How The West Was 1010001

Hermes:As long as nothing happens for the next 15 minutes, our insurance will be reinstated. So, let's just sit quietly and run out the clock.

Fry:A giant sausage!

Hermes:Oh, God, no! Get out of here, you horrific sausage! Wait. Isn't today the parade? It's just a giant balloon!

Hermes · Fry:See, buddy, it's not so scary. I feel better now.

Fry · Leela:Why are so many different parades smooshed together? It's the Parade Day Parade. What's Parade Day?

Professor:Why, when I was a boy, we had a parade every day. Those were dark times.

Amy · Leela:Hey, look, a fog is rolling in. No, that's just the Jamaican Pride float.

Leela:Oh, no! It's within munching distance of the Doritos float!

Zapp:Kif, you're slacking off on my waving arm.

Nerd 1 · Nerd 2:Whoa. Sweet shirt, dude. Thanks. I have another one that says 'Paleontologists Do It In The Dirt.' I'm a paleontologist.

Nerd wife:Oh, honey, I dig you so much.

Mayor:This one's for the deadbolt, this is for the top lock. I think this one's for the knob. The city's in a bad neighborhood.

Fry:Heroes don't do drugs. Except for Drugman, I guess.

Fry:It sure was nice of the mayor's wife to have sex with me. Uh?

Bender:You could have saved a robot, but instead, you saved a human. Do you think human life is more precious than robot life?

Amy:Bender, you always say you're going to kill yourself, but you almost never do.

Leela:Yeah. Last time you went to the suicide booth, you ended up dating it for six months. How is Lynn, by the way?

Bender:Living in Oregon with her crazy mother.

Lynn · Bender:Fat, but great. I thought you were in Oregon. My mom tried to commit suicide in me. I don't want to talk about it.

Lynn:Oh, no. You're going to die, all right, but it won't be suicide. It'll be murder.

Hermes:No way, mon. He's faking it.

Zoidberg · Hermes:Our what? It's a sign of respect, you savage!

Leela:He may be gone, but he'll always be with us as a trash can.

Bender (as ghost):Look at that loser getting garbage dumped in him. Glad I'm not him, whoever he is.

Zoidberg:Just don't pick his nose! Ha, ha, ha, ha. What's wrong with you guys? This is comedy gold.

Fry:He always had my back. So I'll take his arm. As a back-scratcher.

Bender:Hey, dip-schlitz, that's not me. I'm right here. Hello? Pay attention to me!

Robot Devil · Bender:Oh, you're no fun. You see, Bender, it's simple. You're a ghost. A ghost? No, just the regular kind.

Bender:Adoy. Wait. Adoy?

Bender:An infinite loop? I don't have time for that!

Robot Devil:Fry? I hate that guy. We once traded hands. They still stink of candy corn.

Bender:I'm not stupid. So, yes, absolutely. What have I agreed to?

Robot Devil · Bender:Which, as luck would have it, is where I rehearse my band. Hit it, boys! Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em... Okay, I'll do it, I'll do it! Just stop the damn music!

Bender:Hmm. Soap. I know Fry's afraid of that. Maybe he'll die if I rub him all over with it, real slow.

Fry:No! Not the armpits! Winter's coming!

Zoidberg · Fry:Bite my shiny metal ass. Help! I was attacked in my bathroom! By my bathroom!

Bender:Hold onto your dookie. It's about to get spooky!

Fry · Phone:Who you gonna call? Gho... The number you have dialed has been lame since 1989.

Professor · Amy:I said science! Let the seance begin.

Professor · Bender:You said something about a buffet? I'm right here, you lazy shyster.

Professor:There's no such thing as ghosts, you donkey-monkey. It's a robot ghost.

Scruffy:Oh, lord. I got the too-much-macaroni sweats.

Preacher:It also keeps cats off the sofa by killing 'em.

Robot Devil:Survived a heart attack? Damn you, Obama-care!

Fry:Now that he's gone, I realize how valuable a robot life can be, when it belongs to my best friend.

Flight announcement:As a reminder, passengers are limited to two carry-on butter churns.

Fry:Well, yank my beard. This be a surprise.

Robot Devil:She's naked but unharmed.

Bender:Of course not. What idiot thinks that? You. You're using my own words against me. Go to hell!

Robot Devil:I'm afraid your friend is about to be fully buckminstered!

Bender (as ghost):There's one, you rusty old dummy.

Fry:Well, I think the Robot Devil said he loved me in Bender's voice wearing Granny Hester's clothes.

Bender · God:Shut up, God! Beg pardon? I want to go back to Robot Earth. I mean regular Earth.

Fry:Hey, wait, did you haunt me?