's glamorous, the parties are great, but you'll spend every dollar on jewelry and skintight pants.

Bender:Bodies are for hookers and fat people.

Bender:What's he gonna do, break my legs?

Croupier · Bender:21 red. I beg your pardon, 33 black. Yes! The rich get richer!

Bender · Character:Can I ride in your car? No, it looks like your neck stepped in something. Oh, I'm sorry, that's just your body.

Bender · Rich Person:Can I ride in your car? No, it looks like your neck stepped in something. Oh, I'm sorry, that's just your body.

Bender:Look me in the shins and say that!

Bender:I'm off to hang out with classy heads like me, who appreciate poetry, philosophy, hats.

Bender:Could one of you coffin stuffers please carry me?

Claudia Schiffer's head · Bender:I'd like to lose a few pounds. Couldn't hurt.

Bill Clinton's head:Legally, nothing I can do counts as sex anymore.

Fry:I got trashed on Listerine.

Ford:I've never felt voting is essential to the process.

Bender:That's not my expansion slot and my friend says, That's not my 25-pin connector!

Shakespeare:Bender, thou robots really cracketh me up.

Character:No offense, Jefferson, Nixon and Truman.

Character:LaRouche won't stop telling jokes.

Bender · Washington:Same reason you hocked your teeth. Ah, booze money.

Nixon:A good Republican body. God, I loved it.

Character:He opened relations with China. He doesn't care about your ding-dong.

Nixon:That's my style. Kick them when they're down.

Bender:What an awful dream. Ones and zeros everywhere! And I thought I saw a two.

Leela:It was just a dream. There are no twos.

Fry:It was just a dream. There are no twos.

Bender · Pawn Shop Owner:You sold my body! To who? I can't reveal that. But I'll give you $50 for the kid.

Fry · Bender:What about your self-destruct button? It's on my body!

Nixon:That's right, no 'body.' But, as you can plainly see, I've got a shiny new body.

Bender:That double-crossing bastard! How dare he run off with Nixon!

Leela:But when a robotic Nixon is loose, we have to take action! Idiot.

Morbo:Belligerent and numerous.

Nixon:The question is vague. You don't say what kind of candy, whether anyone is watching... I certainly wouldn't harm the child.

Nixon:I certainly wouldn't harm the child.

Aide · Nixon:But your body's message was, 'Look at my shiny new body.' You've got real charisma from the neck down.

Nixon:Shut up! Seriously, I'm never giving back this body. Beat it! Or I'll get Cambodian on your asses!

Fry:Not for five cents, not for 500 cents.

Characters:We're in a room! Then lose some weight!

Leela · Nixon:The voters aren't pea-brained idiots anymore. No? Listen here, missy.

Nixon:Computers may be twice as fast as they were in 1973, but voters are as drunk and stupid as ever!

Nixon:Once I'm in office, I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat! I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place!

Nixon:I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place!

Voter · Fry:He lost my vote. One vote won't make a difference.

Nixon:I thought I had a Clark Gable quality.

Nixon:Oh, expletive deleted! You've got a deal.

Leela:Why'd they vote for him, now that he's just a head?

News anchor:Nixon has won!

Bender · Fry · Leela:It ain't my fault. I'm a non-voting felon. It's not my fault. I forgot to vote. Crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today.

Morbo:May death come quickly to his enemies.