To apologize for an inconsiderate remark, Fry searches for the perfect Xmas gift for Leela, all the while trying to avoid the murderous SantaBot, whose standards for niceness are astronomically high.
WAR
51.5
Wins Above Replacement
“Xmas Story” ranks #29 of 170 Futurama episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 82.1 — Elite. The episode packs 56 scored jokes at 3.6 per minute, averaging 7.0 on craft and 6.8 on impact, with Fry landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Robot Santa: Your mistletoe is no match for my T.O.W. missile.
Robot Santa: I'll shove coal so far up your stocking, you'll cough up diamonds!
Professor Farnsworth: I'm glad global warming never happened. Actually, it did. Thank God, Nuclear Winter canceled it out.
Morbo: Homeless robots, too poor to afford even the basic alcohol they need to fuel their circuits. Is there anything sadder? Only drowning puppies. And there would have to be a lot of them.
Morbo Dark/Subversive Escalation Robot: There's a suicide booth in the Food Court. Though there's a line this time of year.
Robot Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement Callback All Jokes — 56 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Conan O'Brien's head: Someone forgot to feed Max!
Conan O'Brien's head: So, people are getting pretty worried about this Y2K problem, huh?
audience member: No! They fixed that 900 years ago!
audience member: I doubt it!
Conan O'Brien's head: Listen, I may have lost my freakishly long legs in the War of 2012... but I've still got something you'll never have: a soul! And freckles!
Bender: Let's face it. Comedy's a dead art form. Now, tragedy? That's funny.
Bender Irony/Sarcasm Dark/Subversive Professor Farnsworth: I'm glad global warming never happened. Actually, it did. Thank God, Nuclear Winter canceled it out.
Fry: At least you're not cold-blooded.
Fry Character Comedy Observational Hermes: Sweet lion of Zion, look at the professor go!
Hermes Character Comedy Visual Gag Fry · Bender: Trees down! Trees doWn! Cool. What if you want the trees up? Trees up! Trees down. Trees doWn.
Bender: Lick my frozen metal ass.
Bender Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Zoidberg: They came in last at the Olympics and retired to promote alcoholic drinks.
Leela: Like when you say 'ask' instead of 'ax.'
Leela Observational Irony/Sarcasm Professor Farnsworth: Pine trees have been extinct for 800 years, Fry. Gone the way of the poodle and your primitive notions of modesty.
Fry Deadpan/Understatement Reaction Beat Fry: Dad would whip up his special eggnog out of bourbon and ice cubes.
Fry Observational Character Comedy Scruffy: Happy Xmas, Xmas people! Xmas cards have arrived! Xmas!
Bender: Yes, I got the most! I win Xmas!
Bender Character Comedy Absurdist Zoidberg: Instead of Claus, he writes 'Claws.' Now that's humorous. Today's comedians could learn from this card.
Zoidberg Character Comedy Meta/Self-Referential Callback Fry: I'm the loneliest person on Earth.
Fry Irony/Sarcasm Setup/Punchline Amy · Professor Farnsworth: She's an orphan. Yes. And the only one of her species in all the known universe.
Fry: I feel like a rat. I've been whining like a pig while Leela was lonely as a frog.
Fry Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Bender: You'd have to be blind not to notice that Leela's a Cyclops.
Bender Wordplay/Pun Irony/Sarcasm Hermes: Fry's over there, man.
Morbo: Homeless robots, too poor to afford even the basic alcohol they need to fuel their circuits. Is there anything sadder? Only drowning puppies. And there would have to be a lot of them.
Morbo Dark/Subversive Escalation Leela · Bender: Right. As if you ever did anything charitable. I'm very generous. What about that time I gave blood? Whose blood? Some guy's.
Professor Farnsworth: I know about Santa Claus. Back in 2801, the Friendly Robot Company built a robotic Santa...
Fry: I'm one of those lazy homeless bums I've been hearing about. Can you point me to the free booze?
Fry Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Robot: There's a suicide booth in the Food Court. Though there's a line this time of year.
Robot Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement Callback Robot vendor: A surface-to-Santa rocket launcher. Comes with 3 jolly-seeking missiles.
Pet shop owner · Fry: Best is a matter of opinion. I personally like the electric snail. That's a stupid animal. You're stupid. I said I want the best one.
Pet shop owner · Fry: The parrot is $500. That's a hell of a good parrot. Although, I could get 500 lizards for the same price. Girls like swarms of lizards, right?
Parrot Misdirection Character Comedy Hermes: I ax him to set the table. And he goes out to buy you a present. Selfish dog.
Hermes Irony/Sarcasm Wordplay/Pun Callback Fry: You saved my life. I am going to get you so many lizards.
Fry Callback Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Fry · Robot Santa: Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 mega-checks per second.
Robot Santa: Did either of you ever stop to think about Doctor Zoidberg's feelings?
Fry · Robot Santa: What about the traditional glass of hard cider? Oh, all right. But just one glass.
Robot Santa: I'll shove coal so far up your stocking, you'll cough up diamonds!
Leela: I never thought it'd end this way, gunned down by Santa Claus. Honestly, I didn't see it coming.
Leela Deadpan/Understatement Absurdist Robot Santa: Your mistletoe is no match for my T.O.W. missile.
Robot Santa: On the fourth day of Xmas I stole from that lady: Four family photos, Three jars of pennies, Two former husbands, And a slipper on a shoe tree
Robot Santa · Bender: You've been very naughty, Bender! I didn't do nothing. You're thinking of the kid.
Santa: My God, Bender. Framing an orphan? That's so naughty I'll have to add it to my list right now.
Santa Escalation Character Comedy Amy · Professor Farnsworth: But I sold my hair to a wigmaker to buy a set of combs for Hermes. Oh, the irony. I sold my hair so I could buy this third set of combs for Zoidberg.
Hermes · Amy · Amy: A set of combs for your beautiful hair. / Oh, that's so sweet. / But I sold my hair to a wigmaker to buy a set of combs for Hermes.
Zoidberg: Finally I look as pretty as I feel.
Hermes: Sweet manatee of Galilee! He's on the roof!
Hermes Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Robot Santa · Zoidberg: Except you, Doctor Zoidberg. This is for you. A pogo stick.
Leela: Come on, everybody. If you don't believe in him, he can't hurt you. Oh, God, the pain!
Leela Setup/Punchline Irony/Sarcasm Fry Reaction Beat Physical/Slapstick Leela: Watch out, his belly's shaking like a bowl full of nitroglycerine.
Leela Wordplay/Pun Setup/Punchline Bender: You got the toenail.
Bender Cringe/Discomfort Visual Gag Callback Fry: And even though I'm surrounded by robots and monsters and old people... I've never felt more at home.
All: He knows when you are sleeping, He knows when you're on the can, He'll hunt you down and blast your ass from here to Pakistan
All Wordplay/Pun Dark/Subversive