Professor Farnsworth unveils his clone, Cubert Farnsworth, whom he plans to leave everything to upon his retirement. But Cubert wants no part of Farnsworth's lifestyle, prompting the professor into a premature retirement on the Near-Death Star.
WAR
66.4
Wins Above Replacement
“A Clone Of My Own” ranks #22 of 170 Futurama episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 83.0 — Elite. The episode packs 84 scored jokes at 4.9 per minute, averaging 6.9 on craft and 6.7 on impact, with Professor Farnsworth landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Professor Farnsworth: Everyone's always in favor of saving Hitler's brain. But when you put it in the body of a great white shark? Suddenly you've gone too far!
Cubert · Professor: That's impossible. You can't go faster than the speed of light. Of course not. That's why scientists increased the speed of light in 2208.
Fry: The engines don't move the ship at all! The ship stays where it is, and the engines move the universe around it!
Fry Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Professor Farnsworth: It came to me in a dream and I forgot it in another dream.
Hermes: The only sensible way to pick a successor is with a limbo contest. Kingston rules. Two men go down, one comes up.
Hermes Character Comedy Absurdist All Jokes — 84 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Professor Farnsworth: Good news! The university is bringing me up on disciplinary charges.
Professor Farnsworth: Wait, that's not good news.
Professor Farnsworth: Everyone's always in favor of saving Hitler's brain. But when you put it in the body of a great white shark? Suddenly you've gone too far!
Professor Farnsworth: Listen to me, you pompous frauds! If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me! Dean Vernon, I know the truth! It was you driving your hover car that night, not your horse.
Professor Farnsworth: Dean Epsilon... I know all about your 'Department of Pool Boy Studies'.
Professor Farnsworth: And Dr. Wernstrum? Wernstrum!
University officials · Professor Farnsworth: Actually, professor, we merely called you here to say... surprise. Happy birthday! And you, Coach Smalley! Or should I say, 'Coach Hairpiece'?
Bender: Good evening, I'm... Sorry. I'm Bender, and I'll be emceeing this roast.
Bender Character Comedy Meta/Self-Referential Bender: They say you can judge a man by the company he keeps. So here's the professor's oldest friend, a grotesque, stinking lobster!
Bender Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Zoidberg: Good evening, ladies and germs. That wasn't a joke. I was talking to Dean Streptococcus.
Zoidberg: Now I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old... but if you consider his age, he's likely to die soon.
Zoidberg Setup/Punchline Deadpan/Understatement Zoidberg: Hey, Ringo? That was the joke. It's ShowTime at the Apollo all over again.
Zoidberg: Where would a professor be without students who love and respect him? Right there!
Zoidberg: But seriously, of all the former crew members of his delivery ship... our next speaker is by far the most alive. Captain Musky?
Unknown speaker: I wouldn't want to follow that guy.
Announcer: And now, a man who needs no introduction.
Unknown: Fry, get up there!
Unknown Setup/Punchline Awkward Silence Fry: When I was first asked to make a film about my nephew, the professor... I thought, why should I? Then later, Leela made the film. But if I had made it, there would be more topless women on motorcycles.
Fry Character Comedy Absurdist Fry: But if I had made it, there would be more topless women on motorcycles.
Fry Character Comedy Absurdist Narrator: A precocious child, he learned to read while he was still in diapers... at age 8.
Narrator · Young person: Soon he became a greasy teenager. Dork alert!
Narrator: Fast cars, trendy nightspots, beautiful women. The professor designed them all, working out of his one-room apartment.
Narrator Misdirection Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Narrator: Where he created the first robot capable of qualifying for a boat loan.
Narrator · Professor Farnsworth: And now, even as he nears his 150th birthday... the professor retains the fiery passion of youth. Listen to me, you pompous frauds! If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me!
Someone prompting Professor: I said, words.
Professor Farnsworth: What a pleasure it is to see my lifetime of accomplishment... summed up in a 3-minute film. My best years are behind me. So much left undone. So little time.
Someone at party: Funny, funny stuff!
Fry · Leela: Leela, he could live another 100 years! No, he couldn't.
Fry Leela Deadpan/Understatement Setup/Punchline Leela · Fry: When you turn 160... robots from the Sunset Squad take you to a mysterious planet... and you never return. Wow, a whole planet of old people. Where is it? Nobody knows.
Professor Farnsworth: That damn time machine alone set me back 15 years.
Fry: If only it'd work, you could go back and not waste your time on it.
Fry Irony/Sarcasm Absurdist Bender: I hope he didn't die. Unless he named me his successor. Then I hope he did die.
Bender Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Zoidberg: You, the successor? Over my empty shell! The professor will pick me. Only I have his lobster-like tenacity.
Bender · Zoidberg: Up yours, Zoidberg! Up wherever your species traditionally crams things.
Hermes: The only sensible way to pick a successor is with a limbo contest. Kingston rules. Two men go down, one comes up.
Hermes Character Comedy Absurdist Leela · Zoidberg: Look, the professor trusts me with a giant spaceship. He wouldn't trust you with his dentures. Yes, he would.
Fry: Sorry, everyone. But need I remind you, blood is thicker than water. Blood. Thicker. Water.
Fry Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Zoidberg · Professor: Goodbye. Professor?
Professor · Various crew: As you all know, I am not long for this world. Yes, we know. One foot in the grave.
Professor Farnsworth: It's someone in whom I have great faith... though his mind is undeveloped and he's accomplished nothing.
Crew · Zoidberg · Professor: He's horrible! Crud. Can I at least be in charge of your dentures? You wish.
Professor Farnsworth: I left him in his first tube too long and he got squished against the side.
Bender · Professor Farnsworth: Is he dumb or just ugly? Let's find out.
Cubert · Crew: What? You've never seen a genius's wiener before? No. Never. Well, once in the park.
Zoidberg: I lost it. In a volcano.
Bender: Me no speak-a the English.
Bender Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Cubert: There's someone I'd like you to meet. His name is depth perception.
Cubert Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Leela: Why, you little... Wow, that hurt... the air!
Leela Physical/Slapstick Visual Gag ★ Rewatch Bender: Him pending para un bending.
Bender Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Callback Cubert: I didn't realize you were the inventor of the junk heap.
Cubert Observational Character Comedy Professor Farnsworth: That's my prizewinning Smell-a-Scope. If a dog craps anywhere in the universe, I won't be out of the loop.
Professor · Translator · Cubert: Unfortunately, so far... it only translates into an incomprehensible dead language. Hello. Bonjour. Crazy gibberish!
Cubert · Professor: That's impossible. You can't go faster than the speed of light. Of course not. That's why scientists increased the speed of light in 2208.
Professor Farnsworth: It came to me in a dream and I forgot it in another dream.
Cubert: Your explanations are pure weapons-grade bologna-ium.
Cubert Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Cubert: No, that's what being a magical elf is all about.
Cubert Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Qbert: No, that's what being a magical elf is all about.
Qbert Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Amy: Oh, my God! It's Elzar, the TV chef! Kill me now, people!
Amy Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Elzar · Bender: Are you an ass-kissing machine? Yes, sir! Good one, sir!
Cubert: I don't want to be an inventor. I want to be something useful, like a teacher's aide... or a prison guard or a science-fiction cartoon writer.
Cubert Meta/Self-Referential Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Cubert: In your life, your only half-decent invention was me. And I didn't turn out like you wanted either.
Cubert Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Elzar: Turns out I forgot to cook that chicken.
Elzar Absurdist Deadpan/Understatement Professor Farnsworth: You see, I've been lying about my age. I'm not actually 150. I'm 160.
Professor Farnsworth: Oh, vanity, thy name is Professor Farnsworth.
Professor Farnsworth: Goodbye, cruel world! Goodbye, cruel lamp. Goodbye, cruel velvet drapes... lined with what appears to be some sort of cruel muslin... and the cute little pompon curtain pull cords... cruel though they may be...
Professor Farnsworth: I know you're all upset, especially Bender. Well, life goes on. Except for you!
Professor · Bender: I'm sure he's just made a cutting remark... but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this. You bastard!
Leela · Fry: You're his uncle, dummy. He takes after you! Yeah, well, what?
Cubert: As you probably don't know... odors are made up of particles that can't travel through space.
Cubert Character Comedy Setup/Punchline Fry: I'm zeroing in on him. BENGAY. Mothballs! Letters to the editor! It's the professor!
Fry Character Comedy Observational Robot: No, we're not, you little bed wetter. Sorry.
Robot Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Leela: My God... the illusion is so perfect I almost forgot I was looking at an idiot!
Leela Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Fry: I'd like to see them find it.
Zoidberg · Leela: Why do I have to be the hump? Because you're too ugly to be a wart.
Fry · Robot guard: Hey, you kids! Get off the lawn! Old people are often concerned that there are children on their lawns.
Leela · Robot: Got a hot, steaming batch right here. We only needed one cell. Keep the change, buddy!
Zoidberg · Robot: I've got 'talking hump syndrome.' Ah, T.H.S.
Leela · Amy: So this is where they stick old people! It's horrific! It does keep them from driving.
Robot Guard: Seize them! Get them! I mean, seize them!
Leela: Your social security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words!
Leela Character Comedy Escalation Fry: The engines don't move the ship at all! The ship stays where it is, and the engines move the universe around it!
Fry Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Cubert · Fry: That's a complete load. Nothing's a complete load. Not if you can imagine it.
Cubert Fry Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Callback Professor Farnsworth: I was at a facility in Florida... with hundreds of other old people. All day we'd play bingo, eat oatmeal and wait for our children to call. It's more horrible than anything I could imagine.
Professor · Cubert: Oh, don't worry, son. You will. Incidentally, read up on the condition known as wandering bladder. Why? No reason. No reason at all.