A Clockwork Origin

Professor Farnsworth:Cubert, you crapscallion!

Professor Farnsworth · Other character:To the Science Mobile. You mean the ship? Yes. The Science Mobile. It's just that you've never called it that before, but okay.

Protestor:I don't understand evolution, and I have to protect my kids from understanding it! We will not give in to the thinkers!

Professor Farnsworth:You people are as loud as you are ignorant. Now get back on your turnip trucks and go home!

Protestor:That is an insultingly accurate stereotype, sir!

Dr. Banjo:I cannot speak for you, sir, but my ancestors were not monkeys. They were orangutans. Hard-working, patriotic orangutans.

Bender:Hey, Professor, I'm a flying spaghetti monster. You seriously believe I'm descended from some kind of flightless manicotti?

Dr. Banjo:I remind you that evolution is merely a theory, like gravity, or the shape of the Earth.

Dr. Banjo · Professor Farnsworth:Extended missing link argument sequence ending with 'Oh-ho! I've got you now.'

Dr. Banjo:Things don't exist simply because you believe in them. Thus sayeth the Almighty Creature in the Sky!

Professor Farnsworth:I'll show that banana-swilling poop-slinger!

Amy · Professor Farnsworth:I found a missing link. It seems to be half man, half toucan. Not what we're looking for. Throw it in the soup!

Hermes · Amy:Uh-oh. It's another one of Fry's dogs. You find something, Hermes? Uh... no.

Amy · Professor Farnsworth:Oh, darn it! I broke off one of my of fingers! Look, Cubert. The neck on this one. I bet he spent a fortune on ties!

Professor Farnsworth · Amy:What, too soon? I highly doubt a Jurassic elaphrosaurid had access to neckwear.

Professor Farnsworth:I knew I should have gone with the ring-around-the-collar joke.

Bender · Professor Farnsworth:Hey, look! I found a robot fossil! That's a bedspring, you dumb bedspring!

Professor Farnsworth:I've hit a rich vein of missing links. Java Man, Piltdown Man, Manfred Mann.

Professor Farnsworth:What the...? Oh, that's mine.

Fry · Leela:My tux doesn't fit. Probably because I've grown so much since I last wore it. Or evolved, one might say. One might not say that. Your tux doesn't fit because you stole it from a boy. You mean a man. It was his Bar Mitzvah.

Museum Director:Welcome, museum members. Or as I like to call you, future exhibits.

Professor Farnsworth:I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

Leela · Professor Farnsworth:Professor, is this your only water source? It looks like Diet Dr. Pepper. It's not that bad. It's just laden with toxic minerals.

Fry:Speaking of nasty irritants, what's gonna become of Cubert?

Zoidberg:Cubert, I felt we needed some father-son bonding time, so I found a couple of baseball gloves and boiled them up for lunch.

Zoidberg · Cubert:Wait! We still have to discuss the facts of life. What are they?!

Professor Farnsworth:Ah, the water's as sterile as my milkman-trusting father.

Professor Farnsworth:Those robots evolved all by themselves, you say? It wasn't by themselves. I put them there. I'm a genius. Get over it.

Fry:Oh, no! My sunglasses were in there!

Character unclear:Look, there's a cave-like hole in that mountain. It might be a cave.

Multiple characters:Pineapple?! Ugh! Oh, man! Oh! So much for that.

Zoidberg · Cubert:I remembered you liked superheroes, so I painted you a mural on your wall. This is Father-Man. He fights crime to earn Son-Boy's respect. Is it working? This is sucky! You suck! Who taught you to do three-point perspective? I could make a better mural with my butt!

Zoidberg:Father-Man away.

Bender:One thing about Bristol-Myers-Squibb... they know how to cook a steak. Hey, look at me. I'm the Tidy Bowl Man. I own a yacht, and everybody poops on me!

Professor Farnsworth:Great Scott, a tricycle-tops.

Cubert:I'm sorry for treating you like a total Zoidberg... I mean, loser.

Bully:Why don't you ask your mom? She's coming over for a sex visit.

Zoidberg:Don't worry, I know how to handle bullies. Just pretend like you're pathetic. Help, I'm scared! I wet myself. I'm crying like a baby and I'm soaking in pee, but what else is new?

Cubert:Whoa! You're like some kind of Dumpster Jedi.

Bender:If this is anything like killing that pigeon on my balcony, we've got our work cut out for us.

Bender · Professor Farnsworth:What the shmell happened? A mass extinction. That solar flare created a huge electromagnetic pulse that, while harmless to organic life, short-circuited the robo-dinosaurs. Convenient.

Bender:Sweet robot swan of Botswana.

Leela · Amy:I think they want wives, so just play along. If it doesn't work out, we'll still get half their rocks. I can earn my own rocks. Also, I don't want any rocks.

Amy:I'm going to miss Spencer.

Bender · Dr. Widnar:Nice net. What, you... you can speak? Dread my locks.

Museum Director:I now present my latest discovery... the amazing non-mechanical man, Homo Farnsworth.

Professor Farnsworth:Thank you. I must say, I'm so proud to see what you've blossomed into since I first created your ancestors.

Dr. Widnar:I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

Dr. Widnar:I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

Professor Farnsworth:Could you drag me by the restroom?

Professor Farnsworth · Bender:Bender, what the hell are you doing? Shut up, I'm billing you by the hour.

Prosecutor · Judge:Objection. In the absence of pants, defense's suspenders serve no purpose. I'm going to allow them... for now.

Bender:I ask you, is that so crazy? Yes, it's completely crazy, and that is why you must find him not guilty by reason of insanity!

Bender · Professor Farnsworth:Yes, it's completely crazy, and that is why you must find him not guilty by reason of insanity! Objection. I'm not crazy. I created you all, and I came here in a homemade spaceship and lived in a cave.

Professor Farnsworth:If you don't believe me, ask my uncle.

Prosecutor:Yeah, honey, I'll be home for dinner. The prosecution rests, Your Honor.

Judge · Jury:Has the jury reached a verdict? No, we have not, for we have evolved to a higher state of consciousness. In the grand scheme, all physical beings are but yokels.

Bender:That'll be $1P, 000.

Zoidberg:Good, 'cause I'm sick of him. I'm serious. He's a terrible person.