The Temp

Leela · Professor:Mr. Professor, fuel status. If I'm reading this correctly, we're underwater. You're not reading it correctly.

Leela · Zoidberg:Medical Officer Zoidberg, are you reaching for the cake? Affirmative, Captain. Ow! Stick to fish flakes, you overgrown sea monkey.

Guest · Crew member:Is that crab Rangoon? No, he's Dr. Zoidberg.

Lrrr · Crew member:Here, place my lead-lined overcape in the Closet of Heavy Things. [groans] I love my job.

Lrrr · Ndnd:Wrong! Ndnd got them from an inspirational placemat. It was a quality placemat.

Lrrr · Ndnd:Your dress covered in the blood of three B'dnkian warriors. You took me in your arms and ate the morsel of B'dnkian entrail lodged in my cleavage. It was delicious.

Guest · Crew member:Hey, you got any B'dnkian entrail on that tray? No, but we have lettuce-wrapped cucumbers, which are even grosser.

Guest · Zoidberg:Can you stop eating for one second? If you want me to not eat, then you should have done the cooking.

Crew member:Oh, snap.

Officiant · Lrrr:Having completed the sacred vows, the groom will now crush the skull of his father-in-law, if it please the Lord? Yeah, I love that kind of stuff.

Lrrr · Best man:Keep it clean. My father's crushed skull is here. Intelligent, loyal, brave. A great leader. But enough about me.

Guest · Crew member:Uh, nobody invited the help. Nobody invited me to kick your ass either. Yet here we are.

Frank · Zoidberg:Ah. That takes care of the dishes. You want me to get started on the floors, Hermes? Or should I scrub down Dr. Zoidberg? Scrub-a-dub-dub.

Amy · Frank · Hermes · Leela:How are you so energetic? Oh, I'll never get tired of this job. I have the best life ever. That's our Fry. It sure is. It most definitely is.

Professor · Professor:How will we stay in business without our ace delivery boy? Extremely easily.

Professor:Come on, let's get a temp dimwit to replace our permanent one.

Temp agency worker · Professor:I'm sorry to keep you waiting. I don't know what happened to our office manager, Evans. Is that him? Maybe.

Professor · Temp agency worker:Well, let's see. It's a thankless job. He'll never be thanked. Any skills? Absolutely not. I'll need to berate him for being incompetent.

Temp agency worker · Frank:Then I've got just the schlep for you. Frank, you're going to be working at Planet Express for two weeks. Lucky me.

Leela · Frank:Hi, Frank. Tell us about yourself. I have no characteristics, and people forget me as soon as I leave the room. And, sometimes, before that.

Amy:Pfft. That's ridiculous. Um...

Frank · Hermes · Frank:Frank. Is this my cubicle? No, that's an empty space between three stacks of boxes. Well, I guess I'll stand in there.

Frank:I don't have time for that. Temping is a full-time job.

Leela · Frank:Those are beautiful. Thanks a lot, uh, I want to say, Dave. Frank. I'm the temp. I've been here two weeks, the best two weeks of my life.

Bender:Ugh, he's so enthusiastic. I can't stand his toxic positivity. He likes everyone, even me. It's pathetic.

Frank:Wow. Fry's not even here, and you remember his name? He must be quite a guy.

Professor:Who the hell is he?

Frank · Librarian:You're throwing out all the liberry books? Look, nobody's checked a book out since 2029. It was this one. 'A Novelization of the TikTok Video, Peanut Butter-Eating Dog Lip Syncs to Olivia Rodrigo'

Bender · Frank · Bender:Ooh, I'd watch that. It's a book. You'd read it. [scoffs] No, I wouldn't.

Leela:It's been illegal to dump hazardous waste in the ocean for over a year now.

Amy:Ew, I got book on me! It's so weird that reading used to be a thing.

Leela · Frank:Let's get out of here before some dork says trashing books is a travesty. That's the last of them. Hey, guys? Guys, the ship is abandoning us! Guys? Oh.

Bender · Leela · Leela:Only a delivery to book hell. We're just lucky we made it back without reading anything. We did all make it back, right? Well, let's see. Here's me, Bender, and some other people. We're good.

Professor:Five, six, seven, eight. All eight crew members present and accounted for. Yep. Mmm-hmm.

Frank:I can get through this. I'm a temp, damn it. I'm sure they'll be back soon.

Hermes · Leela · Fry:After this wedding cake delivery, you should take a vacation. When's the last time you took one? Twenty three years ago, after that horrific snu-snu incident.

Leela · Bender:Or did we? Oh, right. The temp! What's-his-name! He had a name? Even I looked down on him.

Professor:We'll just swing by on the way to the wedding and pick up his corpse.

Frank · Leela:You came back. I... I thought you'd forgotten about me. Oh, no. We could never forget... Uh... Frank! Of course! Sounds right.

Amy · Frank · Amy:What did you eat? Books. Book sandwiches, book soup, scrambled books with fly larvae. Ew, books!

Leela:There's plenty of soap and toothpaste in Fry's cubby. He never uses them.

Frank:It's just as itchy as I dreamed it would be.

Bender:Finally, a use for the Bible.

Bible:Why hast thou forsaken me?

Frank:There's a fresh episode of Mandarin Orange is the New Chicken.

Leela's father:This twice-flushed pork is delicious.

Professor · Amy · Leela:While during this same period, we're using twice as much soap in the men's room. I have noticed less body odor. Definitely. Way less.

Amy · Fry · Bender:He didn't have a name, poor guy. Frank. His name was Frank. Right. Whatever happened to him? Like I care. I don't.

Leela · Frank:And no sign of Frank. Let's just go bowling. Oh, thank God you're here. You're just in time to see my beard.

Leela · Frank:You're not Fry. That's Fry. Yes. Fry.

Leela:I do sense a familiar dopiness.

Bender:That could be me with anyone stupid. I have a picture with everybody.

Frank:'The Art of Klang Foo.' I must have read this 1,000 times. And The Return of The King? That one, I didn't read. It's the third book of the trilogy, and I've never read the first two. I didn't want to spoil it.

Frank:Because you have such a great life! I've had so many temp jobs. But working at Planet Express was the one time in my life I was truly happy.

Fry:Whoa. Bleak.

Frank:I should have paid more attention that week I was a temp astronaut!

Leela · Bender:Now what? I have an idea, but I have to warn you, it's completely brilliant.

Hermes · Professor:How much radiation? Oh, not much. Like having an affair with Marie Curie.

Frank · Bender:What's that for? I think I was gonna throw it at somebody. Who? I can't remember.

Fry · Professor:I don't need a vacation. I just had six weeks off. You did? I could have sworn you were here, but I'm happy to dock your pay.